


DRAMARAMA

by mcgehee



Category: Dramarama - Monsta X (Music Video), Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Blood and Violence, Brothers, Childhood Friends, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Dynamics, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, M/M, OT7, Soulmates, Temporary Character Death, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 29
Words: 116,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27531151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgehee/pseuds/mcgehee
Summary: 07.11.17. The day that seven strangers crossed paths with one another. The day that life started to untangle itself right in front of their eyes. A mysterious man shows up and hands out watches that redefine the concept of time. A part is missing from each of their stories, but then, what if it's not just one? ... (Dramarama MV Theory)__“Why what?” Hyungwon tilted his head slightly; then, he smiled again – faint rays of sunlight breaking through a wall of clouds. “Isn’t it comforting to share a bond with others? To know you’re never fully alone in this world because someone else is carrying a small part of you?”
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Minhyuk, Lee Jooheon/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 60
Kudos: 95





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first Monsta X story!  
> I just want to say that this whole idea is my interpretation of the Dramarama MV. The characters and story elements are based on the ones shown in the video. I was simply trying to put it in words and write down the version that I made of it. (It's also not connected to any other MV)  
> Here you can refresh your memory and watch the 'trailer' for my story:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1afdZk0qcI
> 
> I would like to add that this story is a drama and therefore contains themes such as death, violence and emotional hurt. It doesn't apply to all chapters, I will put trigger warnings at the beginning of the ones it applies to.
> 
> The story has a total of 29 chapters, which means 4 parts with 7 chapters each and one ending chapter. 
> 
> So, enough info for now! I really do hope that some of you read and enjoy my take on this story. Those 7 dudes mean the world to me and I'm so thankful for the inspiration that they gave me with this song because I'm trying to put my all into it!  
> Have fun reading and feel free to leave comments, it would mean a lot to me! :)
> 
> x Caro  
> 
> 
> PS: Here are the links to the Pinterest boards that I made for each character, so you can get a first impression of them :)
> 
> Jooheon: https://pin.it/62RNqTf
> 
> Wonho: https://pin.it/2t4Scxb
> 
> Kihyun: https://pin.it/2lVOI2Q
> 
> Shownu: https://pin.it/71tb7Lw
> 
> Hyungwon: https://pin.it/4FK06jf
> 
> Changkyun: https://pin.it/4BimW1p
> 
> Minhyuk: https://pin.it/2WH8RIU

**PART 1**

_Even if tragedies taint you_

_I’ll help you overcome_

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**(Minhyuk), Tue. 07.11.17**

_My heart is spinning again in the same spot._

The clouds were passing silently along the tall glass windows at the entrance of the coffee shop. It was one of those days where rain seemed only moments away but left you with an empty promise and a day full of windy grey instead. Minhyuk enjoyed those quiet mornings – perhaps his job wasn’t special or exciting like the ones he had dreamed about as a kid, but there was a certain security in his daily life and routine that he had built over the last couple of years.

He grabbed his notepad and walked over to the group of people that had just entered and sat down at two small tables. “Hi, welcome to Traveler. Can I take your order?”

Although he had never been much of a social person in his entire life – the only real friend he ever had was the younger boy who lived next door when he was still a child –, he had come to actually like his job; especially on shifts as today when he was working alone and had time to read and daydream when no one was watching.

After he had served the new guests, Minhyuk went back to the counter to clean up and take out his notebook that he carried with him everywhere to capture moments of sudden inspiration which could get a hold of him anytime. However, as he reached into his bag, it wasn’t there.

His mood instantly dropped as he tilted his head in annoyance. “Shit.”

It was probably still at his mother’s house since him and his family all had dinner together the previous evening. He could already hear the remarks about his ‘hobby’ when he would go there after his shift to pick up the notebook: _“You should stop scribbling those poems and start writing a real book, so you can make some money with it.”_ And then, the mocking response of his younger brother: _“Not that he would show it to us anyways.”_

They didn’t mean it in a hurtful way, Minhyuk knew that; still, he couldn’t help but notice the concern in his mother’s eyes when she looked at him sometimes: Will he ever stop daydreaming and come back to the real world? Will he ever find someone to have a family with? Will he make friends and stop isolating himself all the time? Will he be okay?

With a sigh he got up and pushed his bag under the counter again. The guests were all still absorbed in their conversations, laptops or books, and for a moment, Minhyuk wondered what it would be like to trade lives with a stranger for a day. Could it be possible for him to live a different life, a more exciting one even? What would happen if he decided to change everything and leave his current life to start over? _Would I be okay?_

The hint of a smile was moving his lips as he realized his daydreaming; he reached for the notepad and pen – that were actually meant to document the customers’ orders – and without thinking about it any further, simply started writing what came to his mind.

_What about stepping out_

_And leaving behind what’s lost anyways?_

_If there’s a door_

_I’ll open it gladly,_

_I’ll enter and wander about._

_But I’d have to face the fear_

_Of never finding what I seek,_

_Of never reaching home._

_Who can make a promise to me?_

_Who can bring me safety?_

_I guess my answer is clear_

_And still so very blurry_

_As I keep looking at my reflection_

_In puddles and puddles_

_Of my own hesitation._

Minhyuk’s hand stopped moving after the last word had entered the piece of paper. He was looking at his messy thoughts for a moment, but there was something else that got his attention. A heavy feeling was weighing on his shoulders – familiar and unusual both – that made him raise his gaze to see if someone was actually watching him right now.

People all around the coffee shop were still busy with their little tasks and talks, but there was one person at the far end of the room who was simply looking out of the window right next to his table. The dark-haired man was wearing a grey suit and had been sitting there on his own the whole morning. Minhyuk had refilled his mug a few times already and had received a kind smile in return each time.

As if the stranger had only waited for Minhyuk to finish his writing, he raised a hand to indicate that he wanted to pay or order something else and Minhyuk immediately hurried to his table.

After he had apologized for not serving him sooner, he took his order and received another kind smile. “Don’t worry about it, I’m not in a rush.” The man’s voice was soft and calm and made Minhyuk return the smile before he went back to the kitchen to prepare another pot of coffee.

He had to leave the counter for a minute to get more coffee beans from the storage and when he returned, he noticed that the stranger’s table was suddenly empty. With the steaming pot on the tray, which he was holding in both hands, Minhyuk walked to the corner of the coffee shop where the stranger had been sitting only a minute ago. He looked around for a moment to see whether the man was just using the restroom, however, he had left money on the table and something else that caught Minhyuk’s eye. He lowered the tray to pick up a watch that looked rather expensive. Besides, it seemed to be broken since the pointers weren’t moving and had stopped at exactly 9:31. The date, however, was correct: 07.11.17.

Minhyuk frowned while placing everything on the tray and taking it back to the kitchen. Why would someone leave money and then forget their watch? He hesitated for a moment but decided to keep it, in case the stranger would notice and come back for it in the course of the day.

While cleaning up the counter, Minhyuk’s gaze fell upon the notepad that he had left next to the register – its upside showed an empty piece of paper. He went through it to make sure he hadn’t just turned over the pages while cleaning, but still, it was completely empty. He searched around the counter – even underneath it in case the sheet of paper had fallen down while he was preparing the order – and even checked the kitchen. Nothing.

For a second, he simply stood there, questioning his sanity. _Where the hell is my poem? Perhaps I only imagined writing it … or I’m really going crazy._ Then again, he didn’t really think of it as an important piece of writing. _It’s just scribbles._ Still, a part of him was holding on to every line, every word he wrote – those were his honest feelings and thoughts after all –, and that part of him was almost disappointed that the poem was now lost.

He shook off those thoughts by continuing with his work, cleaning tables, serving guests and making coffee. The hours passed by and as the morning was now almost gone, Minhyuk had lost hope that the stranger would come back and collect his watch.

_What if he just wanted to get rid of it because it’s broken?_

He was contemplating what to do with it and eventually decided to take it home to his parents if the man didn’t come back or call until the end of the day. Perhaps Minhyuk’s father was able fix it and he wouldn’t have to throw it away; it was an expensive piece of jewelry after all.

Another group of people was now leaving the coffee shop and Minhyuk went over to their table to clean it and rearrange the chairs.

“Excuse me.” An elderly woman at the table next to him smiled politely as he looked up at her. “Could you please turn on the TV? I think the news must be on right now.”

Normally, the TV was supposed to be used for special occasions, but it really depended on the person who was currently working. Some of Minhyuk’s coworkers kept it on all day while others, including Minhyuk, preferred to have it turned off and use the radio instead. Since there were only a handful of guests in the coffee shop right now, he figured it wouldn’t bother anyone to turn it on for a few minutes.

“Sure, one moment, please.” He smiled and nodded at the woman and left his table to turn on the TV that was attached to the wall on the opposite side of the room.

“Thank you so much, young man”, said the woman as Minhyuk turned up the volume slightly. She was right, a dark-haired newsreader with big glasses appeared on the screen and started to talk about a series of robberies that had happened over the past couple of months.

“No problem. Tell me if you need anything else.” He smiled at the elderly woman again and returned to his task of clearing and wiping the tables.

“Do you think they’ll catch them eventually?”, she asked.

Minhyuk, who wasn’t really interested in this ‘Masked Hacker’ as the news loved to call him, shrugged while placing several empty cups and plates on top of each other and lifted them up with his tray. “Probably not. If he’s able to hack into all of these huge companies and they didn’t catch him yet, I don’t think they will.” _And that name is kind of lame, too._

The woman showed her smile again while a few lines formed around her dark eyes that gave her face a friendly expression. “They’re only taking from the rich. Who knows what they’re doing with all the money, but it can’t be any worse than what those corrupt companies are doing to get all of it in the first place.”

“You mean like Robin Hood?”, Minhyuk asked jokingly.

The woman shrugged and brought her attention to the book in front of her again. “Everything is possible these days.”

Thinking about that remark for a moment, he carried the tray to the counter and shook his head slightly while smiling to himself. He turned around to turn the volume of the TV down again, as the newsreader suddenly announced another piece of “Breaking News”.

The dark-haired man adjusted his glasses and started to read from the teleprompter: “As we just heard, there had been a car accident only about half an hour ago near Elm Road, where a 23-year-old driver was killed due to the severity of the crash. The police are at the scene of the accident right now, trying to figure out what exactly had caused the driver to lose control over the vehicle. No other parties were involved, the driver being the only victim of the crash. My colleague will now –”

Minhyuk had already reached the TV and turned the volume down as the scene switched to another reporter who was seemingly recording from the scene of the accident. He felt a sudden shiver on his back and an uneasy feeling forming in his stomach as they showed a map on screen where exactly the accident had happened.

_That’s only a couple of blocks away._ He bit his lip, staring outside of the windows to the front of the coffee shop. _A person died only a few blocks away from here._

When he brought his gaze back to the TV screen, he was looking at the face of a young man with blond hair and dark eyes who couldn’t have been much older as Minhyuk himself. The description beneath the picture revealed his name and age: _23-year-old driver Lee Jooheon was killed during the accident_.

Minhyuk felt compassion rising in his chest. For this man on the screen who was a stranger after all, for his family and friends. _He was so young. He was still so young._

“Probably texting and driving”, said the woman at the table behind him; she sounded almost disappointed. “It happens so often, it’s a tragedy.”

_A tragedy._ The words echoed through Minhyuk’s mind until they had lost their meaning. _A tragedy. Still, life’s moving on. We don’t really care about the people that are strangers to us, why should we?_

As if to underline Minhyuk’s train of thought, the door of the coffee shop opened and Jihun, his colleague that was supposed to take over the afternoon shift, entered with a beaming smile. “Here’s your rescue!” He laughed and jogged over to the counter, slapping Minhyuk slightly on the shoulder as he walked past.

Minhyuk turned off the TV – enough sad news and tragedies for today … – and followed his coworker to the counter. “You’re early”, he said while looking at the clock above the entrance and raising an eyebrow. “What do you want?”

Jihun gave him an innocent expression. “Nothing … Well, maybe a tiny little favor.”

Minhyuk rolled his eyes at him – _Wasn’t it always just a ‘tiny little favor’?_ “When do you need me to cover your shift?”

He smiled, showing off his teeth and dimples. “Tomorrow morning?”

“And there’s no one else you can ask to cover for you?” _I doubt that._

Jihun shook his head. “Nope, no one. Well, there’s Kara, the new girl, but I don’t think they’ll let her work a morning shift on her own.”

Minhyuk sighed at him, wiping the counter in front of him with a piece of cloth.

“Pleeeease?” Jihun gave him a charming smile – or at least what he believed to be a charming smile. “Dearest Min, please cover for me and I’ll be grateful for all eternity.”

Minhyuk leaned on his forearms, trying not to laugh at Jihun’s face and pretending to think about the offer for a second – _Not that I have anything planned anyways except sitting at home and reading books._ Eventually, he nodded at his colleague. “Alright, I guess you won’t survive if I don’t do it …”

“Awesome!” Jihun triumphantly clapped his hands together while a bright grin took a hold of his lips. “I have a date tonight and you bet I’m gonna take her out for breakfast tomorrow morning!”

“Well, have fun then”, Minhyuk said, tossing the cloth under the counter again. He took off his working uniform that consisted of an apron and a black hat and shoved it into his bag.

Jihun was leaning on the counter, looking at him thoughtfully. “You should go out more, too. Maybe I could set us up on a double date sometime.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Minhyuk shouldered his backpack and tapped the counter twice with his palm as a brief goodbye gesture. “I’ll see you around.”

Before Jihun could say anything else – or propose any more attempts to get him to socialize –, Minhyuk was already headed towards the exit.

“Sure. And thanks again!”

Minhyuk had already reached the door, grabbed his jacket and simply raised his right hand to wave Jihun goodbye as he left the coffee shop for that day.

The chilly air of this late autumn day felt almost relieving on his cheeks, now that he had escaped that situation with Jihun. His mother would probably scold him for being rude and not accepting his colleague’s offer (even though Minhyuk was already 24 years old).

_A 24-year-old with no close friends and no love life,_ he added in thought. Sometimes, he felt bad about being a loner or keeping to himself so much, it was holding him back in different aspects of his life, but then there were times when he felt content with all these quiet and ‘boring’ parts, too, where he had no desire to break out of it in any way.

_Still,_ he thought while pulling down the sleeves of his sweater and walking towards the bus stop, _it would be nice to have a place to fully belong to sometimes._

The bus shelter was empty when he reached it; he put on his jacket and shouldered his backpack again. Today seemed to be his lucky day, according to the schedule, the next bus would already be there in a couple of minutes. He took out his wallet to check if there were still some rides left on his ticket; his hands were cold, and he couldn’t wait to sit down by one of the windows and listen to one of his playlists. There was something that caught his eye – the shopping list which he had written for his mother on the previous evening; it was peeking out from the back pocket of his wallet, but as he pulled on it to check it again, another piece of paper seemed to be stuck to it, now floating to the ground like an unusual autumn leaf.

Two familiar (but long forgotten) faces were suddenly looking up at Minhyuk from the pavement. It was an old photograph of him as a child – he couldn’t have been much older than 13 or 14 – and his best friend back then, when he had been living out of town with his parents and brother. Sentimentality took a hold of him, rushed over him like a thick, sad wave and brought back memories (and feelings) he had left behind a long time ago.

_What was his name again?_

Him and Minhyuk had been inseparable for years until the family had decided to move away. There was something coming back to Minhyuk now … something that his mother had said to him about their neighbors: _“You should stay away from this family, Minnie. They’re nothing but trouble.”_

Minhyuk didn’t really remember a lot from back then, but the boy’s parents had always been so angry …

_Why can’t I remember his name?_

Minhyuk was just standing on the sidewalk, looking down at a picture that he had kept for such a long time. The autumn day kept tugging at his jacket, making him shiver as a sudden breeze carried away the photograph in front of his feet. Before he could actually reach for it, it was already floating across the empty street …

_(Can you catch me, Minnie? Can you remember my name?)_

“Shit.” Without hesitating, he sprinted after the picture right onto the road. The wind was whirling heavier now and, as if to mock him some more, carried the photograph further and further away. Slowly but surely, Minhyuk was losing his patience about probably missing the bus because of a silly, old childhood picture. At the same time, however, he was determined to get it back. He couldn’t even remember that it was still in his wallet after all this time and he refused to lose it because of such a stupid coincidence. And finally, the wind seemed to have mercy on him. The picture landed a few feet away from where he was standing, so that he could pick it up. Once again, his gaze focused on the boy next to him in the photograph – he was smiling into the camera, and his name was right there on the tip of Minhyuk’s tongue, so close that he could almost remember it …

The sound of an approaching car made him raise his head in surprise. His gaze froze while staring at the obviously speeding driver for a split second. The young man was honking at him and tapping his forehead. All that his mind could focus on was the bright red splash of color of the driver’s sweater as Minhyuk jumped to the side of the street, his heart pounding in his throat. _That was close._

He looked back at the bus shelter, but the road was empty again – at least he wouldn’t miss his ride home after almost getting killed by a speeding maniac. But there was someone else waiting by the bus shelter now. Normally, Minhyuk didn’t pay much attention to other people or was interested in them in any way, but this person caught his eye. He was wearing a grey suit and in the bright daylight his dark-brown hair had a faint red gleam to it. There wasn’t a doubt; it was the man from the coffee shop this morning.

_He’s probably looking for his watch_ , was Minhyuk’s first thought; the second was: _I hope he won’t think I stole it._

He started walking towards the man, reaching for his backpack and taking out the watch that he had shoved in there with his work clothes earlier. When he looked up again, there was still some distance between him and the stranger, but the man was now returning his gaze with a serious expression on his face. Minhyuk hesitantly raised his hand with the watch in it; a part of his brain was already creating a worst-case scenario in which the stranger would report him to the police for theft. However, the man with the grey suit just shook his head at Minhyuk, pointing to his right wrist that – to Minhyuk’s surprise – already had a watch on it. It even looked like the exact same one that Minhyuk was now holding in his hands. He stopped in his tracks, looking down at his hands in confusion. _How could that be?_ The watch didn’t seem broken anymore, but at the same time, it wasn’t working properly either. The pointers and numbers kept spinning around like crazy. It was so absurd that it reminded Minhyuk of a broken compass for a second. Then, some of the numbers came to a hold again while the others kept spinning and moving around – it was always the same number: 7.

The strange man with the grey suit and serious look on his face had turned his back on Minhyuk as he was finally looking up again. Leaving the bus stop behind, he was only carrying an umbrella in his right hand. For a moment, all Minhyuk could do was watch this strange scene happening right in front of his eyes. There were several thoughts passing through his mind: _He looks like some kind of businessman. Does he want me to have this watch? He brought this umbrella with him for nothing. It’s not gonna rain today. Perhaps I fell asleep over my book. Or that car from before did hit me and I’m already dead. What was that boy’s name again? I need to get those groceries for Mom later …_

The sound of the approaching bus was the last thing that Minhyuk heard before he lost his sense of reality. Sudden dizziness took a hold of him, reaching into every inch of his body, making him feel heavy and disoriented. A black curtain came down before his eyes and something reached for his legs, pulling at them so that he lost balance and started to fall. He had never felt like this before. Blackness kept pulling him deeper and deeper. There was no more room for thought; there was no room for being scared.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for this chapter: Death / dying

**Chapter 2**

**(Jooheon), Tue. 07.11.17**

_Don’t act like a fool_

The road was empty and grey in front of Jooheon’s eyes and the muffled sound of the moving car faded into the background of his busy thoughts. The trees and surroundings were melting into each other outside of the windows and his hands were holding on to the steering wheel so that his knuckles already turned white. He was driving way too fast, but somehow the only thing that Jooheon could do was get away. Away from his apartment, away from his best friend whose face still appeared so very vibrant in his head. Jooheon couldn’t shake him off. Usually, he never just burst out and talked about how he felt – he had been living with Kihyun for about 5 years now, and it had taken him a while to really open up to him – but today, it was particularly hard to ignore that ball of frustration and impatience right in his stomach.

“ _Why did you take her out for dinner again? You said it yourself, you don’t have anything in common.”_

_“I didn’t say I want to marry her right away. We were just having a nice time.”_

_“You said the same thing about the other girl last week. You can’t go on like this.”_

_“I think you’re overstepping a bit on this one, don’t you think?”_

_“I’ve kept my mouth shut all this time. But I just can’t bear your arrogance anymore.”_

_“What the hell is your problem, Joo? Why do you care so much about how many girls I take out to dinner? Is it because you can’t get a date yourself?”_

_“You know what, you really are an asshole.”_

It was the one thing that they always ended up arguing about and it bothered Jooheon so much that today, he had even yelled at his best friend. Today, he didn’t let Kihyun brush it off like usual; something in him had just snapped. Jooheon wasn’t even mad at his best friend, he was just mad at this whole situation and how complicated he was feeling about all of this.

“ _Why do you care so much?”_

Kihyun’s words were echoing through his mind, mocking him again and again.

“ _What the hell is your problem, Joo?”_

Deep down, he knew. He knew why Kihyun’s excessive dating life was getting on his nerves so much. And when he thought about his best friend’s face – the complacent look in his dark brown eyes, the expensive clothing and perfume, and the smug grin on his lips when he returned from his nights out – Jooheon had thought that Kihyun himself would know, too.

Buildings kept rushing past him and as he drove out of the city center, they became fewer and fewer until the sides of the road were fully covered in trees and an occasional sign that was supposed to remind drivers about the speed limit. Today however, Jooheon didn’t even notice them. The only thought occupying his mind was Kihyun’s angry voice, the click of his tongue while he had looked at Jooheon as if he had crossed a certain line.

_He’s right,_ _what the hell is wrong with me? Why do I care?_

But then, another part of his mind – the part that kept his feelings and secrets to himself so carefully – already gave him an answer to that question: _Isn’t it obvious?_ _Because you have feelings for him._

Feelings, yes of course, he had feelings for Kihyun, his best friend since college. Kihyun, who insisted on keeping the apartment together despite his parents’ constant pressure to move out and get married. Kihyun, who had a bright future ahead of him; who was raised with the responsibility of being a leader and who would take over his parents’ company soon. Kihyun, who always had a shoulder to lean on and whose smile easily could light up a whole room. Kihyun, who chose the worst movies but managed to make them fun to watch with his endless commentary. Kihyun, who was always busy but never too busy for his best friend. Kihyun, who Jooheon could rely on at any time of the day, who understood him and his dreams and never questioned them once. Kihyun, who would give him advice but never push him about ‘getting a real job’ instead of focusing on his music. Kihyun, who had placed a hand on Jooheon’s back a few years ago, right after they had moved in the apartment together, saying: _“Don’t ever worry about money, okay? It’s me and you, we’ll figure this out together.”_ And finally, Kihyun, who he would fight with but never turn his back on. Of course, he had strong feelings for him. Kihyun was the most important person in his life, the one he felt closest to. How could he not be aware of their connection? But there had been more and more difficult moments between them, heavy ones even. Moments that Jooheon couldn’t quite grasp and that made their friendship tumble. Today for example, he had turned his back on Kihyun – for the first time in forever? – and despite everything, he didn’t even want to go back. He wanted to drive as far as he could to leave that whole conversation behind him, to forget about it as if it had never existed in the first place.

_“You’re my best friend, Joo, and I appreciate your opinion, always. But you can’t tell me how to live my life. Just like I’m not telling you how to live yours.”_

_“I just don’t think it’s what you really want. All those meaningless hookups.”_

_“Oh, and you know what I really want?”_

_“I thought I did.”_

_“Go on, tell me then. Because I’d love to know why you are so obsessed with my love life all of a sudden.”_

_“Maybe if you weren’t so goddamn blind all the time you would know what’s really going on here.”_

Jooheon could still see the baffled expression on his best friend’s face when those words had actually left his mouth. It was something so rashly said … he had immediately regretted it – possibly because it was the first time that he had (involuntarily) confessed his true feelings? Still, instead of staying and explaining himself, he had grabbed his sports clothes, left the apartment, and started the car to drive to the gym and blow off some steam.

His phone was vibrating in his jacket. It was probably Kihyun trying to call him, but he couldn’t bear to hear his voice or face him yet, not after his outburst.

_He would only tell me to come back and talk about it. And I would probably let him convince me. But what is there to talk about? I’m already too dependent on him. I cannot be in love with him when it’s only a matter of time until he finds a girl that he will fall for. I cannot sacrifice our friendship for my stupid feelings. I cannot lose him, not when it’s my fault for imagining something that isn’t there._

He felt the car around him slowing down slightly; the grip of his hands around the steering wheel loosened and he realized that he had missed the turn for the gym a few miles ago. There were only a few buildings around now, trees and an open field to his left – he had almost reached the end of the city. And still, all that his mind could focus on was one simple realization – it was so easy, so _obvious_.

_Love. In love. In love with his best friend?_

Jooheon turned the car around to find his way back to the gym. Perhaps he could talk to his trainer about this – The person who always told him to be his best self and to work hard for the things he wanted to achieve. In this moment, however, Jooheon felt nothing but emptiness taking over in his chest. He often struggled with those sudden pits that were dragging him down, making him drown in his own self-pity. Slowly, those tricky thoughts came crawling out of their hiding spot – Jooheon knew that they were irrational but sometimes, they just sounded so convincing.

_You’re so weak. All you can do is rely on others._

_Kihyun will probably kick you out once he knows – it’s about time, isn’t it?_

_What will you do? No real job, no career, no money._

_You’ll end up alone eventually. Why? Because you’re no one._

His phone started vibrating in his pocket again. And again, he didn’t pick up. He wasn’t speeding anymore, but the outside world remained a blur. The cloudy sky gained his attention for a second as a swarm of birds (crows?) entered his sight and left again like a couple of loose brush strokes lost on a grey canvas.

_Grey_ , Jooheon thought while fixating his gaze on the empty street in front of him, _Everything feels just grey today and still, there is no rain._

Strangely, it reminded him of a similar day two years ago when he and Kihyun had left for a spontaneous trip to the beach – a sky covered in clouds, but rain wouldn’t come. It was something about Kihyun’s stubborn face … he had insisted to bring raincoats with them and complained about Jooheon’s habit of speeding.

_“Why do you want it to rain when we’re going to the beach?”,_ Jooheon had asked him. _“It doesn’t make sense.”_

Kihyun had shrugged and smiled while looking out of the car window. _“It always looks like sky and horizon are one.”_ He had turned his head, his face clean and gloomy. _“Sky and sea are both so far apart from each other, but they still can come together like this. They’re different but still connected.”_

Jooheon didn’t know why that specific memory was coming back to him all of a sudden. Then, he remembered what had happened when they got back from the trip a day later. Jooheon had dropped his best friend off at his parents’ house; they shared a hug and perhaps something else because when Jooheon had started the car again, he had looked back in the driving mirror to see Kihyun raise his hand and smile while the windy day brought his hair all over his forehead – a messy moment and a secret shared only through their eyes.

_Perhaps it was that moment when I knew. But why did I never think about that day before? When it all comes back to that trip two years ago, why didn’t I realize it sooner? And why didn’t Kihyun?_

Because something else had happened after Jooheon had started the car again. Something he was only remembering now … like a long-forgotten childhood memory, like a sudden recollection of a lost dream caused by the slightest coincidence: A shadow on the road, right in front of his car (a person?) that Jooheon could’ve hit (killed?) if he hadn’t stepped down on the breaks in the last second. He remembered his breath heavy in his chest, both hands on the steering wheel, and the empty street right in front of his eyes. Then, Kihyun knocking at the car window to his right, out of breath from running after him and the shocked expression on his face: _“What the hell just happened? Are you okay?”_

Now, two years later, his hands on the steering wheel, the empty street in front of him again, he knew that he had lied to his best friend back then: _“There was a cat on the road, I almost hit it.”_ When he had looked into Kihyun’s face as he was leaning down slightly by the car window, Jooheon’s real answer had been clear and easy – almost obvious: _I might be in love with you._

The phone was vibrating again and Jooheon almost jumped at the sudden sound in the otherwise quiet car. His fingers were grabbing the steering wheel tightly as he felt unease rise in his body. Why was all of this coming back to him so suddenly? And why did he feel so overwhelmed by his feelings when he had never thought about them so thoroughly before?

The vibration in his jacket pocket stopped and suddenly, Jooheon couldn’t wait to get to the gym and let out all of his emotion. He simply wanted to run and hit one of his punching bags until he was too tired to care anymore.

_And if I’m lucky and get home late enough, Kihyun will already be out for lunch with his father._

His phone vibrated a fourth time, only once to notify him that he had received a text message. Jooheon hesitated for a second – the street was still empty, no other cars or pedestrians in sight – and reached into his pocket to check his phone.

His gaze left the road in front of him only for a split second, his hands remained steadily on the steering wheel, and still … the moment his eyes lost focus of his surroundings, Jooheon seemed to lose control over his car. He wasn’t speeding anymore but once he took his foot from the gas, it was already too late.

He was headed for the opposite side of the road which was lined with trees. But as they were coming closer and time lost its meaning, Jooheon saw something else right in front of him: A shadow on the road, right in front of his car (a person?) that Jooheon could’ve hit (killed?) if he hadn’t stepped down on the breaks in the last second – only this time, his foot couldn’t even reach the breaks; this time, he could simply stare at the strange man who was holding an umbrella in his right hand.

Seconds passed, the world around him became more and more blurry as if someone had emptied a glass of water on a fresh painting. He could feel himself leave; he could feel himself understand what was about to happen. And there were the crows again, 7 of them in total.

_How strange._

_(“Sky and sea are both so far apart from each other, but they still can come together like this. They’re different but still connected.”)_

_It didn’t rain that day, did it? I can’t even remember._

_Why couldn’t I tell him? Why couldn’t I just tell him about how I feel?  
And why couldn’t he tell me? Why couldn’t he tell me when he already knew?_

Jooheon closed his eyes while his body was flung through the air, while his thoughts were shaken up one last time before they would shatter on the ground like a broken hourglass. Blackness was awaiting him already. A lot of sand and noise. _(Like that night on the beach.)_

He knew that he was going to die.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings for this chapter: Death/dying

**Chapter 3**

**(Kihyun), Tue. 07.11.17**

_Something inside of me is soaked in your scent,_

_It becomes the background of this drama._

The phone screen lit up once more as he refreshed the chat window for the third time. No answer. 30 minutes had passed since Kihyun had sent that text message to his best friend:

_I’m sorry, okay?_

The argument from before seemed almost ridiculous to him, now that Jooheon was giving him the silent treatment. He was probably at the gym already, punching some lifeless bag instead of voicing his feelings like a normal person. It was nothing that Kihyun wasn’t used to, he had dealt with Jooheon’s outbursts before, but today had been different. Today, his best friend seemed genuinely hurt and the fact that he had stormed off after snapping at Kihyun like that just didn’t feel right. There must’ve been something else hiding behind all of this anger.

_Could it be that …?_

No, not them. Jooheon was probably stressing himself with finding a ‘real’ job again, as he liked to call it. _“So I can pay you my share. I won’t be a burden to you, Ki.”_

It didn’t make sense to Kihyun how Jooheon could refer to himself as a burden when he was the one following his dreams and passion. _At least he has some of his own_ , whereas Kihyun had always been sure he would walk in his father’s footsteps and take over the family company. He knew he would be good at that job and it was something he wanted to do, too; however, there were moments in his life, in which Kihyun wondered whether he could’ve been a different person (his own person?) if his path hadn’t already been predestined and fully planned out since his childhood. Therefore, he wanted to offer to his best friend that he could never experience himself: freedom, the possibility of having a choice. The only price he had to pay for it was money, and that was something Kihyun had a lot of.

With a sigh, he placed the phone on his desk and decided to go to the kitchen to make some coffee. It was already too late to drive to the office; he could as well work from home and wait for Joo to come back, so they could talk about that silly fight. It still didn’t really make sense to Kihyun why his best friend would react that way when it came to his dating life. Yes, Jooheon was a more withdrawn person than him, but if Kihyun needed someone to lecture him about his love life he could just meet with his father for lunch. His parents’ constant reminders that he would have to settle down eventually – and better sooner than later – were already getting on his nerves, he didn’t need his best friend to complain about his lifestyle as well. What was so bad about having fun and enjoying himself for a while? Working for his father’s company and preparing for his promotion as the next CEO already ate up enough of his time – he loved his job and was genuinely interested in leading that company, but he didn’t want to give up every single piece of his life to his parents.

The TV was still flickering silently and Kihyun couldn’t help but roll his eyes. _I have to clean after him all the time. He leaves his stuff lying around, doesn’t turn off the TV or the lights, he’s locked in his room most of the time and works on his music until late at night …_

His favorite mug felt cold in his hands as he placed it under the coffee machine. One button pressed with his thumb, and the smell of freshly brewed coffee started to fill the kitchen, making Kihyun feel warm on this strange morning.

As he watched his mug slowly fill up, he thought about Jooheon’s words again: _“Maybe if you weren’t so goddamn blind all the time you would know what’s really going on here.”_

He frowned while staring at the display of the coffee machine. It couldn’t possibly mean what Kihyun was thinking about now. It was something he had never even considered. Why would he? They were best friends, nothing more … _right_?

The steaming mug was sending white little clouds up to his face; he took it in both hands, thinking about that familiar brown gaze for a moment – heavy, dark eyes full of accusation.

_I need to talk to him about this._

He decided that it was no use to rack his brain about this any longer. Joo would calm down once he got to punch out all of his feelings; he would come back home and Kihyun could ask him whether he was serious about this. They could work this out somehow, just like they always did. It was almost reassuring to know that no matter how far they would drift apart, they would find back together eventually.

He turned around to leave the kitchen again and noticed the TV behind him. Some newsreader was preparing for the next announcement, silently moving his lips while speaking. He was wearing big glasses and a green tie. Kihyun figured it couldn’t hurt to wait for the weather forecast, so he looked around the counter until he spotted the remote. When he turned back to the screen, placing the steaming mug next to him on the counter, he froze in his movement – for a moment, he even thought he was imagining things. But after blinking twice and focusing his gaze on the familiar face in front of him on the TV screen, there was no doubt about it now: it was Jooheon.

Kihyun felt his body go numb; he couldn’t feel the remote in his hands, couldn’t move his fingers to turn on the sound; all he could do was stare at the words that appeared right beneath the picture of his best friend: _23-year-old driver Lee Jooheon was killed during the accident_.

There was a dull sound as the remote hit the kitchen tiles next to Kihyun’s feet. Only as Jooheon’s picture disappeared from the screen, he could feel himself tumbling forward to pick it up again and turn on the sound, his head full of crackling questions and denial.

_It’s a mistake. It has to be a mistake. He is already at the gym. He can’t be out there. He’s punching one of his bags, being angry at me. Please let him just be angry at me._

Finally, the newsreader found his voice again as Kihyun’s thumb hastily hit one of the buttons on the remote. The report was already over, the only thing that the man with the big glasses had left to say was: “We’re going to stay in contact with the police and authorities and return to this report when more information will be released. Until then, the area around the accident on Elm Road will probably be closed until further notice. If you are headed that way, it is strongly advised to avoid using that route for the next couple of hours.”

The news report ended and helplessness spread through Kiyun’s body as he was trying to process what he had just heard. A rush of anxiety was climbing up his throat, reaching for his thoughts, repeating the horrifying news again and again.

_Joo got into an accident. He died._

Kihyun felt his feet moving – faster, until he was inside of his room, grabbing his phone and searching for Joo’s contact. His hands were shaking, his body was reacting to the shock, but his mind just wouldn’t stop racing.

The dial tone rang out for way too long. Kihyun tried calling again, again, again but his best friend wouldn’t pick up the phone. _How could he when he’s dead?_

Kihyun shook his head to get rid of the horror trying to infest his brain. He tried calling Jooheon’s mother instead, but she wouldn’t pick up her phone either.

Tension was piling and piling up in his chest; he couldn’t breathe; he could only think about Joo’s indifferent face on that TV screen and the reality that he couldn’t accept yet.

“Fuck!” His foot hit the wastebasket next to his desk and a few loose shreds of paper fell out, covering the ground. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He inhaled deeply, pressing his hands onto his face. “This can’t be real. This can’t be happening.”

Then, the voice of the newsreader lit up in his head: _Elm Road._ They said the accident had happened near Elm Road.

_It’s not that far from here. If I can get there and see for myself, I’m sure it all turns out to be a misunderstanding. It can’t be Joo’s car. Joo is at the gym._

He tried holding on to this thought as tightly as he could while looking for his car keys, bag and jacket in the hallway. He had to calm himself before sitting down to actually drive a car. When he was standing in front of the door, keys in hand, he paused for another moment to close his eyes. Stepping out of that door meant facing whatever reality was waiting down on Elm Road. But staying here, waiting without knowing what had really happened wasn’t an option either.

He slammed the door on his way to the garage, thinking about the route he would have to take to get there as fast as possible. At least there was one good thing about his father insisting on leaving the company car with him for the week. They had argued about it since Jooheon’s car was enough for both of them because Kihyun normally took the subway to work in the morning.

The engine revved up and Kihyun’s hands grabbed the steering wheel as if it was the last thing to hold on to in that moment (or to prevent his fingers from shaking too much). To his relief the road was mostly empty, only a few cars around him – people driving to work or to get groceries … people whose best friend hadn’t just died in a car crash.

_No, it’s not sure yet. It all might be a misunderstanding._

He went way past the speeding limit already, took a turn, took another turn, getting closer and closer to the place that would eventually tell him the truth. While trying to remain calm and breathe steadily, he repeated one sentence in his head: _Joo is at the gym. Joo is at the gym. Joo is at the gym. He’s …_

In the last second, Kihyun managed to turn the steering wheel around as a motionless figure suddenly appeared in his field of view. It was a person standing in the middle of the road, holding something in their hands and staring up at the approaching car in shock and confusion as if Kihyun was the one out of line here.

The young, dark-haired man jumped out of the way at the exact moment that the car passed him and Kihyun felt a ball of heated emotion burst in his chest. Before he could think about it, he slammed his hand down at the horn and shouted at the careless stranger right in front of him (although he knew that the man probably couldn’t hear him anyway): “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND, YOU _FUCKING IDIOT!?_ WATCH THE HELL OUT OR YOU’LL GET YOURSELF KILLED!”

The scene passed as quickly as it had first appeared, and Kihyun brought the car back into the lane. His knuckles were turning white on his hands and the lump in his throat finally started to recede; his breath was still heavy, but Elm Road was right around the corner now, so he had no time to think about the fact that he had almost run over a person.

_What if that’s what happened to Joo? What if he lost control over the car because I called him …_

The sound of sirens as well as the sight of police cars and an ambulance down the road abruptly silenced Kihyun’s messy thoughts. The street was closed down and the cars in front of him already turned around to take another route to wherever they were headed.

He slowed down and parked the car at the side of the road, exiting with cold hands and creeping nausea right there in the pit of his stomach. His whole body was shaking now as he walked over to the scene of the accident. The only thing he could see was the empty street in front of him, the rough surface of the pavement beneath his feet and blue lights on top of the several police cars. There were news vans around as well – a lot of people hurrying and the flapping police tape that seemed to wave him nearer with its flickering movements. _(You know you want to see it for yourself. You know you will only believe it when you see his face.)_

“Excuse me, this is a crime scene, you can’t be here, Sir.” The firm face of a police officer appeared in front of him – the man seemed tired, almost indifferent.

“I’m looking for my friend, uhm”, Kihyun started, his voice hoarse and distant to his own ears. “Lee Jooheon. I heard that he …” He bit down on the inside of his cheek as the words got stuck in his throat. It didn’t even hurt but there it was … the metallic taste of blood. “He was, uhm, involved in the accident?”

The black eyes from the emotionless man in front of him examined him for two seconds, then he gave off a subtle nod. “I’m sorry to inform you about this, but the person driving that car died during the crash. There was nothing that the paramedics could do when they arrived here.”

Kihyun’s gaze focused on the car wreck behind the police officer on the other side of the road. Its familiar dark color – or what was left of it now – made Kihyun’s stomach turn. It looked like the driver had lost control over the car, turned over and crashed. But there was nothing else that would’ve indicated the cause of the accident – no animal carcass, no other vehicle, no person or obstacle.

“What happened to him?”, Kihyun blurted out at the policeman without even looking at him. His voice sounded impatient and almost desperate as he was trying to spot the body of his best friend somewhere, or at least some other indication that Jooheon had been the one driving.

The man shrugged and shook his head. “We don’t know what caused the accident yet. It was most likely texting and driving.”

_Texting and driving._ So, he had checked his phone; the phone that Kihyun had been calling all morning to tell him to come home. _It’s my fault then? It’s because he wanted to answer my text and didn’t focus on the road? …_

“Sir, I’m sorry but I have to check your ID before I can let you pass. Just to make sure you’re allowed to see the victim. Can I …”

But all that Kihyun could focus on was the white dot of color entering his sight. Two people in uniform were rolling it over the empty pavement – a scraping sound, earsplittingly loud like someone scratching their nails across a blackboard: _Your fault, your fault, your fault._

He felt himself lose the last string that he had been holding on to until that moment.

_He’s not at the gym. He never even got there._

Everything fell apart, shattered. He rushed forward; his eyes still glued to the stretcher that the paramedics where pushing towards the ambulance. He just needed to see Joo’s face; he just needed to _make sure_.

But there was a tight grip on his left arm that stopped him in his movement. When he turned his head in shock, the policeman was looking at him with a serious expression. “Sir, I need to see your ID first.”

Kihyun didn’t know how he managed to pull out his wallet and let the officer write down his contact information. He didn’t know how he managed to walk over to the ambulance in which the stretcher was now lifted. He didn’t know how he managed to talk to the paramedics and pull back the white covers just to reveal his best friend’s face – the blond hair, the pale lips, the bruises all over his face and the dark green collar of his favorite sweater.

Perhaps he had lost his heart somewhere on the way, perhaps even on the counter back at home with his coffee and the remote … but all that he could feel was a crack right where his heart was supposed to be, an abyss hungrily devouring all that was left of his sense of reality. It made him feel so utterly empty.

With cold hands, he took the bag with belongings that the paramedics had retrieved from Jooheon’s clothes and car. Kihyun didn’t even look inside. He couldn’t cry either. All he could do was stare at the white sheets in front of him – like big teeth of a spiteful grin. _(Can you believe it yet? How long will it take to sink in eventually?)_

Jooheon’s mother was already waiting at the hospital when the ambulance arrived. Kihyun embraced her wordlessly, letting her cry on his shoulder. Hours passed. Paperwork. The date of the funeral. Vending-machine coffee. Tears. Cause of death. Insurance …

The void in Kihyun’s chest devoured it all. He functioned. For the people around him. For Jooheon? For himself? All he could do was take care of those tasks, of formalities that distracted him from that emptiness inside of him; because if he didn’t let that emptiness take over, he knew he would never stop blaming himself for his best friend’s death.

Darkness covered the apartment like a thick, black blanket as Kihyun got home that evening. Faint noises from the kitchen reminded him of the TV that he had forgotten to turn off before he had left that morning. It wasn’t too late, but the dull November evening had brought an early sunset nevertheless. Kihyun had hoped for some rain on his way back from the hospital but today’s sky had brought only grey clouds.

He threw his keys on the counter, then walked to his room, closed the door and placed his jacket over one of the chairs. The blackness around him felt almost suffocating and still, so very calm. He sat down at his desk – so clean, so spotless – and turned on the small lamp beside him. The bag with Jooheon’s belongings was sitting in front of him now – his mother had insisted on Kihyun taking it with him – but he couldn’t bring himself to look through them yet.

_Why am I not crying?_ , he wondered, staring out of the window above his desk that led into the backyard. _Am I a fraud?_

Yet, the only thing that Kihyun’s mind could focus on was all the tasks that he had to take care of. There was a funeral to plan; there was the room that had to be sorted out; he had to go through all of Jooheon’s stuff and make a lot of calls …

_Oh, and there’s a company that I have to lead soon._ It sounded almost like a bad joke to him; he wanted to laugh about it and the absurdity of the one job that he had prepared his whole life for and that now, in this exact moment, meant absolutely nothing to him.

Closing his eyes, Kihyun took a deep, shaky breath, trying to focus on everything that he had to do know, everything that he had to hold together. Then, his phone gave off a short notification sound, which broke through the silence of the dim-lit room around him and even startled him for a second. He reached for the pocket of his jacket and squinted about the sudden brightness from the display.

It was a text. From Joo.

Kihyun stared at his best friend’s name for a second, unlocking his screen with a frown. The five words that now appeared at the bottom of the chat flashed up at him mockingly.

_It has to be 7_

Kihyun stared at his phone in confusion. It could only be a bad joke or a mistake from the phone company – a very badly timed mistake at that. It didn’t make sense to him, nor was it relating to anything he and Jooheon had talked about in any way. Had someone perhaps stolen his phone? …

Kihyun reached for the bag of belongings and emptied it on the desk in front of him. There were Jooheon’s wallet, his car documents and other stuff that he had been storing inside of the car – and that wasn’t destroyed during the crash – but no phone.

Did they keep it at the hospital? Did it get lost at the place of the accident? Or did Joo already lose his phone before he got in the car? …

He looked at the chat again, deciding to call the number in case someone had found it, but before he could dial, another text appeared under the previous one.

_Is someone there?_

Kihyun just stared at the messages in disbelief for another second, then he tried to call the number. After trying three times in a row and no one picking up, he sensed frustration forming another lump in his throat and a wave of anger rising in his chest. In fact, it made Kihyun _feel_ something. He felt upset about someone toying around with his best friend’s phone right after his death. So, in a rush of emotion after a day full of emptiness, he hastily started to type a response:

_the owner of the phone that you’re texting from is my roommate. if you've found that phone, it's not the right time to play games. please return it to me as soon as possible. please call me back so we can meet._

His thumb came pounding down to the ‘send’ button and after not receiving any response, he called the number again. Nothing. He threw his phone on the desk in front of him where it landed with a smack.

The situation was starting to get on his nerves, and on top of all of that, he felt a headache approaching. He should probably call his parents and tell them what happened; perhaps he could even take a day off tomorrow. But then, what would he do all alone in an apartment that would now forever remain half-empty?

The sound of the doorbell rang loudly through the hallway outside of his room and Kihyun winced at the suddenness of that sharp sound. It took a few seconds until he could bring himself to answer, but when he opened the door, there was no one waiting for him.

_Maybe I am going crazy._ He shook his head as if to question his sanity for a moment. _I should get some sleep._

But right before he closed the door again, his gaze fell upon a shiny object right on the doormat in front of his feet. He narrowed his eyes and bend down to look at it more thoroughly, only to realize that it was a watch – a quite expensive-looking one. However, when he picked it up to examine it further, Kihyun noticed that the pointers weren’t working; they had stopped at 9:31. Only the date was accurate: 07.11.17

He got back up and looked around on the front porch again. Apart from the light coming from inside the apartment, which brightened the pavement in a yellow half-circle, there was only darkness surrounding the front door and no sign of someone who had rung the doorbell earlier.

Kihyun decided to take the watch inside to look for initials or any clues that would lead to its owner. Perhaps someone had found it on the street and thought it belonged to him …

He moved the lamp on his desk closer to the watch and turned it around between his fingers. No initials, just an elegant engraving on the back: _This is my endless drama._

Wasn’t there an irony to it? In a way, Kihyun felt trapped in his own personal drama; a drama without the eagerly awaited happy ending. With a sigh he placed his chin in his right hand, looking up at the window that normally offered a view at the night sky to admire stars and the moon. Today, however, it was too cloudy to see anything at all. Only Kihyun’s faint reflection became visible in the mirroring glass in front of him. A shadow was spread across his face, and his bright red sweater now seemed strangely washed out.

_I have lost all color_ , he thought _. I have lost my best friend._

Only the black picture of the motionless backyard was staring back at him behind the window. Motionless … no, not fully. There was a shadow moving between the shed and a couple of bushes, or was it simply his imagination? …

Kihyun got up from his chair, the watch still in his hand, looking through the glass door that led outside into the small backyard. He was looking closely now, his face only a few inches apart from the cool windowpane. His right hand reached for the light switch and when the small lanterns outside turned into yellow spots hovering above the grass, the shadow revealed itself as a man – he must’ve been around the same age as Kihyun – with dark hair and a grey suit. One hand was resting in his pocket, the other one was holding a black umbrella.

Kihyun stared at the stranger for a second, wondering about whether he was real or just another imagination caused by this nerve-racking day. Dark eyes fixated on Kihyun as if to warn him – not in a threatening way, rather calm and collected. He felt himself reaching for the door handle while thoughts passed by in his head: _Is it gonna rain? What if the watch belongs to him? Maybe he has Joo’s phone._

The man kept staring at him; there was something else in his gaze now as if to say: _I’m sorry_ ; as if to say: _It’s gonna be okay_. But Kihyun couldn’t ask him about it, he couldn’t open the door either. He felt dizzy and so very exhausted from a day he would never recover from. His legs lost their balance and his vision started to blur. The watch felt cold in his palm – or was it just his fingertips? – and the absurdity of this whole day entered his chest; it filled the void for a moment and silenced the guilt.

_What if?,_ it whispered while pouring more and more blackness over Kihyun’s eyelids. _What if it’s all just a bad dream?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**(Wonho), Tue. 07.11.17**

_If it’s all you, yes I do._

The afternoon sun was painting shadows and pools of warm light on the wooden floorboards of Wonho’s apartment as he emerged abruptly from one of his daily trips. His feet returned to firm ground and the dizziness ceased after a few seconds. The exhaustion occupying his body and mind, however, wouldn’t quite leave him; in fact, it never fully vanished anymore. For a couple of days (weeks?) Wonho had been living in a constant state of fatigue. Not that it made any difference; traveling between different timelines had become a necessity to him, something normal, something he just had to get done. Besides, he was used to the physical exertion that came with it. And the solution – or rather only option – on how to deal with it was simple: _I just have to train harder, then._

Wonho brought a hand to his forehead – _always those damn headaches …_ – and sat down on the couch, checking the alarm on the table next to him. He placed his fingerprint on a bluish glowing button and a second later, a hologram flickered brightly in front of his eyes, showing the current time and date: 07.11.17, 3:01 pm.

He frowned, trying to sort the events from the past couple of days – and the different timelines he had visited. He had noticed that more and more memories started to slip his mind … he just couldn’t remember certain things or tasks that he was supposed to take care of. The main priority occupying his thoughts was still his mother and the treatment that he had to find for her illness. But future timelines had proven themselves as rather disappointing when it came to medical improvements.

Wonho touched the blue button once more and the hologram disappeared from his sight; his head was now leaning against the backrest of the couch, his thoughts vibrating, his head aching.

_So many useless new technologies but nothing on cancer treatment._ He felt his lip twist in disgust for humanity’s greedy agendas. _Holograms and flying cars sure bring more money than investing in scientific research._

His phone gave off a notification sound in his pocket and he reached for it in an instant. There was a reminder noted in his calendar: _Visit Mom an hour early today to pay the hospital bills!_

With a sigh, he got up from the couch, took a few painkillers, changed into his normal clothes, and briefly combed his hair with his hands to not rise any suspicions about where he was coming from. He didn’t need his mother to lecture him again about ‘paying more attention in his training classes with Shownu’ just because of some bruises on his face that he hadn’t been able to explain otherwise. Moreover, one of the things he had written down in his notebook – in case that sudden memory loss would jump him again – read as follows: _If you decide to spontaneously hack into the servers of an influential company again, don’t get caught._ A second point was: _Security guards might look like gorillas, but they have weaknesses, too … aim for the legs._

The keypad outside of his apartment lit up as Wonho typed in the combination to lock the doors. After getting into the elevator, he tried to concentrate on the things on his schedule for today … visiting his mother, talking to her doctors about possible news for her treatment, and going to the gym to work out (his condition really needed to improve more when he wanted to keep traveling at this pace).

To his relief, he didn’t meet anyone from the building on his way to the subway. He didn’t like his neighbors, or rather the looks that they gave him when he occasionally passed them in the hallway: _How can he even afford a place like this? He doesn’t belong here. He’s different._

They perceived him as some kind of criminal, scum from the streets who somehow came to own a lot of money; but even though he was wealthy, he would never belong to this world – in fact, he had lost his connection to the ‘real’ world a long time ago, had traded it for the opportunity to help his mother, to become a shadow existing between time, _no one_.

_They’re right in a way,_ he thought, entering the subway and pulling the hood of his sweatshirt over his head as he sat down by the window. _The money that I own is mostly stolen. But does it make a difference? Most companies exploit others to earn their shares, so I take what doesn’t belong to them anyway._ The irony made him smile slightly – he could see it in the reflection of the dusty window to his right. _Their systems downright invite me to hack them, that’s how badly secured they are._

For the people that had to know about his ‘occupation’ he came up with some freelance job – it was surprising that people stopped asking questions when it came to money; as long as Wonho had enough to pay his rent and his mother’s hospital bills in time, no one bothered investigating the source of his income any further.

He bought a few flowers at the small shop next to the hospital, and the staff greeted him politely when he entered the building, just like always.

“How’s she doing?”, Wonho asked, walking down the corridor with one of the nurses.

She smiled at him, pushing a cart with several trays in front of her. “She’s fine.”

He nodded, thanking her and entering his mother’s room. _Fine. How_ fine _can you be when you have an incurable disease?_

Trying to swallow all of the bitterness on his tongue, he forced a smile on his lips and combed his hair one last time with his hands. His mother didn’t have to know about all of this; she didn’t have to worry about her adult son anymore. It was his turn to take care of her like this and to focus only on finding a cure or a treatment to get her out of that hospital.

For the entirety of Wonho’s life, his mother had been a constant supporter. She had taken care of him when he had been a child – a weak little boy – and encouraged him to stand up to his bullies. When he had come home after school, trying to hide his bruises and embarrassment, she had put patches on his nose and bloody knees without asking too many questions. She had always protected and loved him, even when his father had left home when Wonho was still a child.

To see his mother like this now – exertion and sickness that lived on her face and eyes – it was his turn to protect her, to love and care for her and take all of the responsibility so that his mother wouldn’t have to; it was the least he could do.

“Oh, Sweetie, it’s you.” Her tired eyes lit up at the sight of her son. She smiled faintly in his direction. “You’re early.”

“I know”, Wonho answered. “I wanted to talk to the doctor and take care of some paperwork.”

“Oh right”, she nodded, trying to sit up. “They mentioned that they wanted to talk to you about the insurance?”

_The non-existing insurance,_ Wonho added in thought, but it was easier to let her believe that instead of having to tell her about the amount of money he was paying for her hospitalization and routine tests.

He gave her a reassuring smile, helping her to adjust herself against the backrest. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll handle it.” He placed the flowers on the small table next to the hospital bed. “I brought you something.”

She beamed up at him. “Lilies! My favorite.”

“I know.” Naturally, he looked around the room to check if everything was as comfortable as possible for his mother – a fully filled water jar, the current newspapers, blankets and fresh towels … he let out a sigh. “They left the window open again.”

He got up from his chair to go over and close it, but his mother placed a hand on his forearm – it was the faintest touch but Wonho immediately stopped in his movement, looking at her with concern.

“I asked them to”, she explained, raising an eyebrow at him. “It’s not dangerous to get some fresh air now and then, is it?”

“It is when your immune system is already at risk.” He softly grabbed his mother’s hand and put it back on the blanket on top of her legs. Then, he got up from his chair and closed the window. “It looks like it’s gonna rain any moment anyway.”

His mother ignored her son’s stubbornness but Wonho knew that she didn’t like his overprotective behavior – not that she would’ve ever admitted that to his face. 

“You look tired”, she said when he sat back down at her bed, the worry in her voice clearly recognizable.

Wonho smiled at her while the headache was still pounding against his skull. “I’m fine, just an exhausting day with work.”

Her smooth, brown eyes felt warm on his cheeks as she observed him for a few seconds. It was an expression that he remembered from his childhood – concern but also trust. _(Whatever you’re facing now, it won’t last forever. You’ll find your path eventually.)_

“Sometimes I do worry about you, Hoseok.” A sad little smile took a hold of her lips. “It’s a mother’s job after all, isn’t it?”

He pressed her hand in a loving gesture and smiled brightly at her. “You know I love you, Mom. You need to trust me on this, okay? I’m fine.” And with her, the spark of light that lit up Wonho’s face was honest; there wasn’t much to smile about in his life, but when he was with his mother, the weight of the world seemed to lift even just for a little while.

She sighed and started to cough, balling her hands into small fists. Wonho reached for the water on her bedtable and poured a glass, offering it to her calmly. She took it out of his hand, taking a sip and waving her fingers to brush it off. “Don’t you have somewhere else to be? Your life has to be more interesting than nursing your old mother.” Her gaze dropped to the blanket on her lap; however, the smile on her lips didn’t move. “There’s no cure for me anyway.”

Wonho felt his expression and jaw tense for a second. “Don’t say that. I’ll talk to the doctors again later. They may have found something new.”

She raised her eyes at him again and seemed almost amused. “Like yesterday? I almost pity them for having to deal with your persistent attitude every day.”

_That’s why I pay them a shit ton of money after all,_ he added in thought and shrugged. “You never know.”

The playful expression vanished from her face and she leaned slightly forward to give him another one of her stern looks. Her slim fingers tightened around Wonho’s hands and he could feel that her fingertips were cold. “Just promise me, Hoseok, that you won’t ruin your own life in order to save mine. You have to build your own future, you hear me?”

He knew it was no use arguing with her on this because it was the one topic they never agreed on. There was nothing that he wouldn’t have done for her, but the one thing she asked of him – putting his own needs over hers – that was something he just couldn’t do.

_How can I build a future without you? Who am I even without you, Mom?_

But of course, he didn’t ask her that. He simply nodded at her words, wondering how much she really knew. His mother wasn’t stupid; perhaps she had figured out Wonho’s secrets or perhaps she was just worried for her son.

_We’re both too stubborn to listen to each other. There’s nothing that could ever change that, not in the situation that we’re currently in._

They dropped the topic and watched some episodes of his mother’s favorite show – somewhat of an unspoken ritual each week –, and when the grey sky outside started to darken, Wonho decided to give his mother some rest and promised her to visit again tomorrow.

“We can go for a walk then, if the weather is better, can’t we?”, she asked excitedly while holding back another cough.

Wonho nodded at her, already trying to come up with an excuse for tomorrow to convince his mother to rather stay inside. “Sure.”

It wasn’t something he did easily – restricting her wishes like that – but when it came to her health, he wasn’t willing to take any risks. He couldn’t lose her to this illness, not after everything they had been through together, not if he could stop all of this. _And I can, it’s just a matter of time …_

The loving smile that she gave him when Wonho left the hospital room broke his heart – is was the same feeling every day. Those tired but warm eyes that looked at him as if she would see him for the last time.

In the hallway, he met a nurse who took him to one of his mother’s doctors. Of course, there wasn’t any news on her treatment – the annoyed, almost condescending gaze that Wonho was given just bounced off of him as he asked his daily questions. Finally, he shook the doctor’s hand and pocketed the envelope with more hospital bills in his jacket. After smiling shallowly at everyone, he left the corridor and the judging faces behind. Wonho knew that they talked about him when he wasn’t there; one time, he had accidentally heard two of the staff members gossiping when he had left the bathroom around the corner.

_“How is he getting all that money anyway? Something about him just seems off.”_

_“For all I know, he has his own company or whatever. Perhaps people hire him to do their dirty work.”_

_“You can’t be serious!”_

_“You never know what someone’s up to. He could be some kind of bank robber … or mafia boss.”_

_“Okay, now you’re just making things up.”_

_“He just looks shady to me. Someone like him can’t own that much money without hiding any dark secrets.”_

In that moment, Wonho had simply smiled to himself, walked past those people and greeted them politely. Their embarrassed faces had made up for the ridiculous rumors, and still … “ _someone like him”_ … Wonho had wondered what exactly it was that evoked such suspicion in people towards him. Then again, he didn’t care too much about it. The idea of friendship or close emotional relationships with others was something that just had never been a part of his life. Everything that he had learned about the people around him was that they wouldn’t accept him anyway, that he wouldn’t fit in, no matter how hard he tried. Well, except for his mother. And perhaps his trainer at the gym, Shownu, who had taught him about time travel in the first place and who always offered an open ear and (mostly unwanted) advice.

On his way out of the hospital building, he passed several TV sets in the reception area at the entrance. A couple of people were talking in whispers about something that was now all over the news. An accident not far from this part of town where a young man was killed during the crash. Wonho only caught a glimpse of the driver whose picture was shown on the screen – blond hair and a distinctive face … _Did he look familiar in a way?_

For a second, Wonho wondered whether he had even seen him around somewhere – at the gym maybe? –, but couldn’t find that particular memory in his brain because his head had started aching again. So, he just dropped the thought and walked away from the ‘shocking’ news and the tragic story of a stranger he would never see or think about again anyway.

After stopping at a pharmacy to buy some more painkillers, Wonho was headed for the gym. He went there every single day to work on his condition and prevent his body from the consequences of excessive traveling. Shownu was already awaiting him, at least he entered the room with a welcoming smile once Wonho had walked through the door.

At this time of the day, the gym was either packed with people or nearly empty, depending on the day of the week. Today (to Wonho’s relief), it was empty.

“Hey there, I’ve wondered when you would show up today”, Shownu said, smiling at him, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Wonho nodded at him and briefly raised his hand, before closing the door of the locker room to get changed. He took a couple of the painkillers that he had bought on his way here and closed his eyes for a second to distract himself from the persistent headache pounding against his skull.

_There’s no time to show weakness. If my body can’t take it anymore, I just need to work harder._

He got up from the wooden bench and left the locker room to lift some weights and continue his training from the day before. At the time that he was throwing his fists into the blue leather of the punching bag in front of his face, Shownu appeared in the corner of his eyes, grabbing the punching bag and shooting him a scrutinizing look. “You don’t look good. Have you been traveling again?”

“It’s fine.” Wonho lowered his fists, panting as he felt the sweat dripping from his face. “I can handle it.”

Shownu didn’t seem convinced, he was still eyeing him with concern. “I’ve told you before, the long-term effects are dangerous. You can get genuinely sick.” Something in his gaze darkened for a second – a door closing with a yank, a dark cloud in front of the sun –, his voice a bit quieter than before. “And you won’t be able to help your mother that way.”

_So, he figured it out._

A smile pulled on the corner of Wonho’s mouth – a bitter taste and still, somewhat expected. “Since when do you know?”

Shownu let the punching bag slide out of his hands again, shrugging and crossing his arms. “I’ve known for a while. Before your Mom got sick. You only started asking me to teach you about traveling once her condition got worse.” His eyes – so honest, so full of compassion – embraced Wonho fully. “She’s a good person, just like you. It’s a shame they can’t find a cure.”

A searing pain shot through Wonho’s temple and something inside of his mind was torn apart – his patience perhaps. “They will eventually!” His voice was loud and angry, and he felt his fists clenching at either side of his body. “And I will be the first one to get it!”

Shownu continued to look at him calmly, unbothered by his sudden outburst. “If you don’t get sick yourself first.”

Wonho’s jaw tensed; his head pounding with pain. “I told you, _I’m fine_.”

Shownu raised his hands in front of him in an apologetic gesture – _I didn’t mean to offend you_ – and sighed. “If you’re going to keep doing this, there’s something else I need to warn you about.”

_Sometimes, I feel like he’s talking to me as if I’m his son, despite the fact that we’re about the same age._

Wonho wiped the sweat off of his forehead with his right arm. “And what is that?”

“I’m not that involved in this whole business anymore”, Shownu said, twisting his lips at the word _business._ “But there’s a possible danger that people talk about more and more. It’s some kind of secret agency set up by the government to supervise illegal time travel activities. So basically, to track down people who travel without permission.”

Wonho raised an eyebrow. “ _Permission?_ Since when do you need permission from the government for traveling? It’s not like anyone knows about this in the first place.”

Shownu frowned, shaking his head. “As I said, I don’t know a lot. Some of the travelers that still come here just mentioned that a lot of people have gone missing lately and the only thing that connects to this is the increased appearance of those _hounds_ , as everyone likes to call them _._ ”

“What are they after?”, Wonho asked.

“Again, I don’t know.” Shownu looked at him firmly. “That’s why you should be careful.”

Wonho sighed, nodding at his trainer. “Fine, I’ll watch out. Anything else you can tell me about them?”

Shownu thought about this for a second, then shrugged. “Apparently they’re dressed in black, that’s all North mentioned when she told me about it.”

Wonho shook his head and chuckled lightly while removing the tightly wrapped bandages from his hands. “Villains in black. That sounds like some kind of action movie.”

“It can’t hurt to keep an eye out”, Shownu replied, picking up the weights that Wonho had lifted before, putting them back on the rack by the wall. “Also, I need to kick you out now. I have a private lesson in half an hour and you only keep scaring off my customers.” When he turned around again, Wonho could see the mocking grin on his face.

“Alright, alright.” He didn’t feel like arguing with his trainer today. His body hurt and all he could think about while punching that bag was the moment that he would eventually lie down on his couch and close his eyes.

He grabbed his belongings and took a quick shower in the locker room before changing back into his normal clothes. Weariness was weighing down on his shoulders now and although he felt like he hadn’t trained hard or long enough today, Wonho was glad when he reached the entrance room to step out into the cold November night.

“If you want to start making money honestly, I’ve always got a job here for you, you know that”, Shownu said, placing a hand on his back in a friendly gesture – the same offer as always.

“Yeah, but you know, the pay is much higher at my current job”, Wonho scoffed, walking past him towards the exit.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”, Shownu asked even though he already knew the answer.

“As always.” Wonho raised a hand in his direction, smiling back at the man that resembled something like a friend to him …

_But I’ve never had friends._

Absently and a bit confused, he opened the door and embraced the cool, nightly air on his cheeks. However, before Wonho could look around and continue his current thought, he bumped into someone who wanted to enter the gym at the same time that he left it.

“I’m so sorry”, the man across from him said with an apologizing smile, letting Wonho pass. “I didn’t see you there.”

The stranger’s appearance already screamed ‘rich and privileged’ to Wonho as soon as he noticed the fancy haircut and expensive-looking suit.

_Probably some arrogant businessman who booked the private lesson, so he didn’t have to busy himself with people below his standard,_ he thought dismissively, thinking about all the condescending rich people living in his building. He simply nodded at the stranger without even paying him attention. _Good for Shownu, at least he’ll get some extra cash out of this snob._

While walking down the empty sidewalk, taking in the fresh air and soothing silence of the empty neighborhood, Wonho already thought about his next trip to a future timeline. Time was ticking for his mother and his bills didn’t pay themselves either … perhaps if he could hack into another company … but that would cost him preparation time that he didn’t have …

The headache was back now, pounding against his skull – _Tick, tick, tick._

He stopped walking for a moment to bring a hand to his forehead and close his eyes. But none of that would bring him any kind of relief.

The neon sign of a 24/7 convenience store kept flickering at the end of the street like a beacon guiding him through the dark. While trying to concentrate on the light to bring his mind some distraction, Wonho noticed that only the number 7 sign was still working and shining towards him; the numbers 2 and 4 remained colorless as if they had already gone to sleep.

_7, 7, 7, 7 …_

He brought his eyes back to the black pavement beneath his feet, reaching into his pocket to take another painkiller, but his hand suddenly touched something cold and smooth and unfamiliar. Wonho embraced the object with his hands and walked towards a streetlamp to reveal the mysterious content from his jacket – it was a watch.

He frowned at the expensive piece of jewelry in his hands that, despite not belonging to him in the first place, also seemed to be broken. Only the date showing on the display was correct: 07.11.17. The pointers had stopped at 9:31.

His memory jumped back to the businessman who had bumped into him back at the gym – could that watch possibly be his? But then, how did it fell into Wonho’s pocket without either of them noticing?

Wonho kept turning the shiny object between his fingers while his breath formed small, white clouds in the nightly air. There was an elegant engraving on the back of the watch: _No way, not funny._

Staring at the 4 little words, Wonho’s headache started pounding even harder now. Hot, sharp pain kept mocking him further and further: _No way, not funny._

_This is a bad joke,_ he thought as he felt the corners of his vision start to blur in the dim light of the streetlamp above his head. _My mind is playing tricks on me now. And this damn headache …_

But the pain didn’t leave him. On the contrary, it embraced him. Black arms held him tightly, cold hands covering his eyes. Even his legs couldn’t carry him anymore; with each punch that the pain in his skull kept throwing at him, he lost balance more and more. There was the feeling of his fists against the blue leather of the punching bag; the feeling of his mother’s weak hand on his forearm … then, there was less and less, until nothing but blackness remained.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to let you know to maybe keep an eye out for Wednesday. If everything works out as I planned it, I'll be able to upload twice a week from now on :) x
> 
> __
> 
> (This one is for Charly <3)

**Chapter 5**

**(Shownu), Tue. 07.11.17**

_Is it possible to just approach you enough?_

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”, Shownu asked as Wonho kept walking towards the door, raising a hand and giving him one last, tired smile. “As always.”

As soon as Wonho had turned his back on Shownu, he let all of the concern from today finally flood his face. He knew Wonho didn’t like being lectured or told what to do – especially not about traveling –, but Shownu couldn’t help but worry about the boy that, in his eyes, would always fill the role of a younger brother to him. Although they weren’t actually related, their lives had been tied since both of them were teenagers. Wonho had always been the quiet kid that others were picking on – perhaps because of his grim appearance, his tendency to stay on his own; but for Shownu it was different. He had seen the pain in Wonho’s eyes and the fear of getting rejected in his dismissive or rude attitude towards others, and while the teenagers at the gym had avoided Wonho as much as possible, Shownu had built a bond with him. He knew that Wonho himself wouldn’t possibly describe it as ‘friendship’, but perhaps that wasn’t even necessary; perhaps their relationship was different and more meaningful. _Like brothers?_

For Shownu it wasn’t hard to connect with others, it was something that happened naturally. However, it rarely meant anything to him in a way that genuinely reached his heart. After his parents’ death, the owner of the gym – the man that he still referred to as ‘Dad’ – had taken him in and raised him like his own son. He had never questioned their relationship because for Shownu it was real. And it nearly broke him as a person when his Dad died only a few weeks after his 21st birthday. A loss that he had never fully recovered from and still, the ability to form acquaintances with others didn’t cease. On the contrary, by becoming the new owner of the gym, Shownu also inherited all of his father’s ‘contacts’. Although the gym had always been a classical gym, under his Dad’s ownership it had mostly functioned as a disguise for travelers of all kinds to come together and exchange their knowledge and experiences. Shownu, however, had turned his back on time travel after his father died from its consequences. He had decided to use his skills to train others in sports of the real world instead. Well, except for the only person that he seemed to have a weak spot for: Wonho.

Every day that this fragile boy – and Shownu just couldn’t bring himself to see him in any other way – walked into his gym, Shownu was reminded of the fate that he had brought to Wonho’s life. Because Shownu was the one who couldn’t say no (to his little brother) when he had asked about teaching him to travel. Because Shownu didn’t know what he would use those powers for. _But I should’ve known. I should’ve known he wouldn’t stop until he could help his mother._

Then again, Shownu failed to understand how Wonho could care so little about his own health. How could he not care about his own wellbeing, his own future?

Even though Shownu had lost his father and with him his belief and fascination for time travel, he couldn’t allow himself to give up. There were people to look after. There were others to train and warn about the dangers of a power that had robbed him of his own family. _Never again._

He knew that Wonho tried to hide his scars when he changed clothes in the locker room. He tried to downplay his injuries and the pain that was eating away on his soul and body. Shownu wasn’t blind, he _knew_. But all he could do was watch Wonho leave and decline his offer for a job at the gym, day after day after day.

The entrance door didn’t fully close when Wonho disappeared into the night. There was a short mumbling of an unknown voice and a young man entered the room, holding a black umbrella in his right hand. _(Did they announce any rain for today? I don’t think so.)_ He was wearing a grey suit and his hair had a red gleam to it in the faint light from the lamps above; the firm expression on his face, however, wasn’t cold at all – he seemed elegant but friendly as his smile and dark eyes now confirmed when he spotted Shownu behind the counter.

“Good evening”, he said in a low, soothing voice, crossing the room with silent footsteps and offering his free hand. “Chae Hyungwon. We talked on the phone.”

Shownu returned the smile and shook the stranger’s hand. “Of course. Nice to meet you, I’m Shownu, your trainer for today.”

The man nodded and there was something hidden in his gaze – A secret? A spark of familiarity? “Thank you again for taking the time for a private lesson. I’m sure you must be a busy man, I only heard positive things about your training.”

For a second, Shownu seemed hesitant. _What if he’s a traveler, too?_ But without even honestly considering it, he brushed the thought aside and directed the young man towards the locker rooms. “I wanted to talk to you about the payment anyway. The money that you sent me is way too much for one lesson.”

The warm, secretive expression returned to the stranger’s eyes. “Not at all”, he insisted. “From the things I’ve heard, your skillset is quite advanced as well as the knowledge you share with your students.” He stopped as they had reached the doors for the changing rooms. His dark eyes fixated Shownu with a curious, almost excited expression. “You’re supposed to be the best of the best.”

_The best of the best?_ , Shownu smiled about the absurdity of this wealthy-looking man, who couldn’t be much younger than him, but then … he was fascinated by him as well. _His appearance and the way he talks … What a strange person. But who am I to judge him in any way?_

“Well, okay then”, Shownu answered, giving him a challenging smile. “Let’s see if I can live up to your expectations.”

Before the stranger entered the changing room, he hesitated for a moment, placing one hand on the wooden doorframe. “Excuse my curiosity, but the person leaving earlier … He seemed quite angry at himself.”

Shownu looked at him in confusion, perplexed about the random comment. He thought about Wonho’s intimidating expression and his usual ignorance towards others that could easily give off the impression of him having a cold and rude personality. “He’s an old friend of mine.” A hint of amusement took a hold of his lips. “I don’t know if he would agree on the term ‘friends’ though. You shouldn’t take his attitude too personally; he doesn’t like people very much.” With a chuckle, he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“He looks very dedicated”, the man answered, he was smiling again, and his gaze got lost somewhere in the air for a second as if he was recalling a certain memory.

Shownu nodded. “He is. He trains here every day.”

The stranger’s eyes met his again with strong determination. “Looks like I’ve made the right choice then.”

Shownu frowned at him in surprise. “Excuse me?”

After turning his back on Shownu, the man entered the changing room, raising a hand as a gesture of gratitude. “I’m looking forward to the lesson, Mr. Son.”

Before Shownu could respond, he had already vanished, and the door closed behind him with a dull sound. Still frowning, Shownu walked over to the training room that he had prepared for tonight’s lesson and started unpacking the equipment for their Kumdo session.

_Who is this man that has heard so much about me already? And how does he know Wonho … or was it simply a coincidence that he mentioned him?_

He put on his own uniform as well as the protective pads and took two practice swords out of the rack by the wall. Then, he readied the mats and sighed, his mind still swarming with doubts.

_Perhaps I’m questioning him too much. He’s a wealthy man – at least that’s what his clothes and language suggest … His slim statue makes him look almost weak, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be interested in Kumdo … or even be good at it._

While bending over the mats to place them in the right order, Shownu smiled at his suspicions. Even 4 years after his father’s death and 4 years without traveling, he still couldn’t cast off his attentiveness when it came to strangers. Something about what his Dad had taught him as a child when he had started to learn about using his energy for traveling, was stuck in his head, and Shownu doubted that those words would ever leave him: _“You have to be careful out there, Hyunwoo. There are people in this world that might seem friendly, but that doesn’t mean their intentions are, too.”_

Still, this strange man that appeared so different from Shownu himself, even though both seemed to be about the same age, had something about him that resembled warmth, _trust_ even. Shownu knew that sometimes, it was dangerous to listen only to your gut feeling, but this … he seemed so oddly sure about this that it made him wonder even more.

The door across the room opened and while Shownu’s tangled thoughts left the training hall, the odd man entered. His figure tall and slender, he walked across the room with silent steps – just like before. Shownu briefly explained to him what he had planned for the lesson and eventually handed him his helmet and practice sword. As they positioned themselves on each side of the mats, they also agreed to address each other with their first names, to erase the formal distance lingering between them.

“So, you’ve done this before?”, Shownu asked, raising his sword and bringing himself in position to start, his body tensing underneath the rough fabric of his uniform.

Hyungwon smiled through the wire grill of his helmet. “I’ve tried.”

“Then show me what you got.”

Their eyes met for a second, then Hyungwon rushed forward to attack Shownu with his sword. It was an obvious move, a beginner’s mistake. Shownu reacted immediately, stepped swiftly to the side and brought his own sword down to defend himself. In a matter of seconds, Hyungwon’s body dropped to the ground with Shownu’s blade directed towards his face.

Hyungwon’s dark eyes looked up at him in amazement. They seemed to sparkle in the dim light of the training room, and Shownu felt touched by the pure admiration in his opponent’s gaze. He struck out his hand to offer Hyungwon help and unspoken appreciation, and when he pulled himself up from the ground, Shownu realized how young – how innocent – that man across from him actually looked – his thick, dark brown hair was now loosely falling into his face underneath the helmet and without the expensive suit he seemed … _ordinary._

“I’m sorry but … have we met before?”, Shownu blurted out as Hyungwon came to a stand next to him again.

He laughed, showing white teeth behind the silver wire grill of his helmet. “You really are good”, he said, ignoring Shownu’s question. “I would love to take more lessons from you if you have the time.”

Shownu observed Hyungwon for a second. There was something about his changed appearance – like a lifted veil, like a sudden revelation of his innocence – that evoked an attachment to him in Shownu’s chest, one of those _real connections_ , those that he had been craving for some time. Perhaps it was the fact that he reminded him of Wonho and the depth in his gaze; perhaps he simply felt the need to protect this _(fragile boy)_ person in front of him. His answer, however, was clear: “I’ll be your trainer then. But for now, you need to try a little harder if you want to stay on your feet for longer than a few seconds.”

They shared a challenging smile and continued practicing for the night. About an hour later, both of them were panting under their helmets, sweat dripping from their faces. To Shownu’s amusement, Hyungwon wasn’t good at Kumdo at all, but the fact that he got up every time that he dropped to the ground – which was a lot – made Shownu feel almost proud.

“It’s pretty late already”, he said, taking off his helmet and placing it under his arm. “We better call it a day.”

Hyungwon, who was trying to catch his breath, wiped the sweat off of his forehead and nodded briefly in agreement.

_He will feel that tomorrow morning,_ Shownu thought while following him into the locker room.

They changed their clothes and refreshed themselves, and Shownu handed Hyungwon a cool water bottle that he accepted with another one of his warm smiles.

“I gotta ask”, Shownu said, leaning against the lockers and watching Hyungwon dry his hair with a towel. “How have you heard about me in the first place?”

Hyungwon combed his hair with his hands and shrugged, averting his eyes. “Recommendations here and there. And they weren’t wrong.”

_He’s avoiding the question again,_ Shownu thought. _But why?_

“You must be really interested in Kumdo, then. What do you do apart from that?”, he asked, well aware that that question might sound intruding to Hyungwon, but Shownu felt a need to find out more about this stranger who, at the same time, seemed so very familiar to him.

Hyungwon closed the bag that he had brought along and adjusted his suit and hair again. “We’ll have enough time to get to know each other now, I think. Besides, I don’t want to bore you with my infinite life story.” He was twisting the corner of his mouth slightly upwards – _So many secrets and all of them hiding in his smile._

Shownu accompanied him on his way to the entrance room without asking him any further questions, since Hyungwon didn’t seem ready to answer them yet. They agreed on another lesson for the next day and said their goodbyes to each other.

Before stepping towards the door, Hyungwon stopped again but didn’t turn around. “Oh, and something else.” The black umbrella was now resting in his right hand again while the other one came to a rest on the door. “Your serious friend from before … he has a brain tumor.”

For a second, Shownu just stared at Hyungwon’s back, trying to make meaning of the words he had just heard.

_Wonho …?_

Instinctively, he felt himself rushing after his new student, crossing the room with a heavy heart as he couldn’t understand what all of this – the talking in riddles, the secrets – was supposed to mean. He grabbed Hyungwon’s arm before he could walk through the door; his fingers tightening around the thick fabric of his suit jacket. “What did you just say?”, he demanded in a hollow voice.

But Hyungwon only smiled at him again – so warm, so friendly, so _trustworthy_. The calm expression on his face was already answering Shownu’s question: _You know what I said. You heard it, loud and clear. And it’s the truth. You might not understand yet, but it’s the truth and you know it._

“I really need to get going now”, Hyungwon insisted, his voice so soothing that Shownu couldn’t help but let go of his arm. “It’s going to rain soon, too. Don’t worry, your friend will be fine. If we’re 7, your friend will be fine.” Another smile confirmed the honesty of his confusing words.

Then, he stepped out of the door, leaving Shownu in the empty entrance hall as his thoughts and all those questions came crashing down all at once. The door clicked shut and the silence of the room around him was booming in his ears. He immediately tried calling Wonho, but his phone seemed to be switched off like most of the time. So, there was nothing he could do except follow his usual routine – clean up, lock up, check the changing rooms … so he did. And as he entered the locker room, Shownu wasn’t even surprised to find something on one of the benches waiting for him. It was a shiny object, a watch with broken pointers that had stopped at 9:31. The current date, however, was correct: 07.11.17.

He took the watch in his hands, turning it around with his fingers and examining the back which showed an elegant engraving on the silver surface: _My time stops, I can’t move._

For a moment, Shownu wondered whether it belonged to Hyungwon, even though he already knew.

_Wonho is sick? But how can he know? He is a traveler, then, he has to be …_

Locking one door after another, Shownu couldn’t stop thinking about the new connection that he had established today … with a man who had told him his little brother was genuinely sick. Shownu had seen Wonho’s condition and the pain he had been trying to hide and downplay, but he would’ve never expected that it was already too late … or did he, and just couldn’t admit to himself that he could’ve stopped Wonho if he had only tried a little harder, if he had only been a little more persistent? …

When he stepped outside of the gym, the cold November air felt heavy on his cheeks. He brought his gaze up to the sky, but today, the stars stayed hidden; today there were only clouds. Still, no sign of rain as Hyungwon had implied.

Shaking his head about the absurdity of this whole day, Shownu couldn’t help but smile bitterly to himself. Perhaps it was a form of comfort, so that he wouldn’t curse or blame himself for letting Wonho down. Perhaps he was actually believing the words of a stranger with a warm smile: _“Don’t worry, your friend will be fine.”_

Too many questions were busying his mind as he entered his apartment right above the gym. And it was insane to believe in a couple of words, but it was a feeling that Shownu couldn’t shake. Not as he was walking up the stairs to his apartment; not as he was lying in bed that night, staring at the blank wall above.

_What a strange person. He reminds me of someone. I just can’t remember who it is._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3

**Chapter 6**

**(Changkyun), ???**

_I’m going crazy …_

The alley was empty when Changkyun entered it. He had been watching the surrounding area for some time to make sure he wouldn’t be attacked by one of those possessive gangs or some weirdo carrying a gun. Then again, how were you supposed to stay sane in a place without time, a place that didn’t even exist, not fully at least?

Changkyun had managed to survive but it hadn’t been easy, it never was. He had seen people kill each other over cans of expired food, and he was certainly not interested in living with a group and give up his freedom just to receive ‘protection’.

_I can look out for myself without joining some crazy cult,_ he thought, rummaging through some old dumpsters, looking for supplies and possibly fresh food. _Besides, I can keep all the good stuff for myself._

“Bingo”, he mumbled, reaching for a package of crackers that was still sealed and brand-new.

Due to the unstable environment that he was living in, the _lost dimension_ as the people at his old job used to call it, glitches were pretty common around here. Meaning that any time at any given place, short sequences from the real world could enter the lost dimension. Mostly, it was a one-way ticket for sudden appearances of sounds or voices – which was probably one of the reasons a lot of people just lost their minds in here – or, and that was to Changykun’s advantage, food and other supplies that were necessary to survive.

Today, however, his run wasn’t very successful. Most of the containers that had glitched over from the real world were empty or full of garbage – probably the scraps of a restaurant or bar. Changkyun preferred the leftovers from supermarkets or other stores that were selling groceries, but those main glitches generally happened in areas that were full of others who were keeping their eyes out for supplies as well. He only took the risk and went there when he had no other choice.

Yes, maybe it would’ve been easier to team up with someone or be a part of a group, but after years – even though he didn’t really know how much time had actually passed outside of the lost dimension – of being on his own, and after all that had happened in the past, Changkyun was convinced that all he needed to do to survive was to stay alone. _Because it’s better that way, it just is._

He pulled the hood of his cloak a little further into his face and stayed close to the shadows of the walls on his right. With silent steps he was headed towards the main road again; at the corner, he paused and looked up at the grey sky.

_Was the weather ever any different in here?,_ he wondered for a brief moment, but couldn’t really remember.

When his gaze came down to the ground again, his body tensed at the sight of a human hand right across the pavement behind one of the shabby-looking containers. When he realized that it wasn’t moving, relief flooded his chest. Still, the fact that he didn’t pay enough attention to his surroundings to even notice the corpse did frustrate him for a second.

_If that person wasn’t already dead, they could’ve slit my throat or knocked me unconscious._ Changkyun twisted his mouth in annoyance. _And_ _they probably would’ve stolen my crackers, too._

A second passed and the human hand behind the container changed its color. It flickered in blue light, suddenly turning transparent and vanished with a short, high pitched sound.

Changkyun rolled his eyes. _Of course, it vanished before I could check it out._ He clicked his tongue and sighed quietly. “Fucking glitches”, he mumbled and brought his attention back to the road in front of him. There was noise coming from a distance, voices talking to each other.

Changkyun pressed his back against the wall behind him and carefully peeked around the corner to see with how many people he was dealing here: 5 (probably) armed men in dark suits.

He rested the back of his head against the firm stone, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. _Those hounds really start to get on my nerves. This isn’t even the main area … What the hell are they doing here? And why are there so many of them?_

During his previous supply runs, Changkyun had noticed more and more hounds showing up and patrolling the streets. It wasn’t new to him that they lingered around, always on the lookout to ‘arrest’ people that had ended up in the lost dimension because of complications or misguided travels … _(Haven’t we all been there?)_ But they seemed to be looking for something or someone else this time since lately, they traveled in groups of at least 5 or 4.

Changkyun wasn’t exactly scared of them – the government’s secret department for time travel had caused him enough reason to despise this corrupt organization for the rest of his life –, but he wasn’t particularly interested in getting caught by their patrol … again. Their definitions of ‘arresting’ and ‘questioning’ included mainly torture and execution and even though Changkyun had managed to abandon his emotions most of the time, he was still dreaming about that cold cell and the amount and intensity of pain that they had inflicted on his body. He also sometimes dreamed about the face that was responsible for his current life – or at least he liked to shift that blame to the blurry, smiling man that had recruited him back then, promising him more money than his three shitty jobs combined … _“It’s only a couple of tests. They’re mostly harmless.”_

Changkyun opened his eyes, recalling the cold touch of the agent’s hand as he had signed the contract and handed back the black pen. _Mostly harmless. And there’s nothing that poor, already desperate people won’t do for money, right?_ A bitter smile formed on his lips and he swallowed the memories that by now, had left nothing but a faint trace of anger in his heart. He couldn’t feel anything anymore. Perhaps it was the surreal dimension that he was trapped in and that had robbed him of all hope and normality; perhaps it was the pain that had burned it all down, so that nothing would ever be meaningful enough to reach him. However, to Changkyun it didn’t matter. He knew that he was stuck and all that he could do was survive. That was all his mind was focused on and it had gotten him this far already. Besides, if he would genuinely try and question his current life, look for a real reason to keep going, he would probably find nothing left in the abyss in his chest. Therefore, the only way to survive was to follow his instincts, to turn off his emotions and push them into the farthest corner of his mind. _I’ve always been on my own, my whole life. It’s easier this way, less deluding._

Changkyun risked another glance around the corner of the alley. To his relief, the hounds were now walking away from him, moving on to another area to continue their search for whatever they were looking for. He adjusted the bag that was resting on his right shoulder, ready to leave the area quickly and return to his hiding spot. As soon as he moved his feet to step out onto the street, a booming noise came echoing through the air, accompanied by a bright, almost blinding flash of light that seemed to soak into the asphalt and surrounding side-streets and alleys. But as quickly as that strange explosion had appeared, it vanished again, cloaking the area in a few seconds of eerie silence.

His breath felt heavy in his chest as Changkyun was frozen in his movement, pressing his back against the wall behind him again; it was the only sound that he could focus on for a moment. As he was slowly turning his head towards the origin of the noise, he noticed someone who hadn’t been there a few seconds before. There, in the middle of the street, only a couple of feet apart from Changkyun … a person who didn’t look like he belonged to this place at all. His clothes were clean and modern; there was a backpack on his shoulder and a confused and terrified look on his face. As he realized his surroundings, his head kept turning left and right like he was looking for something familiar in all the dirt and chaos.

_He doesn’t look like a stranded traveler,_ Changkyun thought, watching the dark-haired stranger from across the street. _And he doesn’t seem to care for his life much, either._

“Hey, you! Don’t move!” The hounds’ voices came echoing from further down the street, followed by a bunch of heavy footsteps on the cracked asphalt.

The stranger froze on the spot and stared at the group of men that was now approaching him quickly. Changkyun noticed the weapons on their belts and saw them talking into their earpieces. The person in the middle of the street, however, didn’t move. He looked scared and defenseless, lost.

Changkyun, who was watching the scene from his spot in the alley, felt impatience and frustration reaching for his nerves. “Move, you idiot”, he mumbled through clenched teeth.

_Why isn’t he running by now? What kind of traveler gets scared that easily and doesn’t even have proper equipment with him? Unless he’s just a glitch … but glitches can’t bring people here …_

For a moment, he was contemplating his options. He could leave and hope the hounds were distracted by the newcomer so that he could get away unseen or … He could actually help the stranger and overpower him after to take his belongings. Changkyun’s supply run hadn’t been very successful until now and the silver object gleaming in the stranger’s hand seemed valuable; maybe he could trade it to some dealer for medical supplies …? _Judging from his appearance he looks pretty weak and inexperienced in fighting. It wouldn’t be hard to knock him out and take his stuff …_

With a sigh, Changykun reached into his bag and grabbed one of the smoke bombs that he had built a couple of nights ago and threw it in the direction that the hounds were approaching from. Immediately, a wall of smoke started to rise up into the air, covering everything in a thick, foggy veil.

“What the hell!” The hounds’ footsteps had come to a hold, only their voices booming through the clouded area, followed by coughs and yelling. “Don’t move or we will shoot!”

_Good luck shooting your own men then,_ Changkyun thought rather unimpressed, pulled his mask over his face and started to run out onto the street where the stranger was still staring at the sudden change of scene with a horrified expression on his face. The smoke had just reached him, turning him into a blurry shadow among white clouds. He started to cough as well, bending over his knees as Changkyun finally reached him and firmly grabbed his arm. Without hesitation, Changkyun pulled a scarf out of his pocket, wrapping it around the stranger’s head to protect his nose and mouth from the smoke.

“Cover your eyes with your hands as much as possible”, he demanded while still looking around to see if any hounds had already made it through, but there was only fog and distant yelling breaking through the wall of smoke that came creeping closer and closer now.

“What are you –?”

Changkyun shot the stranger an intimidating look, tightening the grip around his forearm. “ _Quiet_. If you want to live, come with me.”

Without waiting for another response, Changkyun started running in the opposite direction, pulling the stranger by the arm along with him. They were fleeing from the smoke and the hounds now, running through side streets and filthy alleys and taking as many turns as possible to make sure that the hounds weren’t able to follow them to Changkyun’s current hiding spot. Not that there was anything that came even close to the definition of ‘home’ – since staying in one place for too long could be dangerous and eventually get you too attached to it –, but it was his current hideout and it had been for more than 30 days now.

When they arrived there – a small den with a leaking roof that had once been a shed or something of the sort –, they had to sneak through some trees and bushes while twigs kept scratching on their clothes. Then again, it was quite useful to have a place hidden like this; most gangs or bandits didn’t bother to look closely enough to actually find the entrance.

Changkyun only let go of the stranger’s arm when they came to a hold in front of the rotten wood door that was covered in moss and ivy. He opened his bag, took out his water bottle to quickly wash his face. After that, he gave it to the man who was completely out of breath. “Here, that’ll help.”

He took the bottle from Changkyun, his chest lifting and lowering in a rhythmic movement, and stared at his rescuer with wet cheeks, tears streaming down from his irritated and slightly reddened eyes. After carefully washing his face, his breathing seemed to slowly return back to a normal pace. When he handed back the bottle, his expression seemed still terrified, but his eyes fixated on Changkyun. “What just happened?”, he blurted out. “Where the hell am I? And who are you?”

Changkyun started to regret the decision to save this person. He was not at all interested to answer his questions, eyeing him rather unimpressed. “I think hell covers it.” He struck out a hand to reach for the stranger’s belongings. “Give me your bag.”

The man’s eyes widened in shock and he took a step back to bring some distance between them. “You need to tell me what’s going on first”, he insisted. “One second I’m at the bus stop and then I’m here …”

“You’re not in the position to make any demands here”, Changkyun scowled. His patience started to slip; he simply felt annoyed by the unwanted company of someone who wouldn’t even last a day in here on his own. Ignoring his refusal, Changkyun stepped forward and simply ripped the bag from the stranger’s arms. “I only saved your ass because you looked like someone who carries some useful stuff around. And with useful stuff, I mean stuff that’s useful _for me._ ”

He kept rummaging through the backpack, but to his disappointment and further annoyance, it contained only a couple of books and some useless pieces of clothing. For a moment, he couldn’t believe that he had risked his own life for nothing … an apron and a black flat cap … _Seriously? He can’t be a traveler. He’s just some random guy who probably won’t live very long either since those hounds were looking for him …_

Changkyun grabbed the hat with two fingers, eyeing it with a look of disgust. “Please don’t tell me that’s what people are wearing in the normal dimension these days.”

The stranger stared at him in shock; a few loose strands of hair were covering his forehead now – he seemed lost through and through. “Normal dimension …?” His voice sounded scared.

Changkyun put the hat down and shot the person in front of him an incredulous look. Was he playing games? Was he some secret agent that was sent to spy on Changkyun? Or was he simply that clueless? … “Yes, _dimensions_. That’s how you got here after all, isn’t it? Because of time traveling.” He didn’t recall much about traveling since he had only been recruited as some kind of test object for DRAMA, but he knew that people who were traveling ‘illegally’, as DRAMA liked to refer to it, had usually received some kind of training which made it possible to use their energy as a source to change timelines.

“Hate to break it to you, but you’re stuck here now. I hope you didn’t leave the stove on. Not that it would matter if your house burned down anyways.” Changkyun threw the backpack back to the stranger who still seemed to process everything that was happening around him.

Changkyun opened the door to his hideout and started to unpack the things that he had found on his – unfortunately interrupted – supply run. With a frown he inspected the amount of food left in the chest under his bed. It would only last for a couple more days. He knew what it meant: to go back out there, to go to the main areas and risk meeting those hounds again or other scum that was patrolling the streets … He slammed the lid shut, bringing a hand up to his head. _Those damn hounds … And what am I supposed to do with that naïve idiot out there?_

The door behind him opened with a creak and only two footsteps left their sound on the wooden floors. When Changkyun turned around, he saw the black-haired man standing in the doorframe, the expression on his face tense and full of distress. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about … I have to be dreaming or I actually got hit by that car and I’m dead now.” His gaze drifted off somewhere in the air between them.

Changkyun shrugged. “See? Hell. Told you.”

The face of his clingy companion didn’t change; his lips a thin line and his jaw tensed. “That’s not funny.”

“Yeah, you’re right. You won’t make it a day in here anyways.” Changkyun pushed the chest back under his bed, lifting himself up from the floor. “Also, if you don’t want me to end your suffering right now, you better leave. You’re starting to get on my nerves.”

The man’s head dropped while all tension suddenly vanished from his face. He squinted his eyes, trying to breathe steadily as if he was drowned by an overwhelming panic. “I was just at the bus stop”, he mumbled repeatedly. “I lost that picture … and this stupid watch is broken anyway.”

That, however, was something that caught Changkyun’s attention. The image of the shiny object from before flashed through his mind, but could it be …?

“What watch?”, he asked demandingly.

The stranger hesitated for a second, but then reached for a silver watch in the pocket of his jacket, carefully offering it to Changkyun, who took it out of his hands immediately. The pointers weren’t working anymore, and it was stuck on a certain date and time: 9:31, 07.11.17.

_2017?_ Changkyun kept staring at the small numbers in between his fingers. _That means I’ve been stuck here for about 2 years, almost 3? …_

“I noticed there’s something engraved on the back”, the stranger in front of him said, pulling Changkyun out of his dismay. And he was right, the smooth silver surface on the back of the watch revealed an elegant engraving: _Daydream, I’m dreaming._

Changkyun kept turning the watch between his fingers, examining it closely until he was completely sure … _It’s the same one. But how is that even possible? He’s so … different from them._

“You can have it”, the stranger said. “It’s not mine anyway. I think it belongs to this man –”

Changkyun’s gaze snapped back up at the person in front of him. Their eyes met for a second – there was nothing of all that emptiness or cruelty in them … he just seems so out of place and so _naïve_ – and he wondered whether he had misread that whole situation earlier. _But if he is one of them, why would the hounds go after one of their own?_

The innocent, terrified look in the stranger’s eyes kept tugging at Changkyun’s patience. Again, frustration was rising in his chest and then, suddenly imploded. He felt his body rushing forward, seizing his opponent by his jacket and pushing him against the brittle wall behind them. With his other hand he pulled his dagger from the belt under his cloak and brought it to the guy’s throat. “I’m asking you this just once and you better tell me the truth”, he pressed through gritted teeth as anger kept roaring in his chest; their faces only inches away from each other. “Who are you?”

Those same shocked eyes were staring back at him now – dark and frightened, _just like_ … “W-What are you doing?!”

Changkyun tightened his grip, pushing the knife closer to his throat. “Don’t test me. I know these kinds of watches. I know who hands them out. So, _who are you?_ ”

The person with the frightened dark eyes just shook his head. “I-I told you, it’s not m-mine. I found it at the place I’m working at. This man left it. He, uh, was tall, dark hair, wearing a suit …” His voice was trembling severely, but he kept holding Changkyun’s gaze. “An umbrella!”

They stared at each other for two more seconds, then Changkyun finally released his grip and brought distance between them again. Still, nothing of this made sense to him.

The dark-haired stranger adjusted his jacket, the expression on his face almost … _sad?_ “You’re mistaking me for somebody … I’m no one”, he added quietly.

_If he’s lying about all of this,_ Changkyun thought while observing him doubtfully, _he’s a damn good liar._

What if the dark brown eyes actually offered a chance for him? But what if they were just another burden to carry? …

After a moment of deliberation, Changkyun reached into the small pocket of his jacket, that he was wearing under his black cloak. The cold metal of the object came in contact with his fingertips – he hadn’t looked at it for a while and still … he couldn’t lose it either. Another second of doubt passed until he actually pulled it out of his pocket, showing it to the stranger in front of him.

“Is that …?”, but he didn’t finish his sentence; the answer stood between them already as the two identical watches were now right next to each other. Both broken, both the exact same model, except for …

“What about the engraving?” His dark, curious gaze felt heavy on Changkyun’s cheeks as he turned his watch around, revealing the only difference of the two metal objects. The engraving on Changkyun’s watch was another, seemingly arbitrary sentence: _I’m telling myself it’s time to stop._

When he raised his head, the brown eyes were observing him again, full of questions and confusion. “What does that mean?”

_That’s what I would like to know,_ Changkyun thought bitterly. He shot the stranger another indifferent look. “I got this a long time ago, from a tall man in a suit. He’s the reason I’m trapped in this shithole.”

Again, the dark-haired person seemed shocked and puzzled. “You don’t think it’s the same man who sent me here?”

Changkyun felt himself losing interest in the conversation again. _He won’t be much of a help after all, I guess._ He turned around and continued packing his bag to get ready for another supply run. There was no time to deal with an annoying newcomer.

“Hey”, the voice behind him approached further. “What are we supposed to do now?”

Changkyun stopped in his movement and scowled at him over his shoulder. “ _We?_ ”

To his surprise, the stranger didn’t seem that frightened of him anymore, which was somehow annoying. He simply frowned at Changkyun as if he had misunderstood something that was already clear. “Well, you saved me.”

_Yep, I definitely made the wrong choice there._ Changkyun sighed and got up from the floor; he shouldered his bag and examined his unwanted companion from head to toe. _It’s no use to steal from him or hurt him in any way._

“I don’t know about you, _no one_ ”, he said, twisting his lips into a frosty smile. “But before you interfered with my day, I was on a supply run.” Without waiting for an answer, he grabbed his favorite dagger from the bed and started walking towards the door.

A few seconds later, when Changkyun had already stepped outside of the shed, the sound of hesitant footsteps appeared on the wooden floor behind him once more, as if asking for permission to follow. “I’m with you”, the stranger said. “And I’m Minhyuk by the way.”

Changkyun rolled his eyes to himself, twisting the black dagger between his hands. _Perhaps he’ll get lost on our way or the hounds will take care of him after all._ But there was something else that almost bothered him; a tight feeling in his chest like a balloon ready to burst. It wasn’t anger and it certainly wasn’t his usual void. Something about that person that was now – still keeping a careful distance – standing right behind him, maybe? _Minhyuk …?_

He didn’t know why he answered him in the first place, but the words left his lips before he could really stop himself. “I’m Changkyun”, he said without turning around, staring at the scratched surface of the blade in front of him. “But don’t think I’ll risk my life for you again. You’ve proven yourself useless enough already.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**(Hyungwon), Thur. 15.01.15, Loop**

_How long have I waited for this moment?_

“Happy 21st birthday, Sweetheart!”

Hyungwon smiled emptily at the flickering flames on top of his birthday cake while his mother beamed at him happily. “Come on now, blow the candles and make a wish!”

The two numbers in front of him seemed to laugh right at his face: _21? Congratulations, you didn’t age in about two years, did you? What is time anyway? There’s no use for that in here. Happy Birthday and welcome to another day of being trapped in this loop, may it be a great one!_

His father next to him was wearing a dark suit. The daily newspaper was covering his face and he didn’t seem to pay much interest to what was happening in front of him. Hyungwon’s mother, however, couldn’t be more excited about his. She was pouring everyone a glass of champagne and cut the cake after Hyungwon had blown out the candles. He was wearing a suit as well but the whole scenery at the table seemed strangely constructed to him – unlike all the colorful birthdays he had as a child, when his father had actually paid attention to him and all 3 of them were laughing together. Now, all they did was ignore each other and work, work, work. Well, just that today was supposed to be different; today was supposed to be special to Hyungwon and his future career.

_“It might be your only chance to rise in this organization”,_ his father had said to him a long time ago. _“You need to show the best side of yourself.”_

But as he was sitting on the same table (as every single morning lately) and buried his fork into his birthday cake – _Even the cake tastes like a prop. Like something that had lost its reality a long time ago_ –, he couldn’t help but notice the irony in his father’s words. There were days when he had confronted him, ripped the newspaper out of his hands; days where he tried to run away from it all and never return but eventually … he would end up at the same, dull table again with his mother handing him a half-filled glass of champagne.

“To our talented boy who will be a leader someday!”, she raised her glass and smiled at Hyungwon – it wasn’t honest, it wasn’t full of affection or love like it had been in his childhood; it was just … empty.

About half an hour later, he was sitting in the car with his father – as always –, watching the trees and landscapes turn into a blur outside of the window. On their way to work, they never talked much, but then, they never talked much in general, not anymore. Since his father had joined the organization, he hadn’t been the same carefree, loving, bright person that he used to be when Hyungwon was a child. Now, the only thing that Hyungwon could associate with his father was work and dark suits … and that cold, stony expression in his black eyes like he was falling right into a never-ending void. Still, Hyungwon knew that somewhere, in a far distant corner of his heart, his father just wanted the best for his son, even if his intentions might’ve been twisted.

“You know it’s a big day today”, his father said without taking his eyes off the road. His voice was deep and strict – as always.

Hyungwon smiled but he could barely feel his lips moving – he, too, felt like an empty shell, trapped inside a tape that was doomed to rewind. _Will I forever be the disappointing son?_

“I know. I’m grateful for the opportunity”, he answered as if he was reciting a couple of lines from a given script. Well, in a way, all of this was nothing more than a script, wasn’t it?

_It’s what he wants to hear. On our last car ride together, if everything works out the way that I planned it. I can pretend a little longer. It doesn’t matter now._

His father nodded briefly. “You should be. You’ve worked hard for this.”

And for a second, Hyungwon believed that maybe this time, his Dad would stop there; maybe this time, he would just tell him he’s proud of his son. But this was Hyungwon’s prison after all, an infinite reality that reminded him of all the affection that his family had been lacking for more than half of his life.

“And you’ve recruited a lot of people in the past 3 years”, his father continued. “You earned that promotion.”

Hyungwon’s hollow smile remained on his face for a few more seconds; then, he turned to the window and let it go. The outside world was melting into one endless brushstroke as he, now and then, caught a glimpse of his own reflection in the glass – pale, colorless, _grey_.

At the age of 18, he had joined DRAMA. Of course, he didn’t know what kind of organization it was back then, he had just wanted to please his father and earn his respect. 3 years later, DRAMA possessed a dangerous amount of power and future technologies and his father’s smile hadn’t changed a bit. However, Hyungwon himself had changed. While blindly following orders and dedicating his whole identity to an organization that had taken the life out of his parents’ eyes, Hyungwon had felt himself starting to fade away, too. Was it because he promised others the chance of a good life when all he actually did was luring them into a scheme of exploitation? Was it because he had never questioned what kind of tests needed such a high amount of ‘volunteers’? Or was it because deep down, in a very dark, very dusty corner of his mind, he knew about all of it and just decided to look away?

_All those poor souls that signed that contract with hope in their eyes, hope for a better future. Most of them are stuck in the lost dimension now. Who misses them? They meant nothing to me because I was drained of all compassion; I was trained to be an empty shell and I submitted to their whole cause so willingly … But are you proud of me now, Dad? Are you proud of your son with a heart of stone? The worst part is that I still look up to him so much. I know what I have to do soon, but the thought of disappointing him, even if what I’m doing is the only right choice, pains me in a way that I just can’t shake._

Resting his head against the cool window glass, Hyungwon couldn’t help but regret. It was the only feeling strong enough to hunt him down in this endless prison of his. Even when he had tried to get away from his parents, from this company, from this routine … there was no way he could ever fully escape that time loop, not until now.

They arrived at the parking lot after some time. His father’s movements were like that of a robot when he got out of the car, grabbed his bag and adjusted his suit. As always, they didn’t talk while walking towards the giant, grey company building that looked like a perfectly square rock. No one would’ve expected it to be a disguise for something much bigger right beneath the ground. But that was DRAMA’s plan, wasn’t it? Disguise their true agendas; stay hidden just underneath the surface, always watching.

They entered through a couple of glass doors, taking an elevator to the basement. Just that it wasn’t a normal basement. It was the actual base of the organization that Hyungwon and his father were working for. An organization that required total loyalty and a strict dress code, which is why Hyungwon and his father both took a small brooch out of their bags, pinning it to the collar of their suit. It read: _Agent of_ _DRAMA_ and in smaller font right beneath it: _Dimensional Rebuilding And Monitoring Agency._

The brooch felt like a heavy bug resting on Hyungwon’s chest; something that disgusted him deeply and that he couldn’t wait to finally leave behind once and for all.

The elevator gave off a short, bright sound to indicate that they had reached the final level – a place full of obedience and strictness. Everyone was wearing the same black clothes and the same empty expression in their eyes, swarming the corridors and meeting rooms like faceless ants. The cubicles that Hyungwon and his father passed were all identically built and structured just like the people working in them. They didn’t tell you this during the job interview, but if you wanted to join DRAMA, you had to give up everything in order to serve them.

_“It’s easy, Mr. Chae”,_ was what they had said to Hyungwon when he had first joined the organization. _“In order to build a safe environment for time traveling, we need to monitor all activities that indicate people visiting other dimensions or timelines. We need supervised test objects for that, but we can’t allow civilians to travel without being monitored. Those illegal activities need to be tracked and prohibited, for the sake of mankind’s safety. You understand?”_

_Join a governmental organization and help them to restrict your own freedom by agreeing to be brainwashed and manipulated,_ Hyungwon thought bitterly as he was walking alongside his father, greeting and thanking his nameless colleagues that congratulated him for his birthday and upcoming promotion. _Not anymore._

They passed the office area, practice rooms, shooting ranges and evidence chambers to enter a long, bare hallway with a couple of blank doors. The wan lighting embraced Hyungwon with a familiar feeling of nausea; a feeling of _something is about to happen soon._

It was the area of the building that was mostly empty. Nobody came here voluntarily; you either returned from his hallway or you didn’t. Business matters were discussed down here by the important representatives of DRAMA – the topics of those kinds of meetings varied from promotions to eliminations. Either way, Hyungwon _knew_. For some reason, this time, his heart was beating at a normal pace in his chest as his black leather shoes walked down the corridor to one particular white door.

A couple of black-suited men left the room he was about to enter and greeted him and his father formally.

“They’re waiting for you inside”, one of them said to Hyungwon. “But your father isn’t allowed in there.”

“I’ll wait for you, then”, he answered, placing a stiff hand on Hyungwon’s shoulder for two seconds. “Remember …”

But Hyungwon didn’t let him finish. All he could do was stare at his father and wonder if his former self was still buried somewhere. “It’s my only chance”, Hyungwon replied, his voice almost a whisper. For a moment, he couldn’t bring himself to turn his eyes away from his father.

_He really thinks I’m getting that promotion. Did he know the truth about that one mission that changed everything? Did he know and just pretended this whole time, because he couldn’t bear his son being a traitor?_

“I love you, Dad.” The words seemed to echo through the empty hallway, bouncing off the blankness around them and – finally – causing a reaction on his father’s face.

He pulled away from his son as if something had suddenly burned his hand; embarrassment flickered across his face (anger even?) and then, his expression returned to the usual stony mask. “Don’t be ridiculous now. Get your promotion.” With a brief nod, he turned away from Hyungwon and sat down on one of the empty benches in front of the different doors.

A stinging pain seemed to break Hyungwon’s heart into pieces, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. _Why am I even expecting him to say something else?_

“Come on now. Time is money and you certainly don’t want to keep your supervisors waiting”, urged the agent that was still waiting at the door.

Hyungwon gave him a hollow smile. “Of course not.”

The agent turned around and entered the meeting room, Hyungwon followed him silently. He didn’t look back to his father. _It is no use anyway, there are other things to focus on now._ A part of him was convinced that he was about to walk right into his death. But then, what choice did he have?

_If there’s any possibility, as small as it may be, to get out of this loop, I’ll take it. If there’s any possibility, as small as it may be, to stop DRAMA from ruining innocent lives, I’ll take it. If there’s any possibility, as small as it may be, to finally free myself from my father’s judgment, I’ll take it._

And for a moment, Hyungwon let himself wonder: What if? He could even feel the tiniest spark of excitement lighting up in his chest … just like the day before his 8th birthday when his Dad had accidentally revealed his present the night before (a brand-new bike) and that he would teach Hyungwon how to ride it …

His gaze traveled down to his wrist as he pulled back the sleeve of his suit to reveal a shiny, silver watch. The pointers had stopped at 9:31 – the time that he and his father had entered the company building. With a sigh Hyungwon lowered his arms again, adjusting his posture and following the agent through a small room to another door, on which a display informed them: _Meeting ongoing. Do not interrupt._

Perhaps Hyungwon was getting nervous; perhaps he just finally wanted to execute his plan, but his mind had started racing more and more with every silent step that he took towards his possible freedom … whichever way it would lead him.

_There are two options for me today,_ he thought while the storm of calculations kept raging on in his head. _1) I’ll finally manage to break out of this goddamn loop, or 2) I’ll die, as every day, and all of this work would’ve been for nothing._

“You have to go in alone”, the agent said as they had reached the second door. He stepped aside while not once looking at Hyungwon directly.

Hyungwon nodded, placing his palm in front of the control panel next to the door frame. A brief sound of confirmation changed the color of the small lamp from red to green. Then, the door in front of him opened in a smooth movement – like wind brushing through the crown of a tree, like the world that melts away outside of a car window …

Hyungwon took a deep inhale, his mouth twisting into the faintest smile. _If I can ever make it out of here, I’ll never celebrate a birthday in my life again._


	8. Chapter 8

**PART 2**

_Why do you ask what’s so obvious?_

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**(Minhyuk), ???**

_Is it possible to just like you enough?_

His legs and arms still felt heavy from their rushed escape earlier; Minhyuk was surprised that he had made it this far in the first place, since his passion for sports wasn’t exactly … existent. The burning sensation gushing through his lungs and the fear of getting caught that had pushed his feet further and further through all those alleys and side streets … nothing of it could match the absurdity of the mysterious stranger that had saved him from those … _agents?_ Minhyuk couldn’t wrap his head around all of the events that had happened in the last couple of hours. But then again, was it minutes? Was it hours? Or even longer?

_“That’s how you got here after all, isn’t it? Because of time traveling.”_ Changkyun’s words were still echoing through his mind as he was trying to make sense of them somehow.

 _Time travel?_ Minhyuk couldn’t believe that all of this was actually happening to him. _I’m working at a coffee shop. My life is boring but normal, there’s no such thing as time travel, is there? …_

He was sitting on a pile of old, wooden pallets in the corner of Changkyun’s ‘house’ after Changkyun had decided that if Minhyuk was going to tag along with him, they had to prepare him for it first … _Whatever that meant._

The hideout appeared shabby and old, the roof was leaking in some areas and all the furniture that was left was either already rotten or broken. Changkyun’s ‘bed’ consisted of a dirty, faded sleeping sack that was placed on top of what seemed to be the remains of a bedstead. The walls of the rather small room remained blank, their surface mainly scratched or crumbling to the ground in heaps of dirt. The majority of windows was boarded up with uneven planks and rusty nails. Next to the bed, a couple of empty food cans were piling up in the corner of the room as if someone had tossed them aside rather carelessly. The wooden chest, that Changkyun was now busy with again, contained several different weapons – guns, knives, something that looked like self-made bombs … _Like the one that he had used to distract those scary-looking men …_

“Who were those men earlier on the street?”, Minhyuk asked, breaking the silence around them. He couldn’t help but think about their strange appearance: black suits, black hair … “Are they some kind of hitmen?”

“Everyone calls them hounds”, Changkyun replied without paying him any attention. “And yes, they hunt people down. I think you’ve figured that out already.”

Minhyuk stared at Changkyun’s back with a concerned expression; the stranger’s black cloak looked like it had been patched up a couple of times already. “ _Everyone?_ ” But he didn’t receive another answer.

“Are you a time traveler?”, Minhyuk tried again after a few seconds, unable to contain all of the questions that were running through his mind since he had gotten here. “And is this the future?”

Changkyun chuckled briefly, it was a bitter sound. “Does this look like the future to you?”

Minhyuk remained silent. It was no use to bother this person that he had just met (and that had obviously no interest in answering him honestly) with any more questions right now. Besides, Minhyuk didn’t want to anger or provoke him … or end up with a dagger at his throat again. However, although Changkyun somehow frightened him – his whole appearance was intimidating –, there was something else hidden in those dark eyes. When their faces had been close to one another, despite Changkyun’s terrifying threats, Minhyuk could’ve sworn that he had recognized something else, too. He simply couldn’t fathom yet what exactly it was … And what if all of this wasn’t real anyway? What if he was in a coma in the hospital because that crazy driver had hit him with his car? What if he had fallen asleep during his shift in the storage room? …

He risked a look in Changkyun’s direction to make sure he was still busy with packing his bag and quickly pinched himself on his arm. Then, a second time, and eventually, a third time. He stared at his arm in disbelief – _This always works when I want to wake up from a bad dream, I just have to pinch hard enough …_

“What the hell are you doing over there?” The sudden attention from his rescuer startled Minhyuk and when he raised his head, Changkyun was standing on the other side of the room, eyeing him expectantly.

“Nothing”, Minhyuk lowered his hands but could feel the heat rising to his cheeks. _I guess this isn’t a dream after all._

Changkyun shouldered his bag; his gaze still fixating Minhyuk with an unreadable expression as if he was contemplating something with himself. “You don’t belong here”, he said with a frosty voice. “You’re way too naïve. Can you fight?”

That was a question that Minhyuk definitely didn’t prepare for; he could feel his expression tense with concern. _Fighting? Me?_

Changkyun nodded. “That’s what I thought.”

“Well!”, Minhyuk exclaimed, getting up from the wooden pallets and raising his voice. “I’ve never had to fight someone before. There are no _hounds_ that chase you even though you’re innocent where I’m from.”

Changkyun raised his eyebrows at him. “That’s what you believe.” He clicked his tongue and pointed to the chest underneath his bed with the dagger in his hand. “If I can’t get rid of you for now, you should at least change into some less suspicious clothes.” He tilted his head for a second as if he was contemplating something again. “And take one of the knives with you, just in case.”

That was about the last thing that Minhyuk had expected from him. “You’re giving me a knife?”, he asked in surprise. “I thought you didn’t trust me.”

The faintest smile tugged at the right corner of Changkyun’s mouth, only for a second. “I don’t”, he said. “I just know that if you would actually be stupid enough to try something, I could easily take you down.”

Minhyuk twisted his mouth as a shiver ran down his back, and he decided to drop the topic since all that Changkyun was capable of was making condescending remarks. _Did he really think it’s my fault that I suddenly ended up here, getting chased by those ‘hounds’?_

For a moment, Minhyuk felt a strong sensation to return to the coffee shop, his job and his coworker’s cheeky smile when he wanted to trade shifts again; for a split second, he even thought about that elderly woman at the table next to him and the news of the driver that had died in a car crash this morning …

He was kneeling down in front of the bed now, pulling the heavy (and dusty) chest towards him and opening it with a nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach. There were several pieces of dark clothing that contained patches or holes and seemed worn out and dirty. He grabbed one of them and put the others to the side so that he could reach the different weapons underneath. For a moment, he was so overwhelmed with the situation that he just kept staring at the knives and guns in front of him. Never in his entire life had he held – let alone _shot_ – a gun or attacked someone with a knife. He reached for a silver blade that felt cold and strange between his fingers. But as his gaze trailed back to the chest, there was something else that suddenly caught his eye.

On the very bottom of the wooden box, there was a folded piece of paper hidden in one of the cracks in the surface. Only a corner of the yellowed material was visible, but in all of this chaos, between all of those dangerous weapons, it looked almost surreal – like a spark of normality, a lost star that had found its way into Changkyun’s belongings …

Without hesitation, Minhyuk reached for the note and slowly unfolded it between his fingers. There was something written on it; several verses beneath each other in a way too familiar handwriting … Minhyuk froze for a second, staring at the first line of the poem in front of him.

_It can’t be._

But after reading the whole piece several times in a row, there wasn’t a doubt left. It was _his_ poem; the one that he had ‘lost’ during his shift when he went to fetch coffee for the stranger at the window seat.

_What about stepping out_

_And leaving behind what’s lost anyways?_

_If there’s a door_

_I’ll open it gladly,_

_I’ll enter and wander about._

_But I’d have to face the fear_

_Of never finding what I seek,_

_Of never reaching home._

_Who can make a promise to me?_

_Who can bring me safety?_

_I guess my answer is clear_

_And still so very blurry_

_As I keep looking at my reflection_

_In puddles and puddles_

_Of my own hesitation._

Minhyuk couldn’t fathom the reality of the situation for a second and simply kept staring at the small, creased note between his fingers.

_I wrote this only a couple of hours ago when I was working my morning shift … How did it get here? And why does it look like he has been keeping it for a long time already?_

“This doesn’t make sense”, he whispered in shock as his gaze fell somewhere into the wooden chest.

Then, there were footsteps behind him, approaching quickly. “What is taking you so long?”, Changkyun asked impatiently, stopping right behind Minhyuk who still couldn’t move, who still tried to make sense of all of this. “Where did you get this from?” His voice quiet and hollow as he held up the poem beside him.

A second later, the piece of paper was ripped out of his hand. “That’s none of your business”, Changkyun snapped at him. “You really have a death wish, don’t you? Going through people’s stuff. I should’ve left you to the hounds …”

But Minhyuk didn’t really pay attention to Changkyun’s rant; he wasn’t scared of his threats this time or the anger in his low voice. All that Minhyuk could think about was that tall, dark-haired man at the window by himself, and then again, on the other side of the street at the bus stop.

_He wanted me to have that watch, didn’t he? He sent me here … but why?_

There was a sudden grip on Minhyuk’s shoulder and with an abrupt movement, he was forced to turn around and look at those dark eyes again that were filled with so much tension, so much anger. “Answer me, _you thief_.”

Minhyuk cleared his throat; he wasn’t scared of this person in front of him anymore – the person that had kept his poem as a secret possession. “I’m asking you where you got this”, he explained calmly, “because I’m the one who wrote it.”

Changkyun let go of his arm, staring at him as if Minhyuk had lost his mind. “You’ve got to be kidding me right now. You’re the worst liar I’ve ever met.”

“No, wait.” Minhyuk objected and briefly shook his head. “I’ll prove it.” He reached for his backpack and searched for a pen and an old receipt – things that he was always carrying around and that in this moment, finally proved themselves useful –, and started to write the first line of the poem: _What about stepping out_ , then, he wrote the second and third line until Changkyun suddenly placed a hand on his arm.

“See?”, Minhyuk said, looking up at him and holding both sheets of paper next to each other to see the comparison. “It’s the same handwriting. That’s because I wrote it.”

For the first time since both of them had met, Changkyun seemed genuinely shocked; his indifferent expression, the mask of emptiness that he had been wearing this whole time … it slipped. He was just staring at the poem in his hands that somehow seemed to hold a special meaning to him. “That can’t be”, he said and looked up at Minhyuk with a frown. “ _You?_ ”

A sudden rush of confidence hit Minhyuk. “Can you finally tell me what is going on here?” He got up from the ground, brushing some dust off of his jeans. “Please.”

Changkyun looked at him for a couple of seconds as if to consider whether he was going to open up or not, and shook his head with a stern expression on his face. “I found it when I …”, he stopped and twisted his mouth like he was struggling to share this memory with someone. “I got locked up by those bastards in suits. They thought I knew things, but I didn’t. I barely managed to get out of there …”

Minhyuk felt something heavy pulling at his heart. That wasn’t the angry voice of a person that threatened to kill him; it was the voice of someone who – deep down – was terrified and hurt. “You mean those hounds were after you, too? What are they even looking for?”

“People that use time travel but aren’t part of their organization”, Changkyun answered bitterly. “If you end up here it means something went wrong during your travel. That’s why it’s called the lost dimension.”

“I still don’t understand”, Minhyuk said while his eyes wandered to the poem again. “How can this be here when I wrote it only a few hours ago.”

Changkyun frowned, his gaze lost somewhere in his memories. “I couldn’t even walk … I was out on the streets, I thought this was how it was gonna end, but there was …” Before he could reveal anything else, he seemed to suddenly realize who he was talking to, so he simply cleared his throat and shrugged. “I don’t know. It was probably some kind of glitch. No one knows how time works in here anyway.” His expression changed back to indifferent, his mask had returned to its place.

_There’s more to it,_ Minhyuk thought, _something else that he’s not telling me yet. Perhaps he will, eventually._

“How do these glitches work?”, Minhyuk asked, deciding to let him drop the topic of his captivity since he would only get defensive about it again.

Changkyun sighed in annoyance while putting the poem back to its original hiding place. “This dimension exists between different timelines which means it’s connected to the real world and then, it’s not.” With a motion of his head, he indicated Minhyuk to pack up his things and follow him outside; then, he added: “So things from the ‘real’ world, it doesn’t matter what it is, can sometimes glitch over here. That’s how I got this knife, by the way.” He spun the black blade between his fingers with a dark smile on his lips; after a short pause, he looked up at Minhyuk with an unreadable expression in his nearly black eyes. _(Almost like … “Ha, I caught you this time! Told you, you can’t hide from me!”)_

“Everything?”, Minhyuk wondered, “Like … my poem.”

Changkyun nodded as they both walked through the door and stepped outside again. “Objects, sounds … Except people of course. That would be too easy, wouldn’t it?”

Minhyuk followed Changkyun through the wall of bushes and trees, pushing twigs and leaves aside. “But don’t you think there is a way to get out of here? What if we were supposed to meet here? I know it sounds weird, but until this morning I didn’t even know time travel existed …”

“I think I liked it better when you were scared for your life and didn’t ask any questions at all”, Changkyun grunted in front of him.

But something about all of this was holding on to Minhyuk’s mind. He couldn’t let go of the possibility that all of it was connected. It was the only way of not losing hope to be stuck in this place without any reasonable explanation for it. And then there was something in Changkyun’s gaze … “What about this man that we got the watch from? I’m sure it can’t be a coincidence.”

“The man that gave me this watch is a backstabbing traitor like the rest of those hounds. They don’t care about anyone but their organization, you hear me?” They had reached the end of the bushes and were standing next to each other again. “They exploit people’s misery and then sent them here to rot.”

Minhyuk frowned at him. “But –”

“There’s no but”, Changkyun interrupted him. “Let’s focus on not getting captured, tortured and eventually murdered right now, okay?”

Minhyuk agreed with a silent nod – there was no use to push the topic any further for now – and covered himself with the black cloth that he had taken from Changkyun’s belongings. It smelled dusty and a bit like freshly cut wood and for a moment, Minhyuk was back at the treehouse he had always used as a secret hideout when he was still a kid.

“Let’s keep moving”, Changkyun urged him, pushing that sudden flood of memories in the background again.

“You know”, Minhyuk said after they had been walking in silence for a couple of minutes. “I can write you another poem if you like this one so much.”

“I don’t like it that much”, Changkyun blurted out, seemingly caught off guard with Minhyuk’s sudden suggestion. “I mean … don’t be ridiculous. I don’t need poetry. I need to survive.” He had turned his head in the opposite direction to avoid Minhyuk’s gaze, but his voice was clearly filled with embarrassment.

Minhyuk couldn’t help but smile to himself for a second. Perhaps Changkyun wasn’t a bad or dangerous person after all; perhaps he was just a little rusty in dealing with others since he had been on his own for so long. Minhyuk didn’t blame him for this, on the contrary, he felt a hint of sympathy for the person that had saved his life and now let him tag along on his supply run. He had never felt the urge to get to know someone who was a stranger to him before; with Changkyun, there was something that sparked Minhyuk’s curiosity. Was it the fact that both of them had received the same watch from apparently the same man? Was it the fact that Changkyun somehow got a hold of Minhyuk’s poem (and had kept it because it held a special meaning for him)? Or was it something totally different, something on the tip of Minhyuk’s tongue …?

“Fine. I was just offering”, he answered with a shrug.

_I’ll still try and write him one. He said he doesn’t like it but maybe he’ll change his mind. Besides, I have to thank him for saving my life somehow._


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the one day delay but I had some stuff to take care of for myself. Anyway, here's the chapter! <3
> 
> Trigger Warnings: Death/Dying, Car crash

**Chapter 9**

**(Kihyun), Tue. 07.11.17, Loop**

_Is it possible to just fall for you enough?_

The grey sky was hovering right above him when Kihyun slowly opened his eyes; it felt like waking up from a deep, dreamless sleep. There were only clouds in his sight for a few seconds, and even though the sky was fully covered with them, the brightness of the day made Kihyun squint as he slowly sat up and started to look around. He was wearing his red sweater and the jeans that he had put on this morning, but why was he sitting in the middle of nowhere now? Where was his car, his belongings?

The grass felt cold on his palms as he leaned back on his hands to scan his surroundings. Trees, meadows and not far from where he was now, there seemed to be a street and a few buildings in the distance. And still, something about this whole scene seemed strangely familiar to Kihyun, he just couldn’t remember at the moment …

_How did I even get here?_ , he wondered as his hand touched something solid next to him in the grass; a smooth, cold object whose silver color kept glancing up between the leaves of grass.

_A silver watch?_ Kihyun picked it up from the ground, staring at it in confusion; somewhere in the distance, a crow was cawing _(or laughing at him and his misery?)_

And suddenly, memories came flooding back to Kihyun’s mind in crashing waves: The pool of warm light on his desk in the otherwise black and heavy room, no stars or moon in front of the window, knocking, his hand on the handle of the glass door, a shadow and this strange text message … Then, it hit him again, his head ducked in a bucket of cold water, his chest on fire, a punch in the face … _Joo’s accident._

In a moment of shock, Kihyun just sat on the ground, staring at the watch in his fingers. A crow landing right next to him in the grass, picking through the dirt and silently moving from one spot to the next, made Kihyun look up again. Shock and confusion were wrapped around his chest like a fist – tightening, tightening.

“Did this thing send me here?”, he whispered to himself as a strand of hair fell onto his forehead. But the only answer he received was the silence of the pointers and the current date: 07.11.17.

Anger started to build up in his stomach. Anger that he had lost his best friend; anger that he had woken up in the middle of nowhere; anger about the injustice of this world.

Kihyun got up to his feet, his jaw tensed as he grabbed the watch tightly in his palms. The knuckles on his hands changed into a pale color and he felt his nails digging into his skin. Still, no pain. No pain could ever be enough to overcome the hole that had been ripped in his heart.

His right arm flew back and all of his anger, all of his frustration left his body in a loud, desperate scream: “I don’t want it!”, he yelled, his voice cracking, while tossing the watch across the field that he was standing in. It flicked through the air in a noiseless motion, past grey clouds and the emptiness of the area around him and disappeared somewhere between the grass again.

Kihyun stood there, staring at the open field in front of him, panting. The horizon seemed so close and lost both and the line of trees by the empty street kept swaying left and right, left and right, left and …

He froze as realization hit him hard. He wasn’t just somewhere in the middle of nowhere; he was at the scene of Jooheon’s accident, just that there weren’t any cars or any sign of the incident. Instinctively, his gaze went upwards to the sky to figure out the time, but the clouds wouldn’t tell him – Late morning? Noon? Afternoon? … Kihyun couldn’t tell. Then, his mind drifted back to the watch that he had held in his hands a few moments ago.

_What did it say again? What was the date?_

He rushed forward to the spot that he had thrown the watch at and dropped to his knees again. Panic kept tugging at his thoughts and fingers as he tried to search the grass for the cold, silver object. Seconds passed – minutes even? – and his hope of finding the watch again started to cease more and more until he stopped in his movement, slamming his fists to the ground in frustration. Skin ripped on his hands, but he barely noticed.

“This can’t be real.” His voice was cut off by the lump in his throat. Sadness kept welling up to his head and while leaning over the ground with both hands, he felt a hot trickling sensation on his cheeks. A tear dropped on the back of his scratched hand, another one, and another right beneath him in the quivering grass.

It was like a knot had untangled itself in his chest – finally, he was able to let go of everything he hadn’t allowed himself to feel when his numb fingers had pulled back the white covers from his best friend’s face. He let himself cry; he embraced the tears because it was the only option he had left.

There was no way for Kihyun to determine how much time passed, but after a while, a certain sound caught his attention and brought him to break off his crying to look around. It was the increasing noise of an approaching car. Kihyun could see it at the far end of the street as the small dark dot grew bigger. He was still quite far off from the road and got up from the ground now, to have a better view of the vehicle. The fabric of his sweater felt rough on his cheeks as he wiped the tears away and gathered his composure again. Without thinking about it any further, he started walking towards the street – something was drawing him closer, something … familiar?

The car had now almost reached the spot on the road that Kihyun was approaching. His premonition, however, felt off; Kihyun could feel it in the pit of his stomach like something horrible was about to happen. Perhaps it didn’t even surprise him to recognize the car in front of him as Jooheon’s. Still, the shock was rushing through every part of his body. For a second, Kihyun was genuinely convinced that all of this wasn’t real. Then, he simply started running. He ran towards the street, towards the car of his best friend, as fast as he could. The ground felt firm and uneven beneath his steps and he knew he wouldn’t be fast enough; he knew he wouldn’t make it to Jooheon in time to save his life. But Kihyun didn’t stop. He only felt himself losing speed when the vehicle started to turn over as if the driver had suddenly lost control over the steering wheel. Everything happened in a number of silent pictures like a horrifying slideshow right in front of Kihyun’s eyes.

With the earsplitting crash in the middle of the road, Kihyun flinched and twisted his ankle on a hidden rock somewhere in the grass between his feet. A stinging pain brought him to his knees again while his gaze was still tied to the car up on the road.

_He’s dead._ It was the only echo in Kihyun’s mind for a couple of seconds. He felt paralyzed; every bone in his body weighing on him heavily. _He died in front of me and even now I couldn’t save him. What kind of sick dream is this?_

The pain was reaching up from his ankle like a fire spreading further through his body. He felt sick to his stomach and so very, very tired. Wasn’t this familiar, too? The blackness approaching like a thick blanket, covering him up, taking his balance and the terrible pain of being awake.

The grey sky was hovering right above him when Kihyun slowly opened his eyes; it felt like waking up from a deep, dreamless sleep. There were only clouds in his sight for a few seconds, and even though the sky was fully covered with them, the brightness of the day made Kihyun squint as he slowly sat up and started to look around. He was wearing his red sweater and the jeans that he had put on this morning, but why was he sitting in the middle of nowhere now? …

_Wait a minute. This is the same dream. I’m on the field again._

He started to look around and recognized the surroundings – _the same as before_. Trees, meadows and the empty street with a few buildings in the distance.

_Does that mean …?_

With a quick, hurried movement he turned around to search for the watch that had to be somewhere in the grass next to him. If it was the reason why he had ended up here in the first place, perhaps he could use it to get back to his apartment and stop Jooheon from getting into that accident? … But, unlike the first time that he had woken up here, there was no watch anywhere near him. No silver object, just dirt and stones and quivering grass.

“I don’t understand”, he said to himself, shaking his head and ruffling his hair. “Why isn’t it here?”

“I think you’re looking for this?”, a calm, harmonious voice asked from behind him.

Kihyun turned around, startled by the presence of another person in the seemingly empty area surrounding him, and looked at a man in a grey suit, standing only a few feet apart from him, who was holding out his hand to offer him the silver watch that he had been looking for just now.

“Sorry”, the stranger said, “I didn’t mean to startle you.” His lips formed into a faint smile like it had been painted by a soft brush stroke, and his eyes – black almost – observed Kihyun with a mixture of compassion and determination.

For a moment, Kihyun was at a loss for words. He just kept staring at the elegant-looking person in front of him, who now – standing in the middle of a field – made the impression that he was the main piece of a grotesque painting. Then, as Kihyun’s gaze fell on the black umbrella in the man’s right hand, it dawned on him … _He’s the shadow from my backyard. But what is he doing here at the place of Joo’s accident?_

“I believe this belongs to you”, the stranger insisted, again offering him the broken watch. “It’s important that you keep it this time.”

Kihyun reached for the watch and took it in his hands, once more looking at the engraving on the back: _This is my endless drama._

He raised his head, staring right into the stranger’s eyes. “Who are you?”

The brushstroke of a smile returned to his lips; but this time, his gaze was filled with sadness. “It’s not the time for those kinds of questions. I’m sorry, but you need to figure this one out on your own, Kihyun. We need both of you.”

Hearing his own name out of this man’s mouth surprised Kihyun, but then again, it didn’t … Still, he couldn’t help but feel upset about this whole situation. “ _Both of us?_ Are you talking about Jooheon? Can you save him?”

The stranger briefly shook his head; his gaze shifted to the street in the distance for a second and his expression became tense. “I can’t stay for long. He’s already coming.”

Before Kihyun could ask anything else, the man placed a hand on his shoulder and this time, the dizziness kicked in immediately, pulling Kihyun’s legs off the ground and in the next second, even shorter than taking a breath, letting him regain his balance. The blur in his vision ceased as quickly as it had come, and he realized that his surroundings had changed.

His feet were standing on solid ground now, black asphalt under his shoes and the buildings, that had been barely visible from the field, became more detailed now that Kihyun and the stranger were right at the side of the street. The trees kept rustling and the calm voice of the man beside him got carried away by a mild breeze. “I gave you this watch for a reason.”

Kihyun stared at the small, silver object in his hands – cold in his palms, smooth and so full of secrets. “It’s from you?”, he asked even though he already knew the answer.

When he got no response to his question, Kihyun raised his head again but only caught a glimpse of the stranger’s back, who was now walking away from him again. But there was something else happening in the direction that he was heading towards. A small dark dot appeared at the end of the road, approaching both of them quickly.

“Wait!”, Kihyun yelled. Despair started filling up his lungs and made it hard to breathe; it was the same defenseless panic that had devoured him earlier, and just like the dot at the horizon, it grew bigger with each passing second. “What am I supposed to do?”

The man in the grey suit didn’t stop; his right hand was still holding the umbrella. “As I said, we need both of you”, he repeated in the same stern voice as before. “It has to be 7 of us.”

The car was so close to arriving at the spot where it was supposed to crash and Kihyun’s heart started racing. The words of the strange person didn’t make sense to him. How did he know Jooheon? How did he know Kihyun? And why did he want to help them in the first place?

“Remember”, he then added, giving him one last look above his shoulder – black and full of … request? Kihyun couldn’t tell whether he was smiling in his subtle brush stroke again. “Everything is temporary.”

The panic was bubbling on top of Kihyun’s confusion now. He was staring at the watch – that damn, broken, useless watch that was supposed to be so important in all of this – and back onto the street where the car was clearly visible now. The grey sky was reflecting in the windshield so that Kihyun couldn’t actually see Jooheon behind the wheel; still, he _knew_.

His legs started moving again; recklessly, he was running across the asphalt – a fleeting thought crossed his mind: _My ankle doesn’t hurt anymore_ – in front of the approaching car.

Kihyun didn’t know what he was supposed to do; there was no sudden intuition, nothing that indicated that the stranger had told him the truth. And all that Kihyun could think about was his best friend.

_I can’t let this happen again. Not this time, not anymore._

The lump in his throat had returned now, bringing that hot sensation back to his eyes. He was looking at the car, trying to see through the windshield, trying to see his best friend, _alive._

But instead of Jooheon’s face, Kihyun noticed that the car started to slow down, and not just the car, everything around him suddenly slowed down: the treetops were swaying from left to right like seaweed on the bottom of the ocean, the vehicle in front of him became less threatening without the speed pushing it forward, Kihyun could feel himself moving in slow motion as he raised his hand to cover his eyes from the brightness of the cloudy sky.

_It has to be 7?,_ he wondered. _7 what? Seconds? Times? People?_

And then, for a split second, Kihyun caught a glimpse of his best friend’s face behind the reflecting windshield. Their eyes met and strangely, all Kihyun could think about was that day at the beach two years ago and Jooheon’s words: _“There was a cat on the road, I almost hit it.”_

_Almost? …_

The loose strands of hair were moving slowly across his forehead and he squinted at the car … he simply blinked – a rush of dizziness, balance – and found himself looking directly at his best friend’s dark brown eyes; their faces only inches apart from each other.

Kihyun was sitting at the passenger’s seat right next to Jooheon; his hair had stopped moving on his forehead, but time was still as slowed down as before when he had stood in front of the car on the open street.

They shared a moment of reunion, both unable to move their lips due to the strange time-lapse they were trapped in.

Jooheon was still looking at him. Kihyun knew what he was thinking: _What’s happening?_ But he had no answer to that question either. All he could do was gaze at his best friend, his _alive_ best friend, while Jooheon was staring back at him. Kihyun didn’t know how time was passing around them in that moment; it felt like they were frozen, granted one last goodbye before both of their ways kept parting again.

_But I don’t want to leave him_ , Kihyun thought. _I can never leave him._

Another memory brushed at the shore of his mind: _“Why do you want it to rain when we’re going to the beach? It doesn’t make sense.”_

Dark brown eyes. A cup of coffee in the morning. Promises and laughter. That one drunken night where both of them had decided not to care …

_(Maybe if you weren’t so goddamn blind all the time you would know what’s really going on here.)_

_(It doesn’t make sense.)_

But somehow, it suddenly did.

Kihyun felt Jooheon’s eyes melting into his. His glass was full and empty both. A part of him urged him to question. Another part was thinking about the stranger and his watch. And then there was the part that just embraced his best friend, embraced the look on his face and the reality of his feelings. He wasn’t dead; he was sitting right in front of him, telling Kihyun once more to open his eyes. So, Kihyun did.

_I can never leave you,_ he wanted to say but his lips didn’t move.

_“You need to figure this one out on your own, Kihyun”,_ the stranger had told him. _“I’m sorry.”_

He knew what he had to do. There wasn’t much choice left.

And as the coin of realization dropped to the ground of his mind – spinning, spinning, spinning –, Kihyun felt the atmosphere around him gather speed again. Their moment was almost over now, _it’s time_.

He struck out his hand and it touched Jooheon’s that was reaching for the phone in the center console of the car. Once again, Kihyun was reassured in his intend. He pressed the watch in Jooheon’s palm – _You need to hold on to this for me, okay?_ – and felt warmth, trust, comfort rushing through his fingertips.

_This is the right choice,_ he thought and smiled at his best friend, at the person that he was ready to die for, undoubtedly.

Time caught onto them now, the car regained speed and Jooheon’s hand tightened around the watch, his gaze dropping down in surprise, leaving Kihyun’s cheeks and soul. Then, in the blink of an eye, he was gone.

Kihyun felt himself reaching for the steering wheel, but it was already too late. His body was tossed forward as the car turned over and his head hit the hard glass of the windshield.

_(“I’m sorry.”)_

 _I’m not,_ Kihyun thought, _because_ _I just saved my best friend’s life._


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This (in my opinion) is the hardest one and I'm very sorry (I really am).
> 
> Trigger Warning: Death/Dying

**Chapter 10**

**(Jooheon), Wed. 08.11.17**

_I don’t want to let you go._

His bedroom walls were flooded with dull morning light as Jooheon slowly opened his eyes. He felt heavy and the room around him treacherously silent. It was the same drowsiness that usually followed after a long, dreamless sleep. However, Jooheon did remember something about what he had dreamed … He was sitting in his car together with Kihyun; there wasn’t much that he recalled but the burning determination in Kihyun’s eyes? Something about birds on the road, crows? A shadow crossing the street …?

_Maybe I was dreaming about our road trip back then,_ Jooheon thought. Kihyun had always promised him to go on another adventure soon, but his father’s company and the responsibilities tied to it were consuming most of his best friend’s time nowadays.

With a sigh Jooheon sat up on his bed, stretching out his arms in front of him and taking a moment to wake up properly. The alarm on his nightstand showed 9:03, 08.11.17.

_I can’t even remember how I went to sleep last night …_ Jooheon frowned while getting up from his mattress, walking across the room to the mirror. He wasn’t wearing any sleeping clothes – the color of his favorite green sweater was gleaming at him now – as his own confused expression observed him through the glass.

Did he watch a movie with Kihyun and they drank a couple of beers? Did he go to the gym and was so exhausted that he had gone straight to bed? Did he work on his music and lost sense of time? … Whatever had happened on the previous evening – or day in general – Jooheon couldn’t remember. It was like a foggy curtain right inside of his mind – he reached out to pull it over but couldn’t grasp it; every time he tried to touch it his hands went right through the veil.

Perhaps Kihyun could help him explain what had happened. So, he left his room, expecting to hear his best friend roaming around in the kitchen or bathroom to start his day. However, there wasn’t any familiar sound that indicated that Kihyun was home and as Jooheon went through each room of their shared apartment, he couldn’t find him anywhere. His coat and keys were gone from the wardrobe as well, so Jooheon figured he had already gone to work. Still, something about this seemed off to him. First his blackout and then the fact that he had been asleep for a long period of time – at least that’s what it felt like to him; his arms and legs felt heavy and the faint sensation of numbness tickled along in his fingertips and toes. Moreover, it was unlike Kihyun to simply disappear like this in the morning. Usually, both of them had breakfast together before they started their days and if Kihyun had to leave earlier, Jooheon would find the coffee machine still on or a scribbly note on the counter, telling him that his best friend would stay longer at the office again.

_Maybe he tried to wake me up and I was just fast asleep?_

He contemplated for a moment what to do with his day; he would normally work on his music and writing in the evening, but he figured he could just go to a nearby coffee shop to get some breakfast and work from there. Besides, Kihyun would probably come around for lunch if Jooheon texted him the location and they could spend some time together and talk about Jooheon’s missing memories. _I could even ask him about another road trip. Today’s as good as any other day._

On his way to the subway, Jooheon wondered why Kihyun had taken his car instead of the company car that his father had given him some time ago but brushed off the thought with a shrug – _Ki never liked it when his father tried to manipulate him like this, so perhaps he’s just rebelling._ That assumption made Jooheon smile to himself, hands in his pockets and his best friend’s face in mind who was rolling his eyes and giving him one of his smug smiles.

The coffee shop that he decided on wasn’t his usual choice – they had walked past this place so many times and Kihyun had always wanted to come here and something about this day led Jooheon right through the glass doors into the busy café. The smell and warmth of freshly brewed coffee brought immediate comfort to him, ceasing the cold and heavy feeling he had been unconsciously carrying until this moment. After taking a seat by the window and preparing the work that he had to finish, he ordered some coffee and pastries from a friendly waitress.

People were walking past the window and a few loose leaves traveled alongside the pavement with an invisible breeze. Despite the seemingly peaceful morning, Jooheon couldn’t help but feel a bit lost all by himself in this new place, lonely even. Kihyun was usually the person dragging him along, even though Jooheon secretly enjoyed his best friend’s enthusiasm about discovering new cafés or restaurants. The feeling wasn’t quite graspable for Jooheon but he appreciated the silence between them in these moments – both of them busy with their own work, spending each other company while having coffee and occasionally sharing a joke or a smile. Now, without the presence of his best friend next to him, it was more difficult for Jooheon to focus on his laptop screen and even the idea of breakfast had suddenly lost its appeal to him. He took out his phone to check if he had any new messages from Kihyun, but nothing. With a frown, he opened their chat to text his best friend the location of the coffee shop so that he could swing by later. The last message that Kihyun had sent him was from yesterday:

_I’m sorry, okay?_

His memories still wouldn’t come back to him yet; Jooheon couldn’t remember anything that could’ve caused his best friend to apologize. And why didn’t he answer? Was it some kind of joke between them? …

Jooheon couldn’t shake the feeling that something about all of this wasn’t right. It was like a puzzle that he just couldn’t finish because some parts were missing. The idea of calling Kihyun came to his mind – _just to make sure he’s okay_ –, but he didn’t get to finish that thought. A man sat down next to him at the long table by the windowfront. From the corner of his eyes, Jooheon saw that he was wearing a grey suit – _probably some kind of businessman_ – and a black umbrella which he placed against his chair.

They shared a polite smile and Jooheon put his phone down again with a sigh. _I probably shouldn’t call him at work. Last time I called him in the middle of a meeting, and he got upset about it. He’ll probably get off for lunch soon anyway, I’ll just text him later …_

“Pretty busy today, isn’t it?”, the man next to him said; he had turned his head towards the counter at the other side of the room, overlooking the coffee shop as if he was searching for someone that he was supposed to meet.

Jooheon nodded in agreement but didn’t feel like small talk at that moment; his mind was busy thinking about the gaps in his memory.

“Hm, seems like he hasn’t returned yet”, the stranger next to him mumbled to himself in a low voice.

“Excuse me?” Jooheon raised his head in surprise, unsure whether he had understood what the man had just said.

“Oh, never mind, I was just thinking out loud”, he answered, looking at Jooheon with deep, dark eyes and a faint but honest smile. “It’s just, there’s this one waiter who’s usually here when I come around. Dark hair and kind eyes … I think his name is Minhyuk.” His smile grew a bit brighter and more secretive. “At least that’s what his name tag says.”

Jooheon frowned at the person next to him and his elegant appearance. His unexpected outspokenness perplexed Jooheon for a second, but he nodded politely. He had never been to this place before, so he had no idea which waiter that the man was talking about.

“It’s probably his day off”, Jooheon simply answered to not seem rude, bringing his attention back to his laptop screen and trying to shake that veil of oddity that had been covering him since he had gotten out of bed this morning.

“Yes, maybe.” The man let go of the topic and focused on himself again, however, not ordering any coffee or breakfast. When the waitress came to refill Jooheon’s cup, she didn’t even seem to notice the man sitting next to him.

Another guest at the table behind them asked in a quiet, polite voice to turn on the TV on the wall so that he could see the news, because “I didn’t have time this morning.”

“If my colleague had actually shown up at work today instead of going MIA, maybe I would’ve had time to figure this one out …”, the waitress kept mumbling to herself, seemingly clueless about how the TV set worked – or where the remote was usually stashed. “ _Kara, could you please cover the morning shift, we can’t reach anyone else right now_. Sure, I can, it’s my second day but who cares about that.”

Jooheon risked a glance but then tried to ignore her unconscious rambling with a smile while focusing on his laptop; in the corner of his eyes, he could see that the man next to him seemed pretty amused about the situation as well although he remained completely silent.

“Sorry!”, the waitress – whose name apparently was Kara – blurted out as she noticed the man at the table (and a couple of other guests who had been listening as well) smiling awkwardly. “I got it now”, she declared and turned on the TV.

“Thank you”, the man behind Jooheon said kindly.

“They’re only talking about the accident that happened yesterday anyway”, Kara added as the faint voice of the newsreader appeared in an inaudible mumbling. “It’s so horrible if you ask me … Everyone is just talking about the fate of that huge company, not even about the actual victim, _a human being_ , or the loss for his family.”

Jooheon felt his fingers freeze above his laptop; they were hovering over the keyboard while his brain automatically started to suck in every word that the female voice of the newsreader said next to him. Was he holding his breath? Was he waiting for something? What was it? _What happened?_

“… cause of the accident is still unknown. The Yoo Company hasn’t given any statement to the tragic loss of the chairman’s son yet. The future of the company …”

“Told you!”, the waitress interrupted the newsreader while piling empty plates and cups on a tray at the table next to them. “It’s a person that they’re talking about, someone lost their life and they’re just interested in …”

Mumbling, mumbling … So many voices around him, words, opinions. What did they say? What was happening to him?

Jooheon had unconsciously turned around on his chair after hearing his best friend’s surname on TV. There was nothing that went through his head in the moment that he saw Kihyun’s face on the screen in front of him.

_The_ _24-year-old driver and future CEO of the Yoo Company lost his life in a car accident yesterday morning._

The world around him stopped moving for a second. A feeling of shock and horror was crawling through his body inch by inch. This had to be a misunderstanding, some terrible, _terrible_ mistake. Anything but the truth. That was Kihyun’s face right there on the screen. Kihyun who had apparently got into a car accident and ... Kihyun who was always scolding Jooheon for speeding? Kihyun who had never once gotten a ticket in his life? … No, this just wasn’t possible.

“… okay?”, a female voice echoed right next to him, giving him a look full of concern.

Jooheon stared at her in disbelief. He was still sitting on his chair, looking at the TV. The businessman and the waitress were both eyeing him hesitantly.

“What?”, he heard himself say. “I’m, um, sorry, I didn’t …” Even his tongue felt weirdly numb. As if he was forced to exist in some kind of bizarre scene, trying to act normal. Without hesitating any further he gathered his things, stuffed them into his bag and put a few banknotes on the table in front of him. “I gotta leave”, he mumbled to himself, feeling a lump forming in his throat. “I gotta go to the hospital …”

“Alright”, the waitress answered him doubtingly. “But be careful.” She turned around to carry her tray full of plates and mugs back to the counter, again ignoring the stranger sitting right next to Jooheon.

When she had turned his back on Jooheon, he almost jumped from his chair, pushing it back in a sudden motion and almost tripping over his bag. A clanking sound made his head turn to the ground underneath the table. Something had fallen out of his pocket. A silver object right in front of his feet. A watch? Only that it wasn’t his.

Before he could move, another hand reached for it and picked it up; it was the stranger that was still sitting on the chair next to him. He observed the silver object for a second and smiled almost bitterly with the left corner of his mouth. “Oh, but I believe this isn’t yours”, he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a second, completely similar watch and offering it to Jooheon. “This is.”

Jooheon shifted his gaze from the two identical watches in the man’s hands to his peculiarly calm face, staring at him in disbelief. _Is this some kind of cruel joke?_

“I don’t have time for this”, he responded angrily, turning away from the stranger and shouldering his bag.

However, when he started walking away from the man with the umbrella, he said something else; again, his voice was calm and collected as if he knew all the answers. “I’m sure we’ll see each other soon. I’ll hold onto them for you until then.”

Jooheon didn’t stop or turn around to the stranger again. This wasn’t the time to deal with crazy people; this wasn’t the time to deal with anything else except what had happened to his best friend.

_Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap._ The sound of his shoes on the pale linoleum floor was melting into the ticking of the clock on the opposite of the wall. There was no one in the waiting area with him; the hospital was almost empty. Some person with red lipstick had told him to wait for a moment while they figured out if Kihyun’s body was still in the hospital’s morgue or if his family had already taken him for the funeral.

Jooheon felt nauseous. All he wanted to do was run out of there and scream at someone to stop fooling around. He had tried to call his best friend on the way here but Kihyun’s phone didn’t seem to be turned on.

“Jooheon!” Hearing his own name echoing through the corridor dragged him back into the dull reality of the hospital atmosphere. It was a low, male voice; one that seemed familiar to him, and as Jooheon raised his head to see who had called, it dawned on him.

A tall, handsome man with broad shoulders, dressed in a black suit with a matching black tie was walking towards him now. Exhaustion had painted dark circles underneath his eyes, and he looked tense and incredibly tired. The familiar brown color of his gaze, however, caused a heavy feeling pressing onto Jooheon’s chest.

He got up from his chair, clearing his throat. “Mr. Yoo, I …”

But Kihyun’s father briefly shook his head. “You want to see him?”

Jooheon felt his heart drop to the bottom of the linoleum floor. _So, he’s really here?_ “Yes”, he said. “I didn’t even know …”

With a motion of his head, he indicated Jooheon to follow him through the hallway; as they walked past the reception, he nodded at the person that had told Jooheon to wait at the end of the corridor. “I’m sorry we didn’t call you. I thought you were the last person that had spoken to him.”

Jooheon felt Mr. Yoo’s burning gaze on his cheeks, full of judgment almost. _(Why didn’t you stop him? It was your car. He died driving_ your _car.)_

“I …” But what was he supposed to say? That he was sorry? That he couldn’t remember anything that had happened on the previous day? That he felt like he was still trapped in some kind of nightmare? “When I woke up this morning, he wasn’t there. I thought he had gone to work. I didn’t …”

They walked past a couple of doors to the morgue of the hospital. _Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._ And then, there they were. In a cold, quiet, grey room. In the far corner of it a blank table with a white sheet that covered something – someone, a person, _a dead person_ – underneath.

“We wanted to schedule the funeral as soon as possible”, Mr. Yoo said, his expression completely firm and empty. “I was here to talk to the pathologist to settle the formalities.”

Jooheon’s gaze was glued to the white sheet right in front of him. _Is it really him?_

Kihyun’s father mentioned something else towards him. Jooheon nodded. Then, he was alone in the grey room. Never in his life had he felt as lost and lonely as this. With a tumbling movement, he raised his hand to touch the covers and almost flinched because of how real they felt underneath his fingertips. The silence of the room was weighing heavily on his shoulders and something was urging him to confirm his worst nightmare – something relentless peeking right over his shoulder. _(Do it. Come on. Feel your heart break a little more. Just a little bit more …)_

Jooheon pulled the covers back and looked right at the pale, lifeless face of his best friend. His eyes were closed, some slight bruises and cuts were covering his cheeks and neck, and Jooheon’s world lost all of its color.

_It’s not him._ No, it couldn’t be. He felt the urge to push this fraud from the table in front of him so that it would hit the ground and shatter into a thousand pieces like a glassy teapot.

_It’s not him. It’s not him._ “It’s not him!”, he yelled at the motionless face in front of him. “ _It’s not you!_ ”

Kihyun’s father now came back into the room with the pathologist; both of them were immersed in a quiet conversation. When they saw Jooheon’s disturbed expression, Mr. Yoo fell silent. The way he looked at Jooheon implied everything but compassion.

“Jooheon, that’s enough”, he said, his voice cold and strict. “I think it’s better that you leave now.”

“I think so, too”, Jooheon replied bitterly. He felt upset; he felt hurt; but mostly, he felt deceived.

He walked past Kihyun’s father – the man that had always looked down on him; the man that had always seen him as a burden, as someone who interfered with Kihyun’s perfect life –, and felt the look of disapproval clinging to him like a rainy cloud, like a wet piece of clothing. _(It should’ve been you. It’s your fault.)_

“Oh, and Jooheon”, he added right before Jooheon walked through the door, “we’ll come over sometime this week to get Kihyun’s things. They belong to our family, after all.”

The day was already dawning when Jooheon entered the gym that same evening. He had spent the afternoon walking around restlessly, trying to understand what was happening to him right now. The person on that table in front of him, lifeless, covered in bruises, didn’t feel like his best friend. The person underneath those white sheets felt like a stranger, like someone from a distant memory. And still, everyone was convinced that it was Kihyun who had gotten into a car crash and died.

_It just doesn’t add up. Why would he drive so carelessly? Why would he text me that he was sorry?_

“Hey, Joo!” It was his trainer who greeted him with a friendly but careful smile. “I didn’t expect you to show up today. Are you okay?”

_So, he’s seen the news, too,_ Jooheon thought and forced himself to smile back, it felt wrong. “Hey, Shownu. I think I just need to clear my head for a while.”

Shownu nodded at him – strangely, he seemed to understand. Jooheon only now noticed another person standing by the counter next to Shownu. Dark hair with a red gleam to it, a grey suit and in his right hand … _a black umbrella._

The man turned around and smiled – _as if he knew all the answers._ “What a pleasant surprise”, he said with the same soothing voice as this morning. “I knew we would meet again, but I didn’t expect it to be this soon.”

“You two know each other?”, Shownu asked visibly surprised.

“No”, Jooheon clarified before the strange man could say anything else. Then, he walked past them and towards the changing rooms.

“I’m sorry about what happened to your friend”, the man suddenly said; it sounded pressing but utterly honest.

Jooheon stopped in his tracks and turned around to him, looking at those dark, bottomless eyes. For a second, he looked like he wanted to say something else but then, remained silent.

“You can use the training room in the far back if you want to be on your own for today”, Shownu proposed, breaking the severity between them. “We’ll use another one for our lesson.”

Jooheon cleared his throat, nodding briefly at his trainer before turning around again. “Thanks.”

He heard Shownu and the man with the black eyes pick up their conversation again when he was walking down the hallway. There wasn’t much that he understood – or cared about – but they seemed to be talking about that one rude guy who trained at the gym even more often than Jooheon and who always evoked the impression that he disliked everyone around here but Shownu.

“I thought he would come in this morning, but I haven’t heard from him since he left last night.”

“I’m sure he’s fine.”

“I keep thinking about what you said about him …”

The door fell into its lock and the silence of the locker room embraced Jooheon fully. He sat down on one of the benches, placing his head in his hands while every thought, every feeling of that day came crashing back to him. Waves of pain, waves of guilt, waves of questions.

_Why can’t I remember what happened yesterday?_

His fingers tightened around his hair; he felt his jaw tense and his right feet rushed forward to kick the bag with his sports clothing. He wanted to wake up, finally rise from this nightmare and find Kihyun in the kitchen with his favorite mug, complaining about the mess that Jooheon had left in the sink the previous evening.

Hot, fast tears were running down his cheeks before he even realized that he had started crying. They touched his lips, leaving a salty taste, and fell from his chin onto his jeans. _Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap._

The judging eyes of Kihyun’s father returned to his mind, showering him with wordless accusations. And for a moment, Jooheon considered them, let them in.

He raised his head, staring at the scratched brown surface of the locker in front of him, a veil of tears blurring his vision slightly. “Maybe, it should’ve been me.”

One, two, three, four more tears running down his cheeks. “It should’ve been me.”

“I wouldn’t say that”, a calm and warm voice answered him.

Startled, his head turned to the door of the changing room, where the man with the grey suit was now standing and looking at him apologetically. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening, I just … If you need some time, I’ll come back later.”

Jooheon cleared his throat, quickly wiping the tears off of his face with the sleeve of his sweater. “Are you stalking me or why are you always appearing out of nowhere?”

The stranger smiled. “I told you we would see each other again.”

“Listen”, Jooheon said, getting up from the bench and unpacking his sports clothing, “I’m not in the mood for your weird tricks. I just need you to leave me alone.”

“I understand.” He was crossing the room now, walking towards Jooheon and revealing a small sheet of paper from his jacket pocket. On the other side of the bench, he stopped and struck out his hand to offer Jooheon the folded note. “Send this as a text message to your friend. You’ll see what I mean.”

Jooheon stared at the note and then at the man’s face. _He really is insane._ “What the hell is your problem?”

For a second, he looked genuinely troubled. “I can’t tell you yet. Please, just send the message.” When Jooheon didn’t take the note and just continued unpacking his bag, the man placed it next to him on the bench. “What do you have to lose?”, he added after a moment of silence and then, quietly left the room again.

When the door closed shut, Jooheon stopped for a second, looking at the piece of paper on the bench next to him. He hesitated, but then took the note and carefully unfolded it with his fingers. Five words were written on it in clean, elegant handwriting.

_It has to be 7._

A shallow, short sound of laughter left Jooheon’s mouth as he read the sentence again and again. What if actually, he was the one who was slowly going crazy?

He sat down on the bench, staring at the paper in his hands. Then, he thought about this morning – about the unexplainable gap in his memory, about the watch that had fallen out of his pocket, about this man that he had met twice in one day, about Kihyun’s father who would make sure that Jooheon couldn’t keep any of his best friend’s belongings.

In a moment of despair and hopelessness, he took out his phone and opened the chat window with Kihyun’s number at the top. His fingers were hovering over the display and he could feel himself biting down on his bottom lip while contemplating what to do.

_He’s right, what do I have to lose?,_ he thought _. I've lost my best friend already, there's not much more left._

His fingers flew across the display, tapping one letter after another and eventually, hitting send:

_It has to be 7._

The cursor in his speech bubble was blinking silently – _(Ready to type another absurd message to your dead friend, to your service!) –_ as seconds passed, a minute, maybe two. There was no answer, no moving dots on the opposite side of the chat.

Frustration reached up through his throat with long, disappointing fingers. He was angry at everything but mostly at himself. He typed another rushed, desperate message:

_Is someone there?_

But again, nothing.

_Of course, there isn’t going to be an answer_ , Jooheon realized, throwing his phone into the bag with his sports clothing again and hitting his forehead with the palm of his hand. _How could I even for one second believe that there would be an answer? He’s dead._ Dead _._

He felt the tears welling to his eyes. Hot, trickling relief returning to his cheeks. His best friend was gone. He didn’t know how often he needed to tell himself to actually believe it. The most important person in his life. The person that he couldn’t even tell his true feelings to …

(The person that he was in love with?)

The notification sound of his phone broke the severity around him for a second, making his head rise again in surprise. For a second, Jooheon was sure that he had just imagined the muffled _Bing_ , but when he reached for his phone, the bubble on the display informed him that he had a new message. _From Kihyun._

With shaking hands, he opened the chat window to read the response. He stumbled over the words while his eyes were racing over the lines again and again:

_the owner of the phone that you’re texting from is my roommate. if you've found that phone, it's not the right time to play games. please return it to me as soon as possible. please call me back so we can meet._

Although Jooheon knew it wasn’t possible that Kihyun was the one responding to him, he also knew that only his best friend was texting in all lowercase letters sometimes (especially when he was upset about something …) Jooheon had teased him for it several times already. But there was something else in that message that caught Jooheon’s attention. _My roommate._

What if someone had stolen his phone and was joking around? But what would the intention be behind that? And how did this person know that he and Kihyun were living together?

It didn’t make sense but a part of Jooheon was so sure that his best friend was the one behind that message. He didn’t know how it was possible or how the man with the black umbrella possibly could’ve known about this, but Kihyun was alive, _he has to be_. As quickly as Jooheon’s hope had shattered in front of him, it now suddenly returned in an overwhelming wave of a tiny possibility. He clung to it tightly, not willing to let go of it again.

_That stony mask back in the morgue wasn’t him … It just can’t be him._ Jooheon thought, still staring at his phone and rereading the message from his best friend as if it would disappear again any second. _You can’t be gone like this, Ki. This isn’t fair._

The clock above the entrance of the locker room kept moving forward, counting Jooheon’s pain with heavy pointers. ( _Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Life’s never fair, is it?)_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**(Shownu), Wed. 08.11.17**

_This dazzling welcome, this sweet illusion._

“So, are you ready for your next session?”, Shownu asked, crossing his arms and looking at Hyungwon with an amused expression.

He closed the door of the training room behind him, adjusting his Kumdo uniform and returning the smile rather confidently. “I was looking forward to it, actually.”

Shownu nodded and grabbed the two practice swords from the rack next to the wall. Unlike yesterday, there was a lot on his mind tonight. He couldn’t stop himself from worrying about Wonho and his inexplicable absence at the gym today. On Wednesdays, Wonho was usually one of the early morning visitors and he never once missed practice, no matter his condition. Shownu even remembered Wonho coming to the gym with bruises and cuts on his arms as if he had been in a fight the previous evening. He hadn’t asked him about it because Wonho wouldn’t have told him anyway, but he helped him take care of the wounds – it was their own unspoken agreement, to be there for each other … _silently._

“Shownu?” Hyungwon’s voice asked from behind him.

When Shownu turned around, he noticed the concerned look on his new student’s face. “Sorry, I was lost in thoughts for a second”, he answered. “What did you say?”

The dark, curious eyes observed him thoroughly – _Is he_ _trying to read my mind?_ _Sometimes, it does feel like it._ “I was just wondering if Jooheon is going to be okay. He seemed a bit …”, he contracted his brows and dropped his gaze as if to look for the right word, then, when he had found it, he looked directly at Shownu again, “ _lost_.”

Shownu gave him a small smile. “Aren’t we all, more or less?”

He didn’t want to show it so openly, but he did worry about Jooheon. The two of them had never been as close as he and Wonho, but whenever Jooheon walked through the door of the gym, Shownu felt responsible for him in a way. Sure, his position as the teacher and trainer did play a role in this, but there was also something on Jooheon’s face – some sort of hidden pain, deep sorrow that had grown from retracted dreams – that evoked certain compassion in Shownu. Although he didn’t know his story, he wanted to offer him a place to return to whenever he felt lost in his daily life, or when the troubles were weighing heavily on his mind. Shownu had known about Jooheon’s friendship and living situation with Kihyun; they had talked about it a couple of times. When he had turned on the TV this morning to see the shocking news, he didn’t expect Jooheon to come in at all.

_Isn’t it strange? Wonho disappears, Jooheon’s best friend gets into a car accident and it all started with …_

Shownu stopped in his movement as he was offering the practice sword to Hyungwon. Both of them were now holding on to the covered blade, looking at each other.

“How do you even know Jooheon?”, he asked firmly.

Hyungwon smiled, still grabbing the sword sternly. “We only briefly met this morning in a coffee shop. It’s when he first saw the news.”

Shownu tightened his grip around the blade. There was another question that was burning on his tongue – _Where is Wonho?_ – but instead, he asked: “How do you know his name, then?”

Hyungwon’s smile grew a bit wider, a bit more challenging. “I’m afraid we’ll miss out on our session if we keep chatting like this.”

_Evading the question again …_

He looked him straight into the eyes for another second and then let go of the practice sword. “You’re right.”

They stepped onto the mat, positioning themselves on opposite sides of each other just like they did in their first lesson. Without any further talk, they readied their helmets and started practicing.

Hyungwon was attacking directly again, so Shownu took a quick step to the side to dodge the sword and start his own attack that would bring Hyungwon down to the ground. However, this time, Hyungwon seemed to move faster than yesterday. Before Shownu could react, he felt a firm kick in his knees that let him lose balance for a second. For a moment, he was so impressed with the sudden improvement of his student that he almost lost this round. After ten more minutes of attacking, defending and quickly changing positions, Hyungwon ended up with the blade beneath his chin.

“Not bad”, Shownu said, looking at his panting student in front of him. “I didn’t expect you to improve this fast.”

The dark eyes were sparkling again – just like last night – as if he was pleased with himself. “Well, I tend to observe a lot. And I tried to watch your movements as closely as possible, so that I could learn them more easily.”

_He does seem dedicated,_ Shownu thought, lowering the sword. _But is that all there is to it?_

“Maybe we can try and pick up the pace, then?”, Shownu offered, stepping back to the edge of the mat again.

Hyungwon smiled through the wire grill of his helmet. “You’re the trainer.”

They continued their practice and Shownu showed him a couple of advanced grips that Hyungwon tried to adopt immediately. That was one thing Shownu had to admit, no matter how strange his new student might’ve seemed on a few occasions, he did work hard. After only one session, he had managed a couple of the attacks or defense steps that Shownu had shown him.

However, Shownu started to get a bit frustrated with the stranger in front of him and his smile full of secrets. Where did he come from? How did he know so much about the gym and Shownu’s students? Why did he insist on private sessions so much? …

Although Shownu never let his emotions get the better of him and always listened to his rationality in moments of doubt, he couldn’t quite shake his curiosity and frustration with Hyungwon now. What if he could break down his walls a bit? What if he could bring him to actually reveal some of his secrets, information about Wonho’s illness? …

As they continued their session, Shownu could feel himself lose patience. His moves turned quicker, his attacks more straightforward and Hyungwon ended up on the mat more often. Still, Hyungwon didn’t complain; he didn’t tell Shownu to slow down or go easy on him. Even though he was already out of breath and his cheeks were flushed from exhaustion, the smile on his face remained as secretive as always. So, Shownu decided to keep going.

He could feel Hyungwon’s moves slowing down and becoming less precise. Shownu attacked once again, expecting his student to duck away like the first time. However, Hyungwon seemed to be caught off guard by his trainer’s endurance and the severity of Shownu’s hit; he froze in his movement, staring at Shownu in surprise while the practice sword struck right into his stomach. 

For a second, the time in the training room seemed to slow down; silence grew heavy in the air between them as Shownu realized what had just happened.

_He’s not wearing protection under his uniform._

The sword, even though not real, had hit Hyungwon with the full force of Shownu’s attack and thrown him to the ground. He was lying on the mat now, curled up in a ball, black strands of hair covering his face and his body moving up and down because of his exhausted breathing.

“ _Shit_.” Shownu threw his sword to the side, kneeling down next to his student on the ground and taking off both of their helmets. “Hyungwon, are you okay? I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have taken it this far, I …” His voice was slightly trembling in shock about his own recklessness.

_How could I let myself get carried away like this? Why did I even think I could test him today? It’s his second lesson, of course he wouldn’t have been able to dodge that attack …_

His mind was racing, guilt pouring over him like a sudden shower of rain. He placed a hand on Hyungwon’s back while his other one balled into a fist. _What kind of trainer am I even?_

“It’s nothing”, Hyungwon answered roughly. He came up to sitting with his head still lowered to avoid Shownu’s eyes. And to Shownu’s astonishment, he was moving normally again already.

“Are you sure? I hit you pretty hard”, Shownu asked doubtingly, reaching for Hyungwon’s arm to check if he had any bruising or scratches from the attack and his fall.

“ _No!_ ”, Hyungwon blurted out, pulling his arm away immediately and looking up at his trainer with an almost frightened expression in his gaze.

Taken aback by the fact that his always calm and collected student had just raised his voice at him, Shownu let go of him with a puzzled expression. “Listen”, he said quietly, “I just want to check if you’re okay. It was my fault for attacking you like this. I should’ve known better.” He observed the black eyes of his opponent carefully – pure chaos was what he found in his student’s gaze and something that he seemed to be scared of. “Why didn’t you put on protection under your uniform though? This could’ve ended way worse.”

“I …” Was it the first time that Hyungwon was lost for words?

Shownu shook his head, still not convinced that he was fully okay. “I won’t continue until you show me that you’re really okay.”

Hyungwon twisted his lips as if he was contemplating on what to do next, but eventually turned to Shownu and slowly pulled back the upper part of his uniform. The thin layer of fabric revealed his bare skin and – as Shownu had guessed correctly – no protective pads or clothing that was normally required for the practice sessions. Therefore, it surprised Shownu even more that there was no sign of any bruise, scratch or wound on Hyungwon’s stomach. Nothing indicated even the slightest hint that he had just been ‘stabbed’ with a practice sword.

“But I saw you fall to the ground. You were obviously in pain”, Shownu said – more to himself than to Hyungwon in front of him –, as if to talk himself into believing what he was seeing.

“I wasn’t wearing any protective clothing”, Hyungwon answered, pulling down the fabric of his uniform, “because normally, I can’t get hurt.”

Shownu was staring up at him but there wasn’t a smile on Hyungwon’s face; no indication that he was joking or trying to play a trick on his trainer. _He’s serious?_

“What do you mean, you _can’t_ get hurt?”, Shownu repeated. “It’s your second lesson, you can’t expect that every serious hit won’t affect you like this.” Shownu couldn’t believe that Hyungwon would be so reckless in the first place, so … _confident?_

“No.” He shook his head, frowning at his trainer. “It’s physically impossible for me to get hurt by a weapon or anything else. I feel pain, but …” He didn’t finish his sentence and a distressed expression settled on his face. Perhaps he knew that Shownu didn’t believe him, but then, how could he?

“No one is invincible”, Shownu said bitterly, while his mind drifted off to Wonho for a second. _Even the strongest people still hurt sometimes._

Hyungwon sighed. He got up from the mat and his eyes found their calm again; his face returned to its usual firmness. “I’ll show you.”

Before Shownu had time to answer, Hyungwon was walking towards the door of the training room where he had stored a couple of his belongings on one of the benches. He grabbed something that Shownu couldn’t see from where he was standing and then, returned to his trainer, who had gotten up from the mat now as well.

“What are you …?”, but the words froze in his throat as he spotted the silver blade in his student’s hand.

_Stop this nonsense!,_ is what he wanted to yell at him, but Hyungwon quickly raised the small knife and drew a thin, long line in the palm of his hand. His expression twisted in pain for a second and Shownu saw blood at the place where the blade had cut. However, it didn’t run through Hyungwon’s fingers; it didn’t drop on the mat beneath his student’s feet; in fact, in a matter of a split second, the wound had disappeared from Hyungwon’s palm again.

A sudden realization swept every lost thought from Shownu’s mind, leaving a trail of only emptiness. Why wasn’t he more shocked, more upset? Was there something he had sensed all along? Something in the secrecy of Hyungwon’s smile perhaps?

“See”, his student said in a monotonous voice. “There’s pain but no lasting injury.”

Shownu looked up from Hyungwon’s uninjured hand. There was a question pressing forward in his thoughts, a question – _a suspicion_? – that he had been meaning to ask since their first meeting: “Are you a traveler?”

Hyungwon’s dark gaze was resting unswervingly on his face. Once more, he ignored Shownu’s question. “I guess it’s time to talk now. I didn’t plan to do it this soon, but things have proven themselves to be more difficult lately.” He inhaled and sighed deeply. “We better get Jooheon for this as well.”

That, however, sparked Shownu’s confusion. “ _Jooheon?_ ”, he repeated doubtingly.

Hyungwon nodded firmly. “I _promise_ , I will explain as much as I can. For now, I need you to trust me.”

“Trust you?”, Shownu scoffed. “You show up out of nowhere, you never answer any of my questions and now you’re some superhero or something?”

A half smile … _too calm?_ “Not quite.” Then, he added: “We need Jooheon for this. I’ll explain.” Something in the dark depth of his eyes … “ _Please_.”

_After all of this, why do I feel like I can trust him? Why doesn’t he look like a dangerous person to me, is my knowledge of human nature really this bad?_

Shownu didn’t know why; he didn’t know what notion, what intuition, urged him to agree to Hyungwon’s request, but he did. Normally, it was easy for him to tell who was lying, who was wearing a mask or playing a role. With his past and the watchfulness of his father, Shownu had always been capable of thinking rationally, of acting carefully and choosing the safest solution for his problems. But there was another part of his mind, a desire that was impatiently awaiting its chance to surface – break out, break free from this slowly but steadily built routine … _(It feels good to hide, doesn’t it?)_ Today, it seemed, it was finally time to take the first step, to dare and leave cover.

“Fine”, Shownu answered. “But I’m not leaving you out of my sight for now.”

Hyungwon gave him a warm smile. “I’m right behind you.”

They left the training hall that they had been practicing in until now and crossed the hallway that led to the other separate rooms. Faint sounds were audible behind one of the doors – someone hitting one of the punching bags, _hard_. Usually, the gym was completely empty at this hour but Shownu just couldn’t bring himself to kick out Jooheon when it was probably the last place that he had to go to after today.

Hesitantly, he opened the heavy door and entered the room, Hyungwon’s presence right behind him. What was about to happen? What would he reveal?

A tension was flooding the air and as if Jooheon could sense it as well, his movements stopped, and he raised his head at the unexpected visitors. Sweat was dripping from his face and he was breathing heavily from the exhaustion. “What’s wrong?”, he asked, still panting, while lowering his fists and looking warily from Shownu to Hyungwon.

“We just want to talk”, Shownu explained and smiled to try and lighten the mood.

Jooheon had been staring at Hyungwon and only now brought his attention back to his trainer. “There’s nothing to talk about.” He was turning away from them to continue punching the bag dangling from a chain at the ceiling behind him.

Before he could land his first punch, Hyungwon took a step forward, so that he was standing next to Shownu. “He responded to the message, right?”

Jooheon froze in his movement as if Hyungwon’s words had struck him like a bolt of lightning. Shownu shot his new student a confused look. “What are you talking about?” Then, his gaze drifted back to Jooheon. “What message?”

“Give me a chance to explain myself”, Hyungwon answered calmly, his eyes still resting on Jooheon on the other side of the room. “ _Please_.”

_There it is again,_ Shownu thought. _The same request – so plain and unfounded … but still, in no way declinable._

“Fine”, Jooheon agreed hoarsely. He raised his gaze at them again, the same lost expression in his warm eyes – surrender even? – as if to say: What does it all mean? Why can’t the world just leave me alone for a second? And strangely, Shownu understood exactly what he felt but didn’t voice.

“Thank you.” Hyungwon nodded. Then, he took a breath as if to prepare for an important speech. “I didn’t plan for everything to take place like this, but …”, concern twisted his face for a second, “I guess it’s only fair to let you know now.”

Jooheon was walking towards them, unwinding the bandages from his hands and stretching his fingers carefully.

When no one said anything else, Hyungwon sighed. “I’ve mentioned this before, my name is Chae Hyungwon.” His eyes shifted from Jooheon to Shownu. “I’m a former member of DRAMA. Lately, they’re mostly known as the dark agents or hounds.”

The word _hounds_ echoed through Shownu’s memory, bumping into several conversations with travelers who had visited the gym in the last couple of weeks, months.

_(They’re dangerous.)_

_(Something is up with that organization lately, they’re way more present than usual.)_

_(It’s like they’re looking for something or someone.)_

_(People have gone missing.)_

Yes, people have gone missing. Only that it wasn’t just ‘people’ anymore, it was his friend, his brother, who was now missing. Since this new student had booked his private lesson since his odd comment about Wonho’s health last night … Did Wonho travel and those hounds caught him? Did Hyungwon spy on them to deliver information on Wonho’s traveling? Had Shownu’s gut feeling really failed him this time?

He felt his hands forming into fists next to his body. “You’re a _hound?_ And you dare to step into this gym? Dare to _spy on us?_ ”

Hyungwon shook his head. “ _Former member._ I’m not with them anymore.” And then, as if to emphasize his separation from them once more: “I’m _not_.”

And Shownu _believed_ him, that’s what upset him even more. “Then why did Wonho disappear the night that you first showed up here? Do you know where he is?” He took a step forward, struggling to keep his hands by his sides to not seize Hyungwon and force him to reveal what he knew. “If you’re not one of them anymore, then _tell me_.”

But before Hyungwon could answer him, Jooheon’s confusion cut through Shownu’s cross-examination: “What are you even talking about? What the hell is DRAMA?”

As desperately as he wanted answers himself, Shownu suddenly realized that Jooheon was with them as well. Jooheon knew nothing about time travel. Why was he with them, then? What was Hyungwon’s plan?

“DRAMA is a secret organization founded by the government to supervise and regulate time travel activities as well as the existence of different dimensions”, Hyungwon answered in a monotonous voice as if he was reading some kind of textbook definition. “At least that’s what the official description says. Dimensional Rebuilding And Monitoring Agency … DRAMA.”

Shownu scoffed. “They’re called hounds because they hunt people down who travel without _permission_ from the government.” He couldn’t even bear thinking about what they would do to Wonho if they caught him.

There was an unreadable expression on Jooheon’s face. He seemed to process all of the new information but didn’t seem shocked about them at all. When he spoke again, his gaze was filled with hesitation. “Time travel?”, he asked. “How many people know about this?”

“Only a few”, Shownu answered. “Those whose families were travelers, mostly.” The image of his father returned to his mind for a second and the price he had to pay for a life filled with traveling. _Is it ever worth it?_

“But the government knows?” Jooheon frowned. “Of course.” His thoughts seemed occupied with more questions that he didn’t reveal to them yet.

“They want to control it”, Hyungwon explained. “That’s why they’re testing their technologies on humans.”

Both Shownu’s and Jooheon’s gaze simultaneously shifted to Hyungwon again.

“You’re kidding”, Jooheon said.

But Shownu knew that he was telling the truth. _People have gone missing._

“I’m afraid I’m not, no.”

Of course, why would people in this organization be able to travel that much without suffering any physical consequences?

“They’re testing on humans to reduce the risk of getting sick through extensive traveling”, Shownu finished his thought.

Hyungwon nodded at him, then said to Jooheon: “Traveling between dimensions and different timelines has a certain … _impact_ on your body.”

Shownu thought about his father and the same pained expression on Wonho’s face as he was trying to hide what was really going on. “There’s always a price.”

Jooheon contracted his eyebrows. “If you’re not a member of this organization anymore”, he asked, eyeing Hyungwon suspiciously. “ _Who_ are you?”

_That’s what I’d like to know, but more importantly …_ “And what about Wonho?”

Hyungwon sighed again. “Believe me, there’s no one that hates these people more than I do”, he stressed firmly. “You’re right”, he nodded at Shownu, “I’m the one who sent Wonho away for now. He’s on his way to get the others.”

Shownu couldn’t believe this man in front of him who seemed to speak only in riddles. “The _others_?”

Hyungwon nodded once more. “I don’t intend any harm to you.” His eyes moved from Shownu to Jooheon whose expression was about as confused as that of his trainer. “All of you, you’re my responsibility. But everyone needs to play their part for now, it’s necessary.” His jaw tensed for a second and his voice became more urgent. “You two as well.”

Jooheon, who had returned to looking lost and exhausted, shook his head as if to refuse the words he had just heard. “If time travel exists, can I go back and save Kihyun?” There was a small spark of hope in his question – his eyes even as they shifted from Hyungwon to Shownu – and a tremble as if it could shatter into a thousand pieces any minute.

Hyungwon looked at him for a moment – compassion, _I’m sorry_ , but then also … honesty. “You can, yes, but it wouldn’t change anything for now. Kihyun was trying to play his part and you should take yours as well.” He reached into the pocket of his suit jacket that he had taken with him from the training room and offered something to Jooheon. A silver object, a watch. _The same one that I found in the locker room yesterday. Why am I not even surprised?_

Shownu saw something fall out of Jooheon’s face – patience maybe? – and for a moment, he looked like someone who had thrown a thousand plates to the ground just to see them break, to feel that they were real. “I don’t want your watch”, he responded angrily. “I don’t want anything to do with this!”

“Jooheon …” But Shownu didn’t know what to say to him; he didn’t know how to console him. The only truth that he could’ve told him was: _You can’t bring him back. A life is a life. There’s always a price._

Jooheon was walking past them now, on his way to the door to leave. Before he reached it, Hyungwon raised his voice again, calmly as if he somehow expected all of this to happen. “You need to make a decision soon. There has to be 7 of us, otherwise it won’t work.”

Jooheon stopped in his tracks. He didn’t turn around but there was another tremble of frustration in his voice. “I don’t care about 7”, he said bitterly. “I care about one person and he is dead.”

The words seemed to echo through the room for a second. A door slammed shut and Jooheon was gone. He had taken a part of the tension with him, so that the room now felt strangely empty and quiet around Shownu and his secretive student.

“I know it’s a lot to take in”, Hyungwon was the one breaking the silence piling up between them, “but everything will fall into place eventually, it has to …”

“Why 7?”, Shownu asked, thinking about the words he had said earlier: _“He’s on his way to get the others.”_

A sad smile spread across Hyungwon’s face as his gaze drifted off into the air to a distant memory, one apparently long gone. “I handed my soul to DRAMA in order to make my father proud … to prove something I never possessed. All they did was rip it apart.” He looked up again and his black eyes met Shownu’s with another wordless request. “All that this organization cares about is money. I'm a shell now. I'm no one. You saw it yourself, my body isn’t even present enough right now to become injured. Without the six of you, I'm no one. Things will get only worse for all of us if DRAMA becomes more powerful. You might not believe me yet, but every piece will come together, that's what the watches are for.”

“Like this one?” Shownu pointed at the silver object in Hyungwon’s hand. Then, his hands became fists again. “Like the one you left for me?”

Hyungwon put Jooheon’s watch back into the pocket of his jacket and faintly smiled at Shownu, almost as if he was proud that his trainer had figured that one out on his own. “It’s yours.”

But Shownu wasn’t sure whether all of this made sense to him yet, whether all of this was something that he was supposed to step back into so recklessly. “I don’t think you have the right person here”, he said, his voice filled with doubt. “I have nothing to do with this kind of business anymore.”

“Although you may not have used your abilities in a long time, they’re still there”, Hyungwon answered. “We can’t do it without your help.”

_We. Why is he referring to ‘us’ as if we’re part of a team or something? Who even are the others that he’s constantly talking about?_

Shownu softly shook his head. “So, you didn’t come here for Kumdo lessons.” A smile took a hold of the corner of his mouth. “You did your research on me.”

“I know that you’re exceptionally skilled, as I already told you. This isn’t a matter of convenience anymore”, Hyungwon stressed again. “DRAMA is looking for weaknesses and we can’t let them find the others. For now, we’re safe, but time is running …”

“I _can’t_ ”, Shownu interrupted him angrily. “I’ve turned away from traveling a long time ago because I’ve had my reasons.” Wasn’t it obvious by now? “I can’t go back to that dark place, not for someone I’ve barely even met.”

Hyungwon smiled faintly – secrets and a hint of sadness. “What about Wonho?”

_Yes, what about him?_ , a spiteful voice in the back of his mind kept repeating. _What about the person you call ‘brother’? The person you wanted to protect but couldn’t? You’re too scared to face the unknown, aren’t you? Scared you might break apart as you did 4 years ago when your father died?_

Shownu lowered his head as guilt kept rushing over him, the wall in front of him so high that he lost hope just staring up at it. “I can’t.”

He saw Hyungwon nod in the corner of his eyes. “You should keep the watch nevertheless.” There was another intention clinging to his words that he didn’t say out loud: _In case you’ll change your mind._

After Shownu didn’t reply to his student’s mysterious request, Hyungwon gathered his things. “I should leave now, it’s getting late.” And with the same honesty as before, he added: “I’m sorry about all of this, I really am.” He didn’t wait for Shownu to answer; just like Jooheon a couple of minutes ago, he started walking towards the door of the empty training room.

Steps tapping hollowly over the floor, further away, second by second.

_What are the chances?_

_What about Wonho?_

“How do you know that Wonho is sick?” Shownu felt himself turning around, his gaze hurrying over to Hyungwon’s tall figure in the doorframe. “How can you be _sure_?”

Wasn’t this similar to the first time that they had met? When he was leaving the gym while Wonho entered? But this time, no one came walking through that door. No familiar face, no moment of relief that reassured him that Wonho was actually alright.

“You saw his state for yourself”, Hyungwon said without turning around. “The exhaustion, the pain that he’s trying to hide …” He lowered his head slightly. “How did you know your father would die soon when the traveling started affecting his health? How could you be _sure?_ Perhaps it’s just a gut feeling, or perhaps it’s all for a reason.” He stepped through the door, looking back once above his shoulder – Shownu found himself standing at the edge of a cliff, falling right into those dark, all-knowing eyes. “I really do hope, we’ll see each other again.” Then, the door closed and he was gone.

Silence embraced the room again, only the faint echo of Hyungwon’s promise was drifting through the air, trying to get a hold of Shownu’s thoughts. He couldn’t believe this person that had stumbled into his life so abruptly, stirring up so many questions and long-buried memories. A stranger to him, after all of his both revealed and kept secrets now more than ever and still, Shownu couldn’t shake the impression that there was something else waiting for him. A former member of DRAMA showed up and wanted him to help get ‘the others’ whoever those people might be.

_If I am one of them, if Jooheon is one of them … is Wonho one of them as well? What if I can save him after all? What if refusing to help will hurt him wherever he is now? …_

No, was this right? After all this time, all those years of refusing to travel, of turning his back on this dangerous activity … Was he now forced to dive back in?

_He mentioned my father, so he does know a lot about me already. Is that why he seems so familiar? Have I met him before? Did he, by any chance, know my father? But then, he seems to be my age, even younger … How is this possible?_

As thoroughly as he tried to puzzle every piece together, he wasn’t able to see the full picture just yet. His rationality wouldn’t help him at this point. Everything he had left was a gut feeling, an _intuition_ that urged him to consider all of this craziness for a moment.  
Back when he was younger and training his energy to use it for traveling, his father had told him about those people who existed between several timelines, several dimensions even. He had called them ‘ghosts’; other travelers that Shownu had encountered since he had taken over the gym called them ‘phantoms’. He had never thought about those stories as something that was real, rather as something that parents told their children to emphasize the dangers of traveling. He vaguely remembered his Dad’s words: _“Someone who is always lost. Someone who travels through dimensions without fully existing.”_

Hyungwon’s words came back to his mind and the saddened expression contouring his face: _“I'm a shell now. I'm no one. You saw it yourself, my body isn’t even present enough right now to become injured.”_

“Why can we see him then?”, Shownu mumbled into the silence of the empty room around him, retracting his eyebrows. Wasn’t that the reason why everyone just talked about phantoms without ever having encountered one? _Because they’re ghosts, invisible to the human eye._

He was pacing the room for a matter of seconds before returning to the training hall and sitting down on a bench next to the door, looking at the watch that Hyungwon had left for him the night before. It felt cold and smooth in his hands – _like a secret_? – and on the back of the metal surface he once more spotted the engraving, written in thin, elegant letters: _My time stops, I can’t move._

After rereading the sentence several times, Shownu shook his head, a desperate smile forming on his lips. “Isn’t that fitting?”, he whispered bitterly.

_I can't move … I tried to warn Wonho about the hounds; I tried to help him._ However, he couldn’t shake the lurking feeling of guilt peeking over his shoulder with a mean grin. _(Liar! Have you tried enough? Wasn’t it just so easy to let him run into his own misery? It’s so convenient to pretend to care, isn’t it?)_

He felt a headache approaching and he couldn’t bear this part of him taking control again and again. Wasn’t it time to accept the choices that were made in the past, right or wrong? Wasn’t it time to eventually try and climb that wall in front of him, instead of anxiously glaring up at it all the time?

_Maybe if I had talked to him more, he would've stopped. He wouldn't be sick now._ Yes maybe, but what good was it doing now to delve into every possible mistake of the past?

_I can't move. I've been telling myself that all those years ... that I can't help anyone anymore, that I can never overcome my walls because they’ve grown out of reach. And why? Because it hurts_ me _too much? Because of_ my own _trauma? How can I call myself a teacher and a trainer when I can't even protect the people close to me, protect my students and the one person that I consider a brother? No … Perhaps it's finally time to move again. Perhaps it's time to stop lying to myself._


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Graphic Depictions of Violence

**Chapter 12**

**(Wonho), ???**

_I’m trapped in the big picture you’ve drawn._

Wonho’s eyelids felt heavy as he opened them slowly against the brightness that was already awaiting him. His vision cleared, but there was a feeling clinging to his body like an immovable blanket wrapped around him, squeezing tightly on his mind and balance.

He found himself sitting on bare asphalt, leaning against the rough wall of a building behind him. The sky above was soaked in dark grey color as if the day was already coming to an end. However, Wonho couldn’t even identify his surroundings or recall how he had ended up here in the first place. Judging from the shabby containers and dirty sidewalks around him, he seemed to be in some kind of side street or alley.

_Did someone mug me?,_ was his first thought. But when his gaze got a hold of his sports bag next to him with all of his belongings still there, he ruled out a potential assault. Still, something didn’t add up. When he was walking home from the gym, it was already late at night, but the sky above him now showed grey clouds and the promise of rain. Even though he couldn’t tell what time of day it was, Wonho felt like hours and hours had already passed since he had stepped out of the gym. Did he spend the night in this alley? If someone had overpowered him, why was all of his stuff still here?

_All of it,_ he thought, and a silver dot appeared in a corner of his mind, _except that … watch?_

Suddenly, a flood of memories hit him like a bolt of lightning: _I was walking home after working out at the gym … this man bumped into me on the way out … that goddamn headache … this weird, broken watch in my pocket … and then, nothing? …_

Instinctively, Wonho’s hands began searching for a smooth, silver object. The asphalt felt rough on his skin as he sat up and looked around. However, there wasn’t any watch near him – not in his pockets, not in his sports bag, not on the ground. For a second, he questioned whether he had been dreaming all of this – or whether he was still dreaming now – but then again, he didn’t have a real dream in years; his sleep was always black and gapless. But if it wasn’t a dream, why was there nothing Wonho could remember from the previous night except losing consciousness in the middle of the street. Could it be possible that he accidentally traveled to another timeline? …

Because sitting around surely wouldn’t help him gaining any kind of orientation of where he actually was, Wonho decided to explore the area and maybe find some information about his whereabouts. Perhaps he would even find the watch somewhere if he had lost it on his way (or during the potential time travel). But as he got up from the ground, he felt a way too familiar pain soaring through his temples, making him press his eyes together and taking a deep breath.

“Well, at least I know I’m still screwed”, he mumbled to himself while gathering his belongings and starting his investigation of the weirdly empty neighborhood. An eerie feeling spread through his bones the further he walked down the pavement and the more time passed where he didn’t see a single soul – no cars, no people, no birds picking up crumbs from the streets … It felt like he was walking through a ghost town, unlike every place he had been to during his travels. _Well, if I really ended up traveling, there is one option … but this can’t be possible._

He had briefly heard about some kind of place that people occasionally got lost in during their time travel activities, but wasn’t it just some rumor that was supposed to scare people away? Information spread by the government to prevent traveling in general?

Whatever this place was, Wonho hadn’t been here before. Nothing in these strangely abandoned streets seemed in the slightest way familiar to him. After walking around aimlessly for about half an hour, unease started to take over his thoughts. There was no watch anywhere near the area that he had woken up in and the fact that he couldn’t tell what time of day it was didn’t help either. Moreover, his phone didn’t seem to find any connection and made it impossible to call for help – or look for a map. But there was something else bothering him with every second that he couldn’t figure out what to do next … The face of his mother appeared in his mind, warm eyes and quiet concern – What if she was waiting for him right now, expecting his visit and for the first time, he wouldn’t show up?

Wonho had never thought about himself as an overly emotional person but now, he felt regret and worry welling up in his chest. And then, he suddenly thought about Shownu who had told him so many times that with every travel he risked his health. Was this really how everything was going to end for him? Was this supposed to be the end of his search for a treatment and cure for his sick mother?

A few loose pebbles were crunching under his shoes as he reached the end of another alley a few blocks from where he had woken up. But it wasn’t the only sound that suddenly reached him … Faint voices traveled through the streets and made Wonho stop in his tracks. He felt his body tense and his mind started racing while he considered various options on where to hide quickly. He decided to keep himself hidden for now and to carefully observe the situation; there was no need to get spotted by strangers in an eerie place like this. Moreover, this danger wasn’t new to Wonho; on the contrary, most of his trips to other timelines ended with him being chased by authorities because he had been hacking into a company server, stealing money or information that others considered valuable. Sometimes, when he told Shownu about this, his trainer would look at him with a deep frown and sigh, telling him: _“I’m just saying I wish you would earn your money in a less dangerous way. But you’ve always been the one to find a way around all sorts of regulations, so it might as well be that I’m the naïve one here.”_ It was a fleeting memory – a flash in his brain like someone had turned on the light switch for a second before changing their mind again.

_If I’m so smart as he always said I was,_ Wonho thought stubbornly while crouching in between a brick wall and a very dusty, shabby-looking car wreck, _why can’t I figure out what happened to me and where I am? It’s like I’m making those pathetic beginner’s mistakes all over again._

The approaching footsteps that belonged to the faint voices became louder now and the mumbling of those people turned into an actual conversation that Wonho could partially follow.

“Don't you want to know about the real world? When you haven't been there for so long, I mean.”

“Well, if you can't shut up about it, then tell me something about your great life in the real world.”

“It’s not _that_ great actually. I have a normal job, a family that I see quite often, friends …”

“Sounds pretty boring to me.”

“I’m not even sure if I miss it that much”

The footsteps stopped for a moment; the two strangers were now right next to Wonho on the other side of the alley. He couldn’t recognize much, just two dark-clothed figures, who were wearing hoods … _and probably weapons?_

They started walking again after a few seconds of tensed silence and inaudible mumbling – Wonho thought they had spotted him somehow, even though he was barely visible behind the rusty car. His breathing relaxed a bit as the two people started to distance themselves from him again. They were probably on some kind of patrol? At least their patchy, outworn clothing indicated that this place – wherever it was – was different from the neighborhood that Wonho had lost his consciousness in. Their voices were now quieter than before and he couldn’t really understand what they were talking about, only parts of it reached his ears.

“Getting by”

“… dimension you’re in …”

“Can you … poem from?”

“… glitch … found it …”

“… keep moving …”

When Wonho couldn’t hear them talking anymore, he came forward from his hiding spot and cleaned his clothes from all the dust and dirt now clinging to his shirt and jeans. He felt strange about the casual conversation that he had just heard when those strangers appeared like some kind of gang patrolling the streets. Nevertheless, something about it had sparked Wonho’s interest … They had talked about _the real world_ and _dimensions_ as if the one they were currently in wasn’t real at all. Perhaps it really was a dream that he was trapped in, but then again … what about the encounter with that strangely elegant man at the gym? What about his watch? Yes, Wonho was convinced that this watch belonged to him … He knew that a lot of travelers came to Shownu’s gym mostly to train their bodies, but also to share information about their trips and experiences. Of course, Shownu didn’t want anything to do with all of this. He tolerated it to some extent – mainly to uphold his father’s acquaintances and old friends – but he never got involved in any way. What if Shownu found out that some of his customers were creating trouble around the gym? But for what reason?

_As soon as I get back, I’m gonna tell him …_ But how was he supposed to get back?

“The watch”, Wonho mumbled to himself while shouldering his bag and returning to the street that the alley was leading to. _But what good can this watch do if I’m really in the lost dimension right now?_

It almost angered him that so many questions were forming in his mind at once. Normally, he had a plan; normally, he had control over the situations that he put himself in, no matter how dangerous they were. But right now, all he had left was a pulsating headache and a balloon of uncertainty stretching in his chest, ready to burst any second. Something – and he couldn’t quite tell what exactly it was, an intention, a _feeling_ perhaps? – led him back to the place that he had first woken up in. He walked towards the spot by the wall, almost expecting to find a watch there; his steps became faster, almost rushed and something was reassuring him (a gut feeling?) that if he just looked closely enough …

But the grey asphalt beneath the wall was empty just as it had been when Wonho had gotten up before: pebbles, some parched weeds in the cracks of the pavement, dirt and dust. Wonho was staring down at the ground, contracting his eyebrows as the stinging pain in his temples increased again. _Nothing here_ , it seemed to mock him. _A shame, isn’t it?_

He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to breathe calmly through the aching in his head. The muscles in his body started to tense and his hands formed into fists. A thin line stretched across his mind, ready to rip apart any second. Thoughts weighed heavily on it – his mother’s concerned expression, for example, or Shownu’s somber eyes that held so much unspoken worry for Wonho …

_Why? Why is it that everyone seems so anxious about me?_ He wanted to yell at them, wanted to tell them that he didn’t matter in all of this, that he wasn’t living for himself and that this was _his choice_ and always had been … _Why can’t they understand that I’m the one carrying the burden, so they don’t have to? It’s my decision, mine alone._

An unexpected and rather unusual sound brought Wonho back from the tightrope that he was balancing on in his mind. He opened his eyes again as the wave of sudden emotion slowly receded and gave room for reality again. But then, was this even reality?

Right in front of his feet, at the spot where he had been sitting only half an hour ago, an unusual brush of color caught his gaze … _a turtle?_ walking across the pavement as if it was the most normal thing in this world.

Wonho blinked, questioning his sanity for a second, but the turtle didn’t vanish. On the contrary, there was something on its back that Wonho only noticed now that he observed the small creature more thoroughly. He crouched down to look at its shell … there was a number written on it – faintly and hardly recognizable but very present and _real?_ It was the number 7.

Before Wonho could reach out to the turtle at his feet, touch it and feel that it wasn’t just a hallucination from his headache, the small creature vanished in a short, white and blue flash right in front of his eyes like someone had taken a picture with an invisible camera. His hands touched the ground where a second ago the turtle had been walking slowly over the asphalt; now, the spot was empty again just like Wonho had found it.

_Am I losing my mind?_ For a moment, Wonho wasn’t sure. What if the pain in his temples meant something more serious than a simple headache? What if Shownu was right? What if …

_It doesn’t matter_ , was what he told himself to interfere with the rising unease. _If_ there was something wrong with him it just meant that he had to work harder, faster in order to help his mother. _A bit of pressure can never do any harm to meet a deadline, can it? Literally._

He tried to think about the number 7 and what it could mean … Was it something to get him out of here? Some kind of hint? But who would want to help me if no one knows where I am anyway? Do I know something that my subconscious is trying to tell me? …

“I should leave now, it’s getting late.”

The sudden male voice that appeared right behind his back startled Wonho and made him turn around in an abrupt motion, ready to defend himself with his bare hands – even though he didn’t have any weapons or equipment on him, his instincts were mainly trained on vigilance; in his missions, he couldn’t even risk for one second to lose focus because it would cost him his life. However, the alley that was surrounding him was completely empty. A few loose, torn pieces of cloth were silently waving from the top of the buildings in the wind, apart from that there was not motion, no indication for the presence of another person. And still …

“I’m sorry about all of this, I really am.” The same voice again. _(Wasn’t it somehow familiar?)_ It sounded like the man that was talking was standing right next to Wonho, but again, there was no one there.

Then, a second voice. And this one hit him like a punch in the face: “How do you know that Wonho is sick?”

_Shownu?_ Wonho turned around once more, desperately searching for something – someone – who wasn’t present, who wasn’t _here_ , but whose voice was.

_Who is he talking to? And why about me? I am sick? I …_ His thoughts kicked into overdrive, spiraling down the road of unease from before; and again, it overwhelmed Wonho. He couldn’t do anything except stare at the invisible source where the voices were coming from.

“How can you be _sure_?”, Shownu asked the other person.

And suddenly, Wonho knew.

The man bumping into him at the gym, _his_ watch, _his_ doing. He had sent him here – wherever _here_ was – to separate him from Shownu? To follow some kind of plan? Perhaps he was one of those hounds that Shownu had warned him about?

_But then, how does he know I’m sick? How does he know about my headache?_ And another question that Wonho didn’t even dare to think about because it … scared him: _What if he’s telling the truth?_

A few seconds later, the man in the grey suit – or his voice at least – answered Wonho’s questions: “You saw his state for yourself. The exhaustion, the pain that he’s trying to hide … How did you know your father would die soon when the traveling started affecting his health? How could you be _sure?_ Perhaps it’s just a gut feeling, or perhaps it’s all for a reason.”

After a short pause, the calm voice of the stranger added something else, but got cut off by another bright flash of light: “I really do hope–”

Silence. Pain in Wonho’s temples as if to underline everything that the stranger had said about him. Shownu. His mother. _Sick? I am sick? What does that even mean? Sick like Shownu’s father? …_

Wonho had never shown sincere interest in getting to know Shownu’s family. They had been there for each other but kept to themselves nevertheless. Wonho had only faint memories about Shownu’s father from the gym when he was still a teenager. A tall, muscular man with an intimidating smile, and one day … he just hadn’t been there anymore. He had never thought about Shownu’s loss and how it compared to Wonho’s mother in a way. In fact, as absurd as it appeared to him now, Shownu was always asking about Wonho’s mother, he _cared_.

_Why did it never occur to me that he felt a connection with me because of our parents? But then … was it just that?_

Shownu was a part of his life, one that he could take for granted, someone to rely on in any situation. Someone who had been bugging him since he was an angry teenager and even now as a – not quite less – angry adult. And in that quiet moment in the abandoned alley, Wonho could only think about one thing, one that he had probably lost already without realizing: _Family._

That anger from before came rushing back to him, overshadowing all of the new information. How often had he been in situations where the outcome was unclear? Where he had thought he couldn’t escape this time, couldn’t return? And still, Wonho had never felt like this before. _Lost?_ He felt stuck and frustrated both. Whatever this vision that he just had was … _almost like a glitch in some kind of disrupted system …_ he had to get back to his mother. He had to take care of his mother and find a treatment for her illness.

_But you won’t be able to do this if you’re dying yourself, will you?,_ a spiteful whisper said in the corner of his mind, the slightest bit of concern, panic even.

_I don’t even know if it’s real!_ , Wonho wanted to shout at the voice, but a stinging pain in his temple held him back and made him squint his eyes again. It almost felt like a confirmation of everything that he had heard earlier. And he could sense the headache getting worse by now.

He was pacing the alley downwards, holding his head and trying to breathe steadily to concentrate on what to do next. But the only thing on his mind was his mother and a simple but hurtful realization: _If I’m not there to help her, no one will._

The string that had been pulling on his patience snapped – silently but impactfully. Anger embraced him and without thinking about it, he lashed out at the car wreck, that he had been hiding behind earlier, and trashed the windows – or what was left of them – with a hard, determined punch of his fist. Glass shards splintered around him with a loud clank, hit his arms, hands, some even brushed his cheeks. Warmth spread through his fingers as the small cuts started to bleed. However, he couldn’t feel any pain; his headache overpowered it all, his anger, frustration and the hint of guilt crawling up his throat ever so slyly. He opened his mouth and yelled at the sky and no one at all because it didn’t mean anything.

It was already too late for him to react when a couple of hurried footsteps entered the alley and approached him from behind. He didn’t notice them while still staring at his bleeding, numb hands. The only thing he noticed was an abrupt, sharp pain at the back of his head that – combined with the one in his temples – sent him straight into blackness.

When Wonho opened his eyes again – the impact of the hit on his head still very much present as well as the pain in his temples –, he didn’t see any bright, grey clouds above him, only black tiles and stones wherever he directed his gaze. The smell was different, too – musty and damp like he had just entered an old basement. It was hard to keep his eyes open and blink through the dizziness that was clinging to him like a thick veil. He wanted to get up to regain his sense of balance, but somehow, it wasn’t possible. His hands were tied behind his back and his feet stuck together as well. The chair that he was constrained to felt stiff and painful at the parts that were digging into his skin. With his eyes closed to suppress a rising nausea, Wonho tried to free himself from the wire that was wrapped around his hands and feet. But as much as he struggled, he couldn’t manage to loosen them to the slightest extent.

_This isn’t the usual kidnapping_. It wasn’t the first time that some assholes had captured him, but he couldn’t ignore the hunch that this wasn’t like any of the other times. Furthermore, his own recklessness back in the alley frustrated him; he had lost his temper and his vigilance for one second and this was the price he had to pay for it. But then … _Who the hell is capturing people in the middle of nowhere?_

As if to answer Wonho’s question, a door at the opposite side of the room opened with shrill squeaking and three men stepped into the dark, empty room. A few faint rays of light were entering somewhere behind Wonho’s head and made it possible to see their black suits and hair as well as some kind of suitcase that one of them was carrying.

“Oh, so he’s awake”, one of the men said with a chuckle. He stayed back, leaning against the wall next to the door while the other two stepped forward.

Wonho kept his head down while his body tensed, and his headache was pecking on like a relentless bird searching for food. His hair fell in strands over his eyes and he clenched his teeth, trying to breathe through his nose calmly.

“Playing tough now?”, a deep voice right next to his ear asked mockingly.

Wonho didn’t answer.

There was a clicking sound – once, twice … Then someone – with their hand in a dark leather glove – grabbed Wonho’s chin in a rough movement, forcing him to look up at his capturers, the cool fabric digging into Wonho’s skin like claws. In the dim lighting of the black room, their faces seemed grey and firm, towering over him like … _clouds?_

“Listen”, the man who was still grabbing his head moved his face a little closer now. “You’re gonna answer some of our questions and you’re free to go.” He let go of Wonho, raising his hands as if to underline his words. A hollow smile got a hold of his lips and Wonho could feel a shiver run down his spine – perhaps it was the dark and isolated room that he was trapped in, but the men’s eyes were completely empty, inviting him to fall, fall, fall and never reach any kind of light ever again.

“We found this”, the other man said, pulling a silver object from his pocket, “in the same area that we found you in.”

Wonho didn’t recognize the watch at first, but when he realized that it was the one thing that he had been looking for so desperately, he couldn’t contain his shock. The men seemed to notice because the one holding the watch started to smile, too.

“So, it _does_ belong to you”, he added in an almost pleased tone. “Now, you need to tell us where you got it.”

_There’s no doubt that those assholes are hounds,_ Wonho thought, lowering his head again and closing his eyes for a moment. _Turns out Shownu’s concern was justified after all. What would he say to me if he knew I was here right now? ‘Hoseok, I told you to be careful.’ And I would probably tell him that he sounds like my mother._

Sharp, sudden pain hit him all over the right side of his face and he gasped in surprise as his head shot up to look at the man in front of him. One of them was adjusting his glove, staring down at Wonho with a threatening gaze. “I thought we made ourselves clear. We ask the questions and you answer.”

Wonho clenched his teeth, trying to remain calm. “I don’t know where it’s from”, he grunted. “I found it in my pocket.”

“ _Bullshit_!”, the third man at the door snarled loudly.

One of the agents in front of him reached for the suitcase and opened it up on the ground next to them. Wonho could see several different knives, pliers and other objects in there that were clearly reserved for torture. He just _knew._

“Do you know this person?”, the second man with the black leather gloves asked, holding a small picture in front of his face.

The man in the photograph was wearing a grey suit, his hair dark with a slight red gleam to it and his eyes black like those of the hounds, but less empty; his eyes seemed almost _full_ – Full of secrets? Full of … compassion? It was the same man that had bumped into Wonho when he was leaving the gym; the same man that had told Shownu that Wonho was sick.

The hound with the suitcase seemed to grow impatient with Wonho’s silence. He began spinning one of the knives in his hands like a silent threat.

“I don’t know him”, Wonho said. _Wasn’t that the truth?_

In a quick motion, the knife cut through Wonho’s shirt, leaving a line of stinging pain on his arm that made his face twist in anguish. _A deep cut, but not too deep to cause serious damage. They know what they’re doing._

“Once again, shall we?” The man with the knife and all-consuming eyes said hollowly.

Wonho didn’t count the cuts on his arms or the ones on his legs; they stabbed him several times after that, which almost caused him to pass out from the pain. Blood was soaking through his jeans and shirt while he tried not to scream and grant those hounds the satisfaction of seeing him suffer, unable to move his body in any way.

Another hard punch with the leather glove managed to keep him awake in a state of dizziness like he was covered under a thick dome of aching. No one could hear him down there anyway – the hounds made sure to tell him that a couple of times – and for the first time in a long time in his life, Wonho felt helpless. It was a feeling he hadn’t encountered since his childhood when he was a weak little boy, defenseless against the bullies in his class. _(… “Weak. You’re so_ weak _! I can step on you any time I want and you can do nothing about it! You’re such a loser. You’ll never be anyone. Running to your Mom again? …)_

“I think this may not work on him”, the third man next to the door commented after some time had passed.

The hound with the suitcase reached down for something else that Wonho couldn’t see because the whole room was spinning around him – _Have I lost too much blood already? …_

“You’re a pain in the ass”, the hound said, showing him the picture of the stranger again. “But you know something. I can see it in your pretty brown eyes.”

“You know”, the other one added, “it’s so easy to see through all of you. Scared, anxious, _hurt_ … all this obviousness painted right across your face.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest, followed by another one of his disgusting smiles. “Each and every single one of you are giving yourself away the moment that I look at your eyes. It’s like you want us to torture you, you want us to know that you’re playing tough, but in the end”, he bowed down to look Wonho right in the eyes, “you all break. _Pathetic._ ”

“So, last chance”, the hound with the suitcase said. He was holding some kind of elongated device in his hands with a couple of buttons at the end, which Wonho had never seen before. “Where did you get this watch?”

“I told you, _I don’t know_!”, Wonho angrily yelled through gritted teeth and blurted out: “I woke up in the middle of nowhere and got kidnapped by a bunch of assholes.”

Without hesitation, they pushed the device right into Wonho’s stomach; the pain swallowed him in a couple of waves so that he couldn’t catch his breath or remain in control of his body. He felt himself shaking as the dizziness increased. ( _Is it some kind of taser?)_ The room around him got carried away from his vision as well as the voices, smells and sensations. Perhaps the hounds were talking to each other again but to Wonho it wasn’t anything more than mumbling echoes: _“Fucking idiot … lost him … pushed too hard … hope … stays alive … then …”_

_Mom …,_ is what Wonho thought aimlessly while trying to fight against those aching waves washing over him. If he could only stay awake a little longer; if he could free himself from this chair; if he could make it back to Shownu to tell him about the stranger and the hounds … However, he couldn’t keep up with the blackness that tugged him in so tightly as if he was drowning right in this hound’s devouring eyes – their void pulling at his feet like quicksand.

_I don’t care what happens to me._ He clung to this thought like a lifebuoy. _I need to protect my Mom._

But once again, it was too late for that realization.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the longest chapter out of all of them and well ... it's definitely a rollercoaster ride! (Just so you know)
> 
> Trigger Warnings: violence, mentions of abuse

**Chapter 13**

**(Changkyun), ???**

_Come closer._

The brightness of the looming clouds above was exhausting Changkyun’s eyes already. They had been scouting the neighborhood for about an hour and had already found some cans of beans and soup – not even expired – as well as some clean blankets in a fairly new-looking dumpster behind an abandoned building that probably functioned as a restaurant in another life. To Changkyun’s relief, they hadn’t encountered any gangs or hounds yet, just a few rats that he had tried to catch for dinner. However, Minhyuk had kept talking about the possible diseases they could carry and that the cans of food would be enough for at least a couple of days; his disgusted expression had led to Changkyun complaining about his annoying commentary again and the rats had gotten away easily.

_“Please don’t tell me eating rats is a normal thing that you do.”_

_“Oh, I’m sorry, we don’t have a fancy coffee shop around here where I can eat my favorite cake all day.”_

_“What is wrong with working at a coffee shop? Maybe I shouldn’t have told you.”_

_“We’re not in_ your _world anymore. This is about survival, nothing else. So, you either starve to death or eat rats sometimes. Oh, but we can’t do that now, can we? Because you scared them away.”_

_“… Sorry.”_

Something was different about Minhyuk since he had found out about Changkyun keeping his poem. _He’s so … mouthy all of a sudden._ It annoyed Changkyun; he wasn’t used to company – especially company that constantly asked him personal questions. But there was something else that frustrated Changkyun even more about his new, unwanted companion … a feeling, a premonition that cowered in the back of his mind, unable to reveal itself yet.

He still couldn’t believe that this person – weak, naïve and so utterly different from him and his life – was the author of the poem that Changkyun had been reading over and over every night before he went to sleep.

The time that had passed since that one incident – the day that Changkyun had thought he would die – had become nothing more than a couple of faded lines carved into the wooden wall next to his bed; he had stopped counting, but he couldn’t stop adding one more each night. Perhaps it served as a small comfort in the changing world around him, but then again, he could never stay in one place for long. His lines on the wooden wall would stop eventually and he would continue them elsewhere. Counting them didn’t matter; counting them was a waste of time because time didn’t exist in the lost dimension.

Usually, Changkyun didn’t feel a strong connection to the places that he was staying in – _feelings_ weren’t exactly helpful in this world, so he had stopped paying them attention a long time ago – but his current hideout, that musty, run-down shed hidden behind a wall of trees out of sight for intruders, was somehow different. It reminded him of another life – one where he had laughed a lot, but one where he had been hurt a lot, too.

The wood fibers on the brittle walls inside of the shed sometimes sent him back to the old treehouse that he used to play in as a kid. Ironically, it had been more of a home to Changkyun than the actual house that he had lived in – in his memory, it simply existed as that place where his parents would yell and drink a lot. However, every time his mind traveled back to that distant part of his former life, it felt like there was something missing, something that he had forgotten – a shadow disguising itself in the corner of his head … But eventually, his musing would always bring him back to that one line of the poem that he couldn’t stop reading: _Who can make a promise to me?_

The answer was clear and foggy both, a face – his even? –, mirroring on the surface of a motionless lake, but every time he tried to reach out, it disappeared again. What was the use of rummaging in those kinds of sentimentalities? In the end, he was the only one remaining, alone with a lot of questions and no answers.

_“How can this be here when I wrote it only a few hours ago?”_

Why would someone hand him a poem from another timeline? Was it really no coincidence that Minhyuk had come here, had been _sent_ here?

For the first time in a while, Changkyun tried to actively remember that day that stuck with him like a red circled box somewhere in a busy calendar. There wasn’t much left that he could recall from his capture. Hounds – a lot of them – and the same questions for hours, days and what felt to him like years; a picture of the man that had betrayed him after promising a way out of this hellhole of an organization; a knife cutting through his skin so many times that it went numb; the smell of mold and wet stone; pain and the wish for everything to finally end; answers, _lies_ rolling emptily from his tongue because it was what they wanted to hear and still, never enough.

They had kept him alive for days – at least that’s what it felt like to Changkyun when he watched the light leaving and returning from the tiny window in his cell – and when he had managed to escape through the tunnel system of their underground base, he hadn’t been able to feel his legs.

He did remember the daylight bright and blinding on his face when he had reached the outside world again and with it, every sensation – every bit of physical pain that he had swallowed – from his time as a captive. Dusty, rough air in his lungs as he fell to the ground; the taste of blood and dirt on his tongue; heavy steps approaching him and the fear – the all-consuming, horrifying realization – that they would drag him back underground; a thought, just one: _Perhaps I should’ve died down there._

It wasn’t the hounds that had found him out there on the streets; it was the shadow of a man handing him a piece of paper, handing him a reason to keep going.

Until this day, Changkyun wondered whether he had hallucinated all of it in his misery – he had lost a lot of blood; his body had been covered in wounds; he was dehydrated and nearly starved. It had taken him time – countless grey days melting into each other – to recover again, but the scars remained; they kept reminding him of that day, the lowest point in his life.

_“If you find the author of this poem, you can leave this place”,_ the dark silhouette of a man had said to him, like a cloud in front of the blinding sun, like someone who took the light from the sky and handed it down to Changkyun, who had barely been able to keep his eyes open.

_“Can’t you help me?”_

_“I’m sorry, I wish I could. But for now, I’m no one.”_

Now that he was walking down the abandoned streets with Minhyuk next to him, Changkyun became aware of those words for the first time (or so it seemed).

_No one? Isn’t that what Minhyuk had said to me as well back at the shed? Can it be him?_

He turned his head at his new companion who gave the impression to be lost in thoughts of his own; a deep frown had spread across his face and he was kicking pebbles in front of his shoes across the dusty street.

_If he’s supposed to be the key to my escape, why doesn’t he know about it? Why was he so surprised to see the poem? If he’s as clueless as he looks, I’m doomed._

As if Minhyuk had read his mind, he suddenly lifted his head, gazing up at Changkyun with a puzzled expression in his dark brown eyes. “What is it?”, he asked in an uneasy tone.

“Nothing.” Changkyun averted his eyes, annoyed about the fact that he had caught Minhyuk’s attention again. “Just stay focused on your surroundings. I don’t like to be ambushed.”

“You’re so grumpy all the time”, Minhyuk started complaining – there was a hint of unsteadiness in his voice as if he was somehow still scared of Changkyun’s reaction. “And rude.”

“And I think you’re talking too much. If you want to live, shut up.”

_As long as the possibility exists that he might be able to help me get out of here, I’ll keep him around._ But there was something else bothering Changkyun when he thought about returning to the normal dimension: _What’s there to return to? What I am in here doesn’t matter because I live to survive, but out there … I was no one when I left, and I’ll be no one when I return._

“We could at least try and talk to each other for a while since we’re our only company”, Minhyuk said next to him and Changkyun could feel those dark eyes expectantly on his cheeks.

He sighed, his hand reaching for the cool blade of the dagger under his cloak – a habit, a gesture of comfort. “I haven’t had company in forever and I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Minhyuk shot him a doubting look. “Don’t you want to know about the real world? When you haven’t been there for so long, I mean?”

Changkyun twisted his lips; part of him was curious what had changed out there, but Minhyuk didn’t need to know about that, so he tried to sound as indifferent as always. “Well, if you can’t shut up about it, then tell me something about your great life in the real world.”

“It’s not _that_ great actually.” Minhyuk shrugged. “I have a normal job, a family that I see quite often, friends …” Then suddenly, he went quiet.

Changkyun looked up at him but couldn’t see his face, only the patchy surface of the cloak that he was wearing now. “Sounds pretty boring to me.”

“It is”, Minhyuk answered quietly. “I’m not even sure if I miss it that much.”

To hear this from the same person that had been scared for his life back at the shed, stopped Changkyun in his tracks. His unwanted companion turned around to him with another puzzled expression on his face.

Changkyun crossed his arms in front of his chest and his cloak quivered for a second. “Do you mean it?”

“I don’t know.” Minhyuk furled his eyebrows while his gaze lost itself somewhere in the chilly air; his face was covered by the shadow of his hood and a few loose strands of hair were swaying silently on his forehead. “During my shifts, I used to think about leaving everything behind. It’s this routine, you know? You’re used to it and it’s fine because it works so well, but then it also feels like a trap sometimes.”

Changkyun looked at him, perplexed by his sudden honesty. Before he could answer, Minhyuk’s gaze returned to their conversation again, realizing what he had just shared. “I, uh …” He seemed almost embarrassed about it, his cheeks turning into a slight pink color. “Forget about it. It was just some random thought. I shouldn’t have said it.”

They started walking again and Changkyun thought about _routines._ He couldn’t understand Minhyuk and his boring life, his meaningless problems and the fact that he wrote poetry because he was too scared to actually step out into the world. He felt their difference almost vibrating in his chest as if he had felt this kind of frustration before.

_(“It’s not like you would understand! I don’t have parents anymore, I don’t want to! I don’t have a home either, I’m just gonna live in this treehouse from now on, where no one can find me and no one can_ hurt _me!”)_

_(“I’m sorry, Kyunnie. I have to go. Mum wants me to go. But I’ll come back, I promise. We’re gonna live in here together and I won’t hurt you._ Never _!”)_

“Getting by”, Changkyun said mindlessly.

“Hm?” Minhyuk seemed almost startled about his sudden answer.

He cleared his throat. “I guess it doesn’t matter what dimension you’re in”, his eyes met Minhyuk’s again, “life’s always just about getting by.” But then, it didn’t feel like the whole truth either.

“Maybe”, Minhyuk agreed thoughtfully, then added: “Can you tell me where you got my poem from?”

“I told you”, Changkyun lied, “it was probably some kind of glitch. I found it in the streets.”

His companion nodded, although his eyes didn’t seem to accept the fact that he wouldn’t hear the real story. Changkyun didn’t even know if the one he believed to be true had happened like this. His only proof was the person next to him – the author of the poem, the _key_ to leaving this place.

“We should keep moving faster”, Changkyun said as they turned around a corner, entering an area that he knew too well. “We might get company here.”

“ _Company?_ ” Minhyuk sounded already terrified.

“It’s where the main glitches happen. It means a lot of supplies and a lot of people who want those supplies.” Changkyun indicated him with a hand gesture to stay behind, while they started trailing along the stone wall of one of the abandoned buildings at the side of the road; the one they were using as cover now looked like an old barbershop.

“Other people?”, Minhyuk whispered closely behind him. “Like hounds?”

“Those too. But mostly gangs or crazy people.”

“What do you mean, _crazy_?”

“People who have been on their own for too long and lost their minds.”

“And what category do you belong to?”

Changkyun turned around and shot him a deadly look. “Are you trying to test me right now?”, he snapped at him, struggling to keep his voice down.

Minhyuk pressed his lips together as if to repress a smirk. “Sorry.”

Before Changkyun could yell at him again, his eyes shifted to a brief movement right behind them. In a matter of seconds, Minhyuk’s expression changed from amused to surprised and then frightened as he was jerked back by his cloak and two black figures appeared from inside the building, jumping through a broken window.

Changkyun reacted immediately by pulling Minhyuk’s arm forward and kicking the person that was trying to get a hold of him right in the stomach. His hand rushed to the dagger at his belt and with a quick, smooth movement he threw it right at the second attacker who was standing a few feet apart from them. The blade traveled through the air like a black arrow and hit the bandit right in the left shoulder; he staggered from right to left for a few steps and grunted in pain, then pulled the blade out of his shoulder and dropped it to the ground while blood was starting to soak through his clothes. “ _For fuck’s sake_!”

Changkyun ran forward to the second attacker and pushed him to the ground, placing his knees on the bandit’s back. His hand reached for a second dagger at his belt that he then pressed closely to the grunting man’s throat, who was struggling to free himself beneath him.

“I’ll kill him”, Changkyun threatened, staring at the other bandit who was now holding his arm a few feet apart from him.

“We’ll leave!”, the man beneath him shouted angrily. “ _We’ll leave!_ ”

“Hell, we will”, the other one shouted, running towards Changkyun and tackling him to the ground, so that he lost his second dagger as well, which was now sliding through the dirt away from him. To Changkyun’s annoyance, the man was holding a knife of his own. “I’ll kill both of you!”

But Changkyun managed to dodge his attacks and pushed his fingers right into the stab wound on the bandit’s shoulder, making him scream in pain. It gave Changkyun the necessary time window to overpower him and knock him unconscious by slamming his head quickly onto the rough asphalt beneath them.

Panting, Changkyun got up and went after the other bandit who was still on the ground, now crawling through the dust to reach the bloody dagger that his partner had dropped earlier. Instinctively, Changkyun reached for the (now unconscious) attacker’s knife on the ground next to him and slammed the blade down at the other bandit’s arm, making him scream in pain.

“Don’t kill him!”, Minhyuk yelled from behind him as Changkyun seized the man by his clothes and brought the knife back to his throat. Then, he turned his head to look at Minhyuk – _for a second I even forgot that he was here –_ whose eyes were soaked in shock about what had just happened.

“Why not?” He felt his breath weighing heavily on his lungs. “He would’ve killed _you_ in an instant.”

Minhyuk didn’t answer, he just kept staring at Changkyun with a helpless gaze, _just like back in the shed, just like it’s him again with that knife at his throat_.

Changkyun sighed, brought the blade down and knocked the man in his grip unconscious as well – something he hadn’t done in a while, _sparing_ someone’s life. For what? No one would bother to spare his (or Minhyuk’s) if they were in the same position.

He got up again, brushing off the dust from his clothes and collecting his daggers from the ground. Then, he checked the bodies for anything useful, but their bags and pockets were mostly empty; even their weapons were mainly blunt or half-broken already. “I guess they came here to gather supplies as well”, he said. “We’re lucky they didn’t carry guns.”

“I can’t believe this.” Minhyuk’s voice was barely a whisper as he stood there motionless, the shadow of the hood covering parts of his face.

The black dagger left a dark, bloody trail on Changkyun’s cloak as he wiped the blade clean and put it back in his pocket. He knew he had taken a risk by letting this weakling tag along with him – after all, he couldn’t even defend himself – but as long as there was a chance that he proved himself to be the ‘key’ that the shadow person that saved him had talked about … Changkyun had to keep him around (and safe) for now.

“Let me guess, no one ever tried to kill you before?” Changkyun took a few steps towards his companion, stopping right in front of him. “I told you, it’s different in here. It’s all about survival.”

Minhyuk’s gaze that had been lost somewhere in the air between them focused again and dark brown eyes suddenly came raining down on Changkyun’s cheeks – but they weren’t filled with fear or shock any longer; they felt warm and … _grateful_? “You saved my life”, he uttered quietly as if still struggling to believe it himself. “Again.”

His sudden change of emotion surprised Changkyun, caught him off guard for a second. “I …” But he didn’t know what to say. _I did save him again, twice in one day._

“Thank you”, Minhyuk added with nothing but honesty in his voice. “I mean it.”

“I didn’t do it for you”, Changkyun tried to justify himself. But was it the truth? “Stuff like that happens every day in here. You either kill them or they kill you, there’s no in-between.” He gestured to the two unconscious attackers on the ground. “And we better hope that we don’t cross paths with them again because next time, they might have the advantage.”

“Still”, Minhyuk said, “I appreciate it.”

_Appreciation?_ Something about the unexpected reaction of his companion did confuse Changkyun for a moment. He didn’t scream, run away or complain like before; he didn’t even ask questions this time or look at Changkyun as if he was an emotionless killer. But then, would Minhyuk really see him like that?

The part of Changkyun that lurked in the dark corners of his mind, ready to eat away at his pain and doubts, answered his hesitation rather gladly: _What if you want him to see you that way because it’s the only way that you see yourself? Someone with an abyss in his chest; someone who has become numb to his surroundings. It was that day, wasn’t it? They took it all from you, your humanness. Now you can only feel something when you push a knife into someone’s chest. Or when those dark brown eyes look at you …?_

It wasn’t all lies, but Changkyun knew he couldn’t trust his brain sometimes. It was hard for him to differentiate and Minhyuk’s surprising confession didn’t help at all. They weren’t companions; they weren’t a _team._

_I didn’t save him. I saved myself because I need him to get out of here, that’s all._

And still, he couldn’t get over the idea of saving someone, of caring for someone. It startled another memory (Was it even a memory or the reminder of a different life?) that took him back to the treehouse again. Back to when he was a child and his body covered in bruises from time to time. He wasn’t alone at the treehouse; he never was until that one day when the blue car had left the driveway and never returned.

The treehouse was a safe place, a hideout, with a hand-painted sign at the door: ‘ _NO PARENTS ALLOWED!_ ’ However, one day _they_ had found out about the place; Changkyun could see the angry face of his mother clearly in front of him and his father who reached for his arm to drag him back to the house: _“You’re such a brat, running away from home and hiding from your mother like this.”_ His breath reeking of alcohol. _“We’re gonna lock you in your room, so you can think about your behavior for a couple of days. We’ll teach you some respect, you’ll see.”_

But Changkyun hadn’t been alone back then; someone had always been with him, someone who had _cared_ for him, standing up to his parents. Both of them had known their ways around the treehouse and the garden, and being a child, it had been easy to trick everyone else. Hiding had become their specialty, hiding and pretending to be heroes, pirates, adventurers. Childhood and friendship had given Changkyun’s life meaning; perhaps it had even saved him from his disrupted home, but then again, everything was temporary, wasn’t it?

He didn’t know why pieces of this life returned to him now that he was walking across the abandoned streets in the lost dimension with a person that couldn’t be more different from him. Pieces, _shards_ of promises that had long lost its meaning, but had stayed with Changkyun nevertheless.

_(“You can’t hurt him anymore, it’s not right! Kyunnie will come and live with me.”)_

_(“Life’s not black and white like that, you moron. You’re a child, you can’t make that decision.”)_

_(“Villains! They’re on to us, come this way!”)_

_(“I wish we could just fly away someday. Like birds … or superheroes!”)_

“ _Changkyun?_ ” But hearing his name next to his ear wasn’t a memory anymore. He turned his head, falling into Minhyuk’s worried eyes. “Everything okay?”

He cleared his throat, focusing his attention on their surroundings again. “It’s nothing. Don’t stay behind or next time, you’ll actually be killed.”

His companion didn’t answer and just followed his instructions by aligning himself behind him at the wall as they carefully continued their way along the open street. The area was quiet now but their encounter with the two bandits had caused some unwanted noise and with it maybe some attention by other gangs or hounds scouting the area. However, they managed to make their way to one of the buildings that Changkyun had been to a couple of times already to gather supplies without another interruption.

After hearing and seeing some bright, blue and white flashes in the distance, they eventually reached the spot by staying off the main streets. Some gangs and a few other people had already gotten into fights about who would be the first to get a hold of the supplies. It offered Minhyuk and Changkyun the advantage of a small time-window that allowed them to sneak past the ongoing conflicts and actually arrive unnoticed at the place of the main glitches.

Changkyun couldn’t believe the masses of clothes, food and medical supplies that were spread across the whole area as if someone had just dropped a planeload onto this abandoned neighborhood.

“Wow”, Minhyuk gasped behind him – it was the first thing that he said since they had started moving again.

“We don’t have time, grab as much food as you can. I’ll look for medical supplies.” Changkyun shot him a strict look. “Stay close to me though, they could get here any second.”

The sounds of fighting and shouting remained in the distance for now, but others could already be on their way as well. Minhyuk nodded in agreement and both of them started stuffing supplies in their bags until there was no more space left.

Changkyun shouldered his backpack and grabbed Minhyuk by his cloak to drag him into the cover of one of the abandoned buildings surrounding the glitches. Only a few minutes had passed since they had arrived here and a second later – when both of them had just ducked down behind a shabby container – they heard footsteps approaching from the other side of the open area, which was still covered in a variety of items and supplies.

“That was close”, Minhyuk whispered next to Changkyun’s face while resting his head on the stone wall behind them. “They didn’t see us, did they?”

“Let’s hope not”, Changkyun mumbled and rose to his feet again, almost impatient to start their way back to the hideout, to safety. He couldn’t believe that they had gathered two bags full of supplies that would last him at least for a couple of weeks. _Well, we’re two people now, so I’ll have to calculate this differently … Except I’ll try and get rid of him, but then, what about the poem? …_

“Changkyun!”, Minhyuk hissed in his ear, pulling him back by his hood, so that – for the first time since they had met – Changkyun’s face and head were completely exposed.

“What the hell are you –” He jerked back to yell at Minhyuk’s encroaching gesture but fell silent as soon as he saw the familiar expression of fear in his companion’s eyes. There was no need to ask him what was wrong because Changkyun heard their voices a second later, followed by the pattering of footsteps. _Hounds._

They weren’t in sight yet, but judging from the closeness of their voices, they would enter the street at any moment.

“ _Fuck._ ” He felt his instincts kick into overdrive – _I can’t go back there. I won’t go back there._ – and grabbed Minhyuk firmly by his arm, pulling him along as he started running as fast as he could. The cracked stone wall next to them turned into a blur in the corner of his eyes and he didn’t even dare to look back. Maybe Minhyuk said something to him, maybe he didn’t; Changkyun’s hand was clinging to his arm as if it was the last straw that would save him from drowning. And then, finally.

The grey blur opened at one spot and led into a small side alley – _thank god this neighborhood has so many of those_ – that Changkyun immediately jumped into. His gaze focused on a broken window of the building that they had been trailing all this time. Without hesitation, he climbed over the pile of gravel in front of it and again, pulled Minhyuk with him. Both of them landed harshly on the ground inside of the building right underneath the broken window, whirling up dust around them in small, foggy clouds.

Minhyuk started coughing and waving around with his hands. “What is –” But before he could make any more noise, Changkyun turned around and pressed his right palm on Minhyuk’s mouth while pushing him closer against the hard surface of the wall behind them.

“Keep quiet”, Changkyun hissed tensely at his companion, whose face was now only a couple of inches apart from his own. Their dim-lit surroundings turned Minhyuk’s eyes into an almost black color; there were a few smudges of dirt across his cheeks and a couple of loose strands of hair covering his forehead. He looked scared, but mostly surprised about Changkyun’s intense reaction.

A few silent seconds passed outside, echoing through the alley and pulling at Changkyun’s nerves even more; every muscle in his body felt tense and all he could focus on was the possible sound of the hounds entering and discovering their hiding spot.

Once more, footsteps were audible outside of the building as well as faint voices talking to each other, but they sounded in no way alarmed or as if they were chasing after someone.

_They didn’t spot us._ A shaky breath left Changkyun’s lips and a few heavy stones were lifted from his chest as he realized that they were only on patrol. However, he didn’t dare to lower his hand from Minhyuk’s face just yet; he didn’t dare to move at all.

His gaze traveled back to his companion’s face, who was still staring at him anxiously. Something changed the moment that their eyes met – as if Minhyuk had seen the relief on Changkyun’s face – and for a second, Changkyun felt a fist tightening around his heart. An uneasy sensation rose from the abyss in his chest as if he had suddenly realized that brown was a warm color. A few loose lines in the bark of a tree, meaningless time that had passed, a promise … And then, he realized that his heart was pounding in his chest, faster than usual as if nervousness had suddenly taken a hold of him.

The air between their faces felt heavy and Changkyun realized that his hood was still resting on his shoulders and that Minhyuk could see him without his disguise, that he could see the scars on his neck and at the right side of his face; they weren’t big or flashy but they clung to Changkyun with severity and he could feel them on his skin as if judging fingertips were pointing right at them.

The hounds’ voices outside of the building echoed through the broken window above their heads; this time, it was actually possible to understand what they were saying:

“Keep questioning him for now, he’ll talk eventually.”

“Wasn’t it somewhere in this area that we found the watch?”

Then, a third one: “We’ll continue searching for the others, they can’t be far.”

Changkyun couldn’t identify the whole number of agents outside, but it was obvious that they were looking for them after all.

_So they are searching for the watches … But who did they capture? Is there someone else here with another one of those watches?_

When he was sure that they had passed the building for good and the voices grew into faint mumbling again, he slowly lowered his hand from Minhyuk’s mouth, leaning back and sitting down on the dusty ground, closing his eyes. Emotions were rushing through his body that he wasn’t used to anymore as if they had suddenly woken up from a long period of sleep.

“They’re looking for the watches”, Minhyuk whispered, turning his gaze to Changkyun. “Which means they’re looking for us.”

“There’s no _us_ ”, he hissed back angrily, still confused about the sudden ability to feel this whole situation so intensely. _It’s all because of this naïve idiot and the way he attracts trouble._

Minhyuk reached into his pocket and revealed the silver watch, holding it in his hands and examining it thoughtfully. “What do they want with these?”, he mumbled to himself, turning the watch around and frowning at the strange engraving on the back.

“I don’t know”, Changkyun shrugged. “But this can’t be a coincidence.”

“So, you agree?” The almost hopeful expression in Minhyuk’s eyes caused the fist in Changkyun’s chest to tighten again around his heart. But before he could answer, the patrol of footsteps returned to the alley outside of the building – this time, faster than a few seconds ago; this time, almost determined.

The moment of realization hit Changkyun when the front door was kicked in with a loud bang and the booming voice of one the hounds rang through the dark, empty building: “There’s no use to hide. Drop your weapons and step forward and we won’t kill you.”

Minhyuk’s eyes met Changkyun’s and widened in horror, but there was no time to be shocked or scared.

“If we don’t move, we’ll die. No matter what happens, _don’t let go_ ”, Changkyun ordered, grabbing Minhyuk’s arm as before while rising to his feet.

They jumped out of the broken window that they had been hiding under, stumbling across the pile of gravel and finally reaching firm ground under their feet again. Then, they just ran, taking as many turns as possible, entering side streets and alleys that Changkyun remembered vaguely from his last trip here.

He didn’t know how much time they spent running, but Minhyuk started to slow down behind him. Changkyun tried to push him further, at least until they were out of reach, but the hounds didn’t seem to let off either. It was like every corner they took, every alley they crossed, the hounds were suddenly on to them, almost as if they …

“There’s gotta be some kind of tracking device in the watches”, he shouted at Minhyuk behind him, who was panting heavily and struggling to keep up at all; he tried to say something but couldn’t.

They had joined the open street again and the hounds were catching up with each passing second. It was dangerous in an area like this; there was no place to hide, no way to dodge their attacks if they decided to open fire – and they did.

“Pull yourself together!”, Changkyun yelled angrily while wind was rushing past him, brushing across his face. “I can’t save you a third time!”

“Don’t –”, Minhyuk gasped, but couldn’t finish his sentence.

There were three things happening at once: A gunshot broke the tension in the air and caused Minhyuk’s face to light up in pain; he lost his balance and tripped over a crack in the asphalt, dropping to the ground, unable to lift himself up again; Changkyun stopped to stare at Minhyuk’s leg and the helpless expression on his companion’s face as he looked up to him now: _I’m sorry._

The hesitation seemed to last for minutes, lurking over Changkyun’s head like a heavy cloud. Then, his gaze traveled to the hounds, who were shortening the distance with each second. There it was, the horrifying realization: _I can’t go back there, I just can’t._

The last thing that Changkyun saw before turning around and running in the opposite direction, was the brown color of Minhyuk’s eyes, the loose strands of hair on his forehead and the dirt on his face. Changkyun’s feet felt heavy and light both. He didn’t look back, he couldn’t. It wasn’t his responsibility anymore, _life in here is about survival._ He had never cared for anyone else except himself; why did he feel so troubled now?

A few more gunshots traveled through the air, but Changkyun managed to reach another alley. With burning lungs, he rested his back against the wall, closing his eyes and then, risking a glare on the street. In the far distance, the hounds had reached Minhyuk now, who was still on the ground – probably unconscious from the blood loss.

_(What if he’s dead?)_

There was no way that Changkyun could’ve carried him all this way without both of them being captured.

( _What if they’ll torture him just like they did with you?)_

_There was no way I could’ve saved him. I told him to run,_ I told him _._

He wasn’t made for caring and saving someone he didn’t know. In the lost dimension, you can’t grow attached to anything or anyone but yourself. At least now, Changkyun didn’t have to worry about Minhyuk’s annoying questions anymore; now, there were no false hopes that could lure him in anymore, no brown eyes that could stir up emotions that he had learned to suppress a long time ago. And still …

_What if there would’ve been a way to help him? What if he_ is _the key? What if it’s not a coincidence? What if …? What if I just made a terrible mistake?_


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why but I'm a bit nervous about this one even though I like it, too. I hope it can bring (some) clarity. Also, we made it through Part 2, can you believe it? Thank you to every reader, I appreciate all of you <3

**Chapter 14**

**(Hyungwon), Thur. 15.01.15, Loop**

_Your gaze ties me up,_

_My arms and legs._

Every muscle in his body tensed as Hyungwon entered the meeting room in which five men in black suits were already waiting for him – all identically-looking except for a few differences in their facial features. It wasn’t new for Hyungwon, on the contrary, he had lived through this scene so many times that he had already lost count. This time, however, was going to turn out differently; this time, he would survive, and he would finally be able to escape this goddamn loop.

“Good morning, Agent Chae”, greeted the man in the middle of the long table. He didn’t even bother to stand up; his voice cold and firm like the unmoving surface of a frozen lake. “Sit down, please.”

Hyungwon nodded briefly and obeyed wordlessly, sitting down on the chair in the middle of the room as if he was some bland exhibition piece in a museum of only grey. He tried to remember the first time he had sat down in this room – Back then, did he already know what he had stepped into? Or did he really expect that promotion that his father couldn’t stop talking about until the day of his punishment?

_I can’t believe that I didn’t suspect anything back then. Was I that blind? Was I that brainwashed? Or was I simply scared because I had nowhere else to go because I had already invested my whole life in this all-consuming organization?_

“I’m sure you know why we’re meeting today”, the man on the far right started, staring at him with black, empty eyes.

Hyungwon nodded again, already ahead of this conversation in his mind. He had practiced this so many times; he had tried (and failed) so many times. “The promotion.”

A row of scary smiles spread across the agents’ faces in front of him, which – after all this time – still let a shiver run down his spine. “That was the original reason, yes”, the one in the middle said. “But I’m sure you’re aware of the incident that occurred during your last mission. I’m afraid there’s no way around it. We need to ask you a few questions about it.”

_Mere formality,_ Hyungwon thought bitterly.

“Mere formality”, the agent added with a threatening tone in his voice.

Hyungwon put on his fake smile – something that he had learned during his time with DRAMA: authenticity was a waste of time; all that mattered was the next mission to focus on and your full dedication to the _collective_. “You mean the loss of test person C260196?” _Changkyun, his name is Changkyun._ “As far as I know he got lost during his travel and probably ended up in the lost dimension. It’s a shame that we lost him; he was quite reliable. But to my knowledge, it’s nothing unusual for a test person to get lost, is it?”

The agent in the middle stared at him for five tense seconds; Hyungwon already knew that they didn’t believe him. They had made their decision to eliminate him before he had even stepped into that room.

“A shame indeed”, the frosty voice agreed. “Still, we can’t ignore the inconsistencies in your report. You were seen requesting a specific watch only days prior.”

_Not just one, but they don’t need to know._ His face remained calm – at least that’s what Hyungwon hoped for while holding the interrogating gaze of his superiors. His hand traveled into his suit pocket, touching the smooth surface of his own watch, _his ticket out of here._

His thoughts traveled ahead of the conversation again: _The same watch that the suspect escaped with._

“The same watch that the suspect escaped with.”

“Escaped?” Hyungwon raised his eyebrows while his heart started beating faster in his chest. _Not much longer now._ “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean by that”, he lied.

The hollow eyes of the agent in the middle of the long table narrowed impatiently. “Oh, but I’m sure you do.”

“Are you implying I helped him by handing him one of those watches? That’s old technology. No one uses them anymore.” The metal felt cool on his skin as his fingertips traced over the fine lines of the engraving on the back: _There’s no need to get serious, let’s be honest._

“Agent Chae, I’m afraid there’s no possibility for us to grant you that promotion under those circumstances.”

Hyungwon rolled his eyes at the forced formalities of his superiors. It was all part of their power play, to establish dominance and dependence. You felt the need to tell the truth; you felt the need to submit to their system … Wasn’t it right for them to punish your failure? No second chances, for no one. Hyungwon was tired of it; reliving this nightmare day after day despite the fact that he had already broken free from their influence. Perhaps it was the helplessness in Changkyun’s eyes when he had recruited him, lured him into this trap … Despair made people vulnerable to those offers and DRAMA loved to dive deeper into their wounds, give them meaning again and bind them to a system without an exit.

The man in the middle was forming his hand into fists on the white surface of the long table, clearly impatient about the development of this meeting. “Is there anything you would like to say to that, Agent Chae?”

“That I’m innocent?”, Hyungwon asked calmly. “I am. But it doesn’t make a difference to you, does it?”

“Seize him”, the agent said with black eyes – like someone had wiped all the stars from the night sky – and a second later, the four other men simultaneously stood up and walked around the table towards Hyungwon on his chair. He didn’t move, he knew what was next and there was nothing in this world that scared him more.

While working for DRAMA he had always believed that ‘elimination’ meant death through execution – it was nothing that was ever made official, no one talked about it publicly (not even his father), but the people who failed their missions always went down to the lowest floor of the building – the one with the long, bland hallway – and they never returned. Death was an outcome that Hyungwon had considered while deciding to help Changkyun to escape; it was the price he was willing to pay for all the lives he had ruined already. Only it hadn’t worked out as he had planned, not in the slightest way.

The result of Hyungwon’s lonely rebellion was Changkyun’s travel to the lost dimension and sealing his own fate without knowing it – both of them had left one trap and stepped right into the next one. _A loop_ – why didn’t he think about that possibility earlier? Of course, DRAMA had to justify its name by depriving people of their right to die – even that last part of life didn’t remain your own when you joined this organization – and making them suffer by letting them relive their last, painful day for eternity. There was no way of getting out of your personal hell, they made sure of that.

His superiors had only been aware of the watch that Hyungwon had given to Changkyun to help him with his possible escape. Watches were considered old technology for DRAMA (and therefore of low interest in the organization) and Hyungwon had hoped that Changkyun would’ve been able to vanish and start a new life somewhere else, on another timeline even.

Wasn’t it ironic in a way? Hyungwon had thought it all through and still, none of it mattered because his plan had failed. Someone had leaked information to the superiors and Hyungwon had become the main suspect in Changkyun’s disappearance. Of course, they didn’t care about the fact that Changkyun hadn’t really escaped but instead, had ended up in the lost dimension; the only thing that was of importance for DRAMA was the loss of a test person and the disobedience of one of their employees – the highest form of treachery.

In contrast to other travelers, DRAMA possessed the ability to enter as well as leave the lost dimension without getting stuck, it was part of their training, part of their technological _modifications_. So, it would only be a matter of time until they would find Changkyun and probably punish him. Perhaps they already did. It sometimes kept Hyungwon up at night, the thought of Changkyun wandering aimlessly somewhere in the lost dimension; the thought of DRAMA getting a hold of him, torturing him, _killing him_ …

However, in all of the chaos and failed plans, there was a minor detail that Hyungwon’s supervisors had missed. Sometime before his mission, he had requested 2 pieces of ‘old’ technology; there was Changkyun’s watch and there was _his_ watch – the one Hyungwon was wearing as his soul got ripped into pieces for the first time.

Perhaps they had found out later – which could actually become an obstacle if this time, Hyungwon’s plan worked out as he had calculated it – but for now, this small, silver object was the one possession that held all of his hope, all of his work – failures as well as successes – of the past years, years of the same day, over and over.

_“Everything is temporary”,_ was something that his father had told Hyungwon when he was still a child. Ironically, it kept him sane, kept him focused on his many tries to reprogram that watch, to create a possible escape – _a way out_ – as tiny as it would turn out to be.

 _I could end up looking for my soul for the rest of my existence. There’s no way to calculate how many pieces will break off of me … or if I’ll be able to survive without them._ Always the same thoughts on his mind; the same doubts pestering him as he was clinging to the idea of freedom, working late nights until the day would eventually reset and he would end up at the kitchen table again with a tasteless cake and his mother wishing him a happy birthday.

Sometimes, Hyungwon wondered what his parents were doing now after they had found out their son was a traitor – Was his father disappointed in him or as emotionless as always? Did they even _care,_ or did they simply believe whatever lie DRAMA told them? But then again, what choice was there except accepting the facts, as wrong as they might be? With DRAMA, there was only one truth – the one they created, the one they spread, the one they enforced on every single employee. Manipulation, brainwashing and the greedy promise to serve the greater good, to help the world grow a secure place where only an ‘authorized’ group of people supervised the businesses of time travel … or: where one group controlled everyone else and abused its power by exploiting people in need and making them sell their souls for the promise of a better life.

Two black suits appeared next to Hyungwon, both on the right and left, seizing his arms firmly and pulling him off the chair and across the room. The agent in the middle of the long table had finally gotten up from his seat and while stepping aside, he revealed another door right behind him – a white one, almost invisible on the light surface of the clean walls. _A door that you could only enter, again and again._

Hyungwon didn’t struggle or fight the harsh hands that were dragging him along roughly. The first few times that he had relived this exact moment, he had tried to free himself and never succeeded; one time, he had even ended up with a bloody nose and several hits in his stomach. He was in no way as skilled as other agents in the field and he didn’t possess the strength to fight either. Hyungwon had preferred to deal with the theoretical tasks such as recruitment and research rather than hunting or killing people who didn’t obey – or what DRAMA liked to refer to as ‘outdoor missions’.

_It’s easier to look away and ignore the actual cruelties that are happening within this organization. It’s easier to find professional descriptions for them to make them sound honorable and right._

_FOR THE COLLECTIVE!_ – one of the many slogans that Hyungwon had been looking at every day on his desk. He had to think about it while stepping into the white room with the electric treatment chair right in the middle of it. Everything looked so bright and unreal – so full of light and so different from the people that were normally dressed in all black.

The two men dragged him to the chair and forced him onto it – which wasn’t even necessary because Hyungwon didn’t resist in any way. His arms, legs and head were restrained on the chair with cords that were pulled so tight that Hyungwon could feel them cutting into the skin under his clothes. He wasn’t able to move anymore; all he could do was watch the rest of the men enter the room until they had all positioned themselves in a half-circle around him. One of them stepped forward and placed a couple of wires all over Hyungwon’s body, the last two were adjusted on his temples and Hyungwon could already feel them vibrating slightly on his skin – a feeling so very familiar, the calm before the storm.

“DRAMA doesn’t grant second chances, I’m sure you’re aware of that, Agent Chae”, the man standing next to him said. Hyungwon could see him moving in the corner of his eyes, hands placed on a plain metal box, harmless-looking even. “We can’t let betrayal go unpunished. That’s why we can’t grant you the right to die either.”

Hyungwon felt himself growing more and more nervous with each second that passed. His body was already aware of the pain that would follow as if it had become used to it.

_Just one more time,_ he told himself quietly, _then I’m out._

“We’ll send you to a prison conceptualized especially for you, cut off from the outside world”, the agent continued explaining. “To be more precise, we’ll divide your soul so that it won’t be possible for you to exist in the real world any longer.” He pushed down some of the buttons on the metal box that sounded like chattering teeth; then, the machine activated with a whirling sound.

Hyungwon could feel the warmth traveling through the wires into his body, _a foretaste of what is to come. This may be worse than any kind of physical torture that they execute on others._

“You will remain a shadow unable to travel through dimensions.” The man’s voice had taken on an almost solemn tone now as if he was reciting some kind of honorable mention. “DRAMA deprives you of the right to exist as a person. That is your punishment.”

“Any last words?”, one of the other men right at Hyungwon’s feet asked him, staring down at him like he was some worthless science experiment. 

“Not yet”, Hyungwon answered without looking at anyone. His gaze was directed upwards at the white ceiling – perhaps there was a tiny crack in the wall, perhaps he was just imagining it.

“Chae Hyungwon, I hereby strip you of your position as an agent of DRAMA and sentence you to elimination.”

The watch inside of his pocket felt heavy on his thigh like a stone or a finger pressing down firmly into his skin. It was still running a silent race; the finish line was close now. He had calculated it all, had activated the timer inside the moment he and his father had stepped into the company building. It was counting down to the exact second when his soul would get ripped apart. Practice, patience, persistence …

The agent next to him was entering some sort of code on the display of the square, grey machine. A few more seconds.

A robotic voice next to Hyungwon’s left ear: “Initiate soul splitting process.” Warmth at first, then heat traveling to his temples. The agents surrounding him, staring down at him as if they were forming a strange, silent prayer circle – thoughtless clones, hollow vessels that once contained actual people; in this loop, they were all just copies anyway. Pain. Bolts of lightning rattling through Hyungwon’s body, tearing at his limbs and causing him to shake uncontrollably from one side of the chair to the other. The watch still a heavy stone, counting, counting, counting …

_NOW!_

Hyungwon’s vision went black – _Did I close my eyes? Did I lose consciousness? Where will I wake up this time?_ – and as he felt his soul drinking up every lightning bolt, every bit of pain that they induced on his body, he could feel it burst eventually. This time, like every time, it splintered all over – a stone recklessly thrown at a yellow-lit window, a lightbulb exploding silently across the room. This time, unlike every time, Hyungwon could count the shards parting from himself; he could see them clearly, floating in front of his eyes like stars. Glowing pieces, six in total. He couldn’t grasp them; he could only watch them drift off into the distance of his blackened vision. Strangely, he could see their … _faces?_ Not simply faces but names, voices, emotions; he could feel their thoughts and relate to their struggles as if it was the only natural thing left to do.

_I don’t hurt anymore,_ Hyungwon realized as he was still floating in this state of unknowing. _But I’m not myself anymore, either. Not fully._

There was a gap forming in his heart, a hole where his soul had been. It hadn’t disappeared completely. He felt the other pieces strongly, like threads attached to his heart, leading into six completely different directions. There it was, the one thing that he had been working towards for years: a connection to the outside world.

_I broke their system._ The familiar dizziness embraced Hyungwon and pushed him into another whirl of quickly changing surroundings. _Six pieces. If I find those six pieces of my soul, perhaps we’ll be able to_ _interfere with their loops. What if we …_

 _We._ The hard surface underneath his body led to Hyungwon opening his eyes in astonishment. Above him only blue. He wasn’t in his bed as every morning; he wasn’t home.

Abruptly, he sat up and looked around the area: a field drowning in green and white colors, the whispering of a windy breeze up there in the swaying treetops, a few birds (crows) cawing while passing clouds and blue canvas as if they wanted to congratulate him on his newfound freedom.

Without further hesitation, he reached into his pocket and took out the silver watch, holding it close to his ear. Nothing. It had stopped working completely. The date still showed that of his elimination: 15.01.15. But that wasn’t important anymore. He would reprogram it again; he could even make more of them should he need to. Time - for now - didn’t matter since Hyungwon wouldn’t be able to exist in it properly, not until he could unite his soul again.

He cleared his throat, his fingertips brushing through the soft leaves of grass surrounding him. Then, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. They were all there, glowing brightly at him from the blackness of his mind.

_Why them?,_ Hyungwon wondered briefly, remembering something else that his father had once said to him when he was still a child: _“You’ll never find answers to every question you ask, Hyungwon. Sometimes, you just have to accept the fact that certain things are meant to be.”_

Hyungwon opened his eyes again, a frown slightly tracing his forehead. _Did he really say that? If so, what happened to the man who believed in destiny, the man who embraced his emotions so naturally? … the man who loved me?_

There was no time left to ponder about the past because all of those concepts – past, present, future – didn’t exist for Hyungwon anymore. He was a phantom now, someone who would walk between them all, a ghost. His mission was clear to him. Undoubtedly, there would be consequences. DRAMA would be on to him eventually. He would risk the lives of others, _again_. But there wasn’t any other choice. Perhaps his father had been right and all of it was predestined to some extent; perhaps Hyungwon would fail again and fade away eventually. For now, he had to concentrate; he had to start somewhere, with _someone._

His eyes closed again as his mind zoomed in on the first one of the gleaming stars which were connected to him with golden threads. The first one to visit. The first one to prepare.

Hyungwon sighed as his gaze traveled up to the blue sky once more – a blank canvas, so many possibilities. “And so many burdens to carry for all of them”, he added thoughtfully while the mild breeze of the warm day carried his words further across the open field. “So … our connection did influence their lives from the beginning.”

Another thought struck Hyungwon after a moment of silence and quiet sunshine, disturbing, yet possible.

_Perhaps my soul was necessary for them, like a missing puzzle piece. Perhaps it was needed for their happiness as well as for their misery ... so that they could exist in the first place?_


	15. Chapter 15

**PART 3**

_Any way the wind blows,_

_All you have to do is come to me, pull up_ _._

* * *

**Chapter 15**

**(Minhyuk), ???**

_Tell me what to do._

The moldy smell of dirty, wet fabric reached Minhyuk’s senses as he could feel his body being dragged along by the hounds that had surrounded him on the street and taken him as a captive. A stinging pain was eating away on his right calf while a cold piece of cloth kept touching his face in the darkness. His hands were tied behind his back and he could hear a door open with a squeal in front of him. Then, someone pushed him harshly and he lost balance, unable to protect himself from the fall on the hard, stone ground. His breath was vibrating heavily in his chest and the inability to see seemed to intensify the pain in his leg even more.

In an abrupt motion, the cloth bag was removed from his face and Minyhuk was staring into the hollow black eyes of one of the hounds from earlier. After untying Minhyuk’s hands, the man stood up without saying a word.

“What do you want from me?”, Minhyuk blurted out, but his voice cracked in the middle of the sentence. He stared from one agent to the others at the door, but they didn’t even seem to pay any interest in him. Ignoring his question completely, the hounds closed the door with another squeaking noise and left him alone in the dark.

It took a few seconds for Minhyuk’s vision to get used to the blackness surrounding him. After a while, he could at least barely see his hands in front of him; the smell of mold and wet stone was filling the air and once in a while there was a faint dripping sound somewhere in the distance. He hugged his knees in order to calm himself down; his heart was still hammering against his chest and he felt on the verge of a panic attack. Placing his forehead on his legs, he inhaled sharply to breathe through the pain in his right calf; then, he started thinking about what had happened and – inevitably this thought was creeping upon him in the dark – whether he was going to die down here. His fingers faintly touched the wound on his leg – it felt sticky and warm but didn’t seem to be bleeding anymore … a graze shot perhaps?

Changkyun’s brown eyes suddenly appeared in his memory and the look he had given Minhyuk before he had left him behind. _Almost as if he was sorry?_

Minhyuk didn’t know why it upset him so much that they got split up, that Changkyun betrayed him. He had always talked about leaving him behind; _maybe he would’ve even killed me himself when we got back to the hideout so that he could’ve kept all the supplies to himself._ But then, it didn’t sit right with Minhyuk to think this way. They hadn’t spent much time together, however, it wasn’t meaningless. It couldn’t be. Whatever Changkyun had decided back there, it was a choice that Minhyuk accepted, he had to.

Moreover, he didn’t actually know what Changkyun had gone through in the past; he could only see a small part of his pain in the way his gaze had trailed off into the distance sometimes like some faint memory was pulling him under. Strangely, Minhyuk had felt the same. A window had opened for them, hadn’t it? …

His hand shot frantically to his jeans pocket under his cloak, expectantly searching for the feeling of thick, glossy paper … _It can’t be gone. It can’t be …_

“ _Fuck!_ ”, his voice rang out into the silent cell almost desperately. The abrupt, harsh sound startled Minhyuk before he was swallowed whole by realization: It was gone; the childhood picture that he had been carrying around in his pocket since he had found it in his wallet back at the bus stop was gone. And with it the possibility of an answer to his question … With it the new poem that he had started scribbling on the back of the picture when Changkyun wasn’t paying him any attention. What was it again? Could he maybe remember some of it? …

_I want to cover myself in your voice / Your arms and mind / Looking at you …_

“Looking at you”, he whispered shakily, trying to recall the next few lines. But his mind wouldn’t focus on poetry right now; it was paralyzed by fear and the terrifying realization that he was trapped somewhere in a different dimension, and that those _hounds_ would probably kill him.

What had happened? Wasn’t he just leaning on the counter of the coffee shop, observing the lonely customer by the window seat and scribbling loose thoughts onto some napkins? Was all of that – the _real_ world – just a mask to cover every horrible crime that was really happening? _Time travel_? _A lost dimension_? What about his mother and the rest of his family? What about his job? His future?

Suddenly, his underlying desire to dive into adventure – to leave his routine and experience something more meaningful – seemed utterly ridiculous to Minhyuk. _What was I thinking? The one time that something extraordinary happens in my life and I end up in another dimension and get killed by real-life villains._

Perhaps, in another context, he could’ve laughed about the absurdity of the situation, but right now he was in pain; he was lost and, despite understanding Changkyun’s reason, felt betrayed by the person that had saved his life before. It didn’t matter anymore, but he just couldn’t stop the tears that were suddenly running down his cheeks – hot, trickling relief that left a salty taste on his lips. They wouldn’t stop, not for a while. And instead of ceasing his anxiety, they embraced it fully – two hands finally touching each other above the abyss.

The sobs started shaking his body and echoed from the black walls around him. Minhyuk didn’t even know how big this cell was; he didn’t know whether it was empty or not. But then, it didn’t matter. All of the exhaustion, the stress and confusion seemed to break loose above and inside of him; everything that he had been holding onto was washing over him. Still, never enough to cover the depth of Changkyun’s eyes, the light brown color of his messy hair, the scars peeking through from his neck and the sides of his face when Minhyuk had accidentally pulled down his cloak, the closeness of their faces in the abandoned building and that one contradictory expression in the end: _I am sorry._

“They won’t spare you just because you’re crying.”

Minhyuk’s head shot up and he fell silent at the sudden sound of a different voice so close to him. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t see, his heart pounding in his throat. _Am I going crazy now? Am I imagining things?_

“Who’s there?”, he asked breathlessly – a brief thought crossed his mind: _like some dumbass in a horror movie._

It took a few seconds for the voice to answer. As the person spoke again, it sounded quieter than before, feeble almost. “Does it matter? You’ll die in here anyway.”

Now that he was convinced that he hadn’t just hallucinated, Minhyuk carefully got up from the ground, wiping his cheeks with the fabric of the cloak that he was still wearing. Reaching his arms in front of his body so that he could feel potential walls or objects in his way, Minhyuk started walking towards the origin of the voice. His steps shuffled over the ground since he had to be cautious to put weight on his leg. After a few seconds, his fingertips touched the cold, wet surface of a stone wall. The sudden sensation made Minhyuk flinch in surprise while his eyes kept staring holes into the thick, black air around him.

“What about you?”, he asked. His fingers traced along the wall and found a small gap – it wasn’t even big enough to reach through with your hands.

“I’m getting out of here”, the voice answered – this time, it was louder than before. “There’s someone counting on me.”

_He’s in another cell next to this. What is this, some kind of underground prison?_

It was too dark to make out any outline in the other room; Minhyuk could only feel the cold sensation from the stones hovering a few inches away from his cheeks as he leaned forward to look through the gap. Just like that, he remained as close to the wall as possible, asking the stranger another question: “How did you end up here?”

“Karma.” The person in the other cell started coughing and then, seemed to spit on the ground – at least that’s what it sounded like in the dark. “Shit”, he then exclaimed quietly as if speaking to himself this time. Judging from his strained voice, he was in bad condition.

“What did they do to you?”, Minhyuk asked anxiously. His mind started imagining his possible future down here: torture, hunger, _pain._

Again, it took a few seconds until the stranger answered: “You ask a lot of questions for someone who’s going to die soon.”

As if this sentence had tipped him over the edge, Minhyuk let panic take a hold of him. The words just blathered out of his mouth before he could stop himself: “They got the wrong person! I don’t know what they want from me! I don’t know anything!”

“Funny”, the voice replied rather unimpressed. “I’ve told them the exact same thing. Turns out they don’t really care. All they care about is this stupid watch and this suit guy.” Another sudden cough cut off his sentence.

_The watch!_ Minhyuk’s hands hectically rushed to check his pockets. _How could I forget about the watch?_ But it wasn’t there … _Of course it’s gone, just like everything else._

“What kind of watch do you mean?”, he then asked, pressing himself closer against the wall. “We …”, he hesitated for a second while brown eyes lit up in his memory – _I’m sorry_. “I mean, _I_ have a watch. I was with someone, but we got separated. Both of us had one … They must’ve taken it from me.”

Minhyuk waited for another answer from the other side of the gap, but the only thing he could hear from the man in the cell next to him was a groaning noise as if he was in serious pain again.

“Where did you get the watch?”, Minhyuk persisted as his voice took a desperate tone. He heard heavy footsteps approaching from the other side of the room. _They’re coming for me._

“Please!”, he said, his nails digging into the stoned texture of the wall, his fingertips turning numb from the cold.

No answer.

The cell door opened with a squeaking sound just like it had closed before. A faint crack of light entered the room from the hallway, barely enough to identify the two hounds now entering the room. As they walked towards Minhyuk, their black suits almost melted into the darkness surrounding them. Without hesitation, they seized him on both arms and dragged him across the cell towards the exit. Minhyuk felt panic rising in his chest again. He didn’t want to die yet; he just wanted to know what was going on.

“The man with the suit”, he blurted out, turning his head towards the gap in the wall that he had now lost from his sight, “did he have an umbrella?” But again, the stranger remained silent. Almost as if he hadn’t been there in the first place.

The hounds dragged him along through a gloomy hallway that didn’t differ much from the atmosphere in the cell: the same moldy smell in the air, faint dripping noises and stone walls. Dull pools of daylight fell onto the ground in some areas, where tiny windows led to the outside world – just like a distant, blurry source of brightness shining through the surface of the moving ocean.

The feeling of hopelessness had taken the front seat in Minhyuk’s brain, now that the hounds had reached their destination that looked like some kind of interrogation room. It contained a table, chairs and white walls – all so very clean and untouched – almost as if they had entered a different world by simply stepping through one door.

To Minhyuk’s surprise, the men who had led him along the hallway didn’t tie his hands on the chair that they seated him on. However, one of them remained next to his right side like a towering bodyguard. The second agent – together with another one that now entered the room – took a seat on the opposite side of the table, placing his hands on the bland, white surface.

“There are some questions that we need to ask you”, he started, staring firmly into Minhyuk’s eyes. “And I’m sure you’ll be able to help us?”

Minhyuk didn’t answer, his mouth felt dry and his jaw tied together. He could only stare at those two black holes that were now fixating him.

“You had this on you”, the second man in front of him said while placing a silver watch – _my watch,_ Minhyuk thought mindlessly – on the table. “How did you get it?”

Minhyuk stared at the mysterious item in front of him, trying to sort his thoughts. “I …” But there was no way he could explain any of this; he didn’t even know what exactly had happened to him since he had stepped out of the coffee shop after his shift.

“The captive in the cell next to you was in possession of an identical watch.” The hound took the silver object and turned it over so that the engraving was visible: _Daydream, I’m dreaming._ “But his watch had a different engraving on the back.”

Minhyuk looked up again, almost relieved that he hadn’t been hallucinating the stranger from before.

“Is there a special meaning to those phrases?”, the man pressed on as his voice grew more and more impatient. “Who’s your superior?”

“M-my …?” Minhyuk took a deep breath, trying to sound as reliable as possible. _If not, they’ll kill me._ “There is no superior”, he started once more; his eyes shifted from one empty face to the next. “I got this watch by accident and I don’t know anyone else who has it.” It felt like his heart stopped for a split second – he had just lied about Changkyun, _why?_

The agent brought his nails down on the table in a gesture of impatience. “Then what about the other guy that got away?”

Minhyuk swallowed, unsure whether his answer was true or not: “He’s just a criminal who lives here.” _But he’s also someone who likes my poetry, someone with a dark past and sad eyes._

The hounds exchanged a silent gaze and Minhyuk could feel himself shifting nervously in his chair. “I work at a coffee shop. I don’t know anything about time travel, you have to believe me.” He reached for the watch and pushed it away from him across the table. “You can have it. I just want my normal life back.” But then … there was some distorted face in the far corner of his mind, looking at him with doubt: _Do you really?_

Black, empty eyes observed him for a few distressful seconds – _as if they’re considering what to do with me._ Then, the agent sighed and took the watch, storing it in the inside pocket of his suit. Without saying anything, he nodded at the third hound right next to Minhyuk, who now stepped forward and placed a small glass bottle in front of him on the table; there was some kind of thick, purple liquid in it, which Minhyuk had never seen before in his life.

“Drink this”, the agent demanded strictly without giving any further explanations.

“What is it?”, Minhyuk asked hesitantly. _Poison?_

“You want your normal life back?”, the man in front of him asked; it sounded like a threat. “Drink this.”

Minhyuk stared from the two hounds to the glass bottle on the table. “You’re not going to kill me?”

“You’re of no use for us. Questioning you and getting rid of your body would be a waste of time and time is money.” The agent’s voice sounded completely formal as if he was explaining a simple matter to Minhyuk, something _obvious_.

_Then what about the other prisoner?,_ he wanted to ask but didn’t. _What about Changkyun?_

When the agent noticed Minhyuk’s hesitation, he added: “You’re not a traveler, it’s obvious. You were at the wrong place at the wrong time”, a hollow smile spread across his lips, “right?”

_I’m weak,_ Minhyuk thought and his heart felt heavy. _I’m in no way fitting for this kind of life, even they seem to understand that. Useless … Invisible …_ Although the hound’s smile frightened him and was in no way sincere, Minhyuk believed those black holes and their condescending promises.

With shaking fingers, he took the glass bottle and opened it, raising the scentless purple potion to his lips. His thoughts were racing ahead: _What if it’s poison? What if they’re lying to me?_ Then, just for a second, they grew even more irrational: _What if I don’t want to go back? What about the others?_ But he couldn’t untangle the meaning of those questions. Eventually, he returned to the same brown eyes as before … (But weren’t they familiar in a way? But didn’t they betray him?)

Minhyuk emptied the small glass container into his mouth; the liquid felt cool and smooth on his tongue, but just like it didn’t smell, it didn’t taste like anything either.

_Almost as if I’m drinking a cloud,_ he thought while swallowing the potion.

The mixture – whatever it was – seemed to work immediately, because as another second passed, Minhyuk was washed over with dizziness. He felt so very tired that he couldn’t even keep his eyes open any longer. A thick, demanding embrace of sleep took hold of him, pulling him further into the depth of the purple potion and its effects. His thoughts returned to Changkyun once more and that one question that would remain unanswered – it was already fading away like wind brushing over the sandy surface of the beach, covering all those nosy possibilities, one after the other.

“Don’t worry”, the agent’s voice echoed in Minhyuk’s ears as if it was already far away, mumbling from the other side of a closed window. “When you wake up again, you won’t remember all of this. You’re very lucky. You’ll be no one.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: mentions of blood and violence

**Chapter 16**

**(Wonho), ???**

_You don’t give me a chance to rest once._

In a haze of pain and darkness, Wonho slowly opened his eyes. His surroundings hadn’t changed just like the other few times that he had fallen unconscious and woken up again by his aching body. Time was impossible to measure in this state, and the blackness only contributed to Wonho’s dizziness and the feeling of hope floating further and further away from him. And what about the other person that had been trapped in the cell next to him? Was he just a hallucination caused by whatever disease was spreading in his brain? And why had he been able to walk around in his cell like that? _Why hadn’t he been in pain?_

Then, his memories came back to him in a silent wave. _They had taken him. So he’s probably already dead by now._

Wonho squinted his eyes as another rush of pain flooded through his head down to his arms and legs. Everything felt stiff and sore, and his shoulders hurt from being tied back to the chair the whole time. When was the last time they had questioned him? Wonho couldn’t remember. It could’ve been minutes, hours or days already. What would his mother think if he didn’t show up at the hospital for a few days in a row? Will she _know_?

_She’s never said anything about time travel to me_ , Wonho thought bitterly, thinking about his mother’s soft but tired eyes and the way she had held his hand as if to protect him from himself somehow, _but she knew, I could see it in her face from time to time. Will she be disappointed in me because I didn’t take care of myself because I put her first? Will she ever be able to forgive me if I never return?_

He could almost hear Shownu scold him again, telling him to be careful while traveling and warning him about the consequences: _“You won’t be able to help your mother that way.”_ Alone in the dark without a plan to escape – without even knowing what was going on with those agents – those words almost felt like a mocking remark, like a big, fat, relentless _I told you so._

A sudden cough took hold of him, rattling through his chest and shaking uncontrollably for a second, which only increased the pain from the stab wounds in his leg. For a moment, he wondered if there was any spot left on his body that wasn’t burned, cut or bruised – at least that’s what it felt like to him while the cough receded and left the metallic taste of blood in his throat and on his tongue. There was no use of drowning in self-pity, was there? He had been in similar situations before; torture wasn’t new to him; the thought of death wasn’t new to him. Why did he think about giving up now? What had changed?

Wonho spat the blood next to him on the ground and forced himself to sit upon the chair as straight as the restraints let him. His jaw tensed and he clenched his teeth while pulling on the wires that were holding his hands and feet together and already left cuts on his wrists and ankles. The pain built up more and more each second, but Wonho tried to push it aside.

_Just like always,_ he thought stubbornly while twisting his face, channeling every last bit of strength he had left in his body. _I need to get back to her. I need to find that treatment. If it’s the last thing I do. If it’s the last thing …_ But the wires wouldn’t come loose, no matter how hard he was pulling; they only cut deeper into his skin, sending fresh, warm traces of blood down his fingers and feet. The urge to scream – to yell at the world – was building up in his chest, but before he could release any of that stuck up anger, he heard noises approaching from the other side of the room, probably outside of the cell door.

Were they coming to torture him even more? Wonho felt his body tense at the thought of the taser-like branding iron being pushed down on his skin. He closed his eyes, trying to prepare somehow, trying to push his mask back on, to push the pain further and further away. However, the door wasn’t thrown open violently as before; on the contrary, this time, it opened rather cautiously after some seconds of clicking noises, almost as if trying to avoid the squeaking sound.

A faint ray of light from the dim-lit hallway fell into the cell and revealed just one person standing in the door frame, dressed in black – but not in one of those disgustingly perfect suits like the hounds that had tortured him; the stranger looked like a scavenger who was wearing a dark cloak to hide his identity.

For a second, Wonho wondered whether he had fallen unconscious again or whether he was just hallucinating this strange, hooded figure that had just stepped into his cell out of nowhere.

“Shit”, the person exclaimed tensely in a low, male voice. “I didn’t know there would be anybody else down here.” He stepped closer to the chair that Wonho was tied to while his face stayed hidden in the shadows.

“Sorry, I’m not the one you expected”, Wonho scoffed bitterly. _What the hell is he even doing here? Is that some kind of sick experiment? …_

The stranger stopped right in front of him; the tone of his voice didn’t change one bit as he answered. “I’m looking for someone”, he said. “Skinny, kind of weak and looks very naïve. Black hair.”

Wonho stared up at the hooded figure in disbelief. _What kind of joke is this? I’ve lost my mind, haven’t I?_ “Seriously?!”, he snapped angrily. “You do realize that I’m tied to a chair right now? I’m their _prisoner._ How would I have seen anyone in a room without windows?”

The stranger crossed his arms in front of his chest as if already impatient with this conversation. “So, your answer is No”, he declared with an annoyed tone in his voice and turned around, walking towards the cell door.

Surprised and overwhelmed by the scavenger’s sudden appearance – and perhaps also the despair that he was feeling in his current state – Wonho yelled: “Wait! There was someone in the cell next to me”, he blurted out. “I couldn’t see him though.”

The stranger stopped in his tracks, the end of his cloak floating above the dusty cell floor. “What did he say?”

Wonho tried to search his memory for anything that the prisoner had said to him, _anything._ “He said he was with someone, but they got separated.” _Come on, what else?_ “The hounds were after his watch, I guess? At least they’re pretty interested in mine.”

The hooded figure now stood by the door frame again, covered in the only ray of light falling into the bland, cold room. He turned around and for a second, Wonho could see his face lighting up under his cloak – light hair, concern in his eyes? He didn’t say anything; he just stood there in silence, brooding over something that remained a secret.

Then, it dawned on Wonho … “If you’re the one he got separated from”, he said calmly, “you’re insane to actually come here.”

The stranger sighed in frustration. “I know.”

“They took your friend a while ago”, Wonho added – perhaps just as frustrated as his new acquaintance. “Would be great if you could at least help me out though.”

Without another word, the stranger walked back to him and cut Wonho loose from the chair. It felt like an overwhelming relief to finally be able to move his shoulders and legs freely again. Still, the pain in his legs struck him by surprise, so that he had to sit down after a second of standing up because he was already seeing stars.

“Can you tell me anything else?”, the stranger asked him while putting his knife back into his pocket; he sounded almost hesitant. “What exactly happened to him?”

Wonho tried to recall all of the questions that his cellmate had asked him. “I don’t really know anything either. It’s something about the watches apparently.” Wonho couldn’t even remember how much time had passed since they had taken him. “Sorry.”

“Well”, the stranger said, turning towards the door again, “then we’ll better take a look around.”

Wonho carefully stood up from the chair again and this time could even take a few shaky steps. _I need to pull myself together for now. He’s my ticket out of here, so I might as well give it a shot. What choice do I have?_

They left the cell behind and quietly started moving along the hallway. There was no noise except for an occasional dripping sound in the distance. The stranger seemed to know his way around this stony maze somehow and Wonho tried to keep up with him as much as possible, despite the fresh injuries everywhere on his body; he couldn’t even imagine how miserable he must look in his current state.

After a while of moving around, Wonho started to feel tired; his vision blurred and he had to rest by leaning against the cool, rough surface of one of the stone walls for a few seconds, taking some deep breaths and closing his eyes.

“Why did you stop?”, the low voice hissed at him in the dark.

Wonho coughed again but tried to avoid any noise that could potentially bring them in danger. “You’re not one of them trying to trick me, are you?”, he asked to gain some more time to rest up.

The stranger chuckled bitterly. “It’s not like you can do anything about it if I am.” He rummaged in his bag for a second and offered Wonho a bottle of water. “Here, you’ll never know whether it’s poisoned.”

Wonho rolled his eyes and took the bottle out of his hands. When the cold liquid washed down his throat, he felt like new life was poured into his body at once. His sore throat was soothed for a moment and although it was just a few sips of plain water, it felt like the best drink that Wonho had ever had in his entire life. “Thank you”, he said with total honesty as he handed back the bottle to his strange savior.

“No need”, he answered. “Just keep moving.”

So, they did. But after walking around the dungeons without any indication of the person that the stranger was looking for, Wonho grew more and more impatient. The longer they stayed down here, the bigger the risk to get caught and thrown back into that cell again. Wonho’s freedom depended on this person that was leading him across the hallways so demandingly. _Whoever that other captive was to him_ , Wonho thought, _they must’ve been close._

“I don’t think we should be down here much longer”, Wonho proposed cautiously – he didn’t want to upset his only possibility out of here in any way. “If they catch us, we’ll be dead for sure.”

The stranger clearly seemed to be in some kind of personal struggle. His face was tense and dirty in the dark hallway as he turned to Wonho with a pained expression in his eyes. “I need to find him. I made a mistake …” But before he could explain anything else, the noise of approaching footsteps suddenly echoed across the walls, causing both of them to freeze in horror for a split second. The hooded stranger dragged Wonho around the corner and along a smaller hallway that led into a dead end.

“Are you nuts?”, Wonho hissed at him, who was still pulling him further along the path. _We’re trapped._

At the end of the passageway, the hooded figure stopped in his tracks, kneeling down and brushing his hands across the stone surface. “Come on”, he mumbled to himself. “It’s gotta be somewhere.”

The hounds’ footsteps were growing louder with each second that passed and Wonho just stood in one place, staring at the end of the path, waiting for the agents to appear behind the corner and spot them. _I’m wounded but I’ll try to fight them off. If I can aim for their legs …_

“Hurry!” A hand grabbed his arm and dragged him down to the ground – this sent a few bolts of pain through Wonho’s body and brought the stars back to his vision.

“Just crawl straightforward”, the voice next to him ordered, and Wonho felt hands pushing into his back, shoving him down the small entrance, that was now towering in the middle of the stone wall like a black window that had magically appeared in a matter of seconds. He pushed aside all questions that were riling up in his head and simply obeyed by crawling blindly and on all fours into the dark hole.

_I’ve had worse,_ he tried to downplay the situation in his mind, _right?_

The darkness now fully embraced him as he felt the walls hovering closely around his body. His hands were feeling along the wet, muddy surface of the ground and his nose was picking up that moldy smell again – this time, however, even worse than back in the cell.

There was a loud noise behind him as if something heavy was pushed around – _Perhaps this magical door in the wall?_ – and the stranger’s low, commanding voice appeared behind Wonho in the small tunnel. “There’ll be a part where you think you can’t fit. If you reach it, just keep crawling.”

“Great”, Wonho answered, reminding himself again: _I’ve been through worse._ But then, he wasn’t sure whether this was the truth.

When they reached the end of the tunnel, a small dot of light, hovering right in the middle of the blackness in front of them, finally indicated their way to freedom. Wonho could feel the fresh breeze slightly touching his face and felt drawn to it immediately. He gasped for air, taking it in greedily, and squinted his eyes at the brightness of the grey, cloudy sky as soon as he had reached the end of their underground escape route. When he was standing up again, sensation rushed back into his body and with it, the pain and exhaustion that had been drowned out by the rush of adrenaline from before.

The stranger behind him started coughing while trying to clean his clothes from all the dirt and mud in the tunnel. Wonho turned around, wanting to ask him about the secret passage and how he knew about it, but the stranger seemed busy with his own thoughts for now. He was pulling something out of the pocket of his coat that looked like a photograph covered in dirt; his face twisted in anger and he threw his leg back and kicked a garbage can close to him with full strength so that it hit the floor with a bang while its content was spread across the ground. 

Wonho only now realized that they had ended up on some kind of dump – car wrecks, containers, metal pieces and empty boxes were scattered everywhere; pieces of cloth were floating in the mild breeze like ghosts or long-forgotten banners of a different time.

“I need to go back”, the scavenger exclaimed angrily. “I need to find him. It wasn’t his fault.”

Wonho hesitated for a moment, observing the stranger in the black cloak who seemed to be caught in some kind of personal crisis. Light hair was falling in messy strands onto his forehead and his eyes were fixated on the photograph in his hands.

“Listen”, Wonho said, feeling almost lost towards the sudden emotional outburst of the person that had saved him. “I owe you. I just don’t think it’s wise to go back in there.”

Thanks to the daylight, he could now actually see what the hounds had done to him – his face felt swollen and heavy, his arms were covered in cuts and bruises, his clothes soaked in dirt and blood and he could still feel the spots that they had burned with the branding iron beneath his shirt. _(Maybe it’s better to not look at it for now. It doesn’t matter anyway.)_ His headache wasn’t gone either, it had just melted into the pain caused by the other wounds, covering Wonho like a tenacious, aching blanket.

“I’m Wonho, by the way”, he added somewhat awkwardly after a few second pause.

The stranger now brought his attention to him, still holding the photograph in his hands; his expression had calmed down again and Wonho couldn’t tell whether he was still angry or not.

“I’m Changkyun”, he said in a monotonous voice while staring at Wonho with brown, threatening eyes.

Wonho nodded at him, continuing with his previous sentence: “They’ve tortured me several times and your friend, he … they took him right away. Maybe he surrendered and joined them or they –”

“He wouldn’t join them”, Changkyun interrupted him harshly.

“I don’t know what happened”, Wonho stated once more, also speaking in a firm voice; he couldn’t waste his time arguing about someone he didn’t even know; he had to get back to the real world as soon as possible. “I need to get out of here. We are in the lost dimension, aren’t we?”

Changkyun raised his eyebrows at him. “You don’t know?”

He felt his jaw tense. “I wasn’t sure.”

“So, you’re a traveler?” Changkyun raised his lips as if to smile but the expression on his face remained empty. “At least one person that knows the basics.”

“I don’t have time for this”, Wonho replied. “There’s someone I have to get back to.”

Changkyun’s gaze changed only for a split second; he looked … _jealous?_ “You said you had a watch that they wanted to know about?”

_Why is everyone so interested in those goddamn watches?_ “It seemed valuable enough to torture me for information about it. But it doesn’t even belong to me.”

Changkyun didn’t seem surprised; he let out a sigh. “Some guy in a suit gave it to you, am I right?”

The memory of the businessman bumping into him back at the gym popped back into Wonho’s mind; the conversation between Shownu and this man that he had witnessed through some kind of vision back in the alley before he got captured; the picture that those agents had shown him again and again …

“How do you know?” He stared at the hooded stranger with a certain suspicion – What if he was a hound after all? What if he had just tried to gain his trust by helping him escape? But then, why did the despair on his face seem so genuine and what about the picture he was carrying around? All of this didn’t seem to add up.

“Well, then it can’t be a coincidence anymore”, Changkyun said, ignoring Wonho’s question. “The two of you showing up here with the exact same watches, hounds everywhere and this bastard who likes to play games …”

Wonho stared at him in disbelief. _What if_ he _was the one who had lost his mind?_ “Sorry, but I don’t understand a single thing of what you just said.”

Changkyun noticed Wonho’s gaze – that probably indicated that he thought Changkyun had gone crazy – and rolled his eyes in annoyance. Then, he revealed a watch from his pocket that looked exactly like the one that Wonho had found in his jacket before he had been sent to the lost dimension. Changkyun was offering it to Wonho, so he took it out of his hands and examined it carefully. It seemed broken, the pointers weren’t moving and there was an engraving on the back, just like on his watch … no, not quite; this one was different: _I’m telling myself it’s time to stop._

“I’ve watched their patrols for a while to see where they brought you and I could hear some of them talking”, Changkyun continued. “That man in the suit that the hounds are looking for is called Chae Hyungwon and he’s the reason I’m trapped in here. He gave this to me”, Changykun pointed at the watch in Wonho’s hands. “And Minhyuk, the one trapped with you back there, got here the same way you did … with a watch like that but absolutely no clue about anything else, well, except that he remembered this man in a suit.”

“Chae Hyungwon?”, Wonho tried to remember anyone named like that from back at the gym, but nothing. _How does Shownu know him then?_

Changkyun nodded. “So, assuming that Hyungwon used these watches to bring you here, they have to be able to get us out of here as well. Our ticket out of here, so to say. But now we’re back at square one because we only have one watch.”

“How can you even be sure we need the watches?”, Wonho asked doubtingly.

“Let’s just say I’ve been in here for long enough to know that there is no way out on your own.” Changkyun took the watch back and put it in his pocket. “The only clue I ever got was a note and this watch.”

Wonho looked at him in surprise. “What note?”

But Changkyun dodged his question once more, continuing with his speech, which seemed more like a train of thought which he had been eager to share for some time now. “I’m sure Hyungwon planned all of this somehow. He wants us to get out. _Together_.” Brown eyes met Wonho’s gaze and the determination in them was genuine. “I just don’t know why and how.”

Wonho scoffed. “Great, so we know nothing.”

Changkyun shot him a sinister look. “It’s somehow connected to those watches … Maybe three of them together can bring us back? I’ve only ever had one which was kind of a one-way ticket.”

Wonho let him ramble on for some more but didn’t seem convinced by any of this. However, he didn’t really have another choice than to believe in Changkyun’s assumptions and the fact that _someone_ wanted to bring them together. If Changkyun was right and all of it connected to a bigger picture, he wasn’t sent here randomly. Besides, this man – Hyungwon – had been talking to Shownu as well … Shownu had told Wonho about a private session the evening that he had last seen him.

“If this really is Hyungwon’s plan”, Wonho said thoughtfully. “Something must’ve gone wrong. I can’t believe he would want us to reveal his identity to those agents. They are clearly looking for him because he fucked up. Maybe he even betrayed them?”

Changkyun seemed to think about that for a second, his expression unreadable and his gaze empty, as if he was remembering some distant memory. “It doesn’t make sense”, he mumbled more to himself than Wonho; then, another loose thought: “He betrayed me.”

Wonho didn’t know what exactly had happened between them, but the fact that Hyungwon had been booking private lessons with Shownu couldn’t be a coincidence either … Shownu who had closed himself off from time travel since his father had died; Shownu who always scolded Wonho for his reckless trips; Shownu who had always been the strongest, most skilled person in that gym … Could it be?

“What?” Changkyun was eyeing him suspiciously, now that he had noticed Wonho’s concerned expression.

“I …” Wonho frowned at his opposite. “What if he prepared a plan B?”

Changkyun looked at him in confusion. “Plan B?”

Wonho’s memory drifted back to his trainer. He had never seen Shownu use all of his strengths, but he knew that he was capable of more than just channeling his energy for time travel like he had taught Wonho. There were secrets that Shownu was keeping to himself as well and Wonho couldn’t blame him, he even understood it. That had always been their relationship – relying on each other without pushing too hard.

“Maybe there’s someone who can help”, Wonho said eventually, looking up at Changkyun, who still seemed somewhat confused.

Perhaps it was something that he saw in Wonho’s eyes; perhaps he just accepted what had been said because there was nothing else that remained otherwise. Whatever it was, his face turned into a casual expression again – unreadable, impatient but no longer desperate or full of pain. “Well, then that someone better hurries.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another very long chapter. (Sorry?)

**Chapter 17**

**(Shownu), Wed. 08.11.17**

_Is it possible to just give you enough?_

It was already late in the evening when Shownu eventually closed the gym and locked the training rooms as well as the equipment in them. Some time had passed since Hyungwon had left him alone with his thoughts and the trail of questions and doubts, that was clinging to him like a wet piece of clothing.

_Agents in black suits … hounds … DRAMA._ Shownu wasn’t even surprised that this shady institution had turned out to use time travel for their own profits; the fact that they were hunting down people and using innocents as test objects, however, disgusted him deeply. He knew that the moment had come to act, to _move_ after years of hiding and avoiding his past. Whoever Hyungwon really was – a phantom, a friend or simply someone in need of help –, Shownu believed in his words and the promise of some kind of plan in all of this chaos.

_It’s like a gut feeling that I keep relying on, even though I just can’t grasp its origin…_

When he had reached the entrance hall on his way out, Shownu stopped at the counter for a moment, looking at an old picture of him and his father that was placed on the wall above the small desk with piles of paperwork. It had always been there, as long as Shownu could remember. He must’ve been 16, smiling up at his father who was bursting into honest laughter because of some joke that Shownu couldn’t remember now. He had always liked this photograph for its realness – it wasn’t one of those strict pictures taken at sports events or other ceremonies, where both of them were standing next to each other in a proud but cold way, looking dutifully at the camera. No, this picture – this smile on his father’s face – was honest and a moment of levity between family members. Moreover, it reminded Shownu of a time before his father had started to fall sick – or at least when he hadn’t been able to hide his pain any longer.

Hyungwon’s voice echoed through his mind for a second: _"You saw his state yourself, the exhaustion, the pain he's trying to hide. How did you know your father would die soon when the traveling started affecting his health? How could you be sure? Perhaps it's just a gut feeling, or perhaps it's all for a reason."_

With a sigh, Shownu parted from the memory of him and his father and left the gym, locking the heavy entrance doors with a clicking sound. He entered his apartment, which was located right above the place of his work, by climbing three sets of stairs and throwing his jacket and bag in the corner of the hallway. Exhaustion overcame him, now that he was home and distanced from all the strange events of the day. Still, he couldn’t quite shake them – not after taking a shower, not after sorting a few documents that were left on the kitchen table, not after watering his plants or eating some leftovers for dinner. Now that he had decided to let his past into his life again, Shownu couldn’t stop thinking about his father, about Wonho and finally, about Hyungwon, DRAMA and ‘the others’.

So, while strolling around in his apartment, occupied with a certain restlessness, he poured himself a drink and entered his bedroom, where he sat down in front of a small dresser, opening the last drawer – one he hadn’t opened in a while.

It contained two photo albums and a few notebooks full of old memories. Taking a sip from his drink as if to prepare himself somehow, Shownu reached for one of the albums, pulling out one particular photograph of him and his father that had been taken on Shownu’s 12th birthday.

_Back then, he brought me gifts every time he returned from his travels._ But when his father’s wife had left them – Shownu could never bring himself to actually call her his ‘mother’ –, his father’s focus had shifted towards traveling even more … however, he had stopped bringing gifts home with him as well.

_He locked a part of himself away from me,_ Shownu thought sadly while holding the picture in his hand, _but I still loved him. I can still feel him every time I'm training at the gym, every time I walk through those halls and rooms that he had created so full of pride and determination._

Shownu had known about time travel from his early childhood onwards because his father had always made sure to teach him just enough about it. However, his life had changed on his 16th birthday when his father had finally allowed him to accompany him on his trips. It was the first time that Shownu had felt close to him again.

The main part of his father’s lessons consisted of teaching Shownu how to utilize his ‘energy’ to be able to jump between timelines. It was no easy task because it was necessary to become aware of that energy within your body first before using it. Therefore, it acquired a lot of training, mental strength and most importantly: patience. For Shownu, however, it had always felt _natural_ to connect with the unused energy closed off in his body, like a storeroom that opened only with a special key – a key he never knew he possessed for a place he never knew he could enter.

The first time that Shownu had reached for the secret within himself, it had felt like he could finally understand the world a bit better; it had felt like this part was calling for him as if it was necessary to connect with it in order to be … full, _complete_.

_“You’ve got a gift, Hyunwoo”,_ was what his father had said to him more than once, and always so strictly. _“You’re able to reach out further than anyone else.”_

However, there were other important rules that were essential for a ‘safe’ trip – as safe as time travel could be, at least. Shownu learned about choosing destinations, the length of the potential stay as well as the precision of these measures – something that (again) required a lot of patience and concentration, especially without any tool that would channel a person’s energy for them and guide their travel … _Like those watches, for example. Something about them must’ve been manipulated or programmed in a certain way._

Shownu took another sip from his drink – a big one this time, emptying the glass and placing it on top of the dresser. He put the photo album and the picture back into the drawer and took out the silver watch from his pocket. Then, he sat down on his bed, crossed his legs and closed his right hand around the small, seemingly useless object that Hyungwon had given him. Not that he would need it now, but it gave him a feeling of reassurance, a _reason_ why he was doing this right now.

_What if it won’t work? What if my decision back then was more final than I expected?_

Four years was a long time after all and Shownu didn’t know whether he was ready for what he was supposed to do. His father had told him: _“You are special, though you might not think of it that way.”_

Recalling those words now, it felt like a cruel joke, mocking him from a safe distance. But was there a choice? If he wanted to see Wonho again, he had to _try_ at least. It was a long shot, but if Wonho was in possession of one of those watches – and judging from Hyungwon’s riddles they were all connected somehow – it had to be possible to find him.

Shownu closed his eyes and tried to reach out to the part of himself that he had abandoned a long time ago. He tried to open the door to the storage room, tried to bend above the abyss as far as he could … _I just need to find it again; I just need to focus … Focus!_

Another memory took hold of him, it was his father’s voice …  
_“Focus, Hyunwoo! You need to be the vessel for your energy first before you can actually use it, do you understand?”  
“I can’t see it. There’s nothing! It’s just black!”_

_“You’ve already learned to connect to your energy so that you can guide it into the direction of the timeline that you want to travel to. But this time, it’s supposed to guide_ you _.”_

_“But I don’t understand how this is different. I don’t look for this energy in myself, Dad, I’ve told you that that’s not necessary. It’s_ me _already.”_

_“And that’s why only you’re able to do this.”_

_“Me? What about you?”_

_“You’re far more talented with this than I could ever be, Hyunwoo. And now,_ focus _. This time, you need to surrender, like you’re an empty glass waiting to be filled with water. Let the energy come to you first, then it will show you the person that you’re looking for.”_

For Shownu, it had always manifested in the shape of a blue ball of light, right there in the void – a cloud, a raindrop, the gleaming reflection of moonlight on a nightly lake … And after all this time, it hadn’t changed at all. There it was, hovering like a lost balloon, approaching him softly.

Did his father ever see it like this? Did Wonho?

Shownu could feel himself dissolve in the blackness of his own self, but it wasn’t a painful or scary experience; on the contrary, as the blue dot of light connected with him – an empty glass filled with cool, relieving familiarity –, Shownu felt whole again. The energy flooded him in a sudden wave and sharpened his senses like the shining blade of an untouched knife. It was an overwhelming experience, just like the very first time that he had managed to establish a connection with another traveler, to locate and reach out to them, to _see_ them in the dark. _(“I did it, Dad! I could see you! Could you see me? …”)_

He concentrated on the watch again, now that his body felt stronger and ready to travel. His eyes were still closed, and his light was reaching out – _like riding a bike?_ – towards the one face that would wash up from every crowd, that would always cling to him, fluttering like the last autumn leaf on the twig of a wavering tree. Wonho. Where was Wonho?

Shownu could feel his presence and how he was guided towards it. However, there was something wrong. Shownu couldn’t _see_ anything like he used to, even though he felt the connection to the second watch so strongly. It was a foggy sight, almost as if trying to look through a steamy window.

This was unusual … even if Wonho had lost the watch, Shownu would’ve been able to locate him like this, except … _Except I’m not strong enough? Except … he’s in the lost dimension._

And as if to confirm Shownu’s assumption, the foggy window disappeared from his sight and he was pushed back by a sudden bolt of lightning that pulled and tugged on his concentration. With a gasp, he opened his eyes, staring down at the bedsheets beneath him in the dim-lit room.

“A glitch?”, he whispered to himself, still trying to grasp what had just happened. _It kicked me out again. So, he really is in the lost dimension … Why did Hyungwon send him there? (“He’s on his way to get the others.”) Who can be so important to Hyungwon that he tricks me into helping him? Or did he give up on us already?_

Shownu sighed, rubbing his face with the palms of his hands and placing himself back into position to try one more time. _If I can manage to get through, my window is limited. Perhaps I should try reaching out for Wonho instead of his watch this time._

Taking a deep but nervous breath, he focused and let the blue light consume him again to lead him to the one he was looking for. There was another flash of white lightning and this time, Shownu was pulled towards it instead of being pushed back.

He stumbled forward as if stepping through a waterfall of brightness, entering what looked like an abandoned alley at first sight. As his feet touched the cracked asphalt beneath him, Shownu noticed his squalid surroundings – abandoned buildings, garbage, car wrecks, grey sky and mostly rubble.

_This is the lost dimension?_ , was his first thought while looking around in awe; his second one was: _I really made it?_

Two people entered his sight only a second later; they stepped into the alley, walking towards Shownu while constantly checking the area as if expecting someone attacking them any minute. For a second, Shownu found himself stunned by the sudden appearance of his childhood friend, his brother. He just stared at the dark-haired man approaching him, whose skin was covered in countless injuries – bruises, cuts, blood and dirt on his face and body …

_What on earth happened to him?_ Shownu could almost feel his heart breaking for his friend, while at the same time, he felt protective and furious at the people who had done this to Wonho. _Not people,_ he thought _, hounds._

However, when Shownu’s first shock slowly receded, he noticed the absence of a similar reaction on his friend’s face, who was now only a few feet apart from him. Wonho said something to the person walking next to him – a man wearing a black cloak with a hood that covered most of his face. He was carrying a backpack and firmly nodded at Wonho’s words, just that Shownu couldn’t hear them.

Something was wrong. He was supposed to hear them at a distance like this; Wonho was supposed to look up in surprise at Shownu’s sudden occurrence …

_Almost as if they don’t know I’m here._

Panic started spreading through Shownu’s chest. Hesitantly, he took a step forward, desperate to bring his friend back home again. “Wonho?”

The two men in front of him didn’t show any reaction; they were now walking past Shownu as if he wasn’t there – a ghost, _no one_.

“Wonho!”, Shownu yelled in frustration. “It’s me, Shownu! I’m here to get you, I’m …” But Wonho didn’t answer; he didn’t turn around. 

Realization hit Shownu, plain and simple like a coin falling to the bottom of a well, spinning a few times before finally falling over: _I’m not strong enough._

What had he been thinking, traveling to the lost dimension after four years without practice? The lost dimension was one of the hardest places to reach, even with his abilities and the many years of training. There was no way he could make it there on his own, not fully.

_How naïve! How useless! …_

He felt his face twist in frustration, defeat reaching up his throat, anger about the fact that he wasn’t able to save his friend, that he wasn’t able to save anyone anymore, just like he couldn’t save his father from his illness four years ago. He could only stand there and watch his father grow sicker and die; and now, he could only stand there and watch Wonho walk past him like a long-lost memory.

Then, a sudden sensation on his back, someone placing a hand on his shoulder as if to console him quietly. Shownu’s first thought was very irrational: _Dad?_

The touch of the hand was still palpable on his back; a second later, there was a familiar voice close to his ear … No, not his ear; it felt like Hyungwon was speaking right inside of Shownu’s head: “I’m glad you changed your mind.”

As he turned around, Shownu found himself looking right into Hyungwon’s dark eyes. But this time, something had changed. Hyungwon was there with him, but at the same time, he wasn’t. _Like a ghost, a phantom._

Shownu already knew the answer to his own question when he asked: “How are you here?” _Because you’re not fully human._

A smile spread across his student’s face as he nodded in silent confirmation, both of them seemed to know, words weren’t necessary in this moment. “I can’t do much”, he said apologetically. “Since the lost dimension is always changing and I’m not fully present, I can’t interfere for long. But I’ll lend you a part of my energy. It will give you some more time.” Then, after a few seconds of silence, he emphasized once more: “Remember …”

But Shownu _knew_. He briefly nodded at Hyungwon, giving him a look of determination. Although it hadn’t made sense to him back at the gym, now that he was here – so close to Wonho and the chance to help him –, there was only one possible outcome for all of this. “We have to be 7”, he finished his student’s sentence … but then, ‘student’ wasn’t the right term anymore.

In a moment of warmth and brightness, he felt the touch of Hyungwon’s hand intensify as if it was melting into him, becoming a part of him in the shape of a long-lost puzzle piece. Shownu’s vision turned white as the curtain was drawn, and then he was back in the lost dimension. This time, however, he wasn’t in the abandoned alley from before; his surroundings consisted of cracked walls and piles of gravel. Where did Hyungwon send him? No sign of Wonho or the other guy that he had been with either. 

Shownu’s gaze fell upon his wrist where he was wearing a silver watch – _his watch_ – that was, to his surprise, working this time. But it didn’t show the time or date, the numbers behind the glass were counting down from a time span of 5 minutes.

_He must’ve come to my apartment and is helping me from there. And he probably attached the watch on my wrist so that I know how much time is left._ Again, Shownu swiftly wondered about this stranger that seemed always present and so full of mysteries. _But where is Wonho? … Hyungwon must’ve tried to send me back to him, but this dimension is glitching so much, who knows if I’m even close to him right now …_

Determined to find his friend, Shownu started quickly searching the small building that he had emerged in. When he couldn’t find a trace of Wonho in there, he stepped out onto the street and kept looking around, his pace and panic steadily increasing with every second that passed. Although he kept checking in side streets and alleys – all of them looking more or less the same –, there was no sign of Wonho or the man with the black hood.

With three minutes remaining on his watch, Shownu tried to remain calm but failed miserably. His heart was pounding in his throat and he felt defenseless against the ticking pointers of that silver secret on his wrist … his powers were of no use here …

Suddenly, a flash of white light appeared at the very end of the open street that Shownu was currently walking on, snapping him back into the reality of the situation. From such a long distance, he couldn’t recognize what it revealed at first, but after a few seconds, he saw something moving across the asphalt … _a turtle?_

A strange sensation took hold of him, an urge to approach it; Shownu felt like he was supposed to walk towards it like a string pulling him all the way across the open street. So, he started moving again, his footsteps hurrying beneath him until he ended up running as fast as he could across the firm, uneven surface of the empty road. Urgently … he _had to_ be where the turtle was now. However, a few steps before he actually reached the spot, another second of light flashed before his eyes, taking the strange creature with it again.

Abruptly, Shownu came to a hold, just around the corner that the turtle was headed towards, panting heavily and bending over his knees to catch his breath.

_I was too slow._

The timer on his watch didn’t care about that, it kept counting down further, mocking him with every passing second: _2:01, 2:00, 1:59, 1:58 …_

Shownu straightened his back to check his surroundings and calm his nerves. Before he could fully understand what was happening, he felt a firm grip on his shirt, pulling him back into a narrow gap that led into another alley.

Because of a moment mixed with surprise and carelessness, Shownu was too slow to react, and a strong arm quickly tightened around his throat, seizing him in headlock. Then, a low, threatening voice close to his ear: “Who are you? And where did you get that watch?”

Although his attacker benefited from the element of surprise, Shownu was fully capable of turning the situation around – basic self-defense lessons since his childhood.

He drove his elbow into the man’s stomach, which brought him stumbling backward and bought Shownu a second of time to turn around and free himself from the headlock in a smooth motion. Because he now knew that he was stronger than this person, Shownu started his own attack – this time with the surprising element on _his_ side. In a matter of seconds, he managed to bring the stranger down, slamming him to the ground and pinning him down while staring at his face that was halfway covered by a black hood.

“And who are you?”, Shownu asked as he noticed frightened brown eyes that were staring up at him, soaked both in shock and confusion about the sudden change of events. _He’s wearing a black cloak? The same as …_

But before Shownu could finish that thought, he heard a second pair of footsteps appearing next to him. He knew that it was Wonho before he even raised his voice. “If you wouldn’t have stormed forward like this, I could’ve told you that he’s gonna do that.”

Both Shownu’s and the attacker’s eyes shifted upwards to Wonho, who was now crossing his arms in front of his chest with the hint of amusement in the corners of his mouth.

Abruptly, Shownu let go of the stranger beneath him and stood up from the ground, staring at his friend like he had returned from the dead. “Wonho!” Realization hit Shownu as he noticed the swift smile on his friend’s face – _He can see me. He knows I’m here._ “Thank God, you’re alright.”

The right corner of Wonho’s mouth shifted to a weary grin. “'Alright’ is not the term I would use, but at least I’m alive.”

“You know each other?” The stranger stood up from the ground as well, adjusting his hood and cleaning his clothes from the dirt, the confusion on his face still very present.

This time, Wonho smiled evenly while looking at Shownu in an almost veiled way – _I have to tell you something but now is not the time._ Shownu couldn’t help but notice all the red cuts and dark bruises on his friend’s face and arms, the dried blood covering his clothes, lips and cheeks.

“This is the plan B that I mentioned earlier”, Wonho said while looking at the stranger with an amused expression.

_Plan B? So they know about Hyungwon? About his plan to bring 7 together?_

Shownu’s eyes shifted to the watch on his wrist again – 1 minute, 16 seconds left … _15, 14_ …

“Listen”, Shownu blurted out, his voice strict and pressing. “I don’t have time to explain this, but you have to come with me. I can take you back to the normal dimension.”

The stranger with the black hood skeptically raised both eyebrows at him. “Well, you have one watch which makes it a total of 2 that we have. If Hyungwon planned all of this, we need all 3 to escape.” He hesitated for a moment, looking away from both of them. “4, if we count Minhyuk.”

Wonho rolled his eyes. “We _can_ trust him”, he said impatiently, “we’ve known each other for a long time. Shownu is quite the expert of time travel.” His gaze met Shownu’s for a second – _trust._ “Why are you even here? What about your decision to never travel again?”

“It’s not like I’m doing this for fun”, Shownu answered, knowing damn well that Wonho knew, too. “You’re getting yourself in trouble all the time, so I need to save your ass.”

Surprise and amusement washed over Wonho’s expression; then, he shrugged. “This one is not on me, though.”

Shownu frowned at his friend; he knew Wonho hated _being pitied,_ as he called it when Shownu wanted to express his compassion towards him, but he just couldn’t help it, thinking about the horrible pain that Wonho must’ve gone through judging from his appearance … “It’s Hyungwon, I know.” But then, there was more to it, wasn’t it? “There have to be 7 of us …”

He could feel both Wonho and the hooded stranger stare at him with puzzled eyes. But Shownu didn’t have time for this now; _they_ didn’t have time for this … The watch was counting down mercilessly: _0:26, 0:25, 0:24 …_ “We don’t need all the watches. You have to trust me on this.”

The hooded stranger crossed his arms, still not convinced by Shownu’s sudden appearance. “Oh wow, I’ve heard that one before. Also, what if you’re one of them?”

Wonho seemed to grow impatient as well. “I told you”, he insisted. “We can trust him.”

“Yeah, but I’ve only known you for a few hours, how can I trust _you_?”, the stranger with the brown gaze snapped back at him; in that moment – his eyes filled with frustration and a certain unease, his features contorted by the pressure of the situation – Shownu’s attacker looked like a young boy.

Wonho sighed. “I know what this is about.” They changed a tensed look, then he added: “We’ll come back for him, okay?”

That seemed to take the stranger by surprise, he was too perplexed to answer or protest any further while the anger in his gaze changed into an almost somber expression.

Shownu’s eyes met the pointers of his watch again, the last 10 seconds were counting down now. He wasn’t even sure whether this was going to work – he hadn’t done this in years; he wasn’t sure why he trusted Hyungwon with this and relied on his promises so much; he simply knew that they had to act now or he would turn into a ghost once more.

“Shit, this better works”, Shownu mumbled to himself nervously while reaching out for Wonho’s and the stranger’s hands, grabbing both of them tightly.

The man with the brown eyes already wanted to protest again: “Hey what are you –!” But couldn’t finish his sentence as the timer on Shownu’s watch reached its end and all three of them were embraced by a flash of light. Shownu felt his legs lose balance and his vision first blurred and then blackened, until he was fully sucked into the void that would send him to another dimension – another distant memory. He didn’t even dare to loosen the grip that connected him to the others.

_I’ve done this before. Still, it never felt like this. Was it Hyungwon’s energy connected with mine? Was it … all of us? But then, it still feels like there are some pieces missing._

When Shownu opened his eyes again, the familiar surroundings of his bedroom filled his sight, flooding him with relief and a sudden rush of excitement. _We did it! We really made it! We’re back in the normal dimension … all of us._

His gaze traveled to the alarm clock on his nightstand, barely ten minutes had passed since he had last checked it, before entering the lost dimension.

_It’s like … a bad dream that we just woke up from, only that for some of us,_ his eyes shifted from the hooded stranger next to him on the bedroom floor to Wonho, who was sitting up and holding his head as if he was in pain, _it lasted longer than expected._

“Are you okay?”, Shownu asked, placing a hand on his friend’s arm.

Wonho looked up at him with a bitter smile. “How okay can you be when you know you’re probably gonna die soon?”

Shownu’s hand slowly fell from Wonho’s shoulder. _How can he know?_

He smiled sadly at Shownu’s shocked expression as if to say _I’m sorry._ “Maybe you were right, and I should’ve stopped traveling that much. It’s just …” He stopped and hesitated and for a second, he was that fragile boy again that Shownu wanted to protect so badly. “… She’s my Mom, you know?”

Shownu nodded at him – _I understand._ But Wonho was here now as if they had been granted a second chance.“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you as a real friend. I should’ve been. From now on, I’ll help you with this in whatever way I can.” _I’m gonna make this right, Hoseok, I promise._ “You’ll be alright, both you and your mother.”

“Thank you”, Wonho said, plain, simple. Two words but in that moment: honesty, compromise and a step out of a dead-end, finally.

A groaning noise next to them on the ground made both of them turn their heads to look at the third person in the room with them: the angry stranger, the boy with brown eyes and a face hidden in the shadow of his hood.

_I don’t even know his name._

But before Shownu could speak up and ask him for it, a black figure appeared on the small space in front of the bedroom window. Shownu and the other two simultaneously moved their heads to stare at the person dressed in a grey suit, who opened the window and climbed into the dim-lit room as if it was the only reasonable thing to do. Hyungwon.

After adjusting his clothes and clearing his throat, he was now looking at the three of them with a mixture of relief and content. “I’m glad to see you all back in the real world, _together_ ”, he said, and his smile changed to a familiar thoughtfulness. “However, we’re running out of time. The hounds are already on to us.”

“ _Us_?”, the brown-eyed man asked doubtingly. He removed his hood as he stood up in the grey room, revealing a couple of white scars; the light brown color of his messy hair caught some of the orange light that was silently cloaking the room. “What do you mean by _us_?” He was looking at Hyungwon as if he already knew him – it wasn’t a relieved expression; on the contrary, the stranger’s eyes were filled with contempt, _hate_.

“The 7 of us”, Hyungwon answered calmly. “We’re safe as long as we’re together, but there are still 3 left that we need to get.”

“I don’t care about you and your plans!”, the light-haired boy snapped at him. “You were the reason why I was trapped in this hellhole in the first place!”

Hyungwon smiled at him – a warm but somber, almost apologetic gesture. “And I was the one who told you how to get out, wasn’t I, Changkyun?”

_Changkyun._ Shownu looked from Hyungwon to the young man in the cloak. The anger had completely disappeared from his face; he seemed shocked as if he had suddenly realized something that had been kept a secret for a long time. “No.” He shook his head softly as if to convince himself somehow.

Hyungwon nodded at him. “I gave you the poem. Minhyuk wrote it during one of his shifts and I thought you would like it.” Again, that warm, soft smile. “It was the only way to get you two to trust each other.”

Shownu wondered what poem he was talking about. _Minhyuk …_ Changkyun had mentioned that name before … someone he had to leave behind? _One of 7 like him and Wonho?_

Changkyun’s expression remained unreadable, empty as he answered: “Your plan, huh?”

“Why did you send _me_ in there, then?” It was Wonho’s voice next to Shownu that was now joining the conversation.

Hyungwon’s dark eyes came to rest on Shownu’s face as if both of them shared an old secret with one another … “Let’s just say I needed a bit of motivation for Shownu to fully convince him to help.” _Do I know him from somewhere? …_

“But to play with people’s lives like that …” Shownu frowned. “It’s not right.”

Hyungwon nodded as if to agree with Shownu’s accusation. “I told you before, I never intended to harm any of you. There’s no ‘plan’ anymore, at least not how I intended to. The important thing is that we get to the others quickly now.”

Shownu remembered Wonho’s words from before: _“This is the plan B that I mentioned earlier.”_ After all, Hyungwon knew about Shownu’s abilities from the start … _I was always a part in this, wasn’t I? We all were. It doesn’t matter_ how _we’re eventually finding each other, it’s just important that we do._

Shownu felt confused about his own thoughts, about his own recklessness towards Hyungwon. How could he put his trust in the hands of this man so easily? But then, how couldn’t he?

Wonho next to him didn’t look convinced with Hyungwon’s sparse explanation, but he didn’t ask any further questions. “I need to see my mother”, he just said. “I don’t care about anything else for now.”

Shownu placed a hand on his friend’s arm, it was clear, what he had to do. “I’ll come with you. You’re still injured, you need help as well.”

Wonho shot him a look – the one Shownu knew too well: _I don’t need help_ –, but then simply nodded as if he was overcoming his own pride at least for this second.

“Be careful”, Hyungwon warned them. “The hounds haven’t tracked us yet, but they’re in possession of your watch, Wonho, so it won’t take them too long.” A concerned frown spread across his face. “They probably also know by now that we’re working together, so they’ll try other methods …”

“So, we’re okay for now?”, Wonho asked impatiently.

“Yes.” Hyungwon nodded at him. “But you need to come to the Travel café on High Street as soon as it opens tomorrow morning at 9.” Then, his gaze shifted to Shownu once more. “We all need to be there by then.”

Wonho crossed his arms in front of his chest, he couldn’t bring himself to look past his suspicions just yet. “What do you mean, _we all_?”

“You will see”, Hyungwon answered as secretive as always. “Go now and again, _be careful_. I need to talk to Changkyun.”

Changkyun, who had been quiet for the last part of the conversation, seemed lost in thoughts after his sudden outburst in the beginning. Shownu couldn’t read him but he felt for him, nevertheless.

“You can stay here for tonight”, Shownu offered, looking at him with a smile. He felt strongly about this stranger in the middle of his bedroom; a part of him wanted to reach out to him and offer protection and a place to rest. _Somehow, he reminds me of that fragile boy all those years ago in the gym … He’s not a bad person, he lost someone, and he’s hurt. Perhaps he just needs somewhere to belong to, like all of us._ “Wonho and I will probably be at the hospital all night. Both of you can stay, it’s no problem.”

Hyungwon smiled at Shownu – a student admiring his trainer. “Thank you, Shownu.”

Shownu nodded, giving Changkyun one last, unanswered look before he turned around and left the room together with Wonho. They grabbed a few things – fresh clothing, Shownu’s bag and keys – and left the apartment behind.

When the cold, nightly air hit both of their faces as they stepped outside the door, Shownu felt relieved and troubled both. The sky wasn’t covered in clouds anymore like the previous day; small, bright dots were hanging above their heads like lost brush strokes on a dark canvas … and still, it didn’t feel right.

“Are you really sure to let strangers stay at your place like this?”, Wohno asked as they were walking down the empty street.

“I don’t think they’re strangers”, Shownu answered, his thoughts still occupied with the overwhelming events of his trip. There it was again, his gut feeling … now, it seemed to be the only instinct to rely on. “I think there’s a bigger picture to look at. It may be all connected somehow.”

A grin took hold of Wonho’s face in the dark – a rare sight for Shownu, a sign even? Whatever it was, for a second, both of them existed in a moment of levity, of friendship, of joking around after practice …

“You’re one of a kind”, Wonho teased him. “If you wouldn’t beat me in Kumdo all the time, I would even go so far and say you’re too nice for this world.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**(Changkyun), Wed. 08.11.17**

_You’re an unforgettable, beautiful shock_

“What’s on your mind?”

Changkyun raised his gaze at Hyungwon on the other side of the dim-lit room. The man he had despised, _blamed_ , for all those lost years, for his disrupted life in the lost dimension. The man that gave DRAMA a face and all the reasons for Changkyun to hate this organization with every fiber of his being. He couldn’t even remember what life had been like before this dark-suited man had walked up to him one day, offering a way out of all his misery, a way out of working three jobs and struggling to get by every single day.

Changkyun often wondered whether he had been too naïve in the past, jumping on the smallest opportunity to break out of his miserable routine, to actually start living. And now, the same man that he had thought had betrayed him years ago, turned out to be the shadowy figure of hope that had handed him the poem exactly when Changkyun had wished to die? The man that had taken every spark of hope out of his life was the same person who had returned it to him when he needed it most?

Yes, there was a lot on Changkyun’s mind, but he couldn’t make sense of any of it.

“I don’t understand you”, he said while staring into those black, secretive eyes – _Something has changed, hasn’t it? Something about you is different, Hyungwon, almost tragically sad._ “What are your intentions in all of this?”

Hyungwon sighed, holding that calm gaze steadily across the grey room. “Perhaps I can redeem myself for all the horrible things I’ve done … the lives I’ve ruined in the years of working for DRAMA.”

Changkyun could feel bitterness tug at the corners of his mouth. “Not that there was much to ruin in the lives of the people that you chose for your little tests. Scum and dirt of society, people that no one would miss anyway.”

He remembered the first time that he had met Hyungwon – black suit, shorter hair, emptier eyes … and the terrifying hollow smile on his lips while he was talking about a _better life,_ a _meaningful contribution to futuristic governmental research_ , and of course the _generous compensation_ that would relieve Changkyun from his several low-paid jobs. Thinking about it now, everything about this offer seemed shady and untrustworthy, but back then, when Changkyun had to deal with piles of unpaid bills each month and the risk of losing his home and living on the streets, it seemed like a miracle, _too good to be true._

Hyungwon’s expression changed into a deep, thoughtful frown. He didn’t deny any of Changkyun’s accusations, on the contrary, they troubled him more than Changkyun had expected – eyes filled with sorrow and regret were asking for … _forgiveness_?

“In the beginning, I was blind like all of them, I obeyed. But once I realized what DRAMA was doing … what _I_ was doing, all I wanted was to get you out of there, Changkyun.” He hesitated as if washed over by a sudden flood of memories. “That’s why I gave you that watch. You know, there’s always the possibility of ending up in the lost dimension when a person travels through time. It’s a very rare one, but it exists, and it happens from time to time. I couldn’t do anything about it … I couldn’t get you out of there by myself, because I’m nothing more than a ghost in my current state.” His jaw tensed and he shook his head slightly. “But I knew that if I could get my soul parts to come together again …”

“ _Soul parts_?”, Changkyun interrupted him, overwhelmed by the sudden flood of information. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“When you got sent to the lost dimension, DRAMA got suspicious. They found out that I was involved because someone leaked information to the superiors of the institution”, Hyungwon explained bitterly. “I should’ve known that this would happen …” For a moment, he seemed troubled by his own guilt.

When he spoke again, his voice dropped slightly. “Turns out the penalty of elimination is not simply death by execution.” Black eyes met Changkyun’s – hard, icy. “They split your soul and trap you in a loop of your last day, forcing you to experience that particular pain again and again.” His voice stumbled into the dark, empty room like a surreal confession, a vase shattering to the ground without causing a single sound.

Changkyun observed Hyungwon’s disturbed expression for a few seconds, letting the severity of the situation sink in until he couldn’t help but frown at the strange person in front of him. _Could he really trust his words this time?_

“So that’s why you’re a ghost now with no soul left?”, he asked doubtingly. “How can you be here then? Their loop doesn’t seem to be that powerful if you could just break out of it like this.” Changkyun’s thoughts briefly drifted to the underground cells that Wonho and Minhyuk had been held captive in … _Just like their door locks._

Hyungwon shook his head, smiling faintly. “I’ve been trapped in there for just as long as you’ve been trapped in the lost dimension. I managed to reprogram my watch and sent the other 6 parts of my soul back into the real world so that I could return.” His gaze got lost somewhere in the room between them and his lips twisted in sorrow. “Even if it’s just as a shell.”

_6 parts?,_ Changkyun wondered quietly. _The tall, black-haired stranger who brought us back here … Shownu? … Didn’t he say something similar earlier? … “There have to be 7 of us” …_

Realization hit him like a punch in the face and trickled down to the very core of his mind. “If you’re only one part out of 7, that means …”

Hyungwon was looking at him now, black eyes covering Changkyun’s cheeks in a silent request. A firm nod. “The 6 of you each own one part of my soul as well, yes. That’s why I’ve been able to visit you all and that’s the reason why you’re able to see me as well.”

Changkyun couldn’t stop staring at the man in front of him – a disrupted soul that he owned a part of? “But …” _What do I even want to say?_ “Why? I …”

“Why what?” Hyungwon tilted his head slightly; then, he smiled again – faint rays of sunlight breaking through a wall of clouds. “Isn’t it comforting to share a bond with others? To know you’re never fully alone in this world because someone else is carrying a small part of you?”

Lost for words, Changkyun couldn’t do anything but feel overwhelmed – not only because of all the information he had learned but because of the question that Hyungwon had posed so carelessly. As if he had removed a pebble from the middle of a steady pile, causing it to tumble and eventually fall, flooding Changkyun’s head with thoughts he had never even considered …

He had never been close to anyone in his life. His parents had abandoned him the minute he was born – he had been living with them until the age of 16, but there had never been a spark of love or affection in that household, especially not for Changkyun. His whole life, a door had towered right in front of him, that he just couldn’t open, something he couldn’t quite figure out, something that was … _missing?_

The years in the lost dimension had brought a rest to his loneliness since emotions were redundant in a world that depended solely on survival. But now that he was back in the real world … what was waiting for him here? Here, he didn’t have to fight or hide; here, he just had to exist, to get by, be no one.

His hand reached into the pocket under his cloak, reached for the picture that Minhyuk had dropped when the hounds had captured him – the only trace left of him in the dirt. Slowly he turned the picture around and reread the words that Minhyuk had written on the back. The words that Changkyun had been staring at again and again since both of them got separated.

_(“_ _I can write you another poem if you like this one so much.”)_

The first sentence was a question, a loose thought scribbled on paper as if to confirm a seemingly absurd assumption. Three words: _Is it him?_

Beneath it, a few verses of what seemed to be another poem that Minhyuk had started although Changkyun had told him not to – A thank you? …

_I want to cover myself in your voice,_

_Your arms and mind._

_Looking at you,_

_I’m standing on the window ledge,_

_The breeze resting on my cheeks,_

_Sounds of rain and longing._

_To reach out and touch your face_

_To reach out and fall, fall, fall._

Changkyun had never been close to anyone in his life … except that clumsy neighbor’s kid, who had shown him the treehouse for the first time.

_My best friend? My only friend._

The moment that Changkyun had picked up the picture from the ground, he had known. It was like a veil, suddenly lifting and revealing the truth that had never moved or changed, that had simply been covered and forgotten for a while – a dusty memory, a missing puzzle piece.

_He figured it out but wasn’t sure,_ Changkyun thought while staring down at the picture in his hands. _We never used our real names when we were kids … Minnie and Kyunnie, was it?_

It felt ridiculous to him now, stupidly innocent … _naïve_ just like Minyhuk’s helpless brown eyes when they had first met. _No, we never knew our real names … until that time when my father called me out in front of him … when Minhyuk had yelled at my parents like some hero standing up to a villain …_

_(“_ _You can’t hurt him anymore, it’s not right! Kyunnie will come and live with me.”)_

_(_ _“Life’s not black and white like that, you moron. You’re a child, you can’t make that decision.”)_

_I had never noticed that he was older than me until that moment. Perhaps I thought he could save me? Perhaps I thought his family would take me with them when they left? …_

“So, you found out about it then”, Hyungwon said in a pleased tone.

Changkyun raised his head at him as if to ask for confirmation, as if … he was looking at a part of himself in a way. _Why am I not surprised he had planned this as well?_

“He’s working the evening shift at the coffee shop today. Maybe you can catch him before he leaves”, Hyungwon added.

Changkyun shook his head, thinking about the confused expression in Minhyuk’s eyes when he had last seen him. It pained him to say it out loud … _because it’s my fault._ “The hounds … got him”, he pressed through clenched teeth, “back in the lost dimension.”

For the first time during their talk, Hyungwon seemed genuinely irritated. “They caught him?” His jaw tensed as he thought about something for a second. “I checked on him at the coffee shop only about an hour ago … They had some trouble this morning because he wasn’t at work, but when I saw him, I figured each of you had found a way out on your own …”

Despite Hyungwon’s worried expression, Changkyun could feel a weight lifting from his chest. _He’s alive. He’s fine even?_

“They must’ve sent him back”, Hyungwon continued thoughtfully. In a bitter voice, he added: “That’s highly unusual, though. DRAMA doesn’t grant second chances.”

For Changkyun, however, none of those concerns mattered. “Can you take me there?”, he urged. “If he’s one of your soul parts, you should be able to travel to him, right?”

Hyungwon nodded slowly, twisting his lips as if contemplating whether to reveal another secret. “I will take you to him”, he eventually agreed. “But you should change first. You’re back in the normal dimension now and we don’t need to attract unnecessary attention with those clothes when the hounds are still on to us.”

Changkyun raised an eyebrow, looking down at his cloak. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Let’s just say it’s not quite the style that people wear these days”, Hyungwon chuckled.

“But that fancy suit is?”, Changkyun replied sulkily.

Hyungwon’s smirk turned a bit brighter now. “Normally, no one can see me except the 6 of you. The hounds probably figured something out by now, but apart from that …”

Changkyun rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I got it. Well, let’s hope your friend won’t mind if I borrow some of his boring real-life clothes.”

“I’m sure Shownu is okay with that”, Hyungwon smiled. “And I bet the two of you will get along pretty well, too.”

It had been a while since Changkyun had dressed up in clean clothes or shoes without holes in them. Moreover, he felt strange looking at himself in the mirror after all this time that he had spent in the lost dimension … almost as if he was looking at another version of himself, a different one, a stranger without the familiar patched-up cloak hiding his face. The scars scattered all over his body weighed heavily on his bare skin. And although the orange gleam of the lamp in the corner of the room covered him in a warm embrace, all Changkyun could feel was the cold inside of him.

It didn’t seem right to take such a drastic turn after everything he had been through. Every day for the past couple of years he had imagined this moment – to step back into the real world, his _normal_ life. Now, he was putting on clothes of a stranger and shedding his old self like a redundant shell, a vessel he could never return to.

“You look good”, Hyungwon said approvingly when Changkyun stepped out of the bedroom into the hallway.

He averted his gaze, holding on to the watch, picture and poem in his hands … the only remains of all those lost years. “I look like a fraud.”

“Why would you think that?”, Hyungwon asked with a frown.

Changkyun didn’t know how to answer him. Perhaps he felt overwhelmed by everything that was happening to him and the mistakes that were still clinging to his conscience like cobwebs.

“It’s okay to feel lost”, Hyungwon reassured him as if simply reading his thoughts with those calm, black eyes. “We all do at the moment. But you’re not on your own anymore. Even if it’s weighing on you now, our connection is not a burden, on the contrary.”

Changkyun raised his gaze at the man that had saved his life. All of the hate, the spite and anger … gone. For a moment, he felt like looking into the mirror again. “Can you take me to him?”

Hyungwon nodded, stepping forward in the dark hallway and placing a hand on Changkyun’s shoulder – a soft touch, almost hesitant as if sharing a long-kept secret only through his eyes. “But … you may find Minhyuk not as the person that you knew him as. DRAMA doesn’t just let people go if the possibility exists that they might know something. You saw what they did to Wonho, what they did to you back then …”

The touch on Changkyun’s shoulder grew warmer and the familiar dizziness of traveling took hold of him. This time, however, not as intense as he remembered it from his time in the organization. This time, in the blink of an eye, his surroundings changed – the dark, quiet hallway was replaced by an empty, open street, a black sky and the orange brushstrokes of the coffee shop windows on the other side of the pavement.

_So I’m really back in the real world?,_ Changkyun wondered as Hyungwon let go of his shoulder. He turned around to take everything in, but then … _Nothing changed really. Did I expect it to? Did I_ hope _for a difference?_

“You should go”, Hyungwon said, nodding towards the orange coffee shop windows that revealed several empty tables and chairs … and a person who was seemingly busy cleaning up and getting ready to lock the café after his shift.

_It really is him. In that stupid apron and hat … just like he told me._

Changkyun stored the belongings in his hand in the pocket of Shownu’s jacket and started walking towards the coffee shop. When Hyungwon didn’t follow, Changkyun turned around to look at him again. “You’re not coming?”

He shook his head slightly. “I need to get to someone else first.” Then, his voice took a pressing tone, his eyes heavy, black pebbles. “Remember, 9 a.m. here tomorrow morning.”

_Someone else?_ The words echoed through Changkyun’s mind, but he didn’t voice them; what mattered to him now was Minhyuk. So, he simply nodded at Hyungwon’s request.

Before Hyungwon turned around to leave for his own secret mission, he hesitated for a moment. His eyes traveled to the ground and then back up at Changkyun. “He’s a part of you like he’s a part of me”, he said firmly. “You can never fully lose each other.” Then, in the blink of an eye, he was gone.

A cold breeze hit Changkyun as he was standing on the pavement, Shownu’s jacket restlessly fluttering against his chest: _Come on now, there’s only one way to find out whether he will forgive you._ The blanket above as clear and wide as his own abyss, soaked in brushstrokes of stars and the moon … Changkyun couldn’t remember the last time he had seen the night sky like this, or perhaps he had never paid any attention to it?

His footsteps felt heavy on the asphalt beneath him; he crossed the street and stepped inside the coffee shop. A silver bell above the door tingled softly and Minhyuk, who was busy wiping the counter on the other side of the room, looked up and around over his shoulder. Their eyes met for a second and Changkyun felt his old self crumble inside of him.

“Sorry, we’re closed”, Minhyuk said, turning around and throwing the cloth over his shoulder. “I just wanted to lock up.”

Changykun shifted his weight from one leg to the other, feeling nervous and somewhat confused. _Does he not recognize me at all?_ “I’m …”, he hesitated and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “It’s the clothes, isn’t it?”

Minhyuk stared at him with a puzzled expression, clearly speechless and irritated about Changkyun’s comment. “I’m sorry, what?”

_Is this some kind of punishment? Does he want me to feel guilty about leaving him behind?_ “I came to apologize for what happened with the hounds …” He stopped, struggling to find the right words and voice them properly. He had never done this before, but then … he had never felt this way about another person before either. “I think it was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made. I tried looking for you, but you were already gone …” He forced himself to smile even though he felt awkward about his confession. “But we made it out, both of us.”

Minhyuk eyed him for a few seconds – _Will he forgive me?_ – and then slowly shook his head. “I’m sorry, I think you’re mistaking me for someone else. This has to be a misunderstanding.”

Changkyun frowned at him. “What are you talking about? Are you trying to joke around? Because it’s not funny.” The bitterness in his voice spread across his tongue … _Something is wrong, very very wrong._

Minhyuk raised his hands in a gesture of defense. “I don’t know who you are, I’ve never seen you in my life. And I think you should leave.” To Changkyun’s surprise, his former companion looked confused and almost … _scared? Of me?_

Changkyun was taken aback by Minhyuk’s sudden rejection. He stood there, staring at the person that had managed to move something within him, _his childhood friend_ , and now, he couldn’t remember him at all?

A wave of disappointment washed over him – defeat and betrayal – just like that moment when he had watched the neighbor’s car leave the driveway one day without ever returning; Minhyuk hadn’t even waved goodbye. And now? Again, they had missed the chance to say goodbye to each other; again, they had lost their connection, the ribbon that had tied them together for their whole lives.

_Then why … why can I still feel it? Why can I look at him now and know that he’s a part of me like Hyungwon said, while at the same time, he’s saying that he can’t remember me at all?_

Hyungwon’s words popped back into Changkyun’s mind: _“You may find Minhyuk not as the person that you knew him as.”_

Could it be that the hounds had done something to him in that dungeon after all? Erased his memories? Make him forget about all of this? _How couldn’t they? One look into those naïve eyes and they knew that he wouldn’t be a threat. Maybe it’s better this way? They didn’t hurt him; they just made him forget about all the bad stuff …_

Changkyun had turned around again, but as he stood in front of the entrance door, his hand stopped, hovering over the door handle. Instead of pushing it down, he reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out the crinkled, yellowed note with the poem that Hyungwon had given him – The key to his freedom? _Just that the key might not be the poem itself but the person behind it … our connection?_

“Hey.” Changkyun turned back to Minhyuk, walking towards him with determined steps. His heart was pounding heavily in his chest as if he was about to make another confession.

“Maybe you’ll remember this.” He struck out his hand, offering Minhyuk the paper with the scribbly handwriting.

Minhyuk didn’t even look at the poem, he just continued cleaning the counter. “I told you …”

Changkyun didn’t know what took hold of him, but there was a feeling pushing him forward desperately. He needed Minhyuk to remember. He couldn’t lose, not again. _Not again._

“What about stepping out and leaving behind what’s lost anyways? If there’s a door, I’ll open it gladly, I’ll enter and wander about.”

In the corner of his eyes, Changkyun could see that Minhyuk’s hand stopped in its motion of wiping the cloth across the counter; he was now looking up as Changkyun continued reading out the poem: “But I’d have to face the fear of never finding what I seek, of never reaching home. Who can make a promise to me? Who can bring me safety? I guess my answer is clear. And still so very blurry as I keep looking at my reflection in puddles and puddles of my own hesitation.”

After Changkyun finished reading, his gaze was hovering on the paper for a few more seconds, his hands were trembling – or at least that’s what it felt like as he then slowly raised his head again.

Minhyuk was looking at him with a frown as if lost in thoughts, one hand still resting with the cloth on the counter. “Where did you get that?”

Changkyun reached into his pocket once more, wordlessly handing Minhyuk the childhood picture of them smiling brightly into the camera. Rather hesitantly, Minhyuk took it, examined it for a second and turned it around to look at the scribbling and the unfinished poem on the back. Another frown spread across his face – even deeper than before –, however, his expression remained a mask of firmness and confusion, unreadable.

“Also, there’s a shot wound on your right calf. Although they probably gave you something for that as well”, Changkyun added, his voice a tightrope that could snap any moment. He could feel the tension weighing on his shoulders, the _what if he can’t remember?_

After a few more seconds of silence and brooding from Minhyuk’s side, he raised his head, handing back the picture, his voice fragile but upset. “I think you should go now.”

_But what about everything that happened? What about your promise to protect me? What about_ “You can never fully lose each other” _?_

Changkyun wanted to say so much to him, wanted to yell at him for being such an idiot, for getting shot and captured, for being so weak and naïve … but then, he didn’t mean any of it. _I wanted to get rid of him so strongly, I even left him behind. Now that I have the chance to walk away from him … I can’t. But I have to._

Changkyun took the picture and put it back into his pocket. He couldn’t bring himself to look up at Minhyuk again, so he just turned around and walked towards the door. _(Please tell me it’s a misunderstanding.)_ It opened and closed, and he stepped onto the pavement, looking up at the night sky. His breath hovered in small, white clouds in front of him in the air as he crossed the street and sat down in a bus shelter, staring at his (no, Shownu’s) shoes. Eventually, he couldn’t help but look at the childhood picture once more, reading the lines on the back over and over.

_I wanted a reason to return to the real world. It just vanished in front of my eyes like a smokey cloud. How did I ever think I could redeem myself? Earn a place in the world? How did I even dare to have hope after everything that’s happened? …_

Closing his eyes, Changkyun rested his head against the glass wall of the bus shelter behind him. The nightly air felt cold in his throat and lungs and in that moment, he was utterly lost; in that moment, he was truly no one.

“Hey! _Hey you!_ ”

His eyes fluttered open at the familiar voice approaching him. When he turned his head, he could see Minhyuk running towards the bus shelter, still wearing his apron and hat.

Changkyun straightened in his seat, staring at his former companion as he came to a hold in front of him. He was breathing heavily from the sprint to the bus stop, but there was something in his hand, it was a piece of paper.

“I don’t know why”, he shook his head, handing Changkyun the note with an almost frightened gaze, “but I felt like a part of it was missing. The picture that you showed me, the lines on the back … I think they belong to each other.”

With a frown, Changkyun took the sheet of paper from Minhyuk’s hands and held it beneath the unfinished poem on the childhood picture. In a moment of silence, the two of them read the different parts of writing, which were now coming together as one. And Minhyuk was right, they did complete each other like missing pieces of the same puzzle:

_I want to cover myself in your voice,_

_Your arms and mind._

_Looking at you,_

_I’m standing on the window ledge,_

_The breeze resting on my cheeks,_

_Sounds of rain and longing._

_To reach out and touch your face_

_To reach out and fall, fall, fall._

_Perhaps there’s something else waiting_

_But why do I feel so tied to you?_

_Who are you even_

_To touch me without knowing my shadows?_

_Why am I connected to you?_

_Why does everything shatter when I think of you?_

_I’m missing a stranger_

_And familiarity that’s all constructed._

_Let me go_

_Let me return to myself_

_Let me breathe and live a life of my own._

“I was wondering why I felt like this all day”, Minhyuk said thoughtfully, his eyes still glued onto the papers between them. “Like I’m missing something but can’t remember what.” He raised his head to look at Changkyun – _So naïve! So brown and full of questions! Regret?_ –, twisting his lips slightly and lowering his voice. “They told me I missed my shift this morning, but I can’t even remember getting home yesterday. It’s like I blacked out and can’t remember what I did or where I was … Well, until you walked in.”

“You … remember now?”, Changkyun asked as hope started rising in his chest. However, he didn’t want to allow it yet, he couldn’t be sure just yet. What if …

“Partly …”, Minhyuk said, taking the picture from Changkyun’s hands and examining it once more. Then, his eyes met Changkyun’s, their breaths forming more white clouds between them. Warmth on Changkyun’s cheeks, melting away with Minhyuk’s question: “It _is_ you, isn’t it?”

_(“I wish we could just fly away someday. Like birds …or superheroes!”)_

_(“_ _I’m sorry, Kyunnie… I’ll come back, I promise … I won’t hurt you._ Never _!”)_

His throat felt dry and swollen, so he simply nodded. And in a matter of a second, they had already reached forward, embracing each other in a tight hug – realizing what had happened, untying a knot in both of their chests.

For the very first time in his life, Changkyun felt like he belonged somewhere, _with_ _someone_. A flood of emotion hit him, this time harder than ever before. He felt warm, cold, confused, comforted, sad, relieved, exhausted, perplexed, content, flustered, hopeful, at home … He wanted to _be_ someone; he wanted to live instead of simply getting by, instead of just surviving. And all of that while being a part of someone, while someone was a part of him.

Another warm feeling on his cheeks – it wasn’t the brown color of Minhyuk’s gaze, it was something different, something that Changkyun hadn’t felt since he was a child. He was crying quietly while pulling back from Minhyuk, looking at him with calm, wet eyes. However this time, Changkyun didn’t cry because he had missed his chance to say goodbye; he didn’t cry because the neighbor’s car was leaving the driveway while he had to stay behind. This time, someone had returned to him with a piece of his soul that had always been missing, that had deprived him of feeling and the ability to ache and heal, to grow as a person.

“What even happened while I was gone?”, Minhyuk asked as another breeze of November wind carried his question further away into the night; his cheeks and lips were covered with tears as well, almost like a silent agreement just between the both of them.

Changkyun sighed, rubbing his sleeve across his face and taking another deep, cold breath of nightly air. “There’s a lot that I need to tell you.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

**(Jooheon), Wed. 08.11.17**

_Let me open my eyes with you in my arms._

Jooheon was sitting on the small couch in the corner of his room, staring at the wall and trying to piece together what had happened earlier at the gym with Shownu and this strange man … _Hyungwon_. Although he had tried to run away from it, the situation wouldn’t quite leave him yet; it clung to him like it was glued to the inside of his head, replaying over and over.

The night had already covered the neighborhood in a veil of blackness and silence, but Jooheon couldn’t go to bed. He would lie down on his mattress, staring up at the ceiling while his memories would travel back to the hospital and Kihyun’s pale, lifeless face. Then, they would take a turn and settle for the conversation with Shownu and that man in the grey suit, who had been following him around like a shadow.

The way Hyungwon had talked about the organization that he had been working for … _DRAMA_ … and the fact that something like time travel could actually exist in this world … This watch that Hyungwon wanted Jooheon to have so pressingly … Furthermore, his memory loss from last night, the ‘dream’ that he could barely remember when waking up this morning …

Jooheon couldn’t help but think about the possibility that all of it wasn’t just a coincidence. He and Kihyun in the car as well as the look on his best friend’s face … frightened dark eyes and still so very determined just like Kihyun had a plan, just like he had realized something so suddenly – as if wiping his palm across a fogged mirror after staring into it for a long period of time. There were crows on the street as well, weren’t there? A shadow and the vibrating sound of his phone? …

_Why is it coming back to me now?_ , Jooheon wondered in the dark, his breath a hint away from trembling. _Is my brain playing tricks on me because I miss him so much?_

But it was already too late; unease had settled in his chest like an unmovable rock, stirring up worry and suspicion as the alarm clock on his nightstand crept on, number by number. Nothing seemed to add up anymore and Jooheon couldn’t help but notice the threads that were connecting everything together so obviously – a net of red lines building up in front of his eyes, every time he tried to close them and direct his thoughts somewhere else, inevitable?

_Kihyun would never drive when he was upset. He wouldn’t text behind the wheel … And he used to scold me for my speeding so often, why would he suddenly do it himself? … Kihyun is way too perfect in that regard, his father made sure of that … Did we get into a fight about his parents again? The fact that he was taking over the company and paying for my bills? His dating life? … When I think about it, we argued a lot but never seriously. Some things were left unspoken. Did I upset him? Did I tell him about …? No, I couldn’t have. But then, what if he knew already? … Nothing of this makes sense._

Then there was Hyungwon telling Jooheon to text Kihyun, which had actually worked … Kihyun’s strange but very Kihyun-like response, Hyungwon’s vague answer when Jooheon had asked him about time travel to save his best friend: _“It wouldn’t change anything for now. Kihyun was trying to play his part and you should take yours as well.”_

_Take my part?_ To Jooheon – as crazy as it appeared – it could only mean one thing: Kihyun was still alive. How, he didn’t know but apparently it had something to do with Hyungwon’s puzzling insinuations … _“You need to make a decision soon. There has to be 7 of us, otherwise it won’t work.”  
_ Now that Jooheon was sitting on the couch, the empty apartment around him, swallowing him whole with its heavy silence, he wondered whether it had been the right choice to leave the gym so suddenly. Should he have accepted the watch, listened to Hyungwon’s conspiracies? But then, another part of him – one hiding and pressing him to turn around and leave all of this pain behind – was spinning its own cobwebs in his mind. In the form of _What if?_ it settled, spread its doubts like long, tangling roots.

_If time travel exists … What if all of this already happened? What if I’m the one who’s supposed to be dead? What if …?_

A loud banging noise broke the silence covering the apartment, causing Jooheon to wince and sit up straight while turning his head in surprise. His heartbeat fastened as if his body already sensed that something was off. Who would visit him this late in the evening? And then not use the doorbell like a normal person? …

Jooheon didn’t move; he was simply staring towards the door that led into the hallway. There was no source of light in the room, so he was covered in darkness. Jooheon could hear his own nervous breathing, just listening to the silence of the night – now that there was someone else waiting at the front porch –, it didn’t feel lonely anymore; on the contrary, a sudden tension was hovering all around him, wordlessly, threatening almost.

Seconds passed by, a few more nervous breaths …

_Bang Bang Bang._ There it was again, this time even more aggressive than before. Someone _really_ wanted to talk to him.

Jooheon got up from the couch, left his room and started walking towards the front door – slowly, hesitantly, still swallowed by the dark apartment around him. When he reached the end of the hallway and lowered his head to take a look through the spyhole, he could feel his heart pounding up in his throat.

Two men were standing on the front porch, dark hair and dressed in black suits, their faces firm like stone. Something about them exuded danger. One thought popped into Jooheon’s head, passing by almost mindlessly like a bird crossing clouds without even noticing them: _DRAMA._

Jooheon saw the man’s hand coming down on the door again and backed away immediately, only a second before the agents started knocking a third time. _Bang Bang Bang._

“Open up”, a low, strict voice demanded. “We’re from the FBI. This is about your friend, Yoo Kihyun. We just want to ask a few questions.”

_Questions? At this hour?_ Everything about this situation seemed fishy to Jooheon; he didn’t believe them for a second. His body was already in high alert and his stomach tied in knots – an intuition that told him that these men in front of his door didn’t just want to talk; it told him that these strangers were dangerous and that Jooheon had to leave, _now._

_I can leave through the back door in Ki’s room._

Before he even considered _where_ he would go after leaving through the backyard, Jooheon was already hurrying into his best friend’s room. However, after actually entering it and taking a few steps – something he had done countless times and always so carelessly –, Jooheon stopped in his tracks and looked around in hesitation, feeling a wave of guilt washing over him about intruding so suddenly.

The room was just as dark as the rest of the apartment, just as black and gloomy. However, there was something heavier hovering in the air – Kihyun’s absence and the rejected truth that Jooheon’s best friend wouldn’t return because he was dead.

Jooheon hadn’t been in here since this morning when he had thought Kihyun was on his way to work … Now, all of his belongings seemed surreal, empty, _fake_ – The jacket waiting on the chair of Kihyun’s desk, the pencils and notes piling up as if he had just left to get a cup of coffee, the open window that revealed the clear night sky full of stars and a bright, accusing moon as if inviting him to stargaze for a while …

A crashing sound in the hallway cut through the silence – it came from the front door, and it wasn’t aggressive banging as before, no, it sounded like someone was trying to break through, to get in, no matter how. _Again, again, AGAIN._

Filled with panic, Jooheon could feel himself rushing forward towards the glass door, opening it with shaky hands and stepping outside into the cold, thick night. He could hear footsteps from behind him but didn’t dare to turn around. His heart racing, adrenaline flooding through his body and devouring it with pure anxiety, he forgot to close the door again and just started running through the backyard across the black lawn, while his socks and feet were drowning in the cool, wet grass beneath his steps.

_DRAMA_ , he thought again – this time convinced that those men in black suits wanted to hurt him, _or worse. What the hell have I gotten myself into?_

When he reached the garden gate, he struggled for a few paralyzing seconds, unhooking it with cold fingertips and stumbling onto the empty street. With a hammering heart and a blank mind, he froze in his movements, looking around rather helplessly – Where to go? Where to hide?

Footsteps. Getting louder, drawing closer and closer, danger catching up to him …

“Stop right there!”, the same low, strict voice from before was shouting behind him but Jooheon just couldn’t turn around; he couldn’t face them, or he wouldn’t be able to move any further. “Stop or we’ll shoot!”

_They really want to kill me_.

Jooheon’s feet were moving quickly once more. He ran up the street, ran, ran, ran as fast as he could … Even as a loud noise was tearing the quiet night apart, Jooheon didn’t stop. He was taking a turn with the road, his lungs burning from exhaustion and ever-rising anxiety. Then, two bright lights right in front of him, two glowing eyes growing rashly – headlights of an approaching car.

His body was frozen on the spot; he was simply staring ahead at the bright dots of light in front of him, unable to move. He couldn’t see the driver behind the steering wheel, but he suddenly wondered how it would feel to be inside of the car at that specific moment.

_Is that how Kihyun had felt before he crashed? Helpless? Paralyzed? And why does it feel so familiar to me? Why does it feel like I’m supposed to be on the other side?_

Jooheon felt his eyelids close as if it was the only choice he had left. The light didn’t disappear, it remained a dull curtain beyond his sight but still so very bright. He knew that he was going to die. And again, it was a strange but familiar feeling as if …

A warm touch, an explosion of light. When he opened his eyes, he found himself in the dark once more – shoeless, clueless just like before. However, he wasn’t running on the open road anymore; he was standing in the middle of what looked like a dim-lit living room. The furniture around him was generic, nothing stood out to him, nothing looked familiar – a constructed home, a place that provided nothing but illusion. Jooheon’s mind remained blank and washed out, but his breath felt normal in his chest just like his heartbeat. His body seemed at peace again … _I’m not dead, am I?_

“I’m sorry I took so long”, a calm voice said behind him as if answering his quiet question. When Jooheon turned around, it was Hyungwon who was standing only a few feet apart from him. He was smiling apologetically, his hands resting on each side of his body. “I never wanted you to get in danger.”

Jooheon didn’t answer him. All he could do was stare at him with a puzzled look, trying to understand what had just happened, trying to understand why this man was following him around, why he had apparently just saved his life.

“I found you on the road and brought you here. That car was about to hit you”, Hyungwon explained, examining Jooheon’s face with black eyes. “We lost the hounds for now, but it won’t take long until they find our traces again.”

“Hounds?”, Jooheon heard his own voice ask mechanically.

“DRAMA.” Hyungwon nodded briefly. “Most travelers call them hounds since …”, his mouth twisted for a second, apologizing again with his eyes. “Well, I guess you just experienced it yourself.”

_Yes,_ Jooheon thought hollowly, _He said that back at the gym. I remember. DRAMA._

While looking at the stranger in the grey suit in front of him, he realized again that this person had just saved his life. _I could’ve died. Either way._ It wouldn’t quite sink in yet.

His voice sounded hoarse as he spoke, and he had to stop to clear his throat. “Why are they … Why are they after _me_ though?” Then, more to himself: “A few hours ago, I didn’t even know something like time travel existed.” Now that all adrenaline and anxiety had left him, there was only exhaustion and confusion weighing down on his senses.

“I told you, the 7 of us are connected”, Hyungwon answered as if it was something obvious. He sat down on the couch in the middle of the lifeless living room, indicating Jooheon to do the same. When both of them were facing each other – the small couch table the only thing between them – Hyungwon continued with the same calm, collected gaze – as if he knew all the answers: “We will protect and complete each other, that’s why we have to be together.”

But to Jooheon it just sounded like another riddle he couldn’t solve. “I don’t know these people that you’re talking about.” His gaze dropped into his lap as he started fumbling around with his hands. “You got the wrong person. I’m no one, I …” _Without Kihyun, I’m no one._

“I’ve heard that before. But it’s not true, Jooheon. Believe me, you’re exactly the person that I was looking for.” The smile in his voice managed to break through his words. “Just like Kihyun.”

The name of his best friend made Jooheon raise his head again, looking at his rescuer with a puzzled expression, while too many questions came bubbling up to the surface. He couldn’t stop himself for the next few seconds: “What do you know about him? Why did you tell me to text him earlier? How could you even know I would get a response?”

Hyungwon hesitated, tilting his head slightly and considering the flood of questions Jooheon had just dropped on him.

“Because Kihyun is not completely gone”, he finally answered. “Time doesn’t work like that. Death is more complicated than you might think.” He seemed lost in thoughts as if remembering something from his own past.

It didn’t matter. There was that one sentence that echoed through Jooheon’s mind, building hope with every second that passed: _Because Kihyun is not completely gone._ “So, we _can_ get him back?”, he blurted out and felt his heartbeat fasten. “We can time travel and safe him, right?”

Hyungwon shook his head, shattering Jooheon’s first spark of hope with a black, heavy gaze. “It’s not that easy. You see, Kihyun is trapped in a time loop right now, which means he’s reliving the accident again and again. Something went wrong when he tried to …” He hesitated, stopping mid-sentence and frowning deeply as if to apologize once more. “When I tried to reach out to him and give him his watch.”

The flash of a memory … A silver object falling to the ground from Jooheon’s jacket pocket as he had left the coffee shop this morning … _“Oh, but I believe this isn’t yours.”_ A second watch, identical, broken? … _“This one is.”_

The dream from last night … He and Kihyun in the car? Kihyun giving him something? Crows? …

Slowly but surely, memories started to unfold inside of Jooheon’s brain – like a crumbled piece of paper that was dropped into the garbage can and rediscovered much later, while trying to recreate something seemingly lost. It made sense and unhinged so many new questions and possibilities that Jooheon felt overwhelmed for a moment, unable to speak.

Hyungwon, who noticed the shocked expression on Jooheon’s face, then revealed two watches from his pocket, identical, broken. _Our watches?_

“Breaking a loop is not as easy as generic time travel. If _easy_ is the right word to use here …”, Hyungwon said, twisting his mouth briefly. “It’s even easier to get to and back out of the lost dimension … That’s where 3 of us were trapped for some time. Shownu traveled there to help them, but they’re back now. You will meet them soon.”

Dimensions, loops, time travel … How did he never realize those things existed? How did he never notice?

“We can bring Kihyun back”, Hyungwon eventually answered the unspoken question hovering over the couch table between them. “But we have to be 7.”

Jooheon shook his head, remembering what had happened in the locker room back at the gym. “What about the text messages?”

“They’re real”, Hyungwon said. “Just from another timeline.”

The thought came suddenly, like a rock thrown through a window, breaking and shattering glass and realization: _The timeline where I am the one driving?_ “How do you even know all of this?”

The man with the black, pebbled eyes full of secrets sighed as his lips twisted into a somber expression. “It’s a long story and quite a sad one. I’ll tell you soon, I promise. First, we need to meet the others at 9 a.m. tomorrow at the coffee shop.” He smiled warmly. “Traveler, you know it.”

Of course, Jooheon knew it. The place he had first met Hyungwon; the place where he had heard the news about … With a nod, Jooheon returned Hyungwon’s gaze.

“Good. Get some rest then, you can stay here tonight. It’s not much but we’re safe here for now. I’ve guarded the place.” Hyungwon got up from the couch, placing the watches in front of Jooheon on the couch table. With slow steps, he walked towards the window, burying his hands in the pockets of his trousers before looking outside at the glowing skyline of the nightly city. “I’m so sorry for all of this.” His voice held a strange sentimentality as if he had taken the blame all on himself.

Jooheon’s eyes traced the watches on the table while his mind traveled back to that moment in the car right before he had woken up in his bed. Kihyun had looked scared and determined as if he … knew? _But what was it? What did he know?_ … (Wasn’t it obvious?)

When Hyungwon turned around again, his face was covered in a pained expression. He seemed strangely emotional, like someone who wanted to cry but couldn’t. “There was a door that opened for you, 2 years ago … but I couldn’t let you enter it back then. It wasn’t the right time …”

_2 years ago?,_ Jooheon wondered.

2015 – the trip to the beach, the strange shadow on the road, the moment he had realized he was in love with his best friend, horizon and sea as one …

The left corner of Hyungwon’s mouth lifted faintly as he noticed the irritation and sudden realization on Jooheon’s face. “The cat that you almost hit?”

Jooheon could only stare at the sad picture right in front of him: the mysterious but tragic figure in a grey suit, the one who had saved his life … as if he was nothing more than a gloomy portrait on the dark, glowing canvas of a city that just couldn’t fall asleep.

“How …” _do you know?_ But Jooheon had already asked that question.

Another flash of memories like someone was turning the pages of a photo album way too quickly: A stranger on the road shaking his head. He has no face. Or maybe he has. Treetops. Left, right, left, right. No. _It’s not the right time._

The stranger, who was now standing by the window on the other side of the dim-lit room had a face. It was filled with regret and sorrow. This stranger had a name, too. He wasn’t a stranger anymore. He had saved Jooheon’s life. He offered help and eyes gleaming of trust and familiarity. He sighed. “Some things can only be delayed until you have to face them eventually. But we’re able to free what is stuck for now.”

_And that one who is stuck is Kihyun, isn’t he?_

The riddles in which Hyungwon spoke still confused Jooheon. He didn’t quite know what to make of his sentimentality yet, but he was convinced that the current timeline– the one where Jooheon was alive and Kihyun wasn’t – didn’t add up, something was _wrong_. It hurt as if a fist clenched tightly around his heart, squeezing and blaming, blaming, blaming him relentlessly.

Hyungwon was headed towards the door of the living room now. Jooheon couldn’t hold back, he had to know, someone had to confirm what was already so obviously and cruelly mocking him.

“It should’ve been me, right? I should’ve been the one driving. I should’ve died back then in 2015 and I should’ve died again in 2017.” The words clattered into the grey room, thickening the air like a heavy cloud. “Yet, I’m still here. I’m here and Kihyun is gone.”

The lump had returned to Jooheon’s throat just like the hot, pressing feeling of tears welling up in his eyes. Anger, frustration, guilt – his own fingers pressing into the wound that he had just opened, an unspoken question that no one could answer, that wasn’t supposed to be answered: _Why am I the one who gets to live when Kihyun was the one with the bright future ahead?_

Hyungwon didn’t answer for a few seconds, he just continued walking towards the door, so that Jooheon could only see his back. When he spoke again, his voice was soft, his hand resting on the doorframe. “It might not be much of a comfort now, but everything is temporary. How things were doesn’t matter, just how they will be.” Hyungwon turned his head slightly, looking over his shoulder with black, comforting eyes and the faintest smile on his lips. “And this time, we’ll open that door and close it at the same time.”

Jooheon could only return his gaze while the pain was still very vibrant in his chest. At the same time, he felt for Hyungwon and somehow, trusted him deeply.

“Goodnight.” The person that had saved his life gave him another smile, nodding softly. Then, he left the room and closed the door behind him with a faint _click._

Silence embraced Jooheon warmly. He still felt upset about everything that had happened, about the fact that it should’ve been him. But then, Hyungwon’s words and his whole presence had given him hope. If they could free his best friend, Jooheon didn’t care what it took; for him, there was only one option: to make this right, to return to the right timeline and to give Kihyun the life that belonged to him.

He lowered down on the couch, exhaustion washing over him suddenly and making him feel incredibly tired. His lids fluttered open and shut as he kept looking out of the window at the blurry dots of light in the distance. On the roof of the opposite building, there was a crow landing on the grey edge, flapping its wings and picking its feathers with a pitch-black peak. The creature was somehow melting into its surroundings, becoming one with the night, so naturally.

Before Jooheon was drifting off into the thick liquid of sleep, he felt strangely determined. He wouldn’t be a coward anymore; he wouldn’t silence his feelings and he would speak his mind if he had to.

_I’ll see you again, Ki,_ he thought with that familiar, warm feeling in the pit of his stomach. The same feeling that took hold of him every time he was looking into his best friend’s eyes. _No matter what I have to do or what I have to sacrifice. Just hold on a little while longer._


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the one day delay :( I had to edit this chapter longer than I expected. I hope you like it! <3

**Chapter 20**

**(Hyungwon), Wed. 08.11.17**

_Don’t hold on to despair and trauma,_

_Take this bouquet of flowers instead._

The door of Hyungwon’s bedroom clicked quietly as he closed it behind him, entering an atmosphere of solitude, a moment that he could share only with himself after this busy day. The apartment was mostly empty with a few basic pieces of furniture that his parents had bought him … back then. No pictures on the walls, no plants or signs of someone actually living in here, only the idea of a possible future; a _What if_? turned grey and solidified through Hyungwon’s decision almost 3 years ago.

His parents had rented the apartment for a time span of 3 years, once the news of Hyungwon’s promotion had turned into an actual option. Even now, he could still see their proud smiles in front of his inner eye, praising him and surprising Hyungwon, who had just returned home from work.

_“You need your own place now”,_ his mother said with beaming eyes. _“I’m sure you can rise all the way to the top.”_

In Hyungwon’s memories, his father smiled at him, too – hollow gaze and still? Was he finally proud of his son? Or was he simply proud of the idea that all of their lives had gained _meaning_ in a way, that they were wealthy while other people suffered because of DRAMA’s ruthless exploitations?

Hyungwon couldn’t understand his father back then and he couldn’t understand him now, 3 years later. _Why couldn’t he just love me for being his son instead of seeing me as an opportunity to relive the missed chances from his own life?_

He was standing by the window now, staring at the city’s skyline and wondering what his parents must’ve thought when he had never returned from that bland hallway. Apparently, they were still paying for the apartment or had paid the amount in advance, because all this time, this place had remained untouched, empty. After his disappearance, his parents had never come back here and there was a gloomy certainty in Hyungwon’s bones that told him they would never visit again.

_DRAMA probably told them I got lost during a mission and paid them a nice sum to keep their mouths shut. My father was a very loyal person … just not towards his family. They didn’t have to take his soul like they took mine; he handed it to them gladly. As if there was nothing that was ever enough for him except this stupid organization … his son, his wife? Who were we to him after all? Necessities of life? Some inevitable inconvenience perhaps?_

Even though Hyungwon had spent a lot of time thinking about forgiveness during his time in the loop, in this moment he knew that he could never forgive his father for not loving him. At the same time, he couldn’t forgive himself for not trying enough. He wanted to become a better version of himself so desperately that he had brought others in danger, parts of himself, _people_ that belonged to him now as he belonged to them. A bond stronger than anything he had ever experienced … only he couldn’t reach it yet, he couldn’t grasp or build it. Not if they weren’t 7.

His mind traveled to the watches once more and everything else that hadn’t quite worked out as he had imagined it. Shownu, Changkyun and Wonho were back now, which was good, and so was Minhyuk but … _What if Changkyun can’t bring him back this time?_

Hyungwon had considered the possibility of an erased memory – the potions used for it were quite common when he was still working for DRAMA, mostly to avoid complications with civilians being in the wrong place at the wrong time –, but the fact that they had used it on Minhyuk, who had been in possession of one of the watches they were looking for … Was it possible that they had made a rash mistake? Then again, there was still the possibility that Changkyun couldn’t shake his memory and bring him back …

However, Changkyun’s and Minhyuk’s connection wasn’t the only thing to worry about right now. Another obstacle was tied to the fact that – if all of them decided to show up tomorrow morning – they were only in possession of 5 watches instead of 7. Hyungwon wasn’t sure if it would work, if it would be enough to get to Kihyun who was still trapped in that loop. But was there even a choice?

_We need to try. I’m sure by now they can feel the connection too, even if it’s just subconsciously. We need to be 6 to reach Kihyun and we need to be 7 to break out of there again, otherwise all of us will be trapped … or worse._

Doubts were spreading their cold roots through Hyungwon’s mind as he kept thinking about the next morning and the first time that all of them – well, almost all of them – would meet. Would he be able to feel it? Would they be able to feel it? What if someone decided to stay away? What if Hyungwon himself didn’t make it because …?

As if to answer that question, his body started to quiver, and he could feel himself shaking from a harsh cough until his throat and lungs were burning. Since escaping from the loop, Hyungwon didn’t feel like himself, not fully. He was aware of the fact that he was a ghost, a shadow of himself walking the earth, one piece out of 7. All this time, he had felt incomplete like parts of him were missing, but at the same time, he could _feel_ their presence in the real world; he even felt drawn to them in a way that he could actually visit them. Yes, he was a ghost and living in 6 other people; he had grown into them like ivy would swallow a stony wall and seal its cracks – a bigger picture, a connection, _home_? However, all of it came with a price – of course.

The bathroom lighting swallowed him accusingly as Hyungwon entered and then placed both hands on the sink in front of the big mirror. His knuckles turned as white as the surface beneath his fingertips; in a way, he felt like the smooth porcelain that he was leaning on – fragile, breakable and cold, cold, cold.

_I’m no one. I’m a ghost with an incomplete soul, but this is different. This pain is real and this time it’s leaving traces on my body._

When he looked up at his own reflection in the mirror, his heart started to sink deeper into his chest. Tired black eyes were watching him, face twisting in anguish and his skin was gleaming palely in the dull light; he was sweating slightly, almost as if he was suffering from a fever.

The realization was slowly soaking into every last corner of his mind: _I am dying. This time for good._

His own gaze kept tying him down, staring at him judgingly and full of despair. _Time is running out_ , it seemed to say, _you can’t carry this burden on your own anymore. You need to share and rely. You need to trust again._

His vision blurred and he could see his reflection fade away for a split second before it returned to its normal form in the mirror across from him. Then, it happened only to the right part of his face. Hyungwon tried to twist his mouth but it remained nothing more than a hazy fingerprint – both present and not present. This time, a couple of seconds passed before the glitch was gone.

_This is not good,_ Hyungwon thought, alarmed about the sudden unsteadiness of his appearance. _I didn’t think it would happen this soon …_

He knew what he had to do. He knew that he had to bring everyone together, every missing piece of his soul, to exist as a whole person again, to live on. His current state was only a temporary solution. It had worked to split his soul into 7 pieces and seal those pieces in different bodies. With it, Hyungwon had been able to escape his personal loop, but the process had come at a price as well: A timer on his presence in the real world … Of course, he couldn’t exist as a phantom forever; he had to unite everyone on the same timeline …

There was no way to be sure when he had programmed his watch in the loop (or the others, later when he had escaped), no way to know how far his soul would travel, how many parts it would split into, and whether he would survive in the first place. However, his plan hadn’t quite worked out as he had imagined it. And now, Kihyun was the one who had ended up being trapped in a loop of his own …

Hyungwon felt guilty every time he looked at Jooheon’s face, every time he was reminded of the fact that one of them was supposed to die. Messing with the order of time by preventing Jooheon’s accident in 2015 and then, 2 years later, by sending Kihyun back to save his best friend …

_I should’ve known it wouldn’t be that easy. How could I bring both of them in danger like that? How careless …_ But then, the answer was as obvious as looking at his own reflection in the mirror right now: _I didn’t have another choice. I had to try._

He lowered his hands into the sink to splash some water on his face. It helped him feel a bit better for a second, but Hyungwon doubted it would last too long. The others couldn’t know about his state … He had to convince them to come with him; to save him but also because he felt the strong urge to protect all of them; he wanted to earn their trust …

_Not only because they are linked to my own survival – I was ready to end my life years ago –, but because I got to know them throughout my journey. I feel like they’re a part of me now that I need to protect. I owe them for keeping me safe all their lives, for letting me live on within them and become a part of their stories. Just like they’ve become a part of mine._

And for a moment, overwhelmed by thoughts of gratitude, Hyungwon was convinced that all of them would show up. Perhaps it was an intuition telling him (a gut feeling?), or it was something else, something much bigger at work around them. Time. Time and all its windows and possibilities. Time – ruthless and generous both. For Hyungwon, time wasn’t graspable anymore. He had wandered between timelines and dimensions for years, decades, visiting his soul parts and following them around their whole lives. He made sure to prepare them for this moment, to assist them subtly and watch them find their paths as hurtful as they were. Although he wasn’t allowed to interfere too much – it wasn’t possible for him most of the time anyways due to his state as a phantom –, he had watched them grow, each one individually influenced by the special, additional piece inside of them.

Again, his mind trailed off to his father and the person that he had changed into since he had joined DRAMA. Hyungwon couldn’t help but wonder what he would think of him in this situation, what his advice would be if he had one to spare.

_But does it matter though?,_ he reminded himself after a few seconds of irrationality. _We’re on different sides, he and I, always have been in a way. He’s a part of DRAMA and I’m building a resistance._

Hyungwon pushed himself up from the sink, wiping his face with a washed-out towel that was resting above the small heater. Then, without risking another glare at the pale, sickly mask that his face had grown into, he left the bathroom behind and returned to the blank bedroom that offered a lot of empty walls, a bed and a wardrobe with an old lamp right next to it. Hyungwon didn’t even bother to turn it on. He walked towards the window, sat down on the window ledge and let his umbrella rest against the wall. Something was demanding for him to lift his gaze up to the clear, nightly sky, so he complied. It held an almost full moon and a couple of scattered stars that multiplied with each passing second that Hyungwon was looking up.

For a moment he imagined the night sky as a black sheet stretched above the surface of the earth like an infinite illusion, holes everywhere where moon and stars kept showing.

_What if beneath it all, there is one large ocean of light? Wouldn’t that be comforting? To dive in and never surface? To be lost and found in a world so bright that no shadow could ever enter?_

He could feel the smile spreading across his lips – what a silly reverie, how sentimental. His eyes traveled to the bed on the other side of the room; the alarm clock on the nightstand was blinking silently – red, hard numbers: 11:55. For a wistful second, Hyungwon actually considered lying down on the mattress, closing his eyes, drifting off into a dream … but then, he decided to stay by the window. After all, he hadn’t slept in a very long time.

**Thur. 09.11.17, 8:50 a.m.**

The horizon in the far distance was covered in a belt of orange light; blue sky was emerging above it, a few clouds – the beginning of another clear, untouched November day. Hyungwon and Jooheon were waiting in front of the coffee shop; their breaths were forming silent, white fog in front of their faces; the grey asphalt beneath their feet was gleaming with a thin layer of frost that was still left from the previous night. However, it would be a sunny, late autumn day and warmth would be able to break through the air, paint cheeks in a slight pink color, let leaves shine in orange and yellow and delay the dull winter days for a bit longer.

Jooheon had buried his hands and chin in his jacket, stepping from one leg to the other – Hyungwon had traveled to his apartment and fetched some of his clothes that he hadn’t been able to bring with him when the hounds had broken in the night before. They hadn’t talked much and Jooheon’s eyes – his forehead covered in messy, blond strands – were filled with exhaustion and worry. However, he did seem determined to get to his best friend; Hyungwon also had the impression that a bond of trust had formed between them – invisible, but a spark of reassurance nevertheless.

Covered in silence and concern, Hyungwon and Jooheon both stood next to each other on the pavement, waiting for the others to arrive. With every passing minute, Jooheon was growing more nervous – he was fiddling around with the watch in his hands, the dark rings under his eyes now more visible than this morning when they had left the ghostly apartment.

Hyungwon could feel his unease rise alongside the fidgetiness in his fingers and mind as well while time was ticking, while he could feel himself falling apart from within. _What if it won’t work when we’re only 6? What if the others won’t show up at all? What if Changkyun couldn’t reach Minhyuk …?_

There was a bus approaching in front of the coffee shop now. It came to a hold at the empty bus shelter and opened its doors with a squeaking sound. Hyungwon’s heart was close to breaking into pieces again, but then, 2 familiar faces appeared behind the bus windows. Tension flooded him and left as quickly as it had built inside of his chest. When Changkyun and Minhyuk stepped onto the gleaming pavement, Hyungwon was filled with hope and trust.

They were walking towards the coffee shop now, both of them with firm but content faces – as if the knot in both of their stories had finally loosened as if they had figured it out at last.

“Good morning”, Hyungwon said, smiling from Minhyuk to Changkyun when they had reached the meeting spot. “It’s good to see that you two have found each other after all.”

Minhyuk returned Hyungwon’s warm welcome with a reserved smile; Changkyun simply nodded at him – however, not as angry as before.

“He still doesn’t remember everything”, Changkyun answered, hands buried in Shownu’s jacket.

Minhyuk nodded, slightly hesitant about his words. “Everything about DRAMA and the lost dimension seems to be a kind of blur … But Kyun told me as much as he could. And I keep remembering things the more time passes.”

Hyungwon couldn’t help but smile at their recovered familiarity. There they were: puzzle pieces coming together after a lost period of time, meant to be combined eventually.

“So, you’re 2 out of 7?”, Jooheon asked, eyeing both Changkyun and Minhyuk rather suspiciously. “You’re one of the waiters here, right?” His gaze focused on Minhyuk, his voice filled with concern. “Minhyuk.”

Surprise got hold of Minhyuk’s expression, now that he was looking at Jooheon directly for the first time. For a second, he seemed shocked as if he had just seen a ghost. “You’re the driver”, he mumbled in confusion, probably thinking out loud, “… from the news. You …”

Jooheon’s head turned to Hyungwon, staring at him in disbelief: _What is he talking about?_

Hyungwon bit the inside of his cheek as he thought about the initial timeline where Jooheon had been the one driving … _He can remember that?_

Unable to restrict his curiosity, Hyungwon’s eyes fixated on Minhyuk. Still somewhat lost in thoughts and predictions, he wondered to what extent Minhyuk’s memories had actually been influenced.

“You’re right, Jooheon died”, he then finished Minhyuk’s sentence, well aware of Jooheon’s demanding gaze that was now burning into him. “But … that happened on another timeline. The one we’re currently on is different because I’ve sent Jooheon’s friend to prevent the accident. It didn’t work out as I planned it and now, we’re facing the same problem again … Someone is stuck.” With a turn of his head, he finally looked at Jooheon. “But we will get to Kihyun soon. That’s why we’re all here now. We’ll wait for the other 2 to arrive.”

Before someone could pose another question and as if Hyungwon’s words had summoned them, Shownu and Wonho turned around the corner of the street only a second later. Shownu’s gaze met Hyungwon’s and he raised a hand in a silent gesture: _We’re here now, don’t worry._

From the corner of his eyes, Hyungwon could see that the other 3 were now following his gaze across the pavement. All attention was on the 2 black-haired men who were catching up to the meeting spot as well. Wonho looked a lot better than last night; his wounds were mostly patched up and he was wearing clean clothes and a looser expression on his face.

“Who are these people?”, Minhyuk wondered quietly.

Hyungwon smiled again, his eyes still focused on the approaching parts of his soul. “They’re 2 out of 7.”

“I can’t believe everyone showed up”, Wonho scoffed as they arrived where the others were standing, shaking his head briefly. When his eyes met Hyungwon’s, something had changed within him, hadn’t it? …

“Good morning”, Shownu said. His gaze traveled from Hyungwon to Changkyun and Minhyuk and finally, Jooheon. They shared a silent thought, or so it seemed, and Shownu smiled faintly. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Jooheon nodded at his trainer – relieved to see a familiar face? –, returning the smile with his tired eyes. “Me too.” Then, his attention shifted to Wonho and his lips twisted bitterly. “Why am I not surprised about the fact that it’s _you_?”

Wonho scoffed but didn’t seem offended by Jooheon’s comment; on the contrary, he rolled his eyes and answered with a half-smile. “It’s a small world after all.”

It seemed to loosen the mood a bit and Hyungwon and Shownu changed a telling look before Hyungwon turned to Wonho with a more serious question: “How’s your mother?”

All eyes seemed to follow Hyungwon’s words, resting on Wonho with curiosity. But he just brushed it off with a quick movement of his hand, raising the right corner of his mouth once more. “She’s okay. For now.” There was more that he decided not to reveal to the others – a choice kept for a later occasion. “But that’s not what we’re here for now, is it?”

_Well, partly it is,_ Hyungwon answered wordlessly and nodded with a small smile.

Now that all 6 of them were complete, Hyungwon started to quickly introduce everyone to each other. After that, Minhyuk opened the coffee shop for them to enter and placed the _CLOSED_ sign on the entrance door to avoid any unnecessary interruptions. He did seem nervous about getting in trouble with his boss again, but Hyungwon assured him that they would figure something out in order to cover for him – that was, if something were to go wrong with Hyungwon’s plan.

While entering through the glass doors one after another, Hyungwon could hear Shownu and Changkyun behind him – Shownu placing a hand on Changkyun’s back, a smile recognizable in the tone of his voice as he spoke: “The jacket suits you. You should keep it.”

They all sat down at one of the big tables by the window front – Hyungwon remembered his first time entering the coffee shop on his own; now he felt almost whole again, not alone; five pairs of eyes were resting on him expectantly as if he knew all the answers.

_I wish I did._

“Now that you’ve all made it here, I think I owe you an explanation.” He smiled faintly, lowering his gaze on the table in front of him. “It’s not new to all of you, but for the plan to work all of us need to be on the same page.”

He knew he had been stalling for too long already; he owed them a proper explanation and a real reason as to why they should join him on this mission. So, Hyungwon started at the beginning and with his past work for DRAMA. How he had believed their lies and how – when meeting Changkyun – he had realized that his life needed to change. For the first time, he actually described what he had been through, voiced it for others to hear and process … the loop, the soul splitting, the incompleteness of his soul, the pain … How he had visited all of them (though mostly invisible) throughout different times in their lives, while he was destined to exist as a phantom. And finally, the plan that all of them agreed on – to save a stranger and a missing part of all of them. At this point, Hyungwon was sure they all could feel it – a connection, even if it was only subconsciously.

The watch above the entrance of the coffee shop showed 9:43 when his last sentence brought silence to the table again. None of them had interrupted him, doubted him at that. They had listened to his story as if it … was somehow their own.

“I’m willing to answer questions if you have any”, Hyungwon added, looking at each brooding face individually.

_They can feel it now,_ he thought hopefully. _They can feel our connection because I can feel it so clearly for the first time, even if it’s not yet complete._

After a few seconds of silence, Hyungwon asked everyone to place their watches on the table in front of them, so they did – all of them, except for Wonho and Minhyuk. 5 identical, silver objects were resting on the surface between them now – broken but reassuring in a way. Hyungwon could feel the energy radiating from them. _Like we’re almost at the finish line, like I can almost see the summit, like I’m seconds away from breaking through the surface and looking at the clear sky again …_

“When each one of you is in possession of the watch that belongs to you, you’ll understand why I keep repeating myself so much.” He felt a smile spreading across his lips while looking at the watches, at his own creations. “We’re so close now.”

“I still don’t understand why exactly the 6 of us are a part of this. You said there’s some special piece in all of us but …” It was Minhyuk who was speaking now, looking at Hyungwon with a scrutinizing gaze. “I just mean that Changkyun, Shownu and Wonho already know about time travel. Jooheon, Kihyun and I …” He shrugged hesitantly. “We’re just _normal_ people. We’re not special.” His eyes shifted to Jooheon as if he immediately regretted his words. “No offense.”

Jooheon’s face lit up in a tired but honest smile. “None taken.” Then, crossing his arms in front of his chest: “I agree, though. Kihyun was supposed to become the CEO of his father’s company. Sure, he knew a lot of people, but I don’t think he knew about time travel.” A frown darkened his expression like the sudden appearance of a wall of clouds, covering the blue sky with rainy thoughts. “Besides, he would’ve told me if he knew.”

Changkyun now crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair and eyeing Jooheon thoughtfully. “You keep talking about him in the past tense.”

Jooheon’s gaze lifted from whatever memory it had been lost in, his face empty, his voice bitter as he gave his answer: “Because he’s dead.”

“He’s not”, Shownu interrupted, shaking his head and looking at Jooheon reprovingly. “I don’t know much about loops, but everything that Hyungwon has told us adds up with the things that my Dad taught me. It’s a more complex dimension than the one we’re currently in because it restarts every time that one specific day or event ends.”

Hyungwon nodded at Shownu. “It’s true. In our current timeline, Kihyun died. Only because he was trying to prevent that same fate from happening to you before, Jooheon, he is now trapped.” He sighed and thought about Kihyun’s puzzled eyes when he had returned the watch to him back on that field, when he had told him … “I planned on you 2 returning from this loop together, but instead of taking you with him, Kihyun simply replaced you.”

Jooheon frowned back at him. Hyungwon knew that he was blaming himself for the loss of his best friend, but there was no use in taking and shifting guilt about events that remained unchangeable for now.

_There’s something that I’ve been suspecting for a while … but it’s no use to ponder about it right now when our time-window is constantly shrinking._

“It’s just that …” Jooheon’s lips twisted slightly as he spoke again. “I saw his body.” Light brown eyes filled with despair. “I looked at his face. It was almost grey and … it …”

Hyungwon nodded, finishing his sentence: “Didn’t look like him?”

That seemed to surprise Jooheon; his eyes were resting on Hyungwon’s face, looking for rescue or a reason to somehow truly _believe_ in all of this chaos. As an answer, he gave a single nod.

Hyungwon could feel the smile returning to his lips; this time, it felt only sad and heavy. “That’s because it wasn’t him, not completely. The part of Kihyun that is alive is trapped in that loop like I was.” _While the other parts of him are gathered around this table in this very moment._

Wonho, who had been quiet until now, posed the next question: “But doesn’t that mean he’ll be like you when he returns?” His dark eyes digging deep into Hyungwon’s own for a second. “A ghost?”

“Not if we do it right”, he answered, holding Wonho’s doubtful gaze. “The reason I’m like this is because of the soul splitting process. The only way for me to escape was to send pieces of my soul out to others … to you.” He shook his head briefly. “But I’ve told you about this already. When we bring Kihyun back, we will also return to the day of the accident. And he will return to his body. He will be …”, hesitation was reaching through his chest for a second, “complete.” _And perhaps I can be, too._

Changkyun was now leaning forward, placing both of his arms on the table. “And if he’s back here and the 7 of us are finally all together, what then?”

Hyungwon frowned at him. _That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it?_ “Then perhaps we’ll have a chance against DRAMA.” _A resistance?_

“Changkyun is right”, Wonho added frostily. “Why should we care what they’re doing? They’ve already beat the shit out of me once, I don’t really want to go back there again.” The cuts and bruises on his face – even though treated and patched up for now – were evidence enough, and everyone at that table could see what DRAMA was capable of. They were scared too, Hyungwon could feel it in the energy lingering around them. But then, every single one of them had a reason to be here, hadn’t they?

“There’s a reason for all of you. Perhaps not all of you have found it yet, but it’s there.” Hyungwon sighed, thinking about Minhyuk’s doubtful words from before: _“I still don’t understand why exactly the 6 of us are a part of this.”_ Was there even a graspable reason for this?

“To try and answer your confusion, Minhyuk …”, Hyungwon then added, returning his gaze to the dark-haired waiter with the sorrowful eyes. “There are 6 pieces that separated from me on the day that I escaped. As much as I want to, I can’t tell you why because I don’t know.”

_Why am I feeling so anxious to admit this?_

“Every one of you holds a certain spark of light. It might be more visible for some than for others.” _Blue even,_ he thought silently and glanced at Shownu across from him. “But it’s there. In fact, I can feel it right now.”

The words seemed to linger in the air for a while as if Hyungwon’s confession had suddenly silenced all doubt. Seconds passed and no one answered him.

_They’re looking for it. A whole palette of colors._

But then … time was running out.

In a swift motion, Hyungwon got up from the table, taking his watch and attaching it back to his wrist. “We need to keep moving now and get to Kihyun before the hounds.” _Before I will fully vanish, and all will be lost and for nothing._

For a frightening second, no one moved with him – still shocked about his unusual confession? – and Hyungwon could already see his new plan shatter.

_They have changed their minds after all. Have I failed? Again?_

But then, Shownu raised from his chair as well, taking his watch and looking up at his student with warm eyes. With a simple nod – _I trust you_ –, all of Hyungwon’s concerns seemed to tumble again, they rose up in the air like smoke and scattered silently. In this moment of shared connection, Hyungwon could see himself gleaming in Shownu’s kind, brown eyes. He could see Shownu’s intention to help, his desire to find peace after all those years he had wasted with ignorance. It was as clear as the surface of a summer lake, his reason: Wonho.

_Does he want to redeem himself? Be worthy of Wonho’s friendship again? Does he want to prove something to his dead father? Or does he feel our connection? Does he even have a choice?_

Whatever it was that drove Shownu forward – perhaps even all of it combined –, he simply smiled at Hyungwon, promise and confirmation both. “Well, I believe you and I will do anything I can to help.”

Wonho on the chair next to Shownu sighed and eventually got up as well. With his left hand, he playfully hit Shownu on the shoulder – a gesture between friends, brothers even. “If he’s in, I’m in”, he announced almost sulkily. “And if there’s the slightest possibility to make traveling safer so that others won’t get sick, I’ll take it for now.”

Wonho’s eyes met Hyungwon’s and again, he could see himself staring back at him. _He wants this mainly for his mother. He has made the decision to live on, to take care of her and perhaps even of himself from now on. Moreover, he has accepted that he’s worthy of friendship, of family._

The next person to get up from the table was Jooheon. At first, it surprised Hyungwon – after all, Jooheon had refused his offers so thoroughly during all this time. Then again, Hyungwon couldn’t blame him for it either. Seeing him stand up on his own now, the determination in his eyes, Hyungwon felt at peace and even more motivated to help Kihyun return to his best friend.

“You know, I’m with you as well”, Jooheon said firmly, staring at Hyungwon with a dark expression in his light brown eyes – _my own eyes, my own despair._ “If there’s a chance to bring him back, I have to take it.”

The fourth person to rise from the table was Minhyuk. He seemed hesitant at first, but his eyes promised determination as well. “Changkyun and I are with you, too.”

“Oh, are we?”, Changkyun asked mockingly while resting his head on his arms in front of him.

Minhyuk ignored the sarcastic comment of his childhood friend; when he spoke again, his voice had lost all doubt from before: “My whole life I’ve never experienced anything nearly as nerve-wracking and stressful as this whole situation, but … I feel like what you said is true, Hyungwon.” Their eyes met and with Minhyuk as well, Hyungwon could see the part of himself that he had been looking for. “I still can’t remember everything that happened in the lost dimension, but I know that you mean well.”

Minhyuk reached into his pocket, revealing an old picture – _the picture_ – of him and Changkyun as kids. While staring at it thoughtfully, he mumbled something to himself: “Our whole friendship … the way it broke apart and got pieced back together so many years later … it can’t be just a coincidence.” Then, more confident and almost pressing, he turned to Changkyun, facing him directly. “I know you went through hell in there, but you made it. You’re here now, aren’t you?”

Warmth spread through Hyungwon’s chest while looking at the reunited childhood friends in front of him. He had known Changkyun for quite some time, but he had never seen him with an expression like this … when he was looking up at Minhyuk.

_I feel almost proud to witness their growth, to see them become close again and learn how to trust._

A few seconds passed in which Changkyun looked at Minhyuk with a frown, clearly contemplating his next moves very carefully. Finally, he got up from his chair as well, crossing his arms in front of his chest and taking his watch from the table. When he was looking up again, everyone was eyeing him rather critically. And for the fifth time, even in Changkyun’s harsh, stern gaze, Hyungwon was partly looking back at himself.

“What?”, Changkyun asked when he noticed everyone staring at him – as if he had missed some important piece of information. With a shrug and a brief nod in Minhyuk’s direction, he said: “The poet here convinced me.”

Once again, Hyungwon could feel their connection and their individual reason for taking part in this journey. _Changkyun feels obligated to Minhyuk now that they’ve made it out of the lost dimension. Of course, he’s not leaving him again. He might’ve learned from his previous decision and as reserved and cold as he might seem at first … there’s more to it._

Struck by Changkyun’s sudden confession, Minhyuk’s gaze dropped to the ground and Hyungwon could see his cheeks turn slightly red. Then, he quickly tried to change the topic: “But what about the missing watches?”

_It is a valid question,_ Hyungwon thought while remembering his sickly face staring back at him from the bathroom mirror on the previous night. _We’re not complete yet and my condition could worsen again any minute._ Nevertheless, he smiled at Minhyuk in a consoling gesture. “6 soul pieces should be enough for me to get you all to Kihyun’s loop for now.”

“But we have to get the watches back from DRAMA eventually, haven’t we?”, Shownu asked with a frown.

_DRAMA …_ It wasn’t something pressing just yet, but Hyungwon could feel their presence like a thick, black cloud following them relentlessly. The hounds had always been exuding a certain aura … something dark and gloomy, ready to swallow you whole once it had reached you. “They’re on to us already. And we’ll have to face them sooner or later.” He could feel his jaw tense for a second – _Let’s aim for later, shall we?_ “We should get ready now.”

With an approving round of nods, everyone formed a circle around the table they had been sitting at, taking each other’s hands while following Hyungwon’s instructions. Once their connection was physically graspable, he could actually feel the energy flowing through their touch like a golden, ever-moving rope – a bright, glowing ribbon that united their bodies and minds, growing from palm to palm … Still, something was missing, one of them was missing. _We’re not 7 yet …_

Hyungwon was reaching out to the energy that the others were offering him, manifested through the watches on their wrists, through motionless pointers and lost numbers. Thick drops of golden light seeped into Hyungwon’s mind and filled the hole in his chest – or at least tried to. Although he knew it wasn’t enough, he was leaning forward, reaching, reaching, reaching out until he could feel the slightest silhouette of Kihyun in the far distance – a figure hidden in veils and veils of fog.

The procedure already started eating away on his powers; he could feel himself fading further away, sinking even deeper into the cracks of time until he would disappear completely. But he couldn’t let go of Kihyun, of his last missing soul part.

Stepping closer to the edge, Hyungwon was leaning over – every fiber of his body pulled apart while all he could do was reach out and hope to be found before losing himself forever. He was tumbling over the abyss … losing balance … his legs floating in the air as he fell.

The bond was not broken yet, the others remained by his side; he was pulling them with him into the groundless well of time. And while falling uncontrollably, his fingertips touched something warm and familiar – _it’s him, the last part missing from my disrupted soul_ – only for a second. For a second, all of them connected with each other; all of them felt completion as it was supposed to be. _This is not for nothing. This is for all of us, every single one._

However, the fulfilling second passed and the gleaming bond returned to its incomplete form, while all of them – palms still touching one another – were only falling now. Hyungwon felt a smile of relief form on his face as exhaustion took over. The experience of being whole, the assurance that none of them would let go of his hand, the presence of Kihyun right behind that foggy veil …

Hyungwon knew that it wasn’t much longer now. He knew that they could make it if he just tried hard enough … but then, parts of his body already felt numb and he was so incredibly tired.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 is finished with this chapter! We're getting there, let's move on to the ✨final suffering✨  
> Okay sorry, but seriously, thanks to everyone reading the story, I hope you'll enjoy the rest of it as well!! :) <3

**Chapter 21**

**(Kihyun), Tue. 07.11.17, Loop**

_This scene keeps repeating_

_And I’m trapped inside._

_There’s not much to feel in here_ , Kihyun thought in between blurring realities, _I keep crashing and I keep dying, reality is a veil and I’m a little doll – fragile, not even existent? …_

The image of his best friend kept fainting with each crash, the color of his dark green sweater, the blond strands of hair, the warm coffee eyes … all washed out like a distant memory, like someone living in another reality.

Kihyun didn’t feel present anymore. The street in front of him was empty, asphalt rushing past behind the windshield. He moved his hand towards the radio, but there wasn’t any music playing, just static noise filling the inside of the car with its hollow cracks. Grey sky above – clouds, crows … so many crows. The steering wheel felt cold beneath his fingers, real and unreal both. His eyes drifted across the street – so empty – and then, the notification of his phone _(is it even my phone?)_ that made him look down to the middle console _(Don’t look down, Kihyun.)_

Every time he lowered his gaze, every time the same mistake, like an unwritten law, like he was trapped in a routine without choice. And every time, he didn’t get to read the message that was lighting up on the phone’s display, that was waiting for him, unanswered.

Although he expected it, the crash came abruptly, devouring him with hungry jaws so greedily. It was the same sequence every time – flashing pictures changing quickly, and he couldn’t escape: He loses control over the vehicle; the car is driving too fast; it crashes; everything hurts, hurts, hurts and then … goes numb; he’s left in deep blackness, a sea of death and nothingness; after losing touch with himself, he suddenly resurfaces. All of this again, again and again.

While now floating in blackness once more, Kihyun could feel something else that hadn’t been there before. It looked like a distant light on the horizon – something far away, out of reach. However, he couldn’t see it. He couldn’t even open his eyes in this state, couldn’t even feel the presence of his body. Still, this … light remained; almost like a golden gleam reaching out for him with bright fingertips. It felt familiar, hopeful even. For a moment, Kihyun knew that he wasn’t alone anymore, that he wasn’t lost or forgotten.

Although his thoughts were sticking to each other like thick drops of honey and he couldn’t quite focus on anything in particular, there was a name manifesting in his mind, only one. Like a haven that he could return to eventually (or for the first time?), it lit up his soul – so … _obvious_?

_Jooheon_.

He found himself in the driver’s seat again. The static of the radio filled his ears with the same frightening routine as the times before. His eyes traveled onto the empty street only that this time, it wasn’t empty, not fully. In the far distance, his gaze focused on a couple of shadows emerging from the horizon like black clouds. Was it the crows sitting on the bare asphalt, searching for food? Was it his imagination playing tricks on him? _Was it the horizon connecting with the sky, bringing them together as one? …_

This time was different indeed. Kihyun could feel himself focus on the details around him more clearly now. The crash was approaching, seconds passing by, but somehow, slower than before. It was almost like back then … _how many days, months, years ago? …_ when he had shared a moment of quiet with the man in the grey suit, the stranger from his backyard that had granted him this strange watch and the possibility to save his best friend’s life.

_Right, that’s why I’m here after all, isn’t it? Because someone needed to take Jooheon’s place, so that he could return to his life._

The moment their hands had touched briefly came back to his mind like the flickering flame of a lit candle – the gaze they shared, Jooheon’s eyes so bright and full of honesty, an unknown sight that Kihyun had never considered, a door he had never entered or even expected to find ajar. _(“Maybe if you weren’t so goddamn blind all the time you would know what’s really going on here!”)_

He could remember it now: _“I’m sorry, but you need to figure this one out on your own, Kihyun”,_ the stranger had told him.

Somehow, he had always been there … In Kihyun’s backyard, on the road on the day of Jooheon’s accident … Memories came raining down on Kihyun and he was holding on to the steering wheel with both hands to not become too overwhelmed by the crashing waves. There was something else that the stranger had said to him; something that gave hope to Kihyun now, making him feel almost relieved: _“Everything is temporary.”_

His mind formed a thought, clear and vibrant as if he was saying those words out loud: _What if I’m not dead yet?_

The rushing sound of the car around him grew louder – or did he just think that? – and his eyes fixated on the shadows again. They were becoming bigger now, more visible. They weren’t clouds or crows … no, those black figures at the end of the street were people walking towards the speeding car. Kihyun didn’t want to gather false hopes but a pile of stones lifted from his chest – _You’re not alone in here!_

As if to confirm his thoughts, a voice echoed through his mind – calm, collected, _familiar_. At the same time, the phone in the middle console of the car started vibrating again, begging to repeat the loop once more. Kihyun could feel his hands reaching down, but then …

“Don’t look at the phone”, the voice urged him. “Jooheon is with me right now. Just don’t look at the phone.” Although there was no one around him, no one in the car with him, Kihyun could hear the voice loud and clear as if the person was speaking right next to his ear.

_Jooheon?_ His hand froze in the movement as he could feel his heartbeat fasten. _He’s alive? He’s not the one texting me? He’s_ here _?_ But then, he already knew, didn’t he? The stranger with his grey suit and black eyes had told him: _“It has to be 7”,_ just like the odd text message that he had received from his best friend’s phone right after he had died. _If Joo is alive, was he the one who sent the message? Was it him all along?_

Kihyun couldn’t grasp the concept of time anymore, it seemed impossible. His thoughts hurried into one another; his _real_ life – his parents, the job at the company, pressures of his future … – was so far away in that moment that he wondered whether any of it was really important to him in the first place.

Kihyun didn’t understand what was happening to him; he didn’t know the stranger, but he found comfort in his voice; he felt the golden touch still lingering in the air and the approaching shadows in the distance gave him a feeling of safety. The one thing that seemed to convince him to listen to the voice’s command, however, was Jooheon’s involvement in all of this.

_If he sent that message, if he’s_ here _, I’ll trust him. I don’t care what it takes or if I’m egoistic at that, but I need to see him again. I need to tell him …_

His hand was still hovering above the middle console with the phone, only that there wasn’t a phone; perhaps there never had been one in the first place.

_If Joo is the one texting me, his phone can’t be here, can it? …_

Kihyun closed his eyes and focused on the voice’s request, on Jooheon’s brown eyes and the sound of his laugh on a careless day at the beach. With a hammering heart, he felt his chest tighten with tension – What would happen next? When the stranger could talk to him and Jooheon was really with him, could he then talk to his best friend as well?

Time around him slowed down further as he was stalling for another couple of seconds. Kihyun wondered what had held him back for so long; what had hindered him each time he had crashed before. There had to be more to it. And there was.

When he opened his eyes, looking around in the car, he suddenly wasn’t alone anymore. But none of the familiar shadow figures were sitting next to him now, no. Those people were different … dressed in all black, cold expressions – one of them in the passenger’s seat, two of them in the backseats.

To Kihyun’s surprise, time really had slowed down; the outside world was still a blur – trees and sky melting into each other – but everything came to a hold, crawling on but frozen at the same time. Kihyun felt the sudden shudder on his back – an intuition, a warning almost – while the world around him, the trap that devoured him again and again, lost all color.

He felt himself turn around, startled by the eerie company. “Who the hell are you?” And there it was, returning to his throat like the fleeting stroke of a bird’s wing: his voice.

“We’re special agents from the Dimensional Rebuilding and Monitoring Agency, known as DRAMA. It’s our job to supervise time-traveling activities of any sort and secure the safety of each dimension and timeline.” The low voice was booming through the car as two black, hollow holes were staring right at Kihyun, devouring him threateningly. “We have to shut down this loop, it’s not authorized by the government.”

_A loop?_ , Kihyun wondered mindlessly. _Not authorized?_ But then, it made sense to him as well. He was reliving the accident – Jooheon’s accident –; he had taken his best friend’s place … he was trapped in a never-ending nightmare that the stranger had sent him to. And now they’ve come to help him out? No … not those men in front of him. Danger exuded from them, a threat, a notion to not trust them with anything – it was like the passenger’s seat was occupied by a dark aura, something that Kihyun needed to get away from as soon as possible.

“Shut down?”, he heard his own voice again. “Can you even do that?”

“We can and we are obligated to do so”, the man answered – words leaving his lips without any emotion in them as if he was reading instructions from a manual. “Unfortunately, you will die. There is no way for you to return to the real world.”

_I will die? That does mean I’m not dead yet. What about the stranger’s words? The shadows on the horizon and the voice from before? Joo is here, isn’t he? Just like the others … 6 of them. 6, because I’m number 7._

Kihyun could feel his head surface again, his lungs filling with air and realization. The stranger’s mission was gleaming back at him now like his own reflection in a mirror. He had given Kihyun the watch to free Jooheon from his loop, however, not both of them had returned, only one. Kihyun had so eagerly taken his best friend’s place, not one second of hesitation … Still, now Kihyun was the one stuck in here without any possibility to leave.

What was it about loops? … _“Everything is temporary.”_

The stranger had put his trust in Kihyun, helping him to save his best friend and understand his feelings for the first time in years. Now that he could feel their presence – and it wasn’t just one but 6 in total –, Kihyun _knew._ 7 faces, including mine? The man in the grey suit a part of them, just like Jooheon and …? Why did he suddenly know their names? Why did he feel them as part of himself when he had never met them before? …

“But Hyungwon …”, Kihyun blurted out in confusion, raising his head in surprise as he realized that he had said the words out loud.

The scary, black-suited man next to him frowned at him as if Kihyun had just shared a valuable piece of information. “What did you just say?”, he demanded angrily, clearly impatient with Kihyun’s confusion.

“Nothing.” Kihyun shook his head; he panicked, looking around and trying to change the topic. _I don’t have a good feeling about this, I shouldn’t tell them any names or any information in general._ “Why is everything so slow all of a sudden?”, he asked instead. “I’m gonna crash any second now.”

But Kihyun realized it was already too late. The man ignored his question and brought a hand up to his earpiece, talking to someone whose voice Kihyun couldn’t understand. “He’s here”, the agent reported as his jaw tensed slightly. “Chae Hyungwon and his recruits as well.”

Confusion took over Kihyun. Who were these people? Why were they able to appear in this loop out of nowhere? What kind of technologies did they use? And why were they after Hyungwon and _his recruits_? _Am I one of them?_

Before he could process any of the events happening in the next couple of seconds, Kihyun’s gaze focused on the empty street behind the windshield; only that this time, the street wasn’t empty. The shadow figures at the side of the road had grown bigger, gained color and contour. One of them was now running onto the open street, towards the speeding car. In a moment of shock and disbelief, Kihyun just stared at the blond head of hair, the dark green wool sweater … There wasn’t a doubt, it was Jooheon.

His heart skipped a beat – the feeling of running over a cliff, not looking down, not scared, just ready to fly. _He’s alive. Joo is alive. He’s really here. But what the hell is he doing? He’s running right in front of the car …_

Kihyun wanted to yell at him: _What are you doing, you idiot! Stop right there! The car will hit you!_ But his throat felt dry and tied. His surroundings were still moving in slow motion, so Kihyun could actually see every single one of Jooheon’s steps and the determination on his face as if he had made a choice right there. He seemed to yell something as well; his lips were parting slowly, his arms came up in the air, and then, Kihyun was hit by dark brown eyes – coffee, promises, years of friendship. _Again._

“Jooheon, you can’t stop him!”, the stranger’s voice echoed through Kihyun’s head one more time, so close and distant both. But he wasn’t a stranger, was he? _His name is Hyungwon._ “No! Jooheon, WAIT!”

A flood of noise broke loose after Hyungwon had yelled after Jooheon. Several voices shouting, talking over one another – loud, so loud, too loud.

Kihyun brought his hands up to his face, covering his ears, trying to block out the sudden uproar emerging from the inside of his head, hammering and scratching relentlessly. He wanted to focus on just one of them, on his best friend. So he tried to break through the mesh of voices layering over each other, pushing words away like thick twigs and branches blocking his way.

It took a few seconds to find Jooheon’s voice in the jungle of noise, but eventually, he reached him. The other voices faded into the background until only Jooheon’s words remained. He was repeating them over and over again – a warm and familiar sound, but this time, demanding something with a pressing tone: “…sh. You have … one more time.”

Kihyun pushed his hands down on his ears more firmly now, reaching out to his best friend, trying to understand his request.

“Crash!”, Jooheon was yelling while waving his arms. “You have to crash one more time!”

_Is this a joke?_ , was Kihyun’s first thought as he kept staring out of the windshield, falling into brown eyes. They were only serious, demanding trust once more.

Kihyun’s hands came down on the steering wheel – this time, he had control over the car; he didn’t lose to the invisible phone waiting so impatiently in the middle console. _I can decide on my own again. I’m me, I’m in control …_

“You need to stop the vehicle”, the man in the black suit ordered from the passenger’s seat. “ _Immediately_.”

But Kihyun yanked the steering wheel to the right so that the car moved abruptly, flinging everyone in it into the opposite direction. A third hand appeared between his own – it was the agent trying to take over the car, to stop it and _shut down the loop and kill me in the process._

The other two men in the backseat seized Kihyun from behind, trying to restrain his arms and take away the opportunity to decide, to be in control over his own body. Kihyun couldn’t let this happen; he couldn’t disappoint his best friend. This wasn’t how everything was going to end … _not like this._ And there wasn’t much time left so once more, Kihyun decided to act.

He stomped his foot down on the gas pedal as hard as he could while his arms were being pulled back from the steering wheel. He couldn’t resist the agents’ grips any longer, but that didn’t matter because the car was already speeding up further. In fact, it was now headed straight towards the side of the road where a few trees kept floating from left to right, left to right, left to right …

“For fuck’s sake”, his own voice cut through the rushing noise of the speeding car; it didn’t even sound like his own, “I hope this works.”

Although he had no idea how this was supposed to end without him dying, drowning and surfacing again, he didn’t have a choice either. Those agents had cornered him; they were three against one …

Once more, his mind seemed to object: _You’re not alone in here!_

The golden gleam in the distance, the bright fingertips reaching out to him … they were still there. Now that the shadow figures had regained their identities, Kihyun could feel them attached to him. The voices were calling him; an invisible force was pulling him out on the open road.

The trees came nearer and nearer. The agents were yelling at him, but Kihyun couldn’t seem to understand any of it. It was his only choice. Their grips tightened around his arms and then the rest of his body. He could feel pain. But he wasn’t on his own anymore. Jooheon was asking for his trust. _(It has to be 7!)_

Kihyun’s last thought before the car crashed into the swaying trees at the side of the road was a clear one – a stone thrown with full force into an unmoving lake.

( _Splat!)_

Wasn’t this ironic in a way? Why wasn’t he more afraid about this? When he had sacrificed himself so eagerly for his best friend, Kihyun had entered a maze of possibility. There were many exits – he could feel them lingering around –, however, he found himself destined to walk only one path, again and again. Knowing the outcome of his tragic journey, knowing that he was free to choose another direction now … all he could do was fall back into those habits tying him to Jooheon. Pain, ignorance, death … Kihyun had accepted them all. Again, he had decided without hesitation to follow Jooheon’s request. Was it trust? Was it recklessness?

_Here I am once more, trapped in a scene that keeps repeating. But if I can’t leave with my best friend, I won’t leave at all._

Reaching out to the shadow figures at the sides of the road, Kihyun started yelling at the top of his lungs. Soundlessly, the words filled his mind like big balloons, like a growing speech bubble all around him. He didn’t know whether Jooheon could actually hear him: “I’m so sorry about everything, Joo … I’m so sorry …”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say, I feel really bad for putting both Jooheon and Kihyun through so much shit all the time, it kind of just ... happened? (Stop the sacrificing, guys!!!)  
> I know I say this a lot but I'm very sorry, I just love drama ok :(
> 
> Trigger Warnings: Death/Dying, Car crash

**PART 4**

_This scene is going towards the end,_

_Now it makes sense._

* * *

**Chapter 22**

**(Jooheon), Tue. 07.11.17, Loop**

_I’m a lost wanderer_

The sight of the empty street embraced Jooheon abruptly like a long-lost memory … the open field … the trees at the side of the road, nodding with the quiet breeze of the windy day. The clouds were back now as well – a bright blanket above that disguised the current time with its veil of grey. Jooheon knew that it was the place of Kihyun’s accident. But there was more to it. He had been here before, on his own … in his dream, perhaps? No, Hyungwon had already revealed that something about his plan had gone wrong. Kihyun wasn’t supposed to be trapped in this loop, reliving his death again and again; Kihyun wasn’t the one who was supposed to die, Jooheon was.

_(“You’re the driver … from the news. You …”)  
(“You’re right, Jooheon died.”)_

Since Hyungwon had shown up in his life, Jooheon had been suspicious of his plan. After all, he didn’t know the slightest thing about time travel. Everything that he had learned in the last 24 hours was still very new and confusing and a lot to process. He had decided to follow Hyungwon and his requests – mostly because this man had saved his life and offered him the chance to see Kihyun again, to bring him back. Strangely, now that they had traveled to the loop together – the 6 of them finally united –, something about Jooheon’s suspicion towards the mysterious stranger and his other ‘recruits’ had changed. He could feel it very clearly between all of them. A golden bond connecting them invisibly, palms reaching out and pulling him closer, _trust_.

The car – _his_ car – was approaching from the end of the street only seconds after they had emerged in this strange prison of time – a fingerprint on the horizon growing bigger with each passing second. And paralyzed by a flood of memories, Jooheon could simply stand at the side of the road, staring at the familiar vehicle that brought back moments of closeness, moments of laughter and confession.

_Yes, I’ve been here before,_ he thought, finally able to completely admit. _I knew … all this time I knew that it should’ve been me._

His best friend was sitting behind the steering wheel, the bright red color of his sweater was indication enough. However, Jooheon couldn’t actually see Kihyun’s face through the reflecting light on the glass of the windshield. A flight of crows was passing by the grey clouds above, bringing back another pile of memories – tumbling, tumbling, tumbling …

_2 years ago. The shadow on the street. I told Kihyun it was a cat that I almost hit, but it was him, wasn’t it? A stranger with a black umbrella. Hyungwon._

Jooheon turned his head to check on his travel companions, perhaps looking for confirmation (or encouragement). He wanted to ask Hyungwon himself, needed to hear the truth out loud. But the chance was lost before Jooheon could even seize it. Hyungwon collapsed onto his knees right next to him. There was no time to pose or answer questions anymore.

Exhaustion was in control of Hyungwon’s expression and gave his features a sickly glow. Sweat was covering his forehead and he was breathing heavily as if he had been running for some time; his face twisted in pain while he was holding his chest. Shownu was the first one to react; he kneeled down next to him, placing his hands on Hyungwon’s sunken shoulders, asking him soundless questions with eyes soaked in concern. _What’s wrong all of a sudden? What happened to you?_

There, Jooheon could sense it again, their … _bond_? Golden, full of light, strong. An odd feeling of comfort and sentimentality, something that completed him in parts he didn’t know he had been missing.

“We have to stick to the plan”, Hyungwon yelled at them, strained voice, grunting in pain. “We need to get Kihyun out of here.” It seemed to break through the shock that all of them had just experienced – the sudden change of locations, traveling to another dimension, that invisible ribbon holding them all together now …

Jooheon’s gaze shifted back to the approaching car but to his surprise, there was more than one person visible through the windshield. “There’s someone else with Kihyun in the car”, he exclaimed, panic filling his voice. He was looking at the others for help and they were turning their attention towards the car now as well.

_This doesn’t seem right. Something is off._

As if to confirm his premonition, Changkyun’s voice was rising above the others, confirming the identity of the other people in the car with Kihyun: “Fuck, _hounds_!”

“I guess that wasn’t part of the plan?”, Minhyuk asked nervously. He was staring at Hyungwon, who was coughing and grunting in pain while Shownu supported him with his arms so that he could get up from the ground again. However, before Hyungwon could answer, Jooheon felt a sudden change in the atmosphere around them. Time seemed to slow down, affecting the approaching car’s movements as well as their own. His body was growing heavier – almost as if he was trying to free himself from quicksand; there was no use to struggle against it.

“DRAMA slowed the loop”, Hyungwon said, clearly unaffected by the slow-motion surrounding them; his voice was still strained by whatever pain he was currently battling but he was able to talk and move at normal speed unlike everyone else. “In my current state it won’t affect me, but we don’t have much time. Change of plans … again.” His mouth twisted in what appeared to be a weak smile. “The hounds already got to him, so we need Kihyun to gain control over the car. He needs to break out of this repetition on his own because we won’t be able to reach him in time in this state.”

Jooheon couldn’t move his lips to ask the simple question, however, it formed in his mind, reaching out to the others: “Why?”

“If we can’t get to him, the hounds will take him away and we’re gonna be stuck in here. Or they will shut down the loop completely and all of this would’ve been for nothing”, Hyungwon answered, still leaning against Shownu since he wasn’t strong enough to stand on his own. His eyes met Jooheon’s in a silent request just like back at the gym: _Please._

But all that Jooheon could think about at the moment was Kihyun. Kihyun who was sitting in that approaching car, _alive._ Jooheon would finally be able to save his best friend if he acted, _now._ He was so close to getting Kihyun back now, to make up for the fate that he was trapped in and that wasn’t even his own.

_I owe it to him. If I can’t save him, I will never be able to save myself._

With a thought that crucial – not even a spark of hesitation –, Jooheon turned around towards the open street and started moving forward, trying to run as fast as the paralyzing slow motion around him allowed. Ironically, it suited the emotions bubbling up in his chest. In a way, that’s how he had always felt around Kihyun, wasn’t it? Ready to rush forward, fully determined to give his all, but never able to express himself properly, never able to reach his best friend, not in the way Jooheon secretly wished to – both of them characters in the same book but living on different pages. Not anymore. Not here.

Jooheon tried raising his arms to wave at Kihyun; his hands were cutting through the air slowly, heavily like he was trying to move underwater. Moreover, he could sense Hyungwon’s voice reaching out to him again; this time, it was echoing through Jooheon’s mind like his own question from before: “Jooheon, you can’t stop him!” Then, when Jooheon didn’t react to his warning, Hyungwon became more serious. Now, he was yelling louder than the first time: “No! Jooheon, WAIT!”

But Jooheon couldn’t stop, not when he was this close to seeing Kihyun again. The voice in his head seemed to crack and split into a chaotic bundle of noise – loud, so loud. It wasn’t just Hyungwon anymore who was yelling after him, no, the others had joined him, talking over each other and shouting inaudibly. And they weren’t just talking to Jooheon; they were talking among each other as well, panicked, trying to figure out what was happening around them – a swirl of thoughts underlined by the gleaming bond that tied all of them together.

Again, Jooheon’s intention was clear; there was no turning back for him now. He could see Kihyun behind the windshield. The light shifted and their eyes met for a second. The hounds were with him, probably already planning their next move. There was no other choice than to get Kihyun out of the car … which the hounds would probably be very eager to prevent. They wouldn’t let him leave that easily, unless he took them by surprise …

_He sees me_ , Jooheon thought while his eyes were still hovering on his best friend’s face – familiarity and so many shared memories, someone to return to, home. _He knows I’m here. It’s still him in there. If I can only …_

He raised his voice but his lips wouldn’t move. In his mind, the words dropped to the ground like a rushing waterfall. Kihyun, however, suddenly averted his gaze.

“Crash!”, Joohoen urged him once more with the voice only audible in his head. “You have to crash one more time!”

First, he wasn’t sure whether his best friend had heard him, but when he saw Kihyun yanking the steering wheel to one side while the hounds tried to seize him, Jooheon could almost feel his heart skip a beat. Doubts came raining down on him: _Was it the right decision? Did we make a mistake_? But then, what other choice was there?

The car wasn’t slowing down; on the contrary, it gained speed and was headed right to the side of the road, where the swaying trees were guarding the street. Before it crashed with a loud, strangely distorted noise due to the slow-motion surrounding them, Jooheon could hear Kihyun’s voice echoing through his mind: “I’m so sorry about everything, Joo … I’m so sorry …”

The reality in the loop shifted again, pulling on Jooheon’s limbs, whirling back to its normal atmosphere. Jooheon could move freely again; the wind was brushing harshly over his cheeks and the treetops were reaching up to the grey sky with leafy hands. His gaze trailed off to the side of the road and the smoking car wreck. The crash had broken the slow-motion … _and with it the loop?_

Jooheon was still running, eyes glued to his car that was nothing more than a smoking pile of metal. His steps had finally regained control and speed so that he could feel himself getting closer to his best friend now – faster, faster, _faster_. Something was pulling him towards the car wreck – a gleaming hand reaching out, a bond pulled tightly, leading Jooheon only forward.

When he reached the spot, the smoke was rising up into the air in dark clouds. At first sight, Jooheon couldn’t see any sign of someone sitting in the passenger seat – the hounds had disappeared, or so it seemed. _(Was that the reason why the slow-motion ended so suddenly?)_

Jooheon bent down further to look through the shattered windows, his chest hammering with expectation and horror. And there … his gaze fixated on the only speck of color in all of this chaos. Parts of what seemed to be a red sweater became visible to Jooheon. Someone was stuck inside the vehicle between the steering wheel and the driver’s seat. _Kihyun_.

Jooheon hurried over to the other side while his whole body felt numb. He crouched down once more and could now actually see his best friend’s face behind the cracked window. Kihyun was unconscious, his head was resting against the glass and he was bleeding from a wound right above his temple. But there was something else … A gleaming light was streaming from Kihyun’s presence; Jooheon could feel it hovering close to him so warmly.

Without thinking about it further, Jooheon was already reaching through a small gap in the window where the glass was broken apart. He ignored his shaking fingers and quickly checked his best friend’s pulse, only to feel stones – rocks – lifting from his chest in relief. _He’s alive._

“You really did it”, Jooheon shook his head while mumbling this sentence over and over. His tongue was heavy and he could feel warmth on his cheeks, tears crossing his skin so silently, so suddenly. “How come you never listen to me when I tell you to do something and then the one time you do, it’s crashing a car.” _  
_ Carefully, Jooheon opened the door and grabbed Kihyun under his arms to pull him out of the driver’s seat. He lowered him down on the hard surface of the street, staring at his face as if Kihyun would now open his eyes any second. _He has to._ But he didn’t.

“Ki?” For a moment, Jooheon was taken back to the grey room in the hospital, Kihyun on that stretcher – pale, surreal, _dead._ This time, however, his best friend’s face looked different. Jooheon brushed it with his fingers, scared it would disappear any second. Blood was covering his fingertips. Kihyun didn’t open his eyes.

“ _Kihyun_!”

Kihyun didn’t answer.

Something was wrong. The light, the golden hand pulling Jooheon closer towards his best friend was fading away. With each second that passed, it flickered weakly, burning down like dying embers. It felt like the bond that was holding them all together had suddenly snapped, leaving Jooheon out here on his own, again with his best friend’s lifeless body in front of him, again so very helpless.

“Jooheon!” The voice wasn’t yelling from inside of Jooheon’s head this time. It was Shownu behind him, who now came running towards the car wreck. “What the hell happened?”

Jooheon’s head felt heavy as it moved from his trainer’s worried eyes back to Kihyun in his arms. “I … don’t know”, he heard himself say as if he wasn’t part of his body, as if he was standing next to the three of them, observing with a hole in his chest. “He was breathing, but then …”

Shownu was staring down at Kihyun for a second. “Hyungwon said we’re losing the bond again.” He was still standing so that Jooheon could only see him from the corner of his eyes.

_The bond …_ Jooheon felt the lump in his throat growing. _7 … It has to be 7._ But now, they were only 6 again, weren’t they?

His hands grabbed the soft fabric of Kihyun’s red sweater – tightly … this time, however, not to pull him closer; this time to see whether all of this was real.

“No!” His cheeks felt hot and wet, but Kihyun just didn’t open his eyes. “Wake up, Kihyun! WAKE UP!”

Was this how it was supposed to end? Had they come all this way, sacrificed themselves for one another just for ending up like this, _again_?

_He did all of this because of me. He didn’t even hesitate when I told him to crash again. Why was he so reckless? Did he know that there was no other choice? Or did he really trust me that much? …_

Jooheon was staring at the lifeless expression of the most important person in his life, the person that he was in love with. Tears were blurring his view slightly. He got so close. He had seen him again – _alive_ – and still …

“It should’ve been me”, the words were leaving his mouth before he had realized them, just like back in the empty locker room at the gym. Then a second time, louder, bursting from his throat like a confession long overdue: “You hear me, Ki? _It should’ve been me, not you!”_

“Jooheon …” Shownu’s hand came down on his shoulder – a gesture of comfort breaking through Jooheon’s despair, so small but still present.

More footsteps approaching from behind them now. Another voice, urgent – it was Wonho: “We need to do something. _Now_.” He was kneeling down next to Jooheon. “We can’t let him die.”

A tunnel was forming around Jooheon’s vision, his mind was covered in fog. The words were echoing through his head: _We can’t let him die. No, we can’t let him die._ Somehow, these words made Jooheon angry and hopeful both. And for a second, he couldn’t stop himself from snapping back at Wonho: “He’s _not_ gonna die!” _I’m_ not _gonna leave him. Not again._

Wonho’s jaw tensed as he looked up at Shownu, concern parting his face. “Hyungwon is still not strong enough to do it”, he simply said, indicating something else only known between him and Shownu.

Jooheon could feel the hand on his shoulder pressing down more firmly now. “Let me help him”, Shownu said as if asking for permission first.

_How can you help him?,_ Jooheon wanted to answer, but he couldn’t move. The shock was still weighing on him and he couldn’t let go of his best friend either. _Not yet._

Wonho got up from the ground, grasped Jooheon’s arms from behind and started to carefully pull him backwards, away from Kihyun. His movements were cautious, almost friendly as if he wanted to help Jooheon to find his sense of reality again. However, as Jooheon could actually feel his body move, he didn’t want to get up at all. He refused to leave Kihyun out of his sight and risk losing him again. He had to bring him back; he had to …

“We’re on the same side here, dumbass”, Wonho exclaimed as Jooheon started yanking back his arms to free himself from the firm grip. But Wonho was stronger. “Shownu is trying to save him, so MOVE OVER!”

The words cut into Jooheon’s thoughts like a sharp blade, erasing all chaos for a second, making him see clearly again. Freezing in his movements, he stopped resisting immediately, lowered his arms and stepped aside with tumbling legs to let Shownu pass. With a nod of gratitude – _I’ll bring him back, I promise_ –, his trainer kneeled down on the ground, leaning over Kihyun’s body and blocking the sight of it completely.

Jooheon could feel Wonho’s hand around his arm once more and when he turned his head, the dark-haired stranger – the rude outsider snapping at everyone back at the gym – gave him a serious look. “It sucks to see someone you love end up like this. _I know._ ” Black strands of hair were covering his forehead messily, his gaze rough but sincere. “But we need to focus for now or we’ll all end up dead. Did you see the hounds?”

Jooheon nodded briefly and for the first time, started to wonder about the person in front of him. He had seen him around so many times at the gym and always thought of him as impolite and somewhat brooding, but now that he was standing right in front of Jooheon, telling him that he _understood_? … What exactly was this connection hovering between all of them, _“the bond”_ as Shownu had called it? _And why do I feel like what he said is true? Why does Wonho understand me and why do I feel like I understand him as well?_

Before Jooheon could answer properly and tell Wonho about the agents in the car with Kihyun, more footsteps came hurrying down the street. Changkyun and Minhyuk were approaching them now, supporting Hyunwgon between them, who looked even worse than before.

“The hounds”, Changkyun announced out of breath, his face covered in a mixture of tension and concern, “we only got seconds.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

**(Shownu), Tue. 07.11.17, Loop**

_My time stops, I can’t move_

“He’s still breathing”, Shownu exclaimed as he was lifting his head again, still taking Kihyun’s pulse with shaking hands. He turned his head to the others who were all standing gathered around him; everyone’s nerves stretched to the breaking point.

“He’s not gone yet, but we need to hurry”, Hyungwon said, looking at Shownu. His body was shaken by another wave of coughs, twisting his expression in pain.

“What’s wrong with you?”, Wonho then voiced the question on everyone’s mind while looking at Hyungwon. “You weren’t wounded when we left at the coffee shop.”

Hyungwon shook his head, smiling faintly and directing the attention away from him as always. “Don’t worry about me for now.” His black eyes met Shownu’s. “Shownu, can you help Kihyun?”

Shownu could feel 5 worrying gazes resting on him now; Jooheon’s was weighing him down the most. His hands returned to checking Kihyun’s vital signs, feeling his bruises and examining his wounds in a matter of seconds to give them a truthful answer. Shownu knew it already, he didn’t have a choice. Of course, he would try to save him; perhaps he was just scared of opening the door of his abilities again, of bursting through and failing miserably.

“So?” It was Jooheon’s voice, soaked with impatience.

Shownu frowned at the man in the red sweater beneath him. He was severely wounded, bleeding visibly on several body parts and he probably suffered from broken bones and internal bleedings as well. It certainly wasn’t easy to fix him, but … _All that training that my Dad forced on me and that I complained about when I was a kid because I’d rather wanted to learn how to fight … It comes in handy after all. At least I hope it does._

“I can help him”, Shownu said with a nod, turning around to face the others. “But it will take a while.”

At the far end of the road, 3 men appeared in a white flash – black suits, dark hair …

“Well, we don’t have a while”, Changkyun commented while staring back at the black figures emerging on the horizon – they had spotted the 7 of them now, approaching them with hammering footsteps.

“Help him!”, Hyungwon demanded, holding his body and letting go of Minhyuk to his right. “Whatever happens, you have to help him, Shownu. We’re gonna try and hold off the hounds to give you some time.”

“ _We_?” Minhyuk sounded terrified. “How are we supposed to do that?”

“I’m staying with Kihyun”, Jooheon stated with a tumbling voice, still trying to process everything that had just happened. “I’m not gonna leave him again.”

Shownu knew that they didn’t have time for this. Everyone was talking over one another, trying to find the best solution for this horrifying situation. Shownu, however, concentrated on Kihyun in front of him. He closed his eyes, breathing calmly to regain his focus. When he opened them again, he was falling right into the red color of Kihyun’s sweater – something to hold on to, something vibrant and visible to use as an anchor.

The voices behind him faded into the distance more and more as if a bell jar was lowering down right above him and Kihyun, drowning out the world for a while. The pain in Kihyun’s body was clearly visible to Shownu now as well – fine and thicker lines pulsating through him like a warm river, ever-moving, still alive.

_I can do this,_ he thought, he knew. _I can help him._

Then, with the touch of a hand on his shoulder, the bell jar fainted and Shownu was coming back to the open street, to the car wreck and the others standing around him in a half-circle. It was Wonho who was leaning down to him, lowering his voice so that only Shownu could understand what he was saying right next to his ear: “Are you sure you’re fine with this? He’s asked a lot of you already.”

_He?_ Of course, Shownu knew what Wonho was talking about: _Hyungwon …_ Still, he had never lost the feeling of trust towards his new student. He wasn’t a stranger anymore … _Perhaps he never was in the first place._

“We don’t exactly have options here, Wonho”, Shownu answered while looking up at his friend, his brother. They shared a moment of concern, honesty, trust. Then, Wonho squeezed his shoulder in a last, comforting gesture, before stepping in between the others again.

“We have to move now”, Changkyun said pressingly while looking back at the approaching hounds. Only seconds had passed and still, everything seemed to be moving faster than before – a timer counting down like Shownu’s watch in the lost dimension.

“I can try and guard you and Kihyun”, Hyungwon groaned while carefully sitting down next to Shownu on the ground. “But I don’t have much strength left.” He was still holding his body, looking incredibly tired, almost like a fading painting.

For a second, Shownu’s memories returned to the night at the gym, when Hyungwon had remained uninjured during the accident in their training session. It was obvious that something had changed for him now, something he wasn’t ready to reveal yet. However, Hyungwon gathered his powers once more – his face twisted in pain as he tried to hide his aching – and pressed his hands down on the rough surface of the asphalt beneath them. Energy was rushing through the ground in a brief but powerful movement. With a grunt, Hyungwon wiped the sweat from his face. “We’re guarded for now. The hounds can’t see us in here.”

“But we can still see you”, Wonho mentioned doubtingly. “I don’t think it worked.”

A half-smile tugged at Hyungwon’s lips as he looked up at Wonho. “It did work, believe me. I’m not that useless yet.” Another cough was shaking through his chest. “We’re able to see each other because of the bond. It will give Shownu the time he needs.”

All of them shared a moment of silence – _I feel the connection, it’s not gone yet, Kihyun is not gone yet_.

“Wait”, Minhyuk tossed in anxiously. “What am I supposed to do? It’s not like I have any idea on how to defend myself. I’ve never been in a fight before.”

“Not even that one time, when you got chased by the neighbor’s dog and climbed up that tree?”, Changkyun replied mockingly.

Minhyuk stared at him in shock. “You remember this?”

Changkyun shrugged. “You don’t?”

“Sorry to interrupt”, Wonho added impatiently while rolling his eyes, “but I think the option of running away just got canceled out.” He nodded towards the street where the hounds had almost reached them now. Shownu could now see them in more detail – the firm expressions on their faces, their threatening postures and auras … however, they didn’t carry any weapons, which made Shownu even more suspicious. He could feel his heartbeat fasten.

_What if they’ve seen us already? What if Hyungwon’s shield doesn’t work and they will spot us right away?_

The touch of a hand on his arm made Shownu turn his head away from the approaching agents. “They won’t see us”, Hyungwon promised reassuringly, “But you have to hurry.”

Shownu nodded at his friend while returning his attention to Kihyun in front of him.

_All those years of turning my back on time travel and the things that my father taught me. In a way, did I leave him behind as well? Is this my way of proving myself? Of repaying him and his legacy?_

The words of his father – days before he died – came back to Shownu now. He hadn’t thought about them in a long time, hadn’t allowed them to trouble him. The image of his dying father – weak, sickness eating away on him – was something he had banished from his mind completely, for his own good … no, it wasn’t as selfless as that, was it?

_“Even if traveling will be dangerous and forbidden your whole life, you shouldn’t turn away from it completely, Hyunwoo.”_

Then, another memory struck him like a bolt of lightning, something his father had told him when he was still very young, something he hadn’t fully understood back then: _“Those people don’t understand the true value of traveling. They’re just trying to control it for their own profit while exploiting others so shamelessly …”_

Back then, Shownu had wondered what his father had been talking about. He loved to lecture his son on every topic Shownu could think of, but this was different. _Those people … DRAMA._

_What if my father traveled so much because he didn’t want to give in to a corrupt organization like this? The reason why he opened that gym, why he taught me and so many others to use their powers properly … His intentions were always clear and still, not at all clear to me because I was so busy with my own anger and grief._

To make time travel possible for others, to turn it into a helpful technology instead of using it to gain profit and power. Wasn’t it, in a way, what Wonho was doing to help his mother? If there was a possibility to get rid of the side effects caused by extensive traveling, Wonho wouldn’t have gotten sick. And DRAMA was in possession of these technologies … Shownu didn’t even dare to imagine how much power their organization already held after all the time they had to grow in secret.

Shownu closed his eyes and reached out to the blue ball of light hovering somewhere deep inside of him. Just like before in his apartment, he could feel himself connect with it once more – a natural feeling, stepping across the doormat and returning to a home that had stayed abandoned for too long. Energy that had stayed hidden for the last couple of years; energy that Wonho had used too much of and still, not quite because Shownu’s source of light was different, had always been different.

“You’ve always been different from the others”, Hyungwon answered from beside him, placing his hand on Shownu’s arm again, the smile in his voice clearly recognizable. “Because you’ve learned to make use of your source of light. It’s impressive, actually.”

His father’s words returning to him once more …

( _“You are special, though you might not think of it that way.”)_

( _“You’ve got a gift, Hyunwoo. You’re able to reach out further than anyone else.”)_

… like this part was calling for him …

… as if it was necessary to connect with it in order to be … full, _complete_ …

Shownu opened his eyes; he was looking over to the man in the grey suit, the stranger, the student, his friend. “How do you …?”

Hyungwon was still smiling faintly, touching his chest with the hand that wasn’t connected to the ground. “Remember? There are parts of my soul within all of you. Except it’s not just me now. It’s all of you and therefore, all of us.”

Shownu raised his head at the others standing outside of the shield that Hyungwon had created. The bond was there – it was reaching out to every single one of them: Wonho, Changkyun, Minhyuk … It was also reaching out to Kihyun on the ground and to Jooheon, who was clutching his best friend’s hand tightly … Finally, it was reaching out to Hyungwon and to Shownu himself, connecting all of them together like an unspoken agreement, like a constellation of stars on the nightly sky, creating a space only accessible to them.

Seconds had passed while all of this was rushing over Shownu in a wave of realization. The hounds had come to a hold now, facing the others in equal numbers.

_All of them carry a piece of Hyungwon. A piece that eventually became their own. Just like my piece became the blue ball of energy inside of me._ His hands came down on the red fabric of Kihyun’s sweater as Shownu closed his eyes once more. _They are playing their part while I have to play mine. And you have to play yours as well, Kihyun._

He could feel both of their energies connecting – Kihyun reaching out and grabbing the rescuing hand that Shownu was offering him silently. Warmth. Familiarity. The golden bond pulling them towards each other.

_Are you a stranger, Kihyun? Are you someone I’ve met before?_ But then, did it matter now?

Shownu was directing his silent voice – the one only audible in his mind – towards Kihyun, while blue light was pouring right down into his body, filling the thick and thin lines of his pain, mending them back together, bringing cool relief.

“All that matters now is that you stay alive”, Shownu thought while the words echoed through his mind towards the other source of light right ahead of him. “Because we need you.”

Then, loudly, moving his lips and squinting his eyes further together, Shownu voiced another request while the blue light was flowing on steadily: “You gotta stay alive, you hear me, Kihyun?” The soft fabric of Kihyun’s sweater felt vibrant beneath his palms, the red color something to hold on to, an anchor.

Shownu was exhausted already, he was out of practice and the pressure of responsibility was weighing heavily on his shoulders. However, stopping, giving up on their last choice (giving up on his father’s faith in him) wasn’t an option here. Shownu’s concentration remained unbroken as he kept pouring the part of him that was Hyungwon – that was Changkyun, Minhyuk, Jooheon, Wonho, Kihyun and himself – into the person beneath him, fighting death that was trying to get a hold of Kihyun once more. _No, not this time_.

“Come on”, Shownu was breathing heavily, well aware of Jooheon’s eyes watching his every move. “Stay with me …” There was only the color red left to focus on, only the river of pain, ceasing, ceasing, ceasing … only his hands on Kihyun’s chest as Shownu was lowering down to check his vital signs again. “We have to be 7, there’s no other option here.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, this made me emotional!! (I do love the last sentence a lot)
> 
> Trigger Warnings: violence, mentions of torture

**Chapter 24**

**(Wonho), Tue. 07.11.17, Loop**

_No way, not funny._

The 3 identical-looking men in black suits stopped in their tracks a couple of feet apart from where Wonho, Changkyun and Minhyuk were now standing. The 6 of them were facing each other directly as the tension between them kept growing with each passing second. Wonho felt strangely focused in that moment – the headache that had been his constant painful companion was gone; in fact, it had stopped the moment all of them had entered the loop, the moment that they had been 7 … united in the same place. However, something was wrong. The hounds in front of them – the unreadable masks that had taken over their faces – weren’t even busying themselves with a possible attack. They didn’t draw any weapons, their figures simply calm, unmoving rocks, silence before an approaching storm.

_Why are they stopping?_ Wonho could feel his jaw tense as he kept staring from one agent to the next. _Why are they not trying to kill us?_

His memory returned to the dark, moldy cell that he had been trapped and tortured in. Those people were dangerous, emotionless killers. The void in their black eyes, the branding iron pressing down on Wonho’s bare skin, the knife cutting through his flesh like it was nothing more than a thin piece of paper …

_I would’ve died down there. They would’ve tortured me until I would’ve bled out or starved. Life doesn’t matter to them unless it is useful for their organization … and even then it means nothing._

The breach in their behavior – their sudden calmness in contrast to the aggressive interrogation back in the lost dimension – made Wonho suspicious, nervous almost. The fact that the hounds weren’t pointing any guns at them now didn’t rule out the possibility that they were carrying weapons nevertheless. They would’ve been naïve to show up to this without their little torture instruments … Wonho had to prepare himself for a fight. However, his muscles tensed nervously as he tried to think about all the outcomes of this situation, of their options and chances.

_It’s 3 against 3, but they are probably superior in their technologies and weapons … besides, Minhyuk said he doesn’t know how to fight at all … Changkyun is definitely the more reliable person here; he saved me in the lost dimension, and he knows what he’s doing, but still … if they decide to shoot us right on the spot, even Changkyun’s and my skills combined won’t help much. We can only try and play on time here._

“So”, the agent in the middle suddenly raised his voice, cracking a small, threatening smile with his lips, “Chae really managed to get all of you together.”

When he didn’t receive an answer right away, his smile grew a bit wider. “I’m sure you’re looking for these.” His hand reached into the pocket of his trousers and Wonho could feel his muscles tense again, expecting them to draw a gun any second. In the corner of his eyes, he could see Changkyun react the same way. However, the agent didn’t pull out a gun from his pocket; instead, he revealed the 2 missing silver watches, now dangling from his hand like a metronome.

Strangely, Wonho recognized _his_ watch immediately; he didn’t have to read the engraving on the back or look at it up close, the connection was clear and visible to him. _Mine._

He could feel Minhyuk on his left tensing up as well – Could he sense his watch, too? Were his memories now fully coming back to him? _The anxious voice through the gap in the wall …_

“There’s 2 options that you have here”, the hound announced threateningly. “Just tell us where the others are because I don’t like to play hide and seek. You help us and we help you to get out of here since you’ve obviously been manipulated by Chae. We’ll make you forget about this little adventure, so all of us can move on with our lives.” His devouring eyes settled on Changkyun to Wonho’s right. “Wouldn’t that be the best option for you, Changkyun? Or do you want to go back to the lost dimension on your own?”

Changkyun ignored the hound’s taunting, his face unreadable but still tense. “And what’s the second option?”

Another smile spread across the agent’s face, it didn’t even reach his eyes. “Instead of shutting down the loop, we could leave you in here. And this time make sure that none of you will get out again.”

“I think we’ll pass”, Changkyun scoffed, his voice drowning in contempt for the people across from them. _Shells of people_ _at_ _best_.

“You have something that belongs to _us_ ”, Wonho added harshly, staring at the enemy in front of him – the people who had captured and tortured him as if he was nothing more than a piece of flesh, barely useful to their mission. “You should give them back.”

“Those?” Black, hollow eyes fixated Wonho mockingly while the hound raised the watches in his hand; a cold, bitter sound emerged from his throat – a sound of laughter and condescendence. “I’m sure that’s what Chae told you. But those watches belong to DRAMA. He stole the prototype in order to break out of his own loop that he was trapped in for a reason. He failed and betrayed the organization and has to live with the consequences.” A click of his tongue and the agent’s gaze slowly traveled across all of their faces. “He basically used you to get out of there. All he cares about is saving himself. He’s probably in a lot of pain right now, isn’t he?”

After another second, the 2 black holes returned to Wonho. “That’s because his time is running out. If he can’t bring you to save Kihyun, he won’t survive himself.”

In a moment of doubt, Wonho couldn’t prevent those words from sinking into his mind and spreading their roots. He had to stay focused, but then … Hyungwon’s sudden change of condition had made him wonder since they had arrived here. Back at the coffee shop, he didn’t mention anything about this trip affecting his health either … Were those agents really telling the truth?

_Is that why Hyungwon had tried to stop Jooheon from getting to Kihyun before? Why he was so persistent about Shownu helping Kihyun? … So he could survive on his own?_

It was shocking how well those pieces fit together and how selfish Hyungwon’s intentions now seemed after all … All this time, he had insisted on them being 7, on helping each other and sharing a bond … _But he never revealed the true intentions of his plan … He kept his own condition a secret, perhaps because he knew that we would be suspicious?_

However, if all of this was true and Hyungwon’s intentions weren’t as selfless as he had pretended in the first place … why did Wonho suddenly _believe_ in the fact that they had to be 7 eventually? Ever since they had entered the loop, something had changed about his opinion, something deeply rooted inside of his chest, something that was only connected to that golden ribbon that was emerging (so vibrant! so bright!) all around him, and that connected him to the others and their pain as well. It was a strong feeling, overwhelming almost, one that Wonho had never experienced as intensely before, one that he only held for his mother … _family._

“I’m getting impatient now. What will it be?”, the man with the black suit and black eyes on the right side was asking now; a menacing smile tugged his lips upwards and turned his expression into an evil mask; his eyes were set on Wonho. “We could also take you back to your cell and ask you a few more questions.”

“We’re not going anywhere.” It was Minhyuk’s voice that cut through the air before Wonho could answer. “I don’t care what you tell us about Hyungwon. He helped all of us and if it’s our turn now to help him, we’ll do that.”

For a second, Wonho was stunned by Minhyuk’s confidence and the determination in his words. Was it really the same anxious person as back in the cell? His voice sounded so different now, more alive.

_Strangely, I feel the same way._ The suspicions and doubts that the hounds had tried to sow earlier were ceasing now. _Although I’ve known the majority of these people only for a short amount of time, I feel like there’s something we’re all missing out on … Some part of a story that is still left to reveal itself …_

The agents didn’t seem impressed by Minhyuk’s words. The one in the middle was eyeing him with an annoyed gaze, like he was staring down at someone beneath his standards. “I didn’t think you had it in you to come back like this after we got rid of all those noisy memories for you.” His lip trembled as if he was trying to suppress a wave of anger; then, his black holes shifted to Changkyun. “Apparently some of them were just _too_ noisy.”

Changkyun, however, answered with a bright, hollow smile. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

It seemed to be the last drop that was added to the already full glass, causing it to brim over. In a simultaneous movement, all three of the hounds were reaching for their belts under their jackets, revealing their guns and pointing them at Wonho, Minhyuk and Changkyun.

Wonho cursed a few times in his head; he had just been waiting for this to happen. However, part of him was convinced that Hyungwon would have another ace up his sleeve. _We tried to buy you time. Now hurry up and prove that you weren’t lying all along._

A moment of tension passed – everyone was moving abruptly, bringing themselves in position. The silence that was following was weighing heavily on Wonho’s shoulders, realization – drop by drop: They had no chance against the armed agents across from them.

For a second, Wonho was convinced that he could hear the pointers of the watches ticking in the agent’s hand – _Click, click, click. It’s over, over, over_ – but then, it was probably just his imagination playing tricks on him in a moment of hopelessness.

_Are we going to die like this? Shot in the head by those assholes in suits? Our bodies dumped somewhere in the lost dimension, no traces left?_

There was a gun pointed at each one of them now. The black barrel chose Wonho like an accusing black finger and the muzzle was staring back at him like one infinite, merciless eye – in a way, like the eyes of those hounds … a never-ending void, something robbed of all color and life. It wasn’t a sight that Wonho hadn’t faced before. People had threatened to kill him countless times, had pushed the cold end of the gun against his temple … this time, however, was different. This time – to his own surprise – he was actually scared to die. He wasn’t simply scared about what would happen to his mother; he was scared for himself, his own life. _How odd._

Wonho felt his eyes close – _So reckless,_ he thought briefly, _so stupidly naïve –_ and while he was waiting for the bang of the guns, for the pain to suddenly appear somewhere on his body, the simple blackness that would silence everything once and for all … he could sense something else (so vibrant! so bright!) all around him now.

The ribbon, the golden touch that connected the 7 of them lit up again – like a bolt of lightning crawling across the nightly sky, like the relieving first breath of _I’ve made it!_ while breaking through the ocean’s surface after a long dive. The gleaming palm was wiping across Wonho’s fear, clearing his sight from all those foggy concerns. No, there was no need to be scared anymore. No one was going to die here today.

_Somehow, everything will be okay. Everything will work out eventually, won’t it?_

Wonho’s eyes fluttered open as if he was waking up from a vivid dream. And in the same moment that he was staring at the hounds again – their fingers reaching for the triggers of their guns – two figures suddenly emerged right behind them in the blink of an eye: Shownu and Hyungwon were standing only a few feet apart from the hounds – firm faces, both of them ready to attack.

_Hyungwon isn’t hurt anymore._ The thought crossed Wonho’s mind like a bird passing by in a fleeting motion. Then, chaos broke loose. A slide show of pictures, seconds tied together while everything was happening at once.

_Did Shownu really do it? Is Kihyun okay? Where is he, then? And what about Jooheon?_

Hyungwon and Shownu stormed at the hounds from behind, attacking them in a moment of surprise, preventing them from shooting their guns. All of this happened in a matter of seconds; two of the agents continued to struggle with Hyungwon and Shownu for control over their guns, while the third agent brought down his arms as well, staring at the attackers with a shocked expression. _That’s our window._

_Now!_

Wonho felt himself rushing forward. In the corner of his eye, Changkyun followed him immediately, both of them now running towards the third hound, before he could direct his attention back to their actual target persons.

Sounds, pictures, movements were melting into one another as Wonho’s eyes met the agent’s gaze, who was staring at him with burning anger. Changkyun was a few steps behind now. _(He wouldn’t make it in time.)_ The hound’s hand shot up again to pull the trigger, but Wonho was faster. With all of his strength, he ran right into the agent, knocking him to the ground while grabbing his arm and pinning it to the ground. He was trying to defend himself, punching Wonho with harsh, skilled hits right into the still fresh wounds and bruises on his stomach. The pain cut through Wonho’s whole body like a never-ending blade, causing his vision to blur. Suddenly, he couldn’t see what was happening around him anymore; his movements were guided by instinct, by those many missions and fights that he had experienced in the last couple of years. His mind went strangely blank; he was still punching the person behind the veil in front of his eyes. Then, an entanglement of thoughts broke loose in his head like a snowball; they were flashing through his mind like the events around him:

_Will I see my mother again? Will I be able to tell her that I'm sick as well? Why am I not scared anymore? Why do I feel like that I will overcome what's been holding me back?_

Another punch hit Wonho right on one of the spots where the branding iron had left its traces on his skin. Something else hit his head, _hard_ , but he just couldn’t let the hound take control again. All of this had to mean something; it just couldn’t all be for nothing. Besides, he had a few things to take care of before he could die – for his mother, but perhaps … for the bond of light around him as well, for the people on the other side of the gleaming palm? Someone to protect, someone who held meaning for him.

What had his mother told him so many times? “ _You have to build your own future.”_

_For now, all I need to do is survive this. But it’s not just that … I need every single one of them to survive this._

The bond had released him from the pain of his headache – of his illness even? – and it had granted him the ability to hope; it had granted him a feeling of belonging, a feeling of responsibility that he had only ever known in connection to his mother.

_Maybe I didn't even realize how lonely I was until I met all of them; maybe I didn't realize that all I've ever truly wanted was someone to lean on again. 7 …_

A strange thought that was finding Wonho right in the middle of this fight, right in the eye of the storm. A moment of calm was brushing over him as the outside world was raging on. As if he was carrying a part of someone else right inside of him _(It’s not just one though, is it?)_ , it felt warm in his chest. However, Wonho knew that he had to protect this part at all cost, so that he could finally – after all those years of fighting by himself – return home.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

**(Kihyun), Tue. 07.11.17, Loop**

_This is my endless drama_

Kihyun’s eyes opened in a smooth, quick motion like the flap of a bird’s wing. His sight was flooded by grey clouds – the ceiling in his room, a blanket coming down on his face after a night full of heavy dreams … And just like the sky, his mind turned a blank sheet for the moment of waking up. Kihyun could feel himself floating across a still lake on a cold morning, but then, it wasn’t cold at all. One thought started vibrating on the lake’s surface like a falling leaf landing silently on the motionless water:

_Jooheon._

Kihyun rushed to sit up and slowly felt himself flowing back into his own body. Warmth was spreading from inside of him with a thousand footsteps, but traces of emptiness remained … He couldn’t quite grasp yet what was happening to him.

There were 3 faces in front of him: Hyungwon, Jooheon and a third face that he had never seen before, or did he? While looking into their eyes one after another, Kihyun stepped through the door that led home. He was looking at strangers and old friends both; in a way, he was looking at himself. How was that even possible?

_How much time has passed?,_ he thought mindlessly.

“Ki?” The voice was familiar – so very familiar that everything came flooding back to him at once: Their fight, Jooheon’s accident, the feeling of losing his best friend, the empty apartment, Jooheon’s strange text messages, a knock on the door and the silver watch on the front porch, the stranger in the backyard, an empty street, crows, Jooheon looking at him from the driver’s seat, a veil of repetition, pain … so much pain, 3 strange men in dark suits with hollow eyes, Jooheon’s voice calling for him so desperately … and then, the simple feeling of trust that led Kihyun to turn the steering wheel one last time …

Before he could answer his best friend, tell him everything he now knew, Jooheon was rushing forward, embracing him with both arms, pulling him into a firm hug. A gesture that meant more than words and comforted and overwhelmed Kihyun in his confusion.

_How do you act around someone you thought you lost forever? How do you act around someone you’ve known for forever but only now realized your true feelings for?_

Jooheon somehow managed to find his voice. “You’re alive”, he said as if he had to convince himself first. “You’re back. I knew you would come back.” His body trembled slightly against Kihyun’s – _He’s crying, isn’t he?_ But just as the question had crossed his mind, Kihyun could feel the hot touch of tears rolling down his cheeks as well, silently, almost as if he was sharing a secret. His arms embraced his best friend, too. A bond – bright, gleaming – was pulling them together. Kihyun could feel it hovering all around him; he didn’t just feel connected to Jooheon, he felt connected to all 6 of them … strangers? No, _friends_ , parts of himself even. If he would reach out with his hand, he could touch it; he would be able to take the golden palm and make it his own. 

“Do you feel this?”, Hyungwon asked behind them in a soft voice. When Jooheon let go of him again, Kihyun turned around and could see the smile on Hyungwon’s face – relief, someone who had finally reached the finish line. “We did it.”

“We’re really 7 now, aren’t we?”, the third – unfamiliar familiar – face said. “I can feel it.”

Kihyun knew where he had seen him before. He was Jooheon’s trainer at the gym, he even owned the gym, but there was more to it. Although Kihyun couldn’t remember that they had ever met before, although he had no connection to him except for Jooheon, Kihyun felt close to him now. Their eyes met for a second. _Trust._

“Shownu saved you”, Jooheon explained, wiping his cheeks with his sweater sleeves, looking almost … happy. “I don’t know how he did it, but he managed to heal you.”

_Shownu._ Kihyun was still looking at him. _Yes, I already know his name._ Brown eyes, dark hair and a small smile. Then, a brief nod at the man next to him and Jooheon on the ground. “Nice to meet you, I guess. I’m Kihyun.” His own voice sounded rough, his throat felt dry and his body still warm. “Thanks for … saving me.” _What a strange thing to say to someone you’re meeting for the first time._

He turned his head at Jooheon – there was a blond strand of hair falling right into his gaze that Kihyun just wanted to brush aside with his fingers; instead, he looked at his best friend with half a smile. “And you, don’t ever tell me to crash a car again like this”, his hand came up to the back of his head that was still throbbing as if he had hit it somewhere, “because it hurts.”

“I can’t really explain it, but I couldn’t have done it without all of you”, Shownu said quietly (more to himself) while his gaze was resting somewhere in his lap.

Hyungwon nodded, black sparkling eyes full of excitement, of new-found possibility. “The bond is stable now”, he declared, looking at all of them. “We now really have a chance against the hounds.”

“The bond?”, Kihyun wondered out loud. _The golden ribbon connecting all of us, tying us together so tightly?_

“A part of me in all of you”, Hyungwon answered. “But we need to keep moving now.”

“He’s right, the others need our help”, Shownu added as he was getting up from the ground just like everyone else around him now.

_The others … the other parts of Hyungwon, of me? …_

“How?”, Jooheon asked, looking at Hyungwon doubtingly.

“We need to get the watches back first”, he replied, twisting his lips. “Then, we’ll try and turn their plan around, by trapping them in here permanently instead of them trapping us.”

Although Kihyun was confused about the tension of the situation that he had woken up in, he trusted the people in front of him. The agents from inside the car, _hounds_ , that had talked about a loop, about Kihyun being trapped and about his death when they would eventually ‘shut it down’.

“They were looking for you!”, Kihyun exclaimed almost shocked as he remembered the seconds before the crash, staring at Hyungwon with concern.

Hyungwon nodded at him, not at all surprised or worried, just calm _(like back on the road when he handed me the watch that I had thrown away)_ as if he was holding an old grudge against those agents, memories and feelings tying him to them somehow.

When he looked up at Jooheon, Kihyun and Shownu again, his eyes seemed determined but honest. “I didn’t mean to get you all in danger like this …” Once more, just like back on the empty road, when he had turned his back on Kihyun, _I’m sorry._ “Everything I’ve done … I don’t think I ever had a choice. Things went wrong, but now we’re here and we’re finally 7. If we get out of here _together_ , we’ll be able to stop DRAMA for good.”

Kihyun raised an eyebrow. “If?”

“When”, Jooheon corrected him. “We should get moving.”

Hyungwon nodded. “Shownu and I will catch the hounds by surprise and get the watches back”, he briefly explained as his gaze shifted from Shownu back to Jooheon and Kihyun. “You two stay here for now. You’re still guarded.” A small smile spread across his lips. “I’m sure you have some things to catch up on as well.”

Kihyun felt heat rising to his cheeks all of a sudden as he looked over to his best friend who seemed a bit perplexed by Hyungwon’s comment as well. Kihyun’s heart was pounding heavily against his chest, but he ignored the strange shift of emotion happening inside of him. “What should we do then?”, he asked instead.

“Stay alert.” It was Shownu who answered him. “Have your watches ready because we will have to move fast.”

_Our watches …? The one from the doormat? The one I gave to Jooheon?_

Before anyone else could answer, Hyungwon placed a hand on Shownu’s back, briefly nodding at Jooheon and Kihyun and then, in the blink of an eye, they both vanished, leaving Kihyun alone with his best friend.

_And is it different now? Are_ we _different?_

Kihyun could feel the person next to him so vibrantly, so real, _alive_. Jooheon was with him again; a day ago, he had lost him and now? … (After all, was he in love with his best friend?)

As if Jooheon was reading his mind, he reached inside of his pocket, revealing the silver object that had caused both of them to change places so easily. He was giving it back to his best friend now, a favor, a confession.

Kihyun’s eyes fixated on the smooth surface of the metal object, observing it carefully – _It’s mine._ Then, his gaze moved back up to Jooheon’s face, who was smiling now. “And you better keep it this time.”

Returning the smile, the familiar tension and mockery between them, Kihyun took the watch, _his_ watch, and put it around his wrist. “I can’t believe what we got ourselves into this time”, he said, still looking down, because he didn’t know what else to say. There was too much to talk about, wasn’t there? Yet, he couldn’t find the right words.

“What?” Kihyun could hear the grin in Jooheon’s voice. “You think your Dad wouldn’t like it if the next CEO of his company was a secret time traveler?” Dark brown eyes. Nothing had changed. But then, everything had.

He felt his lips returning the smile as he fell into a warm cup of coffee in the morning. “Probably not.” His father didn’t matter to him now. All of those choices, those predestined challenges that he had to face … Kihyun would manage them; with Jooheon at his side, he would be able to manage them all.

Then, Jooheon’s expression changed into a thoughtful, almost serious look. “We need to stay together from now on, okay?”

_I’m sorry, Joo,_ Kihyun wanted to say. _I’m sorry for being blind, for not listening, not caring, not considering any of this. Perhaps it was easier that way, less complicated._ But all he could do was look at the person in front of him who seemed to hold the world in his hands; who seemed to open a door with his eyes that Kihyun only now noticed, only now dared to enter. A few lines of a song he hadn’t listened to in a while briefly brushed through his mind like a lost leaf, a butterfly passing by an open field of swaying flowers:

_'Cause the window  
Opened one time with you and me  
Now my forever's falling down  
Wondering if you'd want me now._

Jooheon’s gaze was answer enough for Kihyun. Unspokenness. _I will never drive angry again. I will never leave you again._ It was the same look as back in the car when Kihyun had given him the watch, when he had taken his best friend’s place without thinking about it, when he had saved him and sacrificed himself so willingly.

“Together”, he mumbled as if to consider the word by carefully placing it on his tongue first. He reached for Jooheon’s hand, embracing it tightly. Warm – a spark, or many. Confirmation – yes, it’s you. “Promise?” 

Jooheon smiled at him again and Kihyun could almost smell the freshly brewed coffee and see the lazy mornings in front of his eyes. His best friend pressed his hand briefly as if to console him, as if to confess once more – yes, it’s you and me. “Promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If someone is interested in the song that is mentioned in the chapter, it's Sweet Night by V :)  
> (yes it was released in 2020 and the story is set in 2017 but we're just gonna ignore that ok, I had to think of the lyrics when I thought of their relationship, so we'll go with it!)


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

**(Minhyuk), Tue. 07.11.17, Loop**

_Daydream, I’m dreaming_

The world around him turned into a blur of abrupt events. Minhyuk’s eyes fixated on the gun pointed at him, the promise of death luring over him like back in the lost dimension – the same feeling of fear that overcame him every time he was confronted with those dangerous men dressed all in black. The people who had shot him, chased him, kidnapped him, erased his memory and cut Changkyun out of his life … No, they had tried to do so, but they had failed. He was right here now, with his friends, _with Changkyun_ , however, shock and fear paralyzed him, trapped him in a situation so foreign to him, something he had never experienced in his life before.

In the blink of an eye, Minhyuk’s gaze then trailed away from the gun, focusing on the 2 people that had appeared behind the hounds so suddenly. Hyungwon and Shownu attacked quietly, overpowering the agents with quick but precise movements, trying to take their guns in a moment of surprise. It did work; everything fell apart – Minhyuk felt his stomach turn in fright – and Changkyun and Wonho next to him started rushing forward almost simultaneously while Minhyuk still couldn’t move.

_I don’t belong here. I can’t fight. I’m not as strong as them._

All he could do was stare at the horrifying scene in front of him like an invisible bystander. Gunshots cut through the air sharply, loudly, startling Minhyuk and scaring him even more. People yelling at each other, shouting in pain or exertion. It felt like a big brush was painting a wide line of thick paint right across Minhyuk’s field of vision, numbing the noise slightly, blurring everything happening at once.

The day that Hyungwon had stepped into the coffee shop, the day he had taken the poem from the counter, surfaced in Minhyuk’s mind like a piece of driftwood. Days, months ago … _yesterday, today?_ The day Minhyuk had received the watch that led him to Changkyun. The day he had spent daydreaming about adventure again …

… _If there’s a door_

_I’ll open it gladly,_

_I’ll enter and wander about …_

Wonho was attacking one of the hounds and slamming him to the ground while trying to seize his arms and get a hold of his gun. Changkyun was struggling with another one of them, helping Hyungwon, and Shownu had already overpowered the third agent and taken the gun from him. However, when Minhyuk’s gaze trailed back to Wonho, he could see that the hound was punching his elbow right into Wonho’s stomach, making him squirm and then freeze in his movement – visibly in pain as if one of his wounds had just reopened because of the hit. Seizing the opportunity, the agent was quickly tumbling towards the gun that had dropped onto the grey asphalt only a few seconds prior. Minhyuk could feel his heart skip a beat as he realized that Changkyun would be directly in the hound’s line of shot once he reached the gun and picked it up. Changkyun, however, who was now only a few feet apart, was still struggling with the other agent, that was trying to strangle Hyungwon with the grip of his arms.

_He’s not paying attention, what if …_

A second passed, maybe 2, Wonho staggered to his feet, leaping after the agent with big steps and clenched teeth – he knew he wouldn’t make it in time. Minhyuk knew it, too, but his body still felt paralyzed by fear and shock – frozen on the spot like his feet were glued to the ground. He wanted to yell at Changkyun, but remained silent, his voice stuck in his throat like a dried autumn leaf.

_I can't fight with them. Back then I couldn't do anything to save him from that abusive household and now I can't save him either. I'm weak. Out of all of them, I'm the one that is most scared. The weak link. I'm no one._

The sentence echoed through Minhyuk’s mind like he was yelling inside of a hollow cave.

_“I’m no one!”_

Cold walls inside of his mind answered him, an echo of his own despair … not quite. It wasn’t simply his own voice that hollowly sent the words back to him; from one second to the next, more voices gathered around him – the ones on the other side of the golden bond, all repeating the same words after him.

“I’m no one!” _Hyungwon._

“I’m no one!” _Shownu._

“I’m no one!” _Wonho._

“I’m no one!” _Jooheon._

“I’m no one!” _Kihyun._

And finally, the one voice that gave Minhyuk the strength to move again, to return to his senses, to be _someone_ : “I’m no one!” _Changkyun._

“Changkyun! Watch out, BEHIND YOU!” He stumbled forward, running towards the hound whose hand was now only inches away from the gun that was placed on the ground like a big, taunting pebble. Minhyuk didn’t know what he was going to do when he reached the hound, how he was going to stop him. But it didn’t matter; the only thought that mattered was that he had to get there, _quickly_. He had to stop that agent from shooting at Changkyun; he had to protect the person he felt closest to, at least warn him about it. Just once, Minhyuk wanted to be the one who stood up for Changkyun instead of burdening him with his own weakness.

_I want to help. I want to be useful. I want to prove myself to all of them._

Then, 3 things seemed to melt into each other, happening in only a matter of seconds: The agent picked up the weapon, raised it quickly and took the shot that cut through the air in booming noise. Changkyun turned around, his face twisted in surprise (or pain?) – a moment of carelessness – and the hound behind him seized him immediately while Hyungwon dropped to the ground, coughing and holding his neck while gasping for air. Minhyuk reached the agent with the gun the moment he took the shoot and ran into him without slowing down to push him aside … _(too late)._

Minhyuk turned his head in horror – _not him!_ – just to see Changkyun raise a hand to his shoulder before he ended up in the grip of the agent that had tried to strangle Hyungwon before. Minhyuk stumbled aside as Wonho entered his sight; he said something to Minhyuk (or to himself) and took care of the hound that had shot Changkyun by knocking him unconscious and taking everything off his belt. Shownu, who had managed to overpower the agent he had been fighting with, got up from the ground as well, now holding the gun that he had taken from the agent’s belt and breathing heavily.

All of them gathered next to each other while staring at Changkyun across from them, whose face was twisted in anger and pain, the black barrel of the third gun pressed right to his temple. The hound had seized him from behind, using him as a shield against the others. Wonho’s and Shownu’s guns now seemed useless. They wouldn’t dare to take a shot and risk Changkyun’s life … and the hound knew that. 

“Let him go”, Wonho demanded – his voice tense and still out of breath. “We’re 4 against you, there’s no chance you’ll make it.”

An evil grin spread across the agent’s face. _He knows we would never risk it._ “Go on, shoot me. But then your friend here will die as well.”

“Your devices are destroyed”, Hyungwon added, nodding at the trashed pieces of technology on the asphalt between them, “your trackers, too. They won’t send back up to help you, it’s over.”

“Oh, is it?” He tightened his grip, pressing the gun even harder against Changkyun’s temple, who was grunting in pain. “He’s got the watches”, he said between clenched teeth.

_I should’ve been faster. It’s my fault he’s hurt like this_. Guilt was reaching through Minhyuk’s throat, twisting his stomach at the sight of Changkyun’s pain. _Just like back then, when his father had dragged him out of the treehouse … yelling … a broken window …_

“They’ll track the watches soon enough”, the hound answered. He was now talking to Hyungwon; his eyes those same frightening, empty holes, robbed of every last spark of humanity.

_Whatever DRAMA is,_ Minhyuk thought, _they’re not real people anymore. They’re shells at best._

“It was smart of you to guard them with those engravings”, the hounds continued, “but once we got our hands on one of them, it was just a matter of time until we cracked your little code.”

_So Kyun was right … When they were chasing us back in the lost dimension, they always seemed a step ahead like they already knew our location. They had captured Wonho right before us, so they had already figured out how to break the guard. They were on to us this whole time …_

“Besides”, the hound added with another hollow, terrifying smile, “DRAMA will live on nevertheless. You could kill me and it wouldn’t matter. We’re a collective. Every single life contributes to the bigger picture and if I have to sacrifice mine so that our organization can remain, I will. I only play my part.” His eyes were still fixated on Hyungwon as if to blame him for the decision to leave. “You should’ve done the same, Chae. Instead, you became just another disgusting traitor.”

“You really are a pain in the ass, you know that right?”, Changkyun scoffed, trying to punch the agent in the stomach but failing because of his wound.

As an answer, the hound pressed the gun even harder against his temple, making him grunt in pain once more. “You should keep your mouth shut if you don’t want me to blow your brain out right now.” His gaze shifted to Minhyuk – a silent threat. “Or I could shoot him instead, what do you think?”

“That’s enough!”, Wonho yelled angrily.

The agent’s tone shifted as he turned to Wonho; he was smiling faintly at him, his voice softer but still threatening all of them. “You know, if you hadn’t been so resistant, we could’ve used your talents … You could’ve joined us, Hoseok.”

Wonho’s jaw tensed. “Don’t call me like that.”

The hound’s head tilted slightly, he seemed to be enjoying this provocation. “Why? Because only your mother calls you that? Perhaps we would’ve been able to help her and you, too.” The smile grew brighter, emptier, _crazier_. “But you chose Chae and look where that got you. You became some kind of tool for his selfish mission.”

“Wonho, don’t listen to him”, Shownu interrupted before he could answer. “He’s just playing on time.”

Minhyuk caught a glimpse of Wonho’s pain for a second; it was clearly visible on his face like a bright, red mark. Minhyuk remembered talking to the only other person down in the cold, hopeless cell when the hounds had shot and captured him; the person who had told him that he would get out of there eventually …

_He’s sick. His mother is sick. Although I’ve never seen this person before until this morning, I … feel for him, feel close to him? As if I could simply reach out, share his pain and the things that are weighing on him, his past …_

“Where are those other 2 hiding anyway?”, the hound asked, ignoring Shownu’s comment. “Or did they already bail? Perhaps they’re the only smart ones among you then.”

Suddenly, Minhyuk couldn’t help but wonder about Kihyun and Jooheon as well. In all of this chaos, he hadn’t realized that only Shownu and Hyungwon had returned to them. Were they still in the guarded spot by the car wreck? Did they see everything that had happened? Or did they really leave …? No, Minhyuk could still feel the bond around them – strong, bright, familiar.

_They wouldn’t leave,_ he reassured himself. _We’re in this together now._

However, Minhyuk started to grow more nervous. If the hound was playing on time until the other agents got here, they had to do something before DRAMA would arrive and ‘eliminate’ all of them for good. But then, how could they free Changkyun without anyone getting hurt? The hound had made it clear that he was willing to die, willing to kill all of them in order to serve his organization.

When Minhyuk’s eyes traveled over to Hyungwon for help, he noticed that he had closed his eyes, looking rather concentrated as if he was planning something again. Wonho and Shownu were still focused on the hound, but Changkyun … His eyes were closed as well, his facial expressions twisted into a mask of concentration – or was it just from the pain in his shoulder?

However, before Minhyuk received an answer to his confusion, Hyungwon’s voice parted the air like the cut of a sharp blade: “NOW!”

_What are you talking about?,_ Minhyuk thought as he turned to Hyungwon, but this time, the question remained an unanswered thought. He saw a group of crows rising from one of the trees on the other side of the road. They were emerging from the treetops like a net thrown through the air, wings flapping loudly and beaks cluttering and cawing in a moment of (initiated) chaos.

“What the –”, but the agent couldn’t finish his sentence. Instead, the scene was cut off by a flash of white light, flooding the world around them in brightness. Minhyuk’s body was shaken up by that familiar dizziness – the strange in-between moment while falling endlessly. When was the first time he had experienced this? Ages ago. No, only yesterday.

A stranger with a black umbrella at the bus stop was waving at him, shaking his head and pointing to his wrist – _I already have my watch. You need to keep yours._ Only that the stranger wasn’t a stranger anymore.

_Am I the stranger at the bus stop now? Am I a traveler now? What has changed?_

But then, the answer was easy, obvious almost …

_Whatever was missing has found completion now_ , Minhyuk thought while falling, falling, falling and feeling his stomach turn in excitement – like a rollercoaster, like a bumpy car ride, like looking right into Changkyun’s eyes (for the first time in a long time). _We’re 7. It’s all that matters._


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (just here to let you know that I like this chapter a lot! 🖤)

> _**["Celtics also deeply honor crows as a sign sent to them by prophets or oracles in a practice of clairvoyance. The Celts so believed the crows carried secrets between the feathers of their wings."](https://www.worldbirds.org/crow-symbolism/) ** _

**Chapter 27**

**(Hyungwon), Tue. 07.11.17, Loop**

_There’s no need to get serious, let’s be honest._

“DRAMA will live on nevertheless. You could kill me, and it wouldn’t matter. We’re a collective. Every single life contributes to the bigger picture and if I have to sacrifice mine so that our organization can remain, I will. I only play my part. You should’ve done the same, Chae. Instead, you became just another disgusting traitor.”

The words hit Hyungwon with severity. If everyone in DRAMA is so devoted to their cause, were those his father’s thoughts as well after Hyungwon’s ‘elimination’? Did his father think of him as a _disgusting traitor_? But then, how could he be so blind, so brain-washed, when Hyungwon had managed to break out of this scheme himself? It wasn’t impossible.

_Perhaps my father just wanted something to believe in although it meant lying to himself …_

“You really are a pain in the ass, you know that, right?” The gun was pushed even harder against Changkyun’s temple after he had so recklessly insulted the hound.

Hyungwon could feel himself getting nervous. _If I don’t act now, everything will be lost, all of this journey for nothing._ Then, he did feel the golden ribbon of light gleaming all around them. There was only one way to do this, together – 7 pieces in one place, 7 watches, the crack of time awaiting them to return to the real world, the (finally) fixed timeline.

While the hound was turning his attention to Wonho, Hyungwon closed his eyes. In his mind, a path formed that brought him to Kihyun and Jooheon, who were still waiting behind the shield. Hyungwon couldn’t see them, but he could feel their presence radiating warmly.

It was Jooheon, who noticed him first: “What’s going on?” The words were raining down in Hyungwon’s head. “We need to help. I can try and overpower the agent from this side, I can …”

“No”, Hyungwon interrupted him calmly, “it’s too risky. I’m going to try and create a distraction. Watch out for the crows. We only have a small window.”

This time, Kihyun’s voice answered him full of doubt and light: “Then what are we supposed to do?”

_Wasn’t it obvious? Wasn’t it only natural?_ “Trust the bond and whatever happens, _don’t_ let go of the watches.”

Hyungwon’s request was lingering between the 3 of them. They knew. Letting go of their watches could end up with one of them getting lost again. They didn’t answer, but Hyungwon could feel their determination, their willingness – _We’re with you._

After he had retrieved from Jooheon and Kihyun, Hyungwon moved on to Changkyun, trying to get a hold of him and send him another voiceless message.

“I need you to get a hold of the watches. Can you get them?”, he asked – unsure whether Changkyun could hear him because of the pain from his wound. Hyungwon could feel it darkening the bright figure that Changkyun resembled at the other side of their bond. The loss of blood was making him dizzy, weakening his energy and his level of concentration. However, he did answer him, the words brushing over to Hyungwon like a mild breeze: “I don’t know …”

“You just need to touch them. We need all 7 to get back. This time, there is no way around it.” _Please hang on a little longer. We’re all here, we’re with you._

“But if I only touch them”, Changkyun mentioned, “they will stay in DRAMA’s possession. They will be able to track us and we’re on the run again …”

Hyungwon could feel the features on his face twist in concern. “It’s the only option for now. We’ll figure out something else once we’re back.” He knew that it wasn’t a convincing or satisfying answer and he could feel Changkyun’s doubts; he just didn’t have time for them right now. “Changkyun, you need to work with me on this, okay?”, he insisted. “Can you reach them?”

A second of silence like a thick drop of rain falling quietly, heavily. Finally, Changkyun’s answer: “Yes.”

_This time, I will bring you back. I promise, I won’t disappoint you._ But there wasn’t any time left to say this. “On my signal, the crows.”

The connection of their minds faded away, although Hyungwon could feel questions hovering in the air, ones that couldn’t be answered, not now: _What about us is so special? Why can we leave here all of a sudden?_

His mind trailed off to the side of the road, where treetops kept swaying in an unbothered manner and where those creatures that had kept him company all this time were waiting for his last return. Black beaks and pebbled eyes waiting among leaves and rustling twigs, eyeing him calmly, swallowing him once more. During his existence as a phantom, a ghost, he had become a crow himself; however, his wings felt heavy now and he was ready to leave them behind.

_Let me see through your eyes one more time_ , Hyungwon appealed to them in a voice now almost foreign to him. _So I can set things right. So I can save the people that saved me._

An echo of flapping feathers flooded his mind, caws loud and reassuring – his wish was granted. The flock of crows rose into the air, screaming and rushing onto the open street. Waves of light were shaken loose by their movements, striking through the atmosphere like invisible flashes of energy.

_We’ll see each other again, but for now, we’ll take your wings_ , the black creatures answered with sharp beaks and dark, secretive eyes (as if they knew all the answers), addressing Hyungwon directly. _You’re a person again, isn’t it ironic? While you’ve watched them all through our eyes so carefully, you have changed as well. But now, it’s time to leave us and move on. One last favor, Hyungwon, will it be worth it?_

Hyungwon opened his eyes as if surfacing from a seemingly endless nightmare. “NOW!” His voice booming across the scene while the crows kept covering the sky in black dots and the hound was looking around in surprise. There was no way he could make sure that this plan was going to work out, that it was enough. He knew that everyone else had their watches attached to their wrists, so all he could do was trust and leave his wings behind.

_For I am a full person now._

_(Will it be worth it?)_

_Yes, I will make it worth it._

A familiar dizziness took over and Hyungwon knew that Changkyun had done it. All watches were connecting with their rightful owners. _Because everyone owns a part of everyone now. We’re not 7 several parts anymore. We’re connected in a way that’s more powerful than this loop, than time even._

They were collectively pulled into the blackness, but this time, Hyungwon felt almost hopeful.

_When my soul was broken apart back then, a crack appeared in the window of time – something that wasn’t supposed to happen but did anyway. When I visited them during different times in their lives, I had a feeling it wasn’t just me who connected them so inevitably. Perhaps we were never meant to be strangers in the first place. Perhaps we’re supposed to find each other again and again. What if I broke something back then when escaping the loop? Opening a door, a crack, that was supposed to stay closed? What if that’s the reason why we’re so tied now? Was it my fault – my interference with the principles of time – that their lives were scarred by burdens and hurt? Or was I simply following a path long built? Like a strangely distorted puzzle piece …_

**Tue. 07.11.17**

The empty coffee shop was surrounding them again as Hyungwon regained his consciousness and balance. Everyone was sitting in different corners of the room, holding their heads and mumbling stuff that sounded a lot like “Shit” and “Ouch”. Hyungwon’s head was booming as well but the dizziness faded with each passing second.

They made it.

There were Kihyun and Jooheon still holding each other’s hands while sitting up and checking on each other; Shownu was helping Wonho to get up, supporting him with the concerned look of an older brother; and Minhyuk, who was now running past Hyungwon with a frightened expression on his face. He was kneeling down next to Changkyun, who was leaning with his back against a table, his face pale and sweaty.

“Kyun!”, Minhyuk yelled at him in panic, so that everyone else immediately looked up at them. “Are you okay?”

But Changkyun didn’t answer. When Hyungwon got closer, he could see that his eyes were closed even though he was breathing as if he had lost consciousness or was caught in a feverish dream.

“He has lost a lot of blood”, Hyungwon said. “We should better call an ambulance.”

Without any further hesitation, Minhyuk jumped to his feet again and crossed the room to walk behind the counter of the coffee shop to use the phone that was stored there. The café was empty, the ‘CLOSED’ sign at the front door made sure of that. Despite the fact that Hyungwon couldn’t control the time that they would come back to, the morning had started to settle outside; the clock above the entrance was showing shortly after 8.

They had returned to the day that had started everything, the day that was supposed to bring their paths together. No one was missing this time; they were 7 just like it was meant to be …

“What the hell just happened?”, Shownu asked as all of them had gathered around Changkyun.

“That’s what I’d like to know”, Wonho added while ruffling his own hair. “One moment I was thinking about punching that asshole in the face and a second later we’re back here.”

Kihyun next to him was staring down at the watch on his wrist with an almost mesmerized expression. “It really worked …”

“What did?”, Wonho asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Jooheon answered with a frown on his face as if he wasn’t really sure about it either. “Trust.”

While Wonho was staring at both of them somewhat perplexed – the expression on his features clearly indicating that he doubted their sanity for a moment –, Shownu was kneeling down next to Changkyun to check his vital signs. Hyungwon noticed that Changkyun was still wearing Shownu’s jacket – a big, dark stain of blood now covering the light brown fabric on his left shoulder.

“Changkyun, can you hear me?”, Shownu asked, but didn’t receive an answer. Then, his gaze shifted to Hyungwon as if to ask for help – _Please tell me you have a plan._ “My energy still hasn’t fully recovered from helping Kihyun. I’m sorry, I can’t …”

“It’s not your fault”, Hyungwon told him with a firm gaze. _You’ve already done so much._

“He’s right”, Wonho insisted while looking at Shownu. “The ambulance will be here soon. Changkyun is gonna be okay.”

That seemed to ease Shownu’s concern a bit and he nodded at Wonho in an almost grateful manner. But there was still a lot to explain … “Then what happened?” A question for Hyungwon.

He sighed, thinking back to the pebbled eyes and flapping wings, to everything he had to leave behind and everything he had now gained. “I had to create a distraction, so Changkyun could reach for the watches that the hound had on him. That’s why we were able to get back here.” _Still, even though the hounds are trapped in the loop now, they still have the 2 watches …_

“What about our watches?”, Wonho asked as if he had read Hyungwon’s mind.

“Right, won’t they be able to track us again like this?”, Jooheon added with a voice packed with concern.

But before Hyungwon could answer them, confirm their apprehension, Minhyuk returned from the counter, the phone still in his right hand. “They will not let this go”, he said while his gaze was lost in his memories for a second. “We ran from them in the lost dimension. Several times. They always found us.”

A moment of silence embraced them and slowly, everyone’s discouragement was thickening the air. Hyungwon could feel that all of them were scared and guilt was reaching for his throat. _It’s my fault. I should’ve planned this better._

Minhyuk was kneeling down again, carefully cleaning Changkyun’s face with his sweater sleeve. “The ambulance is here any minute”, he said softly. Then, more to himself: “God … How will I be able to explain this to my boss. I will get fired …”

Changkyun’s body was shaken by a few coughs as he seemed to regain consciousness for a second. A faint smile was forming on his lips while his eyes were barely opening to look at Minhyuk. “For having someone bleed on the floor?” Another cough but the smile didn’t cease. “I’m sure they’ve had worse.”

A few voices were talking hastily over one another, asking him if he was okay. Then, Changkyun’s eyes met Hyungwon’s and Hyungwon was flooded with a sudden memory from the lost dimension. It was the same look that Changkyun had given him when Hyungwon had found him injured and almost starved out on the streets; when he had given him the poem, hoping it would reunite him with Minhyuk. But mostly, Hyungwon felt guilty. _All I could do was give him a piece of paper. That’s all that my powers allowed at that point. I could only watch him suffer in front of my eyes …_

“I’ve been through worse”, Changkyun replied weakly.

“I’m so sorry, Changkyun”, Hyungwon thought loudly, so that only Changkyun could hear.

His answer was simple. There was no hate left in those brown eyes, no blame for a mistake that was just another leap of fate. “I know, but it doesn’t matter now. The past is in the past.”

_The past is in the past … Now that I’m a person again, it really is, isn’t it? I’m someone through all of them. I’m someone who possesses the possibility to help._

When the ambulance arrived at the coffee shop, Minhyuk was insisting on accompanying Changkyun during the ride to the hospital. A paramedic was asking Hyungwon for his name to write it down in his notes and for a second, Hyungwon was struck with shock and the inability to answer him. He had been addressed as a person by someone else than the people that were carrying his soul. He was _seen_ again, perceived by people around him like a normal person, a human being fully existing in the dimension that he was now a part of again.

“Chae Hyungwon”, he answered the paramedic, but it was more than that. _I’m not a ghost, I’m not a phantom, I’m not a crow. I’m a person, I’m fully me again._

The others were agreeing on taking a taxi to the hospital to meet Minhyuk and Changkyun there. And when Changkyun was placed on the stretcher and pushed towards the ambulance, Shownu’s hand came down on Hyungwon’s shoulder – a gesture of comfort, of friendship. “We’ll figure out how to get the watches, Hyungwon, don’t worry.”

_Don’t worry …_

Before the doors of the ambulance closed, Changkyun lifted himself from the stretcher with a grunting sound of pain. Minhyuk was already trying to push him down again, but Changkyun shot him a look and then, reached into his jacket pocket. “Oh right”, he said – his voice strained but somehow almost cheerful. In his hand he revealed 2 silver objects, gleaming nearly as brightly as Changkyun’s triumphant smile on his tired face. “This asshole had something on him that didn’t even belong to him. So … I took it. Thought we might need it sooner or later.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't mind me i'm just over here crying because this is SOFT

**Chapter 28**

**(Changkyun), Tue. 07.11.17**

_I’m telling myself it’s time to stop._

The hospital room was lingering around him like the scene of a movie, strangely surreal but somehow comforting. The stiff fabric of the hospital gown felt cold and unfamiliar on Changkyun’s skin as he moved his arms slowly to sit up. He had just opened his eyes, woken up from a dome of sleep caused by the medication that the doctors had given him before. A tight feeling on his shoulder reassured him that his wound was already patched up, taken care of. _And all of that without needle and threat and a bottle of old whiskey …_

He remembered the ambulance, the watches that he had given back to Minhyuk and Wonho, Minhyuk’s face above his own during the drive, the warm touch of a hand … The paramedics had asked him questions about the shot wound, about the person that had shot him, what had happened before … Perhaps Hyungwon and the others had taken care of it, told them that they couldn’t identify the shooter, that they ran away and ‘everything happened so fast’ – the usual lies.

_It’s not like they will catch that agent anyway or anyone from DRAMA._

While Changkyun was dozing off to sleep, he had wondered how many times DRAMA had hurt people and gotten away with it; how many times they had manipulated others by erasing their memory, by letting them forget all the cruelty and hurt. It had left a bitter taste on his tongue or perhaps it was simply his imagination.

Now that the hospital room was flooded with light and people, Changkyun realized that the real world hadn’t really changed since he was sucked out of it almost 3 years ago. Life in the lost dimension was painful, lonely; it was tough and dangerous but more than anything else, it was slow. In a way it was like quicksand – the more you struggled against it, the greedier it would devour you; there was only acceptance of a fate that would swallow you whole … survival, day by day.

_I left with nothing and I came back with nothing …_ but that wasn’t true was it?

_I was a different person back then when Hyungwon recruited me,_ Changkyun thought while breaking through the fatigue of his medication for good, leaving the space where he had been drifting between asleep and awake. _I became a different person in the lost dimension, hell … And now, I’m a different person as well. I have to be. I wouldn’t be here now if I wasn’t. With them …_

They were all there with him, scattered in the small room – everyone except Wonho, who had insisted on visiting his mother, and Shownu, who had insisted that Wonho would undergo some tests himself. Jooheon and Kihyun were sitting on a small wooden table in the corner of the room, talking to each other with low voices – somehow, Changkyun understood their connection, the feeling of losing someone close to you and then, despite all odds, finding him again eventually … (the feeling of … _love_?) Hyungwon was standing by the window, gazing up at the grey sky as if he was waiting for something to happen … (rain perhaps?) And then, there was Minhyuk right at his side, who was occupied with a book and a sheet of paper that he was writing on – Changkyun almost didn’t want to move, just wanted to watch him like this for some time, but Minhyuk raised his head as if he was thinking about something, biting down on the back of his pen, and his eyes met Changkyun’s.

“You’re awake!”, he exclaimed in a relieved tone. “How are you feeling?”

Changkyun cleared his throat that felt dry and sore. “Like I’ve been shot in the shoulder.” He couldn’t resist but roll his eyes at Minhyuk’s annoyed expression. “ _Good_ ”, he added.

Minhyuk closed the book and the piece of paper with it and handed him a glass of water that Changkyun accepted gratefully. “What were you doing?”, he asked, pointing at the book that Minhyuk now placed on the table next to the bed.

“It’s not finished yet.” He lowered his gaze and Changkyun could see his cheeks turn a slight pink color.

_He’s writing another poem,_ Changkyun thought and smiled. “Well, make sure you show it to me when you’re done.”

“To all of us”, Hyungwon added, who was now turning away from the window and walking over to the bed as well, his face warm and covered in a smile.

A spark of excitement flooded Minhyuk’s eyes as he looked up again, nodding proudly and returning the smile. “Of course.”

“I’m sorry this happened to you”, Hyungwon then said, facing Changkyun with a frown. His eyes reflected his thoughts; there was more that he wanted to say, an apology not only addressing the wound in his shoulder.

“I should’ve reacted sooner …”, Minhyuk blurted out, his eyes filled with regret and a sudden memory.

“No.” Changkyun shook his head. “It doesn’t matter now.”

Hyungwon frowned, his gaze drifting off into the air between them, repeating the 5 words that Changkyun had told him back at the coffee shop: “The past is in the past.”

Before someone else could say anything else, the door on the other side of the room opened with a clicking noise and Shownu and Wonho entered, both surprisingly cheerful as if they had just shared a joke with each other. Stepping into the room and realizing that everyone was staring at them, both of them fell silent.

A moment of quiet, then, Jooheon was the one to break the tension: “And?”

It was Shownu who answered him. “They did some tests and a brain scan but couldn’t find anything.”

“How is that even possible?”, Kihyun asked in disbelief, voicing what probably everyone was thinking.

Wonho cleared his throat and shrugged. “That’s what I’d like to know.” His eyes shifted to Hyungwon with a doubtful expression. “If you tell me now that you lied to me just to get me on board for you plan, I might …”

But Hyungwon just grinned at him – an unusual sight to see him so carefree all of a sudden –, shaking his head. “No, I didn’t lie to you back then. You had a brain tumor. You were sick and honestly, your condition made that pretty obvious.”

Wonho frowned, seemingly lost. “Then … what changed?”

Another silence filled the room for the next couple of seconds. Hyungwon thought about something, biting the inside of his bottom lip. “I don’t know. I wish I could answer all of your questions and my own … and I’ve thought about this a lot, too. The fact that all of us are connected through the parts that my soul was split into has something to do with it.” He tilted his head with the slightest motion, smiling with the right corner of his mouth. “It’s a feeling, isn’t it? Reassurance. We could break out of that loop because we are 7. I could regain my human form because we are 7. You’re healed, Wonho, because we are 7 …”

_He’s right_ , Changkyun thought. _Since all of us are together, I feel stronger._

The bond, the golden ribbon, the gleaming palm … it was pulling them together because that was the way they were supposed to exist – an unspoken law, a source of energy he had never experienced before.

“So, it’s the bond?”, Minhyuk asked, even though all of them already knew. “You visited all of us, trying to get us to cross paths …” He was reaching into his pocket, revealing the childhood picture with the half-poem on the back. _After all this time …_

Hyungwon nodded at him. “I think, in a way, we were meant to meet eventually. I only sped up the process.”

“Because you were dying yourself”, Wonho added.

His answer carrying a hint of bitterness. “Yes.”

Shownu frowned. “But you never told us.”

“I thought it didn’t matter”, Hyungwon replied, twisting his lips to the side. “I never wanted to betray the trust that I asked from you. It’s just …”

_Yes, I know,_ Changkyun thought. “It’s easier to just keep things to yourself.”

Again, Hyungwon nodded at him and they shared a moment of understanding.

“I think you won’t have any problems with that from now on”, Kihyun interrupted them, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “The way I remember all of you shouting inside of my head … you’ll probably wish that you were able to keep things to yourself.”

“Wait, what?” Wonho raised his eyebrows as if he had missed an important piece of information here, looking at all of them somewhat puzzled. “You guys can hear what I think?”

Hyungwon chuckled lightly. “No, only if you decide to share it with us.”

Kihyun was leaning towards Jooheon, lowering his voice and mocking him with his tone. “Well, isn’t that convenient? No need for you to speak about your emotions anymore. You can just share your thoughts with me from now on.” A grin spread across his lips while Jooheon mumbled something with a sulky expression on his face, averting his gaze … blushing?

Changkyun could feel the mood lighten from Kihyun’s little joke; everyone seemed to be in a good spirit, casually talking to each other like old friends meeting again after a long time apart. But there was something else that touched his heart, that caused him to feel a flood of emotion at once. _They’re all here to keep me company as if it’s a natural thing to do, another unspoken law. Together. 7._

“I think it’s nice”, Minhyuk suddenly said, looking right at Changkyun. “None of us are fully alone anymore.”

The night in Shownu’s apartment returned to his memory, when Hyungwon had told him the truth about their failed plan almost 3 years ago; when Hyungwon had told him something that hadn’t made any sense to him back then: _“_ _Isn’t it comforting to share a bond with others? To know you’re never fully alone in this world because someone else is carrying a small part of you?”_

“But what exactly are we supposed to do now?”, Wonho then asked, bringing another moment of thoughtful silence to the room.

Hyungwon took a deep inhale, contracting his eyebrows while seemingly struggling to voice the next sentence out loud: “We can start by building our own organization.”

Everyone’s eyes were set on Hyungwon now, actually considering what he had just said. Changkyun wanted to answer him first, but Kihyun was faster. “Our own organization?”, he repeated doubtfully. “Like DRAMA?”

Hyungwon’s face was serious now as he shook his head. “No, never again like DRAMA.” He took another deep breath, looking up at all of them. “I’ve thought about this for a long time and after everything that happened, I’m even more convinced. Our ability to break the loop … maybe we can actually help people who are trapped.”

“So, you mean work against DRAMA? As 7?”, Changkyun blurted out before thinking about it, torn between hope and skepticism.

“Build a resistance …”, Shownu added thoughtfully as if considering it himself.

Hyungwon nodded at him. “There were others before.”

Shownu’s expression lost its firmness for a second, breaking apart in sadness and realization. “… My Dad.”

Wonho turned his head towards Shownu, looking at him in surprise. “You’re up for this?”

Shownu looked troubled, his voice soaked in determination as he spoke again. “I won’t let this organization grow further and gain even more control about time travel.” His hands formed into fists at either side of his body, his jaw tensed as he gazed up at Wonho. “People are getting sick and they have the measures to stop it. But they don’t share … all they do is take from others that already have no alternative.”

Changkyun felt the words sinking right into his chest, pointing at him with sharp fingertips. _They manipulated me when I was at my lowest, when I would’ve accepted anything to get out of having to work in several jobs and still not making enough money to survive. I really believed they would hand me a better life on a silver plate … instead they used me; they would’ve tossed me aside eventually, killed me in one of their little experiments._

He pulled himself up from the mattress, sitting up despite the still very present pain in his shoulder. He felt Minhyuk’s scolding gaze on him but raised his voice anyway: “It’s not like I have a place to return to. As one of their former human guinea pigs, I say I’m in.”

A warm touch covered the back of his hand in silent agreement – _Minhyuk_.

“What if they still manage to track us down?”, Jooheon asked. “If we won’t be able to stop them … It’s dangerous, isn’t it?”

“Thanks to Changkyun, we have a good head start with the watches”, Hyungwon replied, giving Changkyun a warming smile. “The hounds in the loop are trapped because we destroyed their devices. It will take DRAMA a lot of time to find them … I’m not sure they ever will. And until they’ve figured out what happened and what we’re up to, we have time to regroup and make a plan.” His black eyes slowly shifted around the room, looking at everyone, asking for their trust once more. “I won’t demand anything from you anymore. You’ve all been through enough already. It’s your choice this time. If you want to walk out of this room and never look back, you’re free to do so.”

But somehow, leaving wasn’t an option, and everyone knew that. The bond pulled them closely together as if to remind them once more that they had arrived home, stepped into a place that would fully embrace and accept them. One after another, they all nodded at Hyungwon … except for Wonho.

“It’s just …” His face took a strained expression as if he was seriously contemplating the right decision for himself here. “I need to keep looking for a treatment for my mother first.”

Hyungwon smiled. “I know. And I think we’ll be quite lucky in the year 2134.”

Wonho just stared at him, clearly at a loss of words. “ _We_?”

But it wasn’t Hyungwon who answered him, it was Jooheon. “It’s your Mom, Wonho. Of course we’re gonna help.”

Shownu placed a hand on Wonho’s back as if to prove Jooheon’s words even more. “Maybe you felt like this in the past, but you’re not alone anymore. We got your back.”

Wonho seemed touched by all of their agreement to help him with his search but the puzzled expression on his face wouldn’t quite vanish, as if he still couldn’t understand why all of them would accompany him so naturally.

Changkyun felt the same way. Since he and Wonho had met back in the lost dimension, since their paths had crossed, the thought of him sticking around didn’t even bother him … on the contrary. “Who knows, you might end up in another underground prison and I need to bail you out again.”

That loosened the mood and Wonho raised an eyebrow at him, rolling his eyes. Before anyone else could interrupt their banter, a rushing noise started to fill the room, pounding against the windows and growing louder with each second that passed. All of their hands turned towards the source of the sudden sound, and Changkyun realized that it had started to rain. Small drops were covering the glass, running in tiny rivers and knocking onto the windowpane with a thousand heavy fingertips.

A veil of relief was lingering over the small room in a silent manner, everyone was drowning in the comforting sound for a few seconds. In a way, it felt like finally reaching the finish line, released from sorrow and hardship at least in that very moment. An unspoken sentence was floating in the air between all of them: _It’s about time._

After some more minutes had passed, all of them started to go their own ways for the rest of the afternoon. Jooheon and Kihyun left together as well as Shownu and Wonho, who wanted to return to the gym; Hyungwon excused himself with some business of his own that he had to take care of, grabbing the umbrella in his hand more tightly – _He will finally get to use it now_ , Changkyun thought as they said their (temporary) goodbyes to each other. Minhyuk stayed behind on his chair next to the hospital bed, but soon realized that he had to leave too because he was actually supposed to be at the coffee shop (and somehow explain to his boss why the café had been closed the whole morning).

“Wish me luck”, he joked with a hint of panic in his voice. “I genuinely hope I don’t get fired for this.”

“I’m sure you won’t”, Changkyun tried to console him – he didn’t really know what else to say to him. “Besides, I need to go there and try one of your infamous coffees myself.”

Minhyuk bit his lips to hide a smirk. “It’s not that magical as you might think it is … but it’s good coffee for sure.”

Changykun’s gaze dropped onto the blanket again where the childhood picture was resting next to Minhyuk’s palm. It looked old, the colors were faded and the faces in the photograph were strangers to Changkyun now. _After all those years …_

Minhyuk seemed to realize his sudden thoughtfulness. “It’s weird, isn’t it? To be back …”

He shrugged. “Strangely, not much has changed.” He raised his head and fell into Minhyuk’s eyes, the depth and kindness in them. _But then, everything has …_ The picture was weighing heavily on the blanket like a stone, like something unsaid sitting right there between them.

“I remember everything”, Minhyuk suddenly admitted. His gaze was clear and honest, he wasn’t hiding anymore.

_He remembers our time together? What does it mean? The things we’ve been through? … The feeling between us? …_ Changkyun cleared his throat. “Good.”

“Is it?” Minhyuk frowned at him; it made him feel somewhat doubtful.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“All that happened in there”, Minhyuk continued and the frown grew deeper. “I got shot …”

A sudden thought took hold of Changkyun. What if Minhyuk, after all, felt betrayed by the fact that he had left him behind? What if he couldn’t see past it, couldn’t be near Changkyun anymore because of that? Changkyun wanted to say something to him, something meaningful and honest, but instead he was pointing to the shot wound in his shoulder. “At least we’re matching right now.”

Minhyuk’s eyes were resting on his cheeks for a few seconds and he smiled faintly as if something was still troubling him. He got up from the chair slowly. “I really have to go. But I’ll be back, okay?”

_Will he though? Will he come back if I don’t say anything to him now?_ Pressure was growing in his chest, urging him forward, urging him to do something now or he would regret it eventually. His hand reached forward and came down on Minhyuk’s arm, softly pulling him back onto the chair – a small gesture but still, so very clear: _Wait._

Minhyuk’s puzzled gaze traveled from Changkyun’s hand to his face, but he didn’t say anything as if he was waiting for Changkyun to speak, so he did.

“I … I’m so sorry, Min”, he burst out, still uncomfortable and filled with panic – the feeling of stepping into a place without protection, a place he had never been to before where all his weapons were useless. “Leaving you was the biggest mistake I ever made. I didn’t know what was happening and why I felt that way towards you …” He stopped, struggling for words and looking up at his childhood friend, his companion, as if to look for help, something to hold on to while he was drowning in his own insecurity.

“I know”, Minhyuk answered calmly. “It’s not your fault that I got shot. I didn’t even think of it that way …” He frowned and slightly shook his head. “Kyun …” _My name sounds so different when he says it or is it because no one has said my name in such a long time?_ “We haven’t seen each other since our childhood and still, I couldn’t let go of you … I always carried this with me.” He took the picture from the blanket and looked up at Changkyun with soft eyes – a flood of memories. “I could never leave you again.”

Stones were lifting off of his chest, finally. “Me neither.”

They were still looking at each other. Seconds passed. Their eyes glued together until Minhyuk averted his gaze and his cheeks turned into a slight pink color again. “So …”

A sudden calm had covered Changkyun like a blanket, had embraced him, reassured him that the person across from him, after all, wouldn’t leave.

“So”, he repeated, still looking at Minhyuk. Confidence took over, driving him forward without thinking. Changkyun leaned closer towards Minhyuk, kissing him in a swift but determined movement, bringing both of their faces together so naturally. A second passed – Changkyun could feel the warmth in his cheeks – then, Minhyuk kissed him back, leaned in closer and they shared a moment of carelessness; raindrops falling down on Changkyun’s lips like the ones still pounding against the windows. He was back in the real world; he wasn’t empty, no, he felt alive.

As they moved away from each other again, their faces still only inches apart, Changkyun couldn’t help but let triumph and a teasing smile flood his expression. He cleared his throat, sitting back but still looking at Minhyuk. “Well, good luck at work.”

“Hm?”, Minhyuk stared at him, his cheeks flushed but his eyes gleaming with content. “Oh yeah, thanks.” He smiled clumsily and got up from the chair once more; this time, Changkyun let him. They said their goodbyes and Minhyuk bend down for another brief kiss on Changkyun’s forehead that made _him_ blush this time.

When Minhyuk closed the door behind him, leaving the hospital room and telling Changkyun that he would send a doctor to check on him, Changkyun was left alone with only the rushing sound of rain around him.

For a moment, he thought about the last time he had seen Minhyuk as a kid, when the neighbor’s car had left the driveway. But this time it was different. Minhyuk would come back. He just knew. It was a new feeling, a surprising one even. Opening up to someone and being welcomed so warmly … something Changkyun had never experienced before in his life, something he would always crave and never let go. _Trust_.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so! We've made it to chapter 29 and yes, I have to write a few lines before all of this is actually over because the fact that this project ends feels surreal. I spent so many afternoons, evenings, nights with this story and now I have to let it go.  
> First of all, thank you to everyone who read 28 chapters and is still reading (this is crazy!!!) I can't even begin to describe how much it means to me to actually share this story since it started off as a vague idea after obsessing with the Dramarama mv - I think the fact that I wrote over 100.000 words about a music video probably says enough though :<  
> This was my very first try in the Monsta X universe and I just want to say (I already said this in the beginning but I'm saying it again) that these 7 dudes mean the world to me! Monsta X will always be 7 and I hope after this story, none of you will ever question that haha
> 
> Thanks again for taking this journey with me and for enduring all of the pain and heartbreak. We've finally reached the happy ending. It was promised from the start, so enjoy :) x
> 
> (yes, this is a VERY long chapter)

**PART 5**

**THE END**

_I won’t go anywhere without you._

_I won’t leave you._

* * *

**Tue. 14.11.17**

**Hyungwon**

The air around him was filled with the aftertaste of rain, wet drops clinging to the leaves of grass and glistening wearily in the white light of a late morning (or was it already early afternoon?) Autumn was growing cooler now with each passing day and Hyungwon had adapted the quiet ritual of visiting the cemetery every morning. Today, however, he had actually dared to enter, to walk down the narrow stone path that led him into past and future both. The tombstones were towering on the lawn like grey, uneven teeth as Hyungwon’s gaze brushed over them to spot the name that he was looking for, his own name.

His steps came to a halt. The handle of the umbrella felt cold in his hand; fingertips had stopped tapping on the fabric above, changing into a soft drizzle. The black letters engraved in the firm stone across from him, somehow, had lost all meaning to him now that he was actually facing them.

_In Memory of_

_CHAE SANGHOON_

_1968 – 2017_

_A Loving and Dutiful Husband and Father_

_We will forever love and remember you_

Hyungwon was reading the engraving over and over again. He couldn’t believe that after all the different timelines he had visited, this was the actual reality that he had to live in now. A reality in which his father had died before Hyungwon could talk to him one last time. But then … would it have changed anything? His father had made his choice and Hyungwon had made his.

_Perhaps in this reality, in the one where I find my pieces and they find me, it’s not possible to reconcile with him. Our relationship is lost because of DRAMA._

“Are you proud of me, Dad?” His voice tumbled through the air, breaking the silence of the mournful atmosphere around him. The memory of both of them changing a last reserved look in the blank hallway crossed his mind, rejection.

Hyungwon knew nothing about his parents – whether they had continued living in the same place, how his father had died, what had happened to his mother …

_Was it DRAMA? Did my father decide to leave them as well? Or did one of his missions go wrong? Was he perhaps stranded in the lost dimension, trapped in a loop himself?_

All of these questions were troubling him since he had heard about his father’s death from the landlord of the apartment that he was (now officially) staying in. His mother had stopped the payments months ago and the owner was more than happy when Hyungwon had offered to continue the contract. However, his family still occupied his mind. He wasn’t ready to face this part of his past yet because in a way, it wasn’t his life anymore; he had left it behind when his soul was ripped apart in that small, white room. The other parts of him – the ones he was now a part of as well – were giving him strength; they hadn’t just helped Hyungwon to return to his human form, but they had brought him confidence and determination to build a resistance against the organization that had robbed him of his parents (and his soul).

_The emotionless and ignorant empty shell that my father had become wasn’t him, it was DRAMA. He had made the choice to join them, to_ become _them while they had taken every last bit of him, turning him into one of their puppets._

Now more than ever, Hyungwon wanted to go through with his plan. In a week, the 7 of them had managed to come up with a goal; everyone was working hard to realize it, contributing as much as they could. Free other prisoners from their loops, stop DRAMA’s cruel recruitment and testing, find others to join their cause and weaken the influence of one organization reaching for power.

The sound of flapping wings caused Hyungwon to look up at the trees next to the stone path. They had nearly lost all of their leaves by now, black twigs swaying on a grey canvas. But something else caught Hyungwon’s eye. A black brushstroke cawing from above, a crow, a former friend. The shiny pebble eyes were observing him curiously and full of depth. For a second, Hyungwon got lost in the consuming gaze – drawn into a black hole, he realized that it didn’t feel familiar any longer.

_It’s just a bird,_ he thought – was it disappointment that was now suddenly flooding his sentiments? As if to object, the crow flapped its wings once more, cawing ( _laughing)_ filling the silent area of the cemetery.

_(You’re a person again, isn’t it ironic? While you’ve watched them all through our eyes so carefully, you have changed as well. But now, it’s time to leave us and move on. One last favor, Hyungwon, will it be worth it?)_

The absence of his wings was vibrant now. Hyungwon felt grounded and lifted both.

“Yes, it’s worth it”, he answered quietly as the crow rose up into the air and disappeared with another echoing laugh. “I will make it worth it.”

In a moment of reassurance and silence, the fingertips on the fabric above his head started pounding again. Rain.

**Shownu**

He pulled the hood closer to his face as the rain grew heavier. The cemetery was empty today and he had spent a few hours here already. It was the first time that Shownu had visited his father’s grave since the funeral about 4 years ago, something that he now bitterly regretted. Whenever he had thought about coming here, images of his father’s sick face had flashed his mind, people crying at the funeral and the pain that had torn him apart, day after day. But something had changed since the others had entered his life, since he had used his powers again, since he had realized what his father was trying all along.

_If I couldn’t save him from death, I need to continue his work. It’s all I’ve left of him._

The gym would become a safe place for travelers again, where they could connect and exchange information – the source of a new organization that was helping others to freedom, to actually utilize their energy instead of exploiting it; a place to call home, to belong to.

Shownu’s steps hurried over the stone path back to the entrance. His gaze fell upon a dark figure with a black umbrella in front of a grey tombstone in the far distance of the cemetery. He could feel himself slowing down as a sudden memory returned to him, one that he had lost a long time ago.

The person didn’t move; they were simply standing in the pouring rain, frozen on the spot, slightly blurred like a gloomy painting. Shownu knew that it was Hyungwon. And finally, he could remember where he knew him from. All this time, his intuition had told him the truth. All this time, he hadn’t recognized him because he had never actually seen his face. No, Shownu had only seen him like this: a black umbrella, a dark silhouette and a blurry, rainy day on the cemetery. It was the day of his father’s funeral when Shownu had watched a stranger with an umbrella leave the scene … back then, Shownu had thought that the person had been attending the ceremony (A friend of his father? A traveler?) and he had only caught a glimpse of the man that, 4 years later, had entered his life again.

“I’m sorry about your father”, Shownu said as he approached his student and friend through a veil of drumming rain, looking at the black engraving of the tombstone in front of them. _His father …_

Hyungwon turned around, not at all surprised about Shownu’s appearance, a tired smile on his lips. “He wasn’t himself anymore, not since he joined DRAMA.”

Shownu recalled the hounds’ black, empty eyes back in the loop, how they had threatened Changkyun, tortured Wonho and Hyungwon … “Still, you managed to set yourself free from them as well. It’s never impossible to come back … to change your perspective.”

Hyungwon’s gaze returned to his father’s tombstone, his voice strangely empty but determined as he answered. “That’s why we need to keep going.”

_He never really talked about his family but there is something different about him now. It looks like … closure._ “Can I ask you a question?”

The corner of Hyungwon’s mouth twisted upwards as he nodded. “Of course.”

“Did you ever wonder … why us?” Shownu hesitated for a second, then added: “I mean, why did your soul choose the 6 of us specifically when it got separated?”

“You know, when I planned my escape, all I could think about was getting out of there”, he answered, still staring at the grey stone that carried his father’s name. “There could’ve been more pieces, thousands even. Or I could’ve died right during the process.” His eyes lifted after a second of silence, looking directly Shownu. “Time offers an ocean of possibility and you can stir it infinitely.” Another faint smile, the one that held its own secrets. “I was able to find you during different times in your lives and I know now that that was my destiny. In a way, I created a path that I was meant to follow anyway.”

Shownu thought about this for a moment. His father had always told him that he was _special,_ that the energy that he possessed was different from others. Was it because of Hyungwon? Because of the part of his soul that Shownu possessed? “But how could you be with us our entire lives when the loop that you were trapped in was set only about 2 years ago?”

The smile on Hyungwon’s face grew brighter, more challenging, almost scary, his eyes the color of shiny pebbles – _Like a crow_ , Shownu thought mindlessly. _Or a turtle?_

“Maybe you have never really existed before that?”, Hyungwon asked. “It all comes back to that moment when I escaped. I toyed with a principle I shouldn’t have touched. Your timelines got influenced … your lives were written over just like a hard drive.”

The words came pouring down on him like the dribbling rain around them. _Can this be? I exist only because of him? But … my life is real, my memories are real, my Dad’s grave is real …_

“I don’t know what was before, Shownu”, Hyungwon added when he noticed the shocked expression on his trainer’s face. “For some reason, the crack that I created in the dimension around us can only function when all of us are together in the same timeline.” He frowned. “You see, Jooheon would’ve died back in 2015. He was supposed to die a week ago as well. I didn’t let that happen … it led to a lot of trouble for all of us.”

_Kihyun …_ “And you had to save yourself from dying as well.”

Hyungwon nodded. “I did.” Black, warm eyes met Shownu’s again – the innocent boy down on the mat during Kumdo, the person with a secretive smile and a plan. “But then, as I told you before, all of you are my responsibility. I couldn’t just let chaos overtake your lives any more than it already did. All the pain and loss every single one of you had to experience during your lives, in a way, was caused by me …” He stopped with a troubled gaze as if he felt deeply sorry for everything that happened to them. “My soul, my bond to you, while granting you certain powers, simultaneously robbed you of a happy, carefree life. When I sent Kihyun to Jooheon, I realized that there always had to be a price … a life for a life.” He sighed, shaking his head. “In a timeline where we aren’t together, tragedy is inevitable … death is inevitable.”

Wonho was the first person that entered Shownu’s mind. _He got sick and he probably would’ve died … but as soon as all of us were together in the loop, his pain stopped. The brain scan turned out fine as well._ “We’re meant to be together as 7”, Shownu voiced thoughtfully, “otherwise none of us would make it …”

Hyungwon smiled again, this time, less worried and almost amused. “I can’t be 100% sure, because nothing like this has ever happened to me.” He shrugged. “I just think there’s too much that aligns for us to ignore it.”

For a couple more minutes, they were wordlessly standing next to each other, rain tapping on their shoulders in pondering agreement. They left together, walking side by side on the stony path back to the entrance.

When they closed the gate behind them, Shownu had another question for Hyungwon: “Do you think in another timeline, one where we haven’t met like this, where all of us have completely different lives … we’re still together?”

Hyungwon grinned back at him. “What are you saying? We’re in a gang, a group of friends in college, _a band_?”

Shownu thought about this for a second – _how odd_ – and eventually shrugged. He could feel Hyungwon’s amusement jumping over to his own face. “You never know.”

Hyungwon was still smiling, shaking his head as if he was brushing of a sudden, unvoiced thought. “You really don’t.”

**Wonho**

Wonho was closing the window in his mother’s hospital room and the last breeze of cool air entered, brushing his cheeks slightly. It had just started raining again and the sky was covered in clouds.

“Thank you, Sweetie”, his mother said with a smile in her voice. Since Wonho had introduced her to the others, she was looking at him with a different expression than before, lighter and almost … relieved?

Wonho was still grateful that his new friends had agreed to help him find a possible treatment for his mother. They had visited her several times this week already – even Changkyun, who was still staying in the hospital because of his shot wound – and Wonho had never seen his mother smile so brightly in the last couple of years. She didn’t know that they were planning the trip to look for her treatment. Wonho had no idea what was supposed to happen tomorrow when the 7 of them would travel to 2134 as Hyungwon had proposed. So many times, Wonho had left for trips to the future and although he was always nervous to some extent, this time was different. He was nervous because he might actually find what he was looking for; however, for the first time, he wouldn’t be alone, his friends would accompany him, help him …

“Where have you met them again?”, his mother asked when Wonho sat down next to her bed while she was looking at the polaroid picture that all of them had taken together a few days ago.

“At the gym”, he answered, smiling at her. “Shownu decided to start a group course for beginners in self-defense and well, I’m helping out.” It wasn’t quite the truth, but it was definitely easier this way than to explain that all of them were connected through an invisible bond of light and that they occasionally could hear each other’s thoughts.

The brown eyes of his mother were gleaming back at him and her hand came down on his own on the blanket. “I’m proud of you for doing this, Hoseok. They can be lucky to have you.” She smiled as if she was thinking about something but didn’t say it out loud, instead, she asked: “Does that mean you’re working at the gym now?”

_She’s probably relieved that Shownu finally managed to convince me._ “Yes.” He nodded with a smirk. “Shownu kept bugging me with the job offer and it’s actually fun to teach others.” _Even if Minhyuk and Hyungwon have the worst reflexes … but then, it’s also fun to tease them about it._

“And less dangerous”, his mother added. For a moment, they shared a knowing look. Whatever she knew about his occupation, she was glad that he could now finally leave it behind and strangely, Wonho was too.

Again, he promised her that everything was going to be okay eventually and that all of them would visit her again tomorrow. _Hopefully with a solution, with a way to help her and many others._

His phone vibrated in his jeans pocket and when he checked the display, it was a message from Hyungwon:

_I’m with Shownu right now. Remember to meet us at the coffee shop in half an hour to surprise Changkyun!_

Wonho had almost forgotten about the fact that Changkyun was leaving the hospital today. They all had told him they were busy with the preparations for tomorrow so that they couldn’t pick him up. Minhyuk had asked him to head straight to the coffee shop without telling him that everyone else would be there as well to surprise him. Wonho had a feeling that Changkyun would be uncomfortable with this kind of surprise, but to see the annoyed and awkward expression on his face would already be worth it. Besides, Wonho did enjoy the time they all spent together more than he wanted to admit to himself. In a way, it felt like he was around family, like he had finally returned home.

“I have to go now”, he said to his mother. “But I have a feeling that things are gonna change from now on.” With a warm smile, he pressed her hand. “For the better.” It was still a foreign feeling for him … _hope_?

“I do hope so, Hoseok”, his mother answered, returning his smile. However, the look in her eyes revealed a different meaning from Wonho’s. _She’s not talking about her health. She’s talking about my future. All that I ever wanted was for her to recover and all that she ever wanted was for me to build a life of my own … And it seems like both might actually be possible._

“You do look different”, she added and for a second, Wonho believed he was a 10-year-old kid again. “More … alive?” She smiled to herself about her own choice of words. “It looks like you’ve found your place.”

This unexpected honesty from his mother hit Wonho like a punch in the face. He felt warmth rising to his cheeks, chest, his heart. He was touched by his mother’s words and sad that she had worried about this for all this time in silence. Was his change really that present? Was it obvious or did his mother simply knew him too well? And … was it reason enough to fully believe in the bond that connected the 7 of them?

_It’s a start_ , Wonho thought. The possibility of friendship, of connection, had found him so effortlessly. All of his life, he had thought that he was better off on his own, that the only purpose in his life was to save his mother. And until now, he hadn’t even realized what his mother had been scared about … losing her son.

In a way, Wonho had already lost himself once. _Without them, I would’ve died._

“Once I’m out of here”, his mother said as they wished each other goodbye for now; Wonho was already headed for the door of the hospital room, “I’ll cook for all of your new friends.”

For the last time(?), he would leave her behind by stepping out of that room; and for the last time(?), he caught a glimpse of her tired, sickly face. Then, because there was nothing more that he could do for her now, he simply smiled at her over his shoulder. “Maybe sooner than later.”

**Kihyun**

Raindrops were running silent competitions on the window glass of a restaurant, right next to the table where Kihyun and his father had met for lunch. It was a meeting like any other except that Kihyun, today, had a lot on his mind. While his father had no idea what had happened to his son in the past week, Kihyun now felt a certain distance between them – one that had always (subconsciously) been there but was never fully graspable. It wasn’t a negative feeling, on the contrary, it helped Kihyun to now finally see clearly and to reach for the freedom he had always desired. He still wanted to fill his father’s footsteps as the next CEO of the family company, but his life wouldn’t be controlled by these duties anymore. Now that there were others in his life – friends, a new form of family –, Kihyun was determined to contribute to their cause, to build a resistance against DRAMA, to help other travelers. It was his choice, and he was more than ready to stand with it.

Of course, he couldn’t tell his father about all of that. _Hey Dad, Jooheon died in a car crash._ I _died in a car crash, but I’m back now. Oh, and I’m a time traveler, too! …_

A few drops of water joined on the glass next to Kihyun’s face, falling down like heavy tears. He frowned, suddenly thinking about Jooheon. They hadn’t really talked to each other about what had happened … about the fact that they had lost each other, about the feelings that Kihyun couldn’t shake since that moment in the car. But then … why did both of them hesitate so much?

“ _Kihyun_?” His father was looking at him with an impatient expression on his face.

“I’m sorry”, Kihyun answered, straightening his back and clearing his throat. “I got lost in thoughts for a second. What did you say?”

His father smiled faintly. “I know you don’t like when I bring up the topic, but you should at least consider a marriage. A good friend of mine has a beautiful daughter who is just about your age …”

_Here we go again._ Kihyun could feel his mood drop and his jaw tense in annoyance.

“Not to mention that it would benefit our business relationship as well”, he finished, smiling at Kihyun as if it was the only plausible option.

“You want me to marry someone I’ve never met because it benefits the company?”, Kihyun repeated his father’s suggestion more bluntly, his voice a bitter tone.

His father shrugged swiftly, taking a sip from his tea. “You might turn out to be a great couple.”

Kihyun huffed, averting his eyes. These kinds of conversations weren’t new to him; his parents always tried to talk him into marrying soon, but to actually suggest an arranged marriage? He wanted to help the company and work hard to continue his family’s legacy but ever since Kihyun got back from the loop, he had realized that giving up his own happiness wasn’t an option anymore; the freedom of his personal life was something that belonged only to him – when he had looked into his best friend’s eyes, given him the watch, ready to sacrifice everything for one person, that revelation had seemed so natural to him, so _obvious_.

“Maybe it’s time that you move out of that apartment as well”, his father added with a firm voice.

Kihyun stared at him for a second. He wanted to say something but didn’t. It was no use. His parents weren’t bad people; they loved him, supported him but for some reason, they disapproved of his and Jooheon’s friendship. _Because in their opinion, it had always kept me from being the perfect son they dreamed of. But something feels different now. This feeling … how long has it been there, beneath the surface? How long did I know? How long did Joo know?_

Their beach trip from 2 years ago returned to Kihyun’s memory. _Something was supposed to happen back then. Something …_ Kihyun did feel something towards his best friend, something he had never experienced before. If he didn’t own up to it now, the feeling could be lost again, secreted with silence until it would fade eventually. He had lost Jooheon once, he couldn’t possibly go through this again.

Before he realized it, he stood up from the chair and grabbed his jacket with trembling hands.

“What’s wrong?”, his father asked, looking up at him with a puzzled expression.

“Nothing … I just …” Kihyun glanced out of the window where the rain was still pouring heavily, covering everything in a grey curtain. “I need to be somewhere right now.” _With someone._

“ _Now_?” His father’s voice sounded impatient again, almost angry. “You do know that this is quite unprofessional. If this was a real meeting …”

“But it isn’t”, Kihyun interrupted him; he was talking quietly so that others couldn’t hear them; besides, the restaurant was quite empty. “We’ve talked about company matters but now you’re just mentioning marriage again. I appreciate your concern, but I won’t move out. I’m going to stay with Jooheon.” His heart started beating faster against his chest as soon as he had mentioned his best friend’s name. Besides, to speak so openly to his father was a new experience to him and it felt … relieving.

To his surprise, his father didn’t seem angry at all, he simply rolled his eyes at him. “And you’re making such a scene about it?”

Kihyun, who was still standing next to his chair, felt a sudden rush of confidence taking hold of him. He straightened his back and nodded. “I feel like it’s time that I say this. I love my family and I will work hard to lead that company, I promise. But you cannot interfere in my private life like this anymore. It’s something I have to decide on my own.”

His father looked at him with a frown, his fingers resting around the cup of tea in front of him on the table. After a few seconds of silence, he raised his eyebrows, leaning back in his chair. “Fine. Maybe we can talk about this some other time, then. _Honestly_?”

Kihyun nodded again, feeling relieved and grateful for his father’s unexpected reaction. “Yes, of course.”

After he had promised to make up for it by cooking for his parents some other time, he left the restaurant and hurried across the street to catch a taxi. The rain was welcoming him with heavy drops, soaking his hair and clothes in a matter of seconds. When he had reached his destination, he paid the driver and rushed out of the car, running along the pavement that led to his and Jooheon’s apartment. His heart was still pounding heavily, and the raindrops were drumming nervously on his shoulders.

Yes, he did feel something towards his best friend. And now that the rain was washing over him, Kihyun could feel his doubts being carried further and further away into the ocean. He had thought about Jooheon’s fingertips swiftly touching his hand and arm, the urge to be close to him, to brush his hair from his forehead and … kiss him when he was smiling so brightly, looking at Kihyun with dark brown eyes. Let go … for once in his life, open his eyes.

He stopped abruptly in front of the door, staring down at the grey stones soaked from the teary sky. _I want to kiss him,_ he thought in surprise. _Yes, of course._

Before he could unlock the door and step inside, it was already opened in an abrupt movement. Jooheon’s surprised face emerged in front of him as their eyes met. “What the hell happened to you?”

**Jooheon**

Jooheon was perplexed by Kihyun’s sudden appearance, staring at his completely drenched best friend who seemed lost and confused both. _Isn’t he supposed to have lunch with his father?_

“I was about to leave”, Jooheon added when Kihyun wasn’t answering. He took a step aside so Kihyun could enter. “Didn’t you get Hyungwon’s message?”

This behavior was very unlike Kihyun; Jooheon had rarely seen his best friend this unsettled, almost as if he had something to say but was struggling to put it into words. “I uh … no, I didn’t check my phone”, he said, shaking his head and stepping inside.

Jooheon closed the door again, frowning. “How was lunch?”

“Fine.” Kihyun turned around, his face not very convincing as he tried to smile. “Well, he told me to move out and get married, the usual.”

There it was, the stone of uncertainty on Jooheon’s chest every time the topic came up. “Oh.”

“I’m obviously not going to”, Kihyun clarified, as if Jooheon’s expression had said it all. “You know that, right?”

_What does he want me to say?_ He hesitated for a second. “You know, it’s fine … Shownu gave me the job at the gym, so I’ll be able to afford the rent on my own.”

A line of emotion hurried across Kihyun’s face – he didn’t seem pleased with Jooheon’s answer but didn’t want to admit it either; instead, he decided for one of his mocking smiles (not very convincing, though). “Do you want to get rid of me?”

It somehow annoyed Jooheon. It was this wall that his best friend always pushed forward whenever he wanted to avoid talking about … the both of them. Jooheon didn’t even know how to call it anymore – Was it real? Was it only him? Then, why did it feel so different when they had met again?

_He always tells me I’m the one who can’t voice my feelings but here he is doing the same thing,_ Jooheon thought bitterly, turning around to get a towel from the bathroom.

“Joo!” Kihyun’s footsteps followed behind him.

Grabbing a towel from the pile next to the shower, Jooheon tossed it at his best friend across the room – perhaps a bit too vigorously? … “You’ll get the floor all dirty with your wet shoes.”

“Since when do you care about that?”, Kihyun asked with an annoyed tone while catching the towel with both hands.

Jooheon shot him an angry look. _What is the problem here? Why can’t I say anything to him?_

“You’re doing it again.” Kihyun started drying his hair. It was all messy, all pretty like back at the beach when he came running out of the water. “Not telling me what’s really going on.”

“ _Me_?”, Jooheon blurted out. “You’ve been avoiding me for the past couple of days. I thought we …”, but he didn’t finish the sentence, not out loud. _I thought we were finally on the same page._

“We what?” Kihyun’s eyes were fixating him, almost as if he already knew but wanted to hear it from Jooheon himself.

The stone was weighing down on him again. Jooheon didn’t know what to say. There was this familiar wall in front of him that he couldn’t overcome. Despite all that had happened … he chose to run. “I think we should get going now or we’ll be late.”

His feet stepped across the bathroom floor as he walked past Kihyun to flee the situation. _(How mature!)_ However, before he could leave the room, he was suddenly blocked by Kihyun, who placed his arm on the doorframe, cutting off Jooheon’s escape route.

With a frustrated expression, Jooheon turned around to look at his best friend, whose face was now very close to his own. A few strands of wet hair were curling loosely on Kihyun’s forehead and his eyes were soaked with a pained expression.

_He smells like rain_ , Jooheon thought while his heart started to beat faster in his chest, heat rising to his cheeks. There was one memory surfacing in his mind … it wasn’t the first time that they had been this close, but then … this moment was different.

“Don’t walk out on me like that again”, Kihyun said – although the words sounded like a demand, his voice was filled with hurt and another memory that Jooheon recalled very vibrantly: the lifeless face of his best friend on a stretcher, bruises covering his cheeks, neck and lips. “I cannot lose you again.”

The words echoed through Jooheon’s head. _I cannot lose you again._ Yes, he did feel the same way.

Again, he looked into the brown eyes of his best friend; again, he was facing a wall. But, with a heavily pounding heart and a lump in his throat, he could now finish his sentence. _Because I cannot lose him again._ “This”, he said, “is what I mean. You and me.”

Kihyun nodded at him, his eyes filled with gleaming relief. Without another second of hesitation, his face suddenly came closer, their lips touching (again) in a moment of mutual confession. “I don’t want to be with anyone else”, he then said. “I want to be with you.”

Jooheon felt warm and confused both, his lips strangely empty now that Kihyun had brought some distance between them again. “Me too”, he heard his own voice – in a way, it reassured him even more. “I want to be with you.” _Did I just say that out loud?_

Kihyun lowered his arm, moving away from him and averting his gaze. “Good.” For a second, Jooheon couldn’t believe what he was seeing: his best friend was blushing. “Because that road trip is really overdue.”

“You want to leave?”, Jooheon asked both surprised and hopeful.

Kihyun nodded at him. “Once we’re back from the future.” His mouth twisted with amusement. “That actually sounds crazy, doesn’t it?”

Jooheon couldn’t help but return his grin. “A bit.”

They left the bathroom and Kihyun changed into some dry clothes for the meeting at the coffee shop. When Jooheon opened the door to their apartment, he felt Kihyun reaching for his hand from behind, pressing it softly. His cheeks felt warm when he turned towards his best friend, who smiled at him teasingly. “Your hands are always so cold.”

He cleared his throat. “Only when I’m nervous.”

“You’re nervous?”, Kihyun asked.

Jooheon thought about this for a second, then he smiled again. “Positively nervous.”

**Changkyun**

There wasn’t much to pack when Changkyun had received the long-awaited confirmation from the doctors that he was allowed to leave the hospital. The others had brought him some of their clothes over the course of the week and Shownu had taken back his jacket – only to get it cleaned and hand it back to Changkyun with the kindest smile: _“I told you, you should keep it. It suits you way better than me.”_

As he was looking at the light-brown fabric now, the traces of the fight had all vanished – no blood stains and dirt left, memories faded in a matter of days. Its surface was rough as Changkyun brushed over it with his hand. The pain in his shoulder had ceased but the doctors had told him more than once that he had to be careful with exercise and physical work. They had asked a lot of questions about Changkyun’s identity but luckily, the others had helped him out and answered some questions for him. For example, he was now officially working at Shownu’s gym as a trainer (with Jooheon and Wonho), living in Hyungwon’s apartment as his roommate and Kihyun had somehow managed to handle all the paperwork about health insurance although Changkyun was convinced that he had just paid the hospital bills without mentioning it to the others. It was strange, being back in the real world and worrying about all those things that seemed meaningless in the lost dimension.

While stuffing clothes and his other belongings in the bag that Minhyuk had brought him, Changkyun couldn’t help but think about the den that he had been staying in for the last month. The leaking roof, the rotten walls and doors, the saggy mattress and the wooden chest beneath his bedstead that had held all his belongings all in one place. His favorite weapons, clothes, medical supplies, Minhyuk’s poem … He wouldn’t be able to get any of it back; well, except for the creased note with lines full of meaning that he had read to Minhyuk this one night at the coffee shop. Apart from this final piece of memory, he was cut off, as if the last couple of years had never existed in the first place. Instead, his new life consisted of quiet nights, safety, friends … It was a bittersweet feeling for him but something that he would get used to eventually. Minhyuk had promised to write him as many poems as he wanted to and Shownu had complimented him more than once about his fighting skills so that Changkyun was actually looking forward to work at the gym and help to train the others.

The phone vibrated on the blanket next to his bag, lighting up with a notification from Minhyuk. Kihyun had given everyone some kind of special phone a few days ago; he had told everyone it was meant for the organization and for all of them to stay in contact and talk safely. Changkyun, who hadn’t owned a phone in almost 3 years, wasn’t too fond of it yet; he still needed to get used to it again. With 2 taps on the display, he opened Minhyuk’s message:

_Sorry, I won’t make it to the hospital in time_ __ _I have to take over the afternoon shift as well, but how about you come over and I’ll make you some coffee?_

Changkyun didn’t mind spending some more time with himself before actually stepping out into the new old world that he had left so suddenly 3 years ago. He changed into some clean clothes, very aware of the countless scars that were covering his upper body so thoroughly – white lines, big, small, long, short … they all traced back to moments of pain, moments that Changkyun couldn’t even remember now. Lastly, he opened the drawer of the bedstand, taking his favorite dagger that was wrapped in a black piece of cloth; he put it on top of the bag and closed the zipper. _(With this, maybe two pieces of memory …)_

_Time to start a new life,_ Changkyun thought wistfully while shouldering his backpack and leaving the now empty hospital room behind. _May it finally be a better one._

**Minhyuk**

“Hey, I think he’s coming!”

“What? Where? I don’t see anything!”

“Maybe because Hyungwon is blocking the whole window!”

“Oh, am I? Sorry.”

“Wonho, get down or he will spot you right away!”

“ _Shhhh_ , you guys! Get in position!”

The door of the coffee shop opened and the small bell above the entrance gave off a quiet ringing as Changkyun stepped through the door, the hood of his sweater half-way covering his face.

“SURPRISE!”, everyone shouted in unison. Minhyuk had even bought a couple of those party-horns that he, Shownu and Jooheon were now blowing into.

The few guests that were sitting around the coffee shop turned their heads to see whose arrival was celebrated here, smiling in amusement. Changkyun, however, didn’t seem surprised at all. He took off his hood, eyeing all of them with a puzzled expression. “Did I miss something here?”

Minhyuk couldn’t help but roll his eyes at him. “It’s a surprise party, _obviously_.”

Changkyun seemed genuinely lost at this point. “What for?”

“ _For you_!”, everyone answered him impatiently.

“Oh.” His expression didn’t reveal what was going on in his head; he was processing all of this for a second. Then, an awkward, almost shy smile spread across his lips. “Why?”

Minhyuk walked over to him, taking his arm and guiding him to the table that they had prepared with all sorts of cookies, pastries, coffee and hot chocolate. “Because you were finally allowed to leave the hospital”, he explained smiling as he showed Changkyun the place that was reserved for him. “We wanted to celebrate with you.”

The others were all smiling at Changkyun’s overwhelmed expression, pouring him coffee and piling his plate with baked goods. “Take this as your official welcome-back-to-the-real-world-party”, Hyungwon said, raising his cup. “To all of us.”

Minhyuk sat down next to Changkyun, taking his cup like everyone else.

“To friendship”, Shownu added, smiling brightly. “And family.”

Everyone agreed with him, repeating the words after him. The bond was glowing all around the table, each golden palm connected with one another.

Minhyuk still had to work his shift while occasionally sitting down with his friends, joking and enjoying a cup of coffee in between taking orders and cleaning tables. He owed it to his coworkers Kara and Jihun, who had somehow managed to put in a good word with their boss so that Minhyuk wasn’t fired and the whole situation was declared an unfortunate misunderstanding. Although the next months would be packed with extra shifts and on top of that, working and planning for the new organization, Minhyuk felt genuinely happy with his current life. It had only been a week since he had met the others, but they had changed everything for him. Even his mother had mentioned that he looked different than before … _more cheerful, more confident._ When Minhyuk had told her about his new friends, who he had met through this new ‘self-defense class’ that he was participating in, the expression in her eyes had contained surprise and delight both. _“I’m so proud of you, Minnie!”_ She had even proposed to invite Changkyun for dinner sometime as a fresh start, leaving behind the past that all of them had more or less forgotten during the last couple of years.

“Hyungwon, there is one thing that I’m still curious about”, Wonho said when all of them were sitting at the table together, the air between them full of levity and laughter. “What about those engravings on the watches? What do they mean?”

Hyungwon thought about this for a moment, taking a sip from his coffee. “It’s actually something that I read somewhere a long time ago. I can’t remember what it was … a poem, a story, a song?” He shrugged, smiling softly. “It was something stuck in my head for a long time. And I needed some phrases that I could use to protect the watches from being tracked.”

It was Kihyun who answered him: “So it’s no secret code? No powerful spell or anything of the sort?” He sounded almost disappointed while the others were laughing at his dramatic words.

Hyungwon grinned at him, shaking his head slightly. “I just thought if it was something that managed to be stuck in my head for such a long time, so it had to hold a certain meaning. At least for me.”

Wonho and Kihyun didn’t seem satisfied with his answer but they decided to drop the topic and talk about their next trip instead. The afternoon brushed past them and the sun started to lower outside as they went over their plans again and again.

Most customers had already left and Minhyuk was cleaning the tables in the corner of the room as Changkyun came walking up to him, starting to pile empty plates and cups onto each other, placing them on the trays that Minhyuk had brought. 

“What are you doing?”, Minhyuk put a hand on his arm, smiling up at him. “You don’t have to do that, it’s fine.”

Changkyun ignored his comment and just continued clearing the tables. “Just let me help you with this. You’ve done enough for me already.”

After a second of hesitation, Minhyuk sighed and started wiping the table in front of him. He knew that it was no use arguing with Changkyun when he had set his mind on something. Besides, it was a kind gesture and Minhyuk appreciated it more than he could admit.

“Do you ever wonder what happened to that treehouse?”, Changkyun then suddenly asked, his back turned towards Minhyuk so that it was impossible to see his face.

_The treehouse …_ “Actually, no … Someone probably tore it down. It was already falling apart when we moved in there.”

“I’ve never thought about it either”, Changkyun answered, still busy with his task. “Not until you showed up again.”

Minhyuk stopped in his movement, frowning. His heartbeat fastened as he asked the question that was suddenly on his mind: “Did you ever … find out what happened to your parents after you left home back then?”

Changkyun seemed to hesitate for a second. He stopped piling plates and straightened his back, still not turning around to face Minhyuk. “No. I never talked to them again.”

Minhyuk threw the towel over his shoulder and stepped over to Changkyun’s table, placing a hand on his arm, which caused him to finally look up – his expression calm, the dark eyes covered in layers of old memories. “I’m sorry, it was a stupid question.”

To his surprise, Changkyun smiled at him, shaking his head. “No, it’s fine. It has nothing to do with you … It’s not your fault.”

_Then, why does it feel like it is?_ “Maybe I could’ve done more. Help you … We could’ve left together …”

Changkyun’s hand came down on Minhyuk’s – warm, promising, _the past is in the past_. “You were a kid, Minhyuk. We couldn’t have done anything even if we wanted to.”

“So were you”, he answered, still looking up at those dark, brown eyes that now had lost all anger, all frustration. “You didn’t deserve that, Kyun.”

_It doesn’t change anything, does it? He deserved better than the life that he was given as a child, but he had to endure all of it anyway. The past is in the past. We can only try to build a better future now._

“My parents …”, Changkyun continued firmly, “they’re not my family anymore. I don’t even see them as a part of me. They’re just … people.” He frowned at Minhyuk, then shrugged slightly. “ _Strangers_.”

Minhyuk thought about his words for a second as his gaze trailed off to the other 5 people that were still gathered around the table, laughing and talking as if all of them had known each other for years.

“You know”, Changkyun added while following Minhyuk’s gaze, “It doesn’t matter. Some people don’t have to be related to you and you can still call them family.”

His words embraced Minhyuk’s heart like a warm blanket, a golden palm. While still looking at the 5 pieces so inevitably connected to him, his hand reached for Changkyun’s right next to him – warm, promising, _I am your future._ “I know.” He could feel his lips forming into a smile; all he could feel was relief and comfort. Finally. “And I think we’ve found ours.”

_Seven_

_Through lost hopes, cut ropes_

_We’ve found one another._

_Bruises and broken flowers,_

_A watch, ticking and taunting,_

_Trust, so willingly surrendered._

_You own a soul and I own seven,_

_When I’m wandering about, lost and puzzled,_

_I can never be alone._

_When the day darkens and I fall into doubt,_

_I can never give up,_

_Because I carry numbers on my wrist,_

_Faces in my heart,_

_Old friends but strangers._

_It’s the bond that counts, that grants us life._

_All of you are my responsibility,_

_All of you are me._

_And what holds meaning to me_

_Can never fade, can never fully leave._

_You own a soul and I own seven_

_Because without them, I would cease to exist._


End file.
